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In need of advice to support a friend on the EDD of her baby


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#1 Lou-bags

Posted 30 March 2019 - 12:51 PM

Hi all,

I am probably going to stuff up how I’m wording this so please forgive (and educate) me if I do/have.

A new friend (school mum) has opened up to me about the loss of her child who was born too soon last year and was born sleeping (how she terms it).

The baby’s EDD is approaching and I’d like to do something to acknowledge that but I’m not sure what would be appropriate. She has been very open with me about her loss so I am not worried that she’ll be upset if I do something- I’m just not sure what.

A card and flowers? A card and a small gift (of what?).

#2 cardamom

Posted 30 March 2019 - 01:06 PM

I've not been in the situation myself so my suggestions may not be at all helpful, but I think a card and flowers would be a really lovely gesture.

In terms of a gift, I'm not sure - it depends on how well you know her?

I like the idea of a plant, but I know others who have said that's not ideal, in case the plant dies.

When a friend had a miscarriage I sent her a little necklace, but it had a particular shared cultural/religious meaning for us.

A small keepsake-y kind of thing might be nice? Along the lines of those Willow Tree figurines? But again, they're not everyone's cup of tea.

Ugh, as an anxious overthinker I'm basically the worst person to have answered this question - sorry OP! I think the card would be the most impactful thing. The fact you're even conscious of her baby's EDD would mean so much.

#3 Madeline's Mum

Posted 30 March 2019 - 01:08 PM

I think anything you do would be very appreciated and she will feel touched that you have remembered.

My favourite things to help remember my daughter is a little orchid with her name and DOB etched into a plaque.

very kind of you to remember and want to do something for her.

#4 *Melstar*

Posted 30 March 2019 - 02:16 PM

I think anything kind that acknowledges the due date of her child will be welcomed. I've always read - quite often on EB - that what parents find hardest is the silence, the not speaking the child's name, the non-acknowledgement of their presence in their lives. There's no "forgetting" for the bereaved.

You know your new friend best. Something thoughtful, with a heartfelt card, will be  welcomed, I am sure. Use the baby's name in the card.

#5 MooGuru

Posted 30 March 2019 - 02:17 PM

For me just someone remembering DS's birthday and acknowledging it is appreciated

#6 ~Bob~

Posted 30 March 2019 - 02:17 PM

I agree...anything. And use the baby's name if s/he had one.

#7 LouLou86

Posted 30 March 2019 - 07:26 PM

Agree with some of the PP - I lost twins due to pprom and to be honest just people remmebering their birthdays and talking about them and acknowledging that they were born and are remembered is all I need. That is very sweet of you to try and be such a good support

#8 JBH

Posted 30 March 2019 - 07:44 PM

I always send my friend chocolates and a card on her daughter’s birthday, just to let her know that I remember her daughter and am thinking of her.

#9 Sarah212121

Posted 04 November 2019 - 04:23 PM

I am the mum of little sleeping baby "Michael James 31/01/02"

I think that is lovely that are thinking of her and can I say anything you do will bueatiful for her

I agree with other ladies use her bubbas name in what ever you do its the precious words to hear is your  babies name

My little man is 17 years and its the worst pain ever

Your a great friend

sending love and thoughts to you both xxxxx :bighug: :bighug:

#10 IamOzgirl

Posted 04 November 2019 - 07:14 PM

View PostLou-bags, on 30 March 2019 - 12:51 PM, said:

Hi all,

I am probably going to stuff up how I’m wording this so please forgive (and educate) me if I do/have.

A new friend (school mum) has opened up to me about the loss of her child who was born too soon last year and was born sleeping (how she terms it).

The baby’s EDD is approaching and I’d like to do something to acknowledge that but I’m not sure what would be appropriate. She has been very open with me about her loss so I am not worried that she’ll be upset if I do something- I’m just not sure what.

A card and flowers? A card and a small gift

(of what?).

Lou bags, I was in my own level of pain when you posted this.

What a lovely idea. How did you go in the end?

For me, I have received some lovely gifts. But the ones I treasure the most are the ones with his name on them.

Something you can keep as well.

#11 Lou-bags

Posted 04 November 2019 - 09:12 PM

In the end I got her a card (beautiful handmade one on Etsy) and I sent her a text message on the day, telling her I was thinking of her and her family and using baby’s name.

Something else came up later that prompted me to text her (I’d said something in front of her about someone else’s baby, and I was worried it had been insensitive and upsetting) and she told me she really appreciated how I have been mindful of her feelings and also how I use her baby’s name.

So thank you to you generous posters of EB for sharing their stories over the years and for your advice on this. You have all taught me things I would never have known about how to behave around those who have lost someone so precious and made me a better friend and person.

#12 IamOzgirl

Posted 04 November 2019 - 09:30 PM

lou-bags, honestly it would mean the world to me if someone saw something that made me think of my boy and bought it.

So please keep your friends baby in mind. Our biggest fear is that our children will be forgotten.

Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

#13 IamOzgirl

Posted 06 November 2019 - 07:36 AM

I got the most gorgeous gift yesterday.

One of those night sky star things of the day Jack was born.

It’s tricky with the OP situation as I know a lot of people honour their babies on their EDD as well. Not sure if the night sky would have been received the same way for that date. Or if birth date would be better.

But I loved it so much. I thought I would share it.




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