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Mental health and your expectations of yourself?

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#1 Mummy_Em

Posted 14 April 2019 - 02:11 PM

I have Major Depressive Disorder and I’m on quite a colorful array of meds, which I don’t love. I separated from ex-h last year and moved out of the family home in November. I have the kids (9, 7 and 5years) 4 days a week, ex has them the other 3. In Feb I started a new job, when I applied it was advertised that there were full time and part time positions available, but after getting through the extensive recruitment process I was offered full time and told there were no part time positions available at that stage (it’s a new program for the organization so there is a lot going on at once, negotiating the details of the contract and outfitting offices etc.) but there will be down the track.

So i have been working full time while looking after my girls. I haven’t had formal daycare because I was hoping to get in home care via the family daycare scheme. I was approved for in-home care, but it’s become apparent no one is interested in 3 hours work at my house 3 days a week. It’s understandable because childcare pays poorly in the first place But in the meantime my dad is looking after my kids. I’m grateful for the help but I really don’t need to see my dad 3 days a week, he is hard work.

My mental health is suffering and my brain is feeling foggy. I feel like I should be able to work full time with 60% care of the kids, but it gives me little down time because I am always washing, planning meals and cleaning up after the kids are in bed. They are being high maintenance at the moment too, with having to adjust to a new lifestyle of moving between homes, so im also sitting with them until they fall asleep each night.

Does anyone else struggle to live up to their own expectations due to mental health getting in the way? Right now I don’t want to socialize, I get nervous about the kids coming home from Dads, I struggle to go to work or do housework.

Also, has anyone had to enclose their MI to an employer and ask for accommodations?

#2 Ellie bean

Posted 14 April 2019 - 10:35 PM

Hey there mummyem, sorry I am not much help as i don’t have direct experience but can I just say I would be struggling big time to cope with that load WITHOUT mi in the picture, so I take my hat off to you
As for disclosing to your employer, I see that in my line of work and honestly it depends on the employer, I’ve seen it go really well and seen some employers really discriminate, so the answe is it depends...
Bumping for you in the hope some more helpful posts are forthcoming

#3 Ellie bean

Posted 16 April 2019 - 10:46 PM

Hope this week is going ok mummyem

#4 Mummy_Em

Posted 21 April 2019 - 03:21 PM

Thanks peeps. Feeling better this week, although it was a short week, which helped. I feel like every time I talk to other people about wanting to drop a day they tell me what a pity it is and start trying to find ways that I could stick it out. Part of the problem is that I am renting my dad's house and he wants to get rid of it, he'd like me to buy it off him and I told him I'd like to do so, but in about 5 years. Now he has decided that he would like me to get a loan for half the amount this year so that he can spend it helping my sister (her relationship broke down this year too and she and her partner have two negative equity mortgages that they can't split because they can't refinance, because the properties are now worth less than what they owe.)

So he is putting pressure on me to keep working and saving like mad for the rest of the year so that I can take over the mortgage by the end of the year. So I'm feeling that pressure.

#5 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 21 April 2019 - 06:37 PM

I know my friend who works full time in a similar situation, with 50% care, is exhausted. She wants to go part time 3 days, 4 at a push, she just can't find a part time roll.
Its not long since you moved out, I know the first 13 months post split were really really rough for her.  She's doing better now.  But I know she went to her gp and got her antidepressants increased early on after the split, they just weren't working for her.  She said it saves her, it allowed her to sleep and get through the days and eventually it got easier.

It's a massive change for all of you and you have to provide support for your kids on top of your own emotional needs. Is there anyone you can lean on even just for a vent.  Someone who won't try and make you be posituve and push on and will actually listen to how you are.  You're going through a lot right now, it's hard.  Fwiw my friends really happy they're divorced now and she's content within herself.

#6 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 21 April 2019 - 06:45 PM

Really unfortunate timing with your dad needing to access the equity for your sister.  I think all you can do there is assess what is possible.  If you can keep going and take over the mortgage is that something worthwhile fighting for long term? Sometimes it helps me to break it down, to focus on just getting through the day or the moment if things are really bad.  And sometimes it helps to remind myself I've been through this sh*t before.
I know you haven't been through this situation before but I meant more the mental struggle.  I have horrible chronic pain and anxiety.  When things are overwhelming it helps me personally to remember that they've been overwhelming before and I've survived.  Do the minimum you can and even if you can just make yourself take 5 minutes to do whatever your self care is, I find it helps.  I know that stuff isn't the same as major depressive disorder but it's bloody tough mentally to cope with, so maybe theres something that helps me that might help you.  Either way if I can do nothing else I can listen.  Thinking of you Mummy_Em.

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