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Giving young twins a break from each other

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#1 Lallalla

Posted 03 April 2019 - 03:57 PM

My almost 3 year old twins have been fighting like cat and dog lately. It’s just constant.

They just had 2 days off from each other while 1 went to daycare and the other stayed home sick and they are playing so much better it’s remarkable.

Daycare only has 1 room for their age group and the one above them so they are stuck together until they start preschool (public year before FYOS) when they are 4.5.

They’re already enrolled in different activities and separate swimming lesssons (at least until they’re 3 when they can go in without me).

What more can i do to give them a break from each other?

#2 AdelTwins

Posted 03 April 2019 - 04:06 PM

Lol - my 7yo twin boys go from playing nicely to fighting ALL THE TIME. It seems to be worse when they are tired or hungry. Mine share a bedroom too, so that doesn’t help.

Can you take one on the weekend and your partner take the other? Play in separate rooms?

#3 newmumandexcited

Posted 03 April 2019 - 06:46 PM

I have no advice but my 2.5 year olds fight constantly. It gets so physical!!

Edited by newmumandexcited, 03 April 2019 - 06:47 PM.

#4 Lallalla

Posted 03 April 2019 - 07:00 PM

View Postnewmumandexcited, on 03 April 2019 - 06:46 PM, said:

I have no advice but my 2.5 year olds fight constantly. It gets so physical!!

Yes, it amuses me when people make comments about girls being more gentle and playing quietly (I have 3 girls total) and I just think who’s girls are those? Not mine, my girls are foghorns who hit, pull hair, shove and until recently bit, and hard.

#5 SplashingRainbows

Posted 03 April 2019 - 07:21 PM

Assuming it’s not an option - Daycare on different days?

Are grandparents around to alternate taking each one on an outing or to grans for a visit?

#6 Twinmum+2

Posted 06 April 2019 - 07:49 PM

Hahaha when our twins were little I remember hearing:
1. You should make sure you have time for yourself
2. You should make time for you and DH as a couple
3. You should make time to spend with each twin separately
4. Don't forget to spend time with your older kids one-on-one or they will feel left out.

There just isn't that much time!

Honestly you just do the best you can.  We used to take one out if we were going to the shops or running errands and leave the other one at home with the other parent.  

Now that they are older one of them complains all the time about having a twin and sharing EVERYTHING in his life with his brother.  I thought twins were supposed to be close...

#7 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 11 April 2019 - 06:11 PM

Disclaimer: I don’t have twins

I do have a 3 year old and a 4 year old boys, 13 months apart, and they are doing my head in! The noise and the squealing and the destructive games, OMG. So I need ideas too, they are terrors together.

Thank god they are both in kinder, separate kinder. But that’s only 15 hours a week.

Recently, DH bought a second TV. We now have two large TVs in separate living areas. They both have Netflix. The peace these TVs bring is awesome. Give one boy one remote, the other boy the other remote, and they will watch tv separately, quietly, sometimes. It doesn’t last much longer than an hour, but it’s still a nice hour, especially in the afternoon when they are tired but won’t nap. Sometimes they even watch the same show, separately, lol.

#8 livelifelovehappy

Posted 11 April 2019 - 06:39 PM

I feel like this isn’t an exclusively twin thing and maybe a close in age sibling thing?
Mine have asked if they can go to separate schools, fight constantly but also love and are drawn to each other in order to fight.

#9 Lallalla

Posted 11 April 2019 - 06:52 PM

View Postlivelifelovehappy, on 11 April 2019 - 06:39 PM, said:

I feel like this isn’t an exclusively twin thing and maybe a close in age sibling thing?
Mine have asked if they can go to separate schools, fight constantly but also love and are drawn to each other in order to fight.

Actually they also have a close in age sibling (I had 3 under 2) and it is a twin exacerbated thing. Yes they fight with their older sister and yes they get sick of her (and she definitely gets sick of them). But with twins it is a whole other level. They are developmentally at exactly the same point and they spend more time together than anybody I can think of. They shared a womb, they share a room, they have always been in the same room at daycare, they do everything at the same time always.

Their sister is just enough older to not be in the sams phase at the same time and she gets breaks when she goes to preschool/when she was in another room etc

#10 AdelTwins

Posted 11 April 2019 - 08:37 PM

Definitely a twin exacerbated thing. Constantly competing against each other and comparing what they can/can’t do.

It’s difficult to parent two same age kids differently too. Mine have quite different personalities and probably wouldn’t be close mates if they were in the same class.

#11 opethmum

Posted 11 April 2019 - 09:14 PM

I think the problem lies of being in each other's heads and wanting the same things and there is only so much finite resources to make that happen. Whilst they want to be the same they want their own identity at the same time.

My Grandfather was a Twin and that is what he reported to me about his personal experience as a twin. He loved his brother to no end but they certainly knew what buttons to push.

It is important to make time and do different things so that they can form their own identity and feel safe that they aren't expected to be the same and do the same things. Perhaps when school rolls round to make an emphasis to separate them so that they can get their own friends and talk about different things.

If you need to vary your child care enrollment then do so. I have heard of some twin mums actually enrolling their twins in two separate child cares to give them a break, they make it work.

#12 ERipley

Posted 11 April 2019 - 09:34 PM

Has it been going on for very long? Could it just be a stage?

#13 thebabysitter

Posted 11 April 2019 - 09:47 PM

One of my friends used to send her twins on different days to daycare. Not sure if that is an option

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