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wedding etiquette - inviting 'vendors'

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#1 redleaves

Posted 11 March 2019 - 01:50 PM

I'm in full swing of wedding planning so you might see me posting here a bit now.

A lady at work has offered to do my flowers for quite a good price. What is the etiquette around 'having' to invite her to the event as a guest? (We're not actually friends at work - in fact she went through a period of being quite rude to me for nearly a year, when she was undergoing some stress at home).

thank you

Edited by redleaves, 11 March 2019 - 01:52 PM.

#2 SplashingRainbows

Posted 11 March 2019 - 01:53 PM

Say no to the flowers. It honestly won’t be worth the pain.

#3 seayork2002

Posted 11 March 2019 - 01:54 PM

Personally I would not ask her, I would either want her at my wedding or not. If not unless there was a clear line of she knows she is not invited but totally happy to the flowers regardless then fine AS LONG as it is all clear.

If not I would not want to have to work with them afterwards really.

#4 YumChaTheSecond

Posted 11 March 2019 - 01:58 PM

I wouldn't do it

#5 First@35

Posted 11 March 2019 - 02:12 PM

Don't do it.
A friend recently used a 'friend' to do her wedding flowers.
They are no longer friends.

#6 Gudrun

Posted 11 March 2019 - 02:24 PM

Nah not worth it. Other arrangements for the flowers (pun intended).

#7 Chocolate Addict

Posted 11 March 2019 - 02:28 PM

Definitely don't take her up on the offer.

#8 Luci

Posted 11 March 2019 - 02:35 PM

Is she a proper florist with experience in doing weddings?

#9 FEdeRAL

Posted 11 March 2019 - 02:35 PM

Stress is not an excuse for being rude to others. Being a generally unpleasant person is. I would not invite nor use her services.

#10 Mooples

Posted 11 March 2019 - 02:42 PM

No to the flowers and no to an invite.

#11 laridae

Posted 11 March 2019 - 03:13 PM

Up to you whether to say yes to the flowers.  Though I think I'd have a backup plan.
I don't think that means you have to invite her. If I was good at something like that and offered to do them (and be paid) it wouldn't mean I wanted to go, it would just mean I wanted to help out. Maybe she feels really bad for being rude to you and sees it as a chance to make it up to you?
That said, I think it woukd be fine to invite her (and other workmates) to the ceremony but not the reception if you wanted to.

Edited by laridae, 11 March 2019 - 03:15 PM.

#12 luke's mummu

Posted 11 March 2019 - 03:35 PM

If you’re paying her I wouldn’t think it’s necessary to invite her to the wedding. But maybe a few photos and a hand-written thank you note would be nice.

A few years ago, I had a work colleague “hint” that she needed little picture frames from woollies to make up bomberier and such a shame there were no woollies near her, and wasn’t I lucky I had so many close to where I lived. Of course, I offered to go shopping for her. I probably ended up spending a few hours driving around looking for the silly things, and then of course I wasn’t invited to her wedding and was mildly peeved( other work colleagues were- I have no idea why). She did pay me for the picture frames though

Edited by luke's mummu, 11 March 2019 - 07:18 PM.

#13 Future-self

Posted 11 March 2019 - 05:07 PM

The “inviting vendors” seems to be a thing in other countries . Not something I would give a thought to doing TBh
No way would I lower boundaries in my workplace to take up the offer either - particularly someone who you aren’t even friends with.

#14 *Spikey*

Posted 11 March 2019 - 05:19 PM

My flowers were one of the few things I got a professional to do - a friend and I were looking at my 25yo wedding photos, and we were reminded just how gorgeous my bouquet was.

Splurge with a professional, go cheaper on something else. A friend who is a great photographer (and who was going to be at my wedding) did most of my photos. My Aunt made my cake though - tradition. She was always going to do that, and of course was always going to be a guest if and when I ever got married, lol.

I've also done photos for a friend at her wedding, but I was already a guest before she asked.

So I wouldn't. Unless it was a purely professional arrangement.

#15 Dianalynch

Posted 11 March 2019 - 05:24 PM

I’d rather make do with bunches of flowers from a fruit shop...

#16 Lunafreya

Posted 11 March 2019 - 05:54 PM

I opted to get silk flowers, cheaper and they’re still around!

#17 born.a.girl

Posted 11 March 2019 - 06:06 PM

I think the potential for problems is too great.

If the budget is limited, spend the same amount with a professional.

If she works with you, it makes me wonder how much experience she has with wedding floristry. There's a fair bit of logistics involved in getting it right (like with most things) and the flowers may be spectacular, but if they don't arrive on time, or are not arranged as agreed, urk,

My daughter is a florist with an event management company, and there are frequently hitches that they company have to fly by the seat of their pants to work around.

#18 bosker

Posted 11 March 2019 - 06:15 PM

We had a professional florist for our wedding and they still delivered the wrong flowers, so no guarantees.
Regardless I would still say no just to avoid the invite question.

#19 spr_maiden

Posted 11 March 2019 - 07:00 PM

Say no thanks.

Friend of family did our photos, I regret it. Though some of the best photos from the day were of my flowers.  Which were done by a professional...

#20 Hands Up

Posted 11 March 2019 - 07:02 PM

No. No, no, no.

#21 born.a.girl

Posted 12 March 2019 - 04:53 PM

View Postbosker, on 11 March 2019 - 06:15 PM, said:

We had a professional florist for our wedding and they still delivered the wrong flowers, so no guarantees.
Regardless I would still say no just to avoid the invite question.

Sure, but imagine the increased embarrassment dealing with a stuff up from someone you work with, and have had clashes with in the past.

I'd rather be sorting stuff out with someone at arm's length, and someone who does this for a living, generally speaking.

#22 redleaves

Posted 12 March 2019 - 05:35 PM

thanks everyone - I really didn't want this person at my wedding so it is going to be much easier to steer clear and keep everything professional.

I've found a wonderful lady who will do silk flowers of a very high standard so I can choose pretty much any design I like without having to factor in the season.

thank you!

Edited by redleaves, 12 March 2019 - 05:35 PM.

#23 *Spikey*

Posted 12 March 2019 - 05:41 PM


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