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Ok to attend wedding ceremony only if not invited?


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#51 Toddlerandme

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:01 PM

I think it would be fine for her to go, especially since you know there are other children attending. I made sure to let friends and family with children know they were welcome at our ceremony. It was lovely having them there.

Edited by Toddlerandme, 25 March 2019 - 06:03 PM.


#52 Twinkie12

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:19 PM

No.  She wasn’t invited.

I wouldn’t ask either.  They may not wish to say no to your face and may feel like you are overstepping.

#53 notsoretro

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:19 PM

Reminds me of my wedding where the cathedral is in a mall and we had really cool vintage cars which attracted some attention. I know at least one total random came in, he's in the photos! Bill was his name, as he introduced himself to several invited guests and made himself quite at home

#54 gettin my fance on

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:25 PM

Pick a public place - you can't control who or what goes on.

https://youtu.be/RFRm5ElDB38

#55 hm6

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:25 PM

I would think that in an open public garden they can’t actually expect complete privacy without ‘uninvited guests ‘ eg members of the public in the background of some of their photos doesn’t matter how much they are paying for their wedding . I would think if you don’t want odd bods in your photos then you would think to have your wedding in a more controlled space. But when I got married a thousand years ago it was in a church and loads of people came to watch - mums and sisters of my friends and my sisters friends - work friends of mum etc - so in my photos going up the aisle I had lots of odd bods in the background  !! I love my wedding photos for that reason - but I know things seem  different now - so I think it would be ok but clearly
many others here on EB think it’s rude. Only you know your friends best so I guess it depends on your relationship with them.

#56 Let-it-go

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:28 PM

I’m baffled so many people are saying no.  It’s totally fine in my world and happens all the time at weddings I’ve been to.  I took my DD to a wedding a few years back and dropped her home before the reception.  There were other nieces and nephews there whose parents did the same thing.

#57 gettin my fance on

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:31 PM

Here's another from SA.

https://youtu.be/XXtRPeQ-f08

#58 JomoMum

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:33 PM

At first reading the title I thought errrm no.

But having read your post and some updates I think it should be ok. But a phone call or message to check with them would be appropriate.

My mum’s cousin dropped her mum at our wedding years ago and asked my Mum if we wouldn’t mind her staying to watch the ceremony. I was fine with it, strangely. She sat quietly with her mum and made no fuss of not being formally invited.

#59 Dianalynch

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:35 PM

I think it's okay, my only concern would be seating. We were married in public gardens, paid a fee for the area, and only hired enough seats for the guests we were expecting.

#60 ExpatInAsia

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:39 PM

Don’t ask the couple. You are putting them on the spot and they may well resent it.

If your daughter is not on the invitation then she is not invited.

#61 ponky

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:39 PM

Yes - It is a public garden so anyone can attend and watch.

I had a church wedding and also a kid free reception.   But I had loads of kids at the actual ceremony and I loved it.  My church was at the school I had attended and so all the boarders also came to watch.  I didn't care, more the merrier at the ceremony.

#62 ExpatInAsia

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:40 PM

View Postponky, on 25 March 2019 - 06:39 PM, said:

Yes - It is a public garden so anyone can attend and watch.

I had a church wedding and also a kid free reception.   But I had loads of kids at the actual ceremony and I loved it.  My church was at the school I had attended and so all the boarders also came to watch.  I didn't care, more the merrier at the ceremony.

Dont assume everyone feels the same about having children at their ceremony. I would not have been happy if people had children at the ceremony. Not everyone thinks kids at weddings are cute.

Edited by ExpatInAsia, 25 March 2019 - 06:43 PM.


#63 ~J_F~

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:45 PM

View PostExpatInAsia, on 25 March 2019 - 06:40 PM, said:



Dont assume everyone feels the same about having children at their ceremony. I would not have been happy if people had children at the ceremony. Not everyone thinks kids at weddings are cute.

One would assume you didn’t get married in a public space, where kids could be an issue to your ceremony...

#64 Kafkaesque

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:45 PM

View PostCaribou, on 25 March 2019 - 04:38 PM, said:

No. We don’t always get what we want in life. There will be plenty of other weddings she’ll attend in her lifetime.

I laugh at the plenty of weddings... I’m 40 and have only ever been to 4 weddings!

#65 jayskette

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:51 PM

my wedding ceremony (public garden but hired courtyard section roped off) audience doubled. random stickybeaks wearing horribly casual clothes. DD should wear casual and pretend to be a stickybeak kid.

#66 Heather11

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:52 PM

View PostExpatInAsia, on 25 March 2019 - 06:40 PM, said:

Dont assume everyone feels the same about having children at their ceremony. I would not have been happy if people had children at the ceremony. Not everyone thinks kids at weddings are cute.

Well considering the OP has stated that there will be other children at the ceremony I would say this is not the case here.  

The bride and groom could have a keep fit class going on in the background.

I think I recall a man walking his dog in the background of some of my wedding photos.

