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Is this poor wedding gift etiquette?


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#51 born.a.girl

Posted 21 April 2019 - 01:04 PM

View Postannodam, on 21 April 2019 - 10:57 AM, said:

My friend Tanya travelled to London for her friends wedding, of course being such a big expense, she didn't take a gift & thought nothing of it.
Later, Tanya was told by another friend that the bride thought Tanya was a tight ass & