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Help I think I choose the wrong breed


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#51 JoanJett

Posted 09 April 2019 - 09:05 AM

Please get a crate and read the thread with links to crate training or research it online.  It's fabulous for the dog and for your family.  Our 3 year old lab still hangs in her crate most of the day - it's "her" place.  

It's really important that you create rules that your son can follow - "no parent, no dog".  Use a star chart or a reward after supervised interactions with the puppy (reward the puppy and your son), but they both need to learn to be disinterested in each other without someone else around.  My younger child was 4 when we got our dog, and the interactions were limited to dog on lead for control in the first few weeks.

ETA:  locate your nearest puppy training classes and book in.  We started puppy training immediately post vaccinations at 12 weeks.

Edited by JoanJett, 09 April 2019 - 09:08 AM.


#52 JoanJett

Posted 09 April 2019 - 09:07 AM

 Mollycoddle, on 09 April 2019 - 09:04 AM, said:

I think it actually IS a breed thing, golden retrievers are a much larger dog than others and the fact that they are means they can jump up and do more damage.  I had chewing and biting etc with my Maltese but nothing like the hassle you would get with a larger dog.  But then retrievers and labs are pretty well-known for being boisterous as pups though obviously the OP didn't know this or didn't actually realise how it would be.

The problem is that most people see the older versions of the breed at the park and see them being sociable, gentle and trained.  Even if you read/research, the first year of retrievers can be a shock - you need to train every day, exercise every day and be prepared for some of your furniture/house/many belongings to be destroyed.  

But... a well trained retriever is a beautiful dog.

#53 hills mum bec

Posted 09 April 2019 - 09:47 AM

Puppies are a lot of work.  We have an 11 week old White Swiss Shepherd and she is constantly supervised unless we are out of the house and she is put outside in our secure puppy proofed yard.  Your 3yo is way too young to be left alone with a boisterous puppy and he will need just as much training as your puppy will in how to interact with the dog.  Please don't leave it too long before making a decision to rehome as your puppy is a perfect age to find a new home.  If the breeder won't help you then please don't just give your puppy away to anyone.  Find a Golden Retriever rescue group to help you.  Quite sad that the breeder won't take the puppy back, the breeder we got our puppy from is excellent and will be looking after our puppy for free when we go away at Easter in a few weeks.

#54 Oriental lily

Posted 09 April 2019 - 09:49 AM

Retrievers start their guide dog/ assistant training at age 1 . But puppy raisers pretty much have the dog with them 24/7. This is the sort of plan a person bringing a retriever in to their home needs . I am very lucky in that I was able to bring my lab puppy to work with me . I also had a 8 month old baby at the same time and I kind of just threw them together as the ‘babies’ . My lab also came from a line of guide dogs ( Dads a sire of them ) so maybe this made him a bit more biddable and settled than other retrievers .

Retrievers tend to have two modes . Crazy and excitable and sleeping . It’s getting them in that ‘between’ mode that takes work .

Our lab is wonderful with the kids . DH nick name for him ‘nanna’ From Peter Pan .

I have a 14 month old, 3 year old 8 year old 10 year old and 15 year old . Benson is 3 so was raised in the crazy home .

He is perfect .
Young kids and dogs can work wonderfully if you put the time and effort and realise it is like another infant ( one that is easier to toilet train lol ) .

You need to embrace the experience though .

#55 Moukmouk

Posted 09 April 2019 - 10:13 AM

Puppies are hard work, whatever the breed. We lost our dog when DS was 18 months, and DD was 5. We got a puppy when DS was a bit over 2 and DD 6. We went out to the breeders (weekend trip), met them, played with the dogs, let the kids interact with the dogs. DS had always been taught to be gentle of our old dog, so he was quite happy to sit quietly and let the puppies climb over him. The one that climbed in his lap and went to sleep was the one that came home. She is now 5 and the most beautiful, gentle, well trained dog.
But I won't lie, those first 6 months with a 2 year old and a puppy were hard. And we are complete dog people, DH walks her twice a day, lots of training etc. Hounds are hard to toilet train. I just embraced the chaos. And it was as much about training the children as the dog.