#67 PhillipaCrawford

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:55 PM

I would have had double the number of people at the ceremony - in church- compared to the reception. People I knew, people my parents knew. Some; and I didn't realise this was horrific are EVEN in the video!

I have been to several weddings to which i wasn't invited.
Friends of friends, even ones where I knew no-one but my kid was singing in the choir.

Surely the more people there to witness the joy of the ceremony the better?

However since it is obviously polarising I would contact the bride and groom and say "Is it Ok if Buggalugs is at the wedding and we will drop her at the sitters en route to the reception?"

#68 BadCat

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:55 PM

Of course she can go.  I wouldn't even ask.

There were several extras at my ceremony.  Nobody asked me and I didn't care one bit.

Edited by BadCat, 25 March 2019 - 06:58 PM.


#69 Octopodes

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:56 PM

View PostKafkaesque, on 25 March 2019 - 06:45 PM, said:

I laugh at the plenty of weddings... I’m 40 and have only ever been to 4 weddings!
I've been to 3 and one was my own. I tend to deliberately avoid them though.

OP, I'd take her along, sit her in the back where no-one will notice and then take her home. I wouldn't even bother asking.

#70 bakesgirls

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:56 PM

View PostHeather11, on 25 March 2019 - 06:52 PM, said:



Well considering the OP has stated that there will be other children at the ceremony I would say this is not the case here.  

The bride and groom could have a keep fit class going on in the background.

I think I recall a man walking his dog in the background of some of my wedding photos.

I had kids at my wedding who were closely related. There was no way around it without causing a sh*tstorm. If we could have said no to them being there without drama, we would have said so. OP said the kids going we’re relatives, not kids of friends.

#71 ExpatInAsia

Posted 25 March 2019 - 06:58 PM

View PostHeather11, on 25 March 2019 - 06:52 PM, said:



Well considering the OP has stated that there will be other children at the ceremony I would say this is not the case here.  


Not necessarily. Sometimes couples invite children to keep the peace or because the parents are close friends who genuinely cant leave their children. Does not mean that if they could get away with it they would not have chosen to be child free.

#72 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 25 March 2019 - 07:00 PM

View PostKafkaesque, on 25 March 2019 - 06:45 PM, said:



I laugh at the plenty of weddings... I’m 40 and have only ever been to 4 weddings!

Yes, I never went to a wedding as a child. No aunts or uncles got married, no cousins got married, no family friends got married. I think my first wedding was when I was about 25 and my own wedding was the third I had been to I think.

I’ve Been to quite a few now I guess, but only cause DH is “that guy who is always a groomsman” (And my god weddings are painful when you’re partner is in the bridal party) Could have been a lot less if I wasn’t with him. Probably 4-5, and only when I was well and truly an adult.

I would have loved to attend just a ceremony as a child, just to see the dress and the formalities and the decorations. It would have been nice.

#73 piggyinthemiddle

Posted 25 March 2019 - 07:17 PM

View PostQuick hedgehog, on 25 March 2019 - 05:56 PM, said:

All I can think of here is, wow, how times have changed.

It used to be totally normal for absolutely anyone to attend the ceremony - obviously back in those days is was in a church as outdoor weddings hadn't taken hold.  

I remember attending numerous weddings as a child, of neighours etc, where we weren't close enough to be invited to the reception, but were connected enough to the family to want to share their joy on the day.

Also I think wedding receptions weren't such a huge affair, and people didn't splash around such enormous sums of money on them, so only a select few would be attending a reception afterwards.  It was always the more the merrier to witness the wedding itself.

Such a lovely tradition to have fallen by the wayside.  I would feel honoured that anyone wanted to attend my wedding ceremony and honestly, in this situation the couple are not even going to notice she is there.
X 2

#74 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 25 March 2019 - 07:24 PM

View PostExpatInAsia, on 25 March 2019 - 06:39 PM, said:

Don’t ask the couple. You are putting them on the spot and they may well resent it.

If your daughter is not on the invitation then she is not invited.

Alternatively they might not have considered that she would like to attend, and might be delighted that she wants to come along.

Might resent being put on the spot? “I’m so annoyed that Jane politely asked if her 11yo could come to my wedding ceremony. If she’d just brought her along unasked I could have at least been properly upset”

I know that some people have trouble saying no when put on the spot. So if the OP’s bride is like that, maybe ask the groom instead or whichever way around.

#75 Fossy

Posted 25 March 2019 - 07:26 PM

View PostQuick hedgehog, on 25 March 2019 - 05:56 PM, said:

All I can think of here is, wow, how times have changed.

It used to be totally normal for absolutely anyone to attend the ceremony - obviously back in those days is was in a church as outdoor weddings hadn't taken hold.  .

It still is.
I had friends parents and siblings at my wedding, colleagues and old friends from school. It was soo lovely seeing them in the crowd, added to the special atmosphere.  Likewise I’ve attended close friends siblings weddings, as well as work colleagues. Friends who are teachers have half their class turn up usually, it’s very cute, and very normal.




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