Jump to content

Ok to attend wedding ceremony only if not invited?


  • Please log in to reply
204 replies to this topic

#26 Sweet.Pea

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:09 PM

I think it's fine. Just ask them first and explain she wants to attend the ceremony. In case it is a kid free event and feathers are ruffled.

#27 Future-self

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:09 PM

She’s not invited.
They may not want her in the photos. They may have purposely not invited children of friends because they don’t want them. A myriad of reasons that don’t have to seem reasonable to you . Everyone always thinks they can be the exception.

#28 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:20 PM

I had people I had deliberately not invited turn up at my wedding ceremony; that was awkward and embarrassing. I attended quite a few outdoor ceremonies as a kid, I loved seeing the dresses. So I think you should ask, and stressthat it’s perfectly ok to say no, no reason needed.

#29 JBH

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:22 PM

There are lots of circumstances in which it isn’t acceptable to take an uninvited guest to a wedding, but if it is an uncaterered ceremony in a public park, that literally anyone passing by could watch, I really can’t see the issue.  The “don’t want her in the photos” point seems really mean - I wouldn’t want to go to a wedding or people who think that way. It’s not as if she’ll duck into the photo with the bridal party. All that said, I would probably check in with them to make sure it’s ok. The only issue I can think of would be if they are putting on catering at the park, or have had to provide numbers to a council or similar, and I can see the latter might be a genuine issue. I know people have said if they wanted her there they would have invited her, but I think people wouldn’t necessarily say “Bob and Sally please come to our wedding and bring Evie but just to the ceremony”.

#30 redleaves

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:24 PM

View Postliterally nobody, on 25 March 2019 - 05:03 PM, said:



god everyone has become so precious over weddings and baby showers. lol

People 'are precious' over weddings because a) it costs a lot of money and b) hopefully they're only doing it once, so fair enough that they have a certain atmosphere in mind

#31 timtam92

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:28 PM

I think it’s fine. Anyone is allowed to go to the ceremony part as it’s public. It would be lovely for her.

Edited by timtam92, 25 March 2019 - 05:33 PM.


#32 Heather11

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:34 PM

View Postredleaves, on 25 March 2019 - 05:24 PM, said:

People 'are precious' over weddings because a) it costs a lot of money and b) hopefully they're only doing it once, so fair enough that they have a certain atmosphere in mind

I'm glad the atmosphere at my wedding was created by my nieces and nephews having a ball of a time on the dance floor.

I have attended ceremonies at churches and parks for sporting team mates where I haven't been invited to the reception.

I was thrilled that two of my work colleagues turned up at my public park wedding.  They weren't invited.

To say they may not want her in the photo reeks of bridzillas who complain if a bridesmaid is pregnant in photos.

When you RSVP, I would just mention that your DD would like to attend the ceremony.

#33 Oriental lily

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:34 PM

Only if you could pre warn the couple with the understanding its only the ceremony she is attending .

Hate for the couple to have a little panic attack thinking ‘ crap they have brought her and we don’t have a seat at the reception!’

I am sure they would be fine with the knowledge it’s the ceremony only , probably be touched your daughter wants to watch .

#34 literally nobody

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:35 PM

View Postredleaves, on 25 March 2019 - 05:24 PM, said:



People 'are precious' over weddings because a) it costs a lot of money and b) hopefully they're only doing it once, so fair enough that they have a certain atmosphere in mind

and an 11 year old in a public park will ruin it? yeah right.

#35 lizzzard

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:35 PM

View Postliterally nobody, on 25 March 2019 - 05:03 PM, said:

yes id take her. I bet they will hardly even notice her in the crowd really!!

god everyone has become so precious over weddings and baby showers. lol
Gosh, I agree!! Remember the days when weddings were more about friends and family celebrating than flawless Instagram photos?!

#36 Heather11

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:38 PM

View Postlizzzard, on 25 March 2019 - 05:35 PM, said:

Gosh, I agree!! Remember the days when weddings were more about friends and family celebrating than flawless Instagram photos?!

Yes, back when weddings were mainly church affairs the whole congregation would be welcome to attend..

#37 It's Percy

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:38 PM

She's 11 not a 3 year old. I would hope an 11 year old would know how to stand or sit quietly without making a disturbance! I think its fine but even so, just mention it to the bride and groom. Maybe they didn't invite the kids because of budgetary reasons. That wouldn't have any bearing on the ceremony.

#38 It's Percy

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:40 PM

View Postredleaves, on 25 March 2019 - 05:24 PM, said:

People 'are precious' over weddings because a) it costs a lot of money and b) hopefully they're only doing it once, so fair enough that they have a certain atmosphere in mind

How is an 11 year old in a public park going to ruin the atmosphere? Anyone could turn up and play footy in the park and there is literally nothing anyone can do about it. The couple book the space they are using, not the whole park.

#39 Oriental lily

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:40 PM

The gardens I got married in was part of a golf course , I had golfers stop play to watch lol !

#40 It's Percy

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:42 PM

View PostOriental lily, on 25 March 2019 - 05:40 PM, said:

The gardens I got married in was part of a golf course , I had golfers stop play to watch lol !

Yep and I've been in resorts where weddings have been taking place. People stand around in their swimming costumes watching!! If you want a private ceremony, do it in a private place. A public park is not private.

