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Ok to attend wedding ceremony only if not invited?


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#1 chiars

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:36 PM

DH and I have been invited to a wedding in a few months time and have RSVP'd our acceptance.
The wedding itself is being held in public gardens with the reception about 2 hours later at a nearby hotel.

Our DD11 was not invited - which was totally expected and I actually would have though it weird if she was invited. (Plus any excuse for a child free night out :yes: ).

However she has asked if she can come to the wedding ceremony to watch, and then we can take her home afterwards. We live close enough to all venues to do this.

So, do you think this is ok? They are public gardens so technically she is 'allowed' to be there. She would wear appropriate clothing, and she knows and likes the couple. And they know her too.

But I would hate for the groom or bride to think we are also bringing her  to the reception. I know I could ask them and I probably will but hope that won't put them on the spot so thought I would also get an EB opinion.

Thanks.

#2 Caribou

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:38 PM

No. We don’t always get what we want in life. There will be plenty of other weddings she’ll attend in her lifetime.

#3 PizzaSteve

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:40 PM

How close are you to the couple getting married? If they know her they might be fine with it - I would have been if I knew the child.

#4 BBC

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:40 PM

I vote yes.

I'd probably call the couple and run it by them, just so they know the child would be going home.

People often come to weddings who are not coming to the reception.

#5 c.sanders

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:41 PM

I initially thought why not but then realised if they have a blanket rule to no kids it's a bit unfair on everyone else that made alternative arrangements including the couple and just could really impact the bride and groom and take their focus away.

If you were really really keen I would reach out to the bride or groom and ask them first.

#6 ~J_WTF~

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:41 PM

I would ask the bride and groom but I don’t see it as a big deal personally especially in a public space.

I have stopped and watched many weddings in public spaces I haven’t been invited too, plenty of others do too :)

Edited by ~J_F~, 25 March 2019 - 04:42 PM.


#7 Riotproof

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:41 PM

I’m going to assume that she can stand or sit quietly and not be a disruption? I think it’s fine to take her. Perhaps who ever you’re leaving her with could come too, that way they can go home and you can go on to the reception with no palaver.

#8 Odd-1-Out

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:43 PM

Can you ask the couple if it is ok?

#9 too tired to care

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:44 PM

Of course she can go watch the ceremony. it is in a public garden where anyone else who happens to be there will be watching.
If you are worried ring or sms the bride and see if she minds, i would be surprised if she did.

#10 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:45 PM

I’d ask them first. Generally people are OK with that when the wedding is in a public space or church. I’d be ok with that and I had lots of kids and a few family friends come to my wedding at the church but not to the reception. It’s pretty common from what I have heard. A garden is a bit different though, so double check.

#11 WTFancie shmancie

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:46 PM

I can't see why you shouldn't take her to the ceremony only.

If it is in a public space, unless the weather is foul, there will be others who have nothing to do with the wedding having a gawk from not far away.

#12 Hands Up

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:46 PM

No. If they wanted your child at the reception they would have invited her. What if everyone feels the same way as you and their wishes for a kid free ceremony are ignored?

Edited by Hands Up, 25 March 2019 - 04:47 PM.


#13 luke's mummu

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:47 PM

Yes, but I would run it past the couple first, just incase they had limited chairs or decorations. I’ve stopped to watch weddings in parks. When we were engaged,DH and I sat thru the church ceremonies of 2 couples we didn’t know at all- we just wanted to get “ the vibe” of the ceremony, so rang up the church office and asked what time they had weddings at.

#14 chiars

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:47 PM

Just to answer a couple of points:

It's not child free, I know child relatives are attending.

We have known the groom for almost 20 years, the bride for about 10. The Groom has known our daughter since she was born and she has been at our casual parties they have held before.

And yep, she can definitely stand still and be quiet while it's happening.

#15 Etta

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:49 PM

Yes definitely. She may need to stand if they have provided seating for a certain number of people but you could stand with her. In a public garden I see no reason why not. Especially when she has asked and already knows that she cannot attend the reception.

#16 WTFancie shmancie

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:49 PM

View PostHands Up, on 25 March 2019 - 04:46 PM, said:

No. If they wanted your child at the reception they would have invited her. What if everyone feels the same way as you and their wishes for a kid free ceremony are ignored?

read the OP.  They are talking about the ceremony only (in a public garden)

#17 Hands Up

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:51 PM

View Postchiars, on 25 March 2019 - 04:47 PM, said:

We have known the groom for almost 20 years, the bride for about 10. The Groom has known our daughter since she was born and she has been at our casual parties they have held before.

And yet they didn’t invite her. If they wanted her there they would have done.

#18 Hands Up

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:52 PM

View Postfancie shmancie, on 25 March 2019 - 04:49 PM, said:



read the OP.  They are talking about the ceremony only (in a public garden)

Yeah I said ceremony in one part and reception in the other. Just a typo. My answer stands.

#19 WTFancie shmancie

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:54 PM

View PostHands Up, on 25 March 2019 - 04:51 PM, said:

And yet they didn’t invite her. If they wanted her there they would have done.

If bride and groom don't want 'spectators' at their ceremony then they should book a private venue for the ceremony.

Do it in public, expect your guests and members of the public to watch.

#20 ~J_WTF~

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:55 PM

With the extra details, I would probably just do it but it might be nice to give the bride or groom a heads up and make sure she is fully aware that she isn’t coming to the reception :)

#21 steppy

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:55 PM

I'd run it by them and it would also depend on likelihood of the child behaving appropriately.

#22 seayork2002

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:55 PM

I would not take DS same as if I or my husband was only named on an invitation I would not go nor DH.

I would not ask either because they may feel they have to yes when they don't want too.

I would presume if they wanted the child to go their name would be on the invitation

Edited by seayork2002, 25 March 2019 - 04:57 PM.


#23 bakesgirls

Posted 25 March 2019 - 04:59 PM

I'd say no. It may be a public place, but it's a private event. Child relatives are different IMO from kids of friends- close or not. I would assume others with children who have not been invited have made arrangements for their kids to be looked after so it would be unfair to them also to assume it's ok for your child to go when theirs isn't allowed.

I think it gets to messy, there's too much room for assumptions and has the potential to cause awkwardness if the couple don't want any other kids but relatives yet don't feel like they can say no.

Just stick to who is invited. There will be lots of weddings over her life she can attend.

#24 literally nobody

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:03 PM

yes id take her. I bet they will hardly even notice her in the crowd really!!

god everyone has become so precious over weddings and baby showers. lol

#25 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:04 PM

View Postfancie shmancie, on 25 March 2019 - 04:46 PM, said:

I can't see why you shouldn't take her to the ceremony only.

If it is in a public space, unless the weather is foul, there will be others who have nothing to do with the wedding having a gawk from not far away.


The weather is important. Often the “back up” for garden weddings are tiny chapels, gazebos, or other random close-by out buildings. In that case it’s likely it won’t even fit the invited guests. But if the weather is fine it shouldn’t be an issue.




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