#56 Zippypeaks

Posted 09 April 2019 - 10:28 AM

OP I empathise, I'm in the exact same situation. We decided to persevere. Here's what worked for us:
We use an old play pen for the pup when things are getting too much for everyone. If she's too jumpy, biting etc. We try make it a fun space for her so she's excited to go there.
Around the house I ask her to follow me with whatever I'm doing so she's not alone with my children.
Whenever we catch her chewing something she shouldn't, we swap it out for something she can chew.
All our baby toys are now handed to the pup, she loves them!
My 3yo is involved with training her, so he's learning consistent commands, it's great for his confidence and for building their relationship too.
We taught our 3yo to stand up and turn his back to her and ask for help when she's particularly jumpy or being too rough (especially when he's playing on the floor).
I made hubby take her to puppy school as a priority.

It's bloody tough some days but the silver lining is that our puppy is responding and learning so fast, she's 5 months old and a totally different pup already, though we still have a long way to go. Good luck OP, golden retrievers are beautiful dogs!!

#57 Appleaday

Posted 09 April 2019 - 11:00 AM

Ok thanks for your honest and thoughtful responses, after thinking about it more this morning I feel it won't work out. DS aged 3 won't have him in the house.

I am heartbroken so I have contacted the breed organisation in Victoria, they are now assisting me. I just feel so awful about this. They said it would take time to find him a good home so I told them I am happy to keep him as long as possible.

#58 28 Barbary Lane

Posted 09 April 2019 - 11:14 AM

You poor thing, try not to feel to stressed. My mum used to breed labs and she’d always insist telling the new “parents” that if it didn’t work out to contact her straight away, she’d always take them back. That’s something your breeder failed at, so out of your control.

Placing a 3 month old puppy isn’t like placing an older dog, the new owners will be able to train him from scratch, the breed organisations know what they are doing finding a new home, you’ve said he can stay as long as it takes, that’s another major plus.

Maybe just think of yourself as a foster carer now, making sure he’s safe and happy before he finds his forever home. Take care x

#59 Ellie bean

Posted 09 April 2019 - 11:31 AM

I think it’s good you are being honest and yes still very young and will find a happy home. Better to be honest now. Don’t beat yourself up too much.

#60 Lallalla

Posted 09 April 2019 - 12:27 PM

 FiveAus, on 08 April 2019 - 09:48 PM, said:

Please contact the breeder before attempting to rehome him yourself. Most good breeders will take back a puppy that hasn't worked out.

Your issues are the very reason I'm reconsidering selling puppies to families with small children.

It’s also people like this who are the reason we cannot adopt a puppy from most rescue groups. We have small children so they just won’t let us. It doesn’t matter that we already have a bouncy mouthy puppy and our kids cope.

It frustrates me that anyone would get a puppy and expect it to not chew/mouth/bounce.

#61 FiveAus

Posted 09 April 2019 - 12:48 PM

 casime, on 09 April 2019 - 08:56 AM, said:

I have a policy that the youngest child, or the youngest dog already in the house must be at least three years old.  And if mum is not on the floor rough and tumbling with the dogs, then they don't get one (I'm looking you, woman who showed up to meet the dogs at the park after two weeks of rain, in white slacks, and freaked out anytime the dogs got near her white pants).

I am hearing ya! I had a couple of dogs at the Big Day Out and some people were asking me about them. The guy was interested and all over my boy who would have been about 5 months old at the time and cute as a button. He said to his partner "Why don't you pat him? He's really lovely!" and she said "Oh no, I've just washed my hands."

And I thought to myself I'm not seeing this as a good fit.

#62 FiveAus

Posted 09 April 2019 - 12:57 PM

 born.a.girl, on 09 April 2019 - 08:41 AM, said:

I don't think Five Aus is stereotyping them at all, she's just saying the likelihood is much higher with small children, that they won't be suitable as owners, and as a 'business person' she's entitled to take the line of least resistance and go with the most likely successful outcome for her dogs.

She's not a social service.

The more I breed and the more contact and interaction I have with people who want to buy puppies from me, the less obligation I feel to be "filling their needs" and the more obligation I feel to ensuring my puppies have the best outcome  and best future possible.

And families with small children have been the biggest percentage of refusals from me. An older, child-friendly dog maybe. But these days, not puppies.