#41 Billy Shears

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:43 PM

I am used to church weddings where anybody is welcome to attend the ceremony.  There is no catering for the ceremony and it is in a public park.  I would say it should be fine but I would run it by the bride and groom to make sure.

#42 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:43 PM

View PostOriental lily, on 25 March 2019 - 05:34 PM, said:

Only if you could pre warn the couple with the understanding its only the ceremony she is attending .

Hate for the couple to have a little panic attack thinking ‘ crap they have brought her and we don’t have a seat at the reception!’

I am sure they would be fine with the knowledge it’s the ceremony only , probably be touched your daughter wants to watch .
This is what I think as well - that the couple might be more concerned about available seating at the ceremony or mistakenly think that you are bringing her to the reception.

I'd just run it past them along the lines of "DD11 is keen to see you get married. We realise it's kids only, but can she attend the ceremony in the park so she can see you walk down the aisle and say your vows? She won't be attending the reception, of course, but we wanted to check in case you had a specific set-up for the ceremony."

I have seen weddings in the park before too. Some have been fairly laid-back and casual with guests standing, others have formal seating with ushers and "barriers/boundaries" for their guests, etc, so it may depend on what they have arranged in terms of seating etc at the ceremony.

Upon saying all that, they are getting married in a public setting. I doubt they expect complete privacy and there is a good chance that other acquaintances will attend the ceremony to have a sticky-beak without going to the reception.

#43 Luci

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:44 PM

From the responses OP it sounds as though some people think it's absolutely fine and others consider it a terrible idea.

So I am probably not going to be any help at all but I think it is OK. I always thought it was quite common for "uninvited" guests to attend a wedding ceremony in a church for example and a park is a public place so IMO similar.  When I got married I had a formal black tie wedding & reception & no children were invited.  But several people including a few children came to the ceremony in the church which didn't bother me at all. In fact I felt quite honored that they wanted to attend even though they were not formally invited.

#44 Drat

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:49 PM

We had ours at a private garden and a few friends of family and a few of the kids that weren't invited ask if they could come to our wedding. I was completely fine with it. It was a bit touching that friends of extended family wanted to see us and in particular, one of my friends 5 year old sons was busting to see a wedding.
We jus really didn't want kids at the reception as the venue was small and not kid friendly!

#45 ~garnet~

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:54 PM

View PostYodaTheWrinkledOne, on 25 March 2019 - 05:43 PM, said:

This is what I think as well - that the couple might be more concerned about available seating at the ceremony or mistakenly think that you are bringing her to the reception.

I'd just run it past them along the lines of "DD11 is keen to see you get married. We realise it's kids only, but can she attend the ceremony in the park so she can see you walk down the aisle and say your vows? She won't be attending the reception, of course, but we wanted to check in case you had a specific set-up for the ceremony."



This is perfect. They can still say no if they really don't want her there without any awkwardness.

#46 Quick hedgehog

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:56 PM

All I can think of here is, wow, how times have changed.

It used to be totally normal for absolutely anyone to attend the ceremony - obviously back in those days is was in a church as outdoor weddings hadn't taken hold.  

I remember attending numerous weddings as a child, of neighours etc, where we weren't close enough to be invited to the reception, but were connected enough to the family to want to share their joy on the day.

Also I think wedding receptions weren't such a huge affair, and people didn't splash around such enormous sums of money on them, so only a select few would be attending a reception afterwards.  It was always the more the merrier to witness the wedding itself.

Such a lovely tradition to have fallen by the wayside.  I would feel honoured that anyone wanted to attend my wedding ceremony and honestly, in this situation the couple are not even going to notice she is there.

#47 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:58 PM

A friend of mine was married in public gardens, however it was a garden with themed walled gardens with one exit and entrance for each area. She actually paid a fee and had that garden (Japanese, and it had a covered tea house deck area) privately for one hour, the staff blocked off public access.
So yes it was in a public garden, but it was private. I would definitely ask, and not just turn up.

#48 BelleJay

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:59 PM

View PostQuick hedgehog, on 25 March 2019 - 05:56 PM, said:

All I can think of here is, wow, how times have changed.

It used to be totally normal for absolutely anyone to attend the ceremony - obviously back in those days is was in a church as outdoor weddings hadn't taken hold.  

I remember attending numerous weddings as a child, of neighours etc, where we weren't close enough to be invited to the reception, but were connected enough to the family to want to share their joy on the day.

Also I think wedding receptions weren't such a huge affair, and people didn't splash around such enormous sums of money on them, so only a select few would be attending a reception afterwards.  It was always the more the merrier to witness the wedding itself.

Such a lovely tradition to have fallen by the wayside.  I would feel honoured that anyone wanted to attend my wedding ceremony and honestly, in this situation the couple are not even going to notice she is there.

This x2.

Totally fine OP!

#49 Malkin Slinkhard

Posted 25 March 2019 - 05:59 PM

I think talk to them about it, but honestly I probably wouldn’t have even noticed at my own ceremony. We did organise seats for everyone though so it might have been obvious if someone had to stand.

#50 Lifesgood

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:00 PM

Yes I would think its perfectly acceptable - anyone can attend a church wedding as it is a public space. Same would apply to a public garden wedding.

I had a few random people (that I knew) come to my church wedding but they weren't invited to the reception.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 
 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Viewed Articles

 
Advertisement
 
 
 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.