#63 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 09 April 2019 - 01:15 PM

This thread has cemented my stance on no dogs before our youngest is 5, that would be the earliest I would consider it. Even then I think I would prefer to get a dog past the puppy stage! DH and DD would love a dog, but I know that 95% of the dog care would fall to me. I’m really not a fan of being jumped up on, courtesy of a family friend’s german short haired pointer when I was a kid (I was a small 8yo, it was terrifying). We would currently be terrible dog parents.

#64 28 Barbary Lane

Posted 09 April 2019 - 02:21 PM

Same. Every time I read these threads I’m more convinced a dog is not an option for me until maybe retirement!

#65 First@35

Posted 09 April 2019 - 02:31 PM

Contact the breeder, sooner rather than later (For the pups sake).
But please don't get another puppy. They all need constant attention and training.  Maybe not something you can offer right now?
Perhaps another type of pet would be suitable? Cat?

Edited by First@35, 09 April 2019 - 02:33 PM.


#66 just roses

Posted 09 April 2019 - 03:13 PM

 born.a.girl, on 09 April 2019 - 08:41 AM, said:

I don't think Five Aus is stereotyping them at all, she's just saying the likelihood is much higher with small children, that they won't be suitable as owners, and as a 'business person' she's entitled to take the line of least resistance and go with the most likely successful outcome for her dogs.
We chose to wait until our kids were a little older and after we'd had a big trip overseas, so they were 6 and 9 at the time.

Our breeder was super fussy about us, which is fair enough. And she would only match when she had a puppy that would work with a particular buyer. Which is how we came by our very sociable, friendly - and not even a tiny bit anxious - whippet puppy.

But as prepared as we were, the first six months to year was hectic. He chewed everything! Now at almost three, he's really settled down and is an absolute delight. We were careful in choosing a breed that would work for our family and just agreed to ride through the rough puppy phase!

OP, I think you're doing the right thing by recognising it's not working. And as others have said, make contact with a breed specific rescue group.

#67 ausfarmerswife

Posted 09 April 2019 - 03:18 PM

while some families with young children might be lovely and a lovely home, unfortunately it is not always the case,

I don’t sell to many families my breed is a working breed with a specific purpose, I will sell to the right adult with kids but they have to tick all my boxes, I rarely even sell to a person under 21 because they are irresponsible and generally don’t care for there dogs properly (again these are not pets but working breeds)

As they are my dogs, it’s my choice. I keep my pups for longer and work with them to learn there personalities I match my pup to buyer, just because I have a litter and you have money and want one doesn’t mean I’ll sell them to you

Edited by ausfarmerswife, 09 April 2019 - 03:28 PM.


#68 just roses

Posted 09 April 2019 - 03:23 PM

 Appleaday, on 09 April 2019 - 11:00 AM, said:

Ok thanks for your honest and thoughtful responses, after thinking about it more this morning I feel it won't work out. DS aged 3 won't have him in the house.

I am heartbroken so I have contacted the breed organisation in Victoria, they are now assisting me. I just feel so awful about this. They said it would take time to find him a good home so I told them I am happy to keep him as long as possible.
You've done the right thing, OP. The most important thing is that you've recognised this early on - at an age when a puppy should be pretty easy to rehome.

Once you've got older kids and if you're ready for a dog down the track, an adult whippet - one that's not anxious and good with kids - might be a good option. Or a rescue grey.

Edited by just roses, 09 April 2019 - 03:24 PM.


#69 kadoodle

Posted 09 April 2019 - 03:25 PM

Puppies are a huge handful. I’ve always had older dogs, and my first puppy was a huge learning curve. There’s no way I could deal with a puppy and toddler at the same time.

#70 Romeo Void

Posted 09 April 2019 - 04:55 PM

 just roses, on 09 April 2019 - 03:13 PM, said:



But as prepared as we were, the first six months to year was hectic. He chewed everything! Now at almost three, he's really settled down and is an absolute delight. We were careful in choosing a breed that would work for our family and just agreed to ride through the rough puppy phase!

My sister has often said that some other poor bugger did the hard work for her.  She rescued a dog that was 3 and considered 'difficult'.  She saw her dog settled almost immediately.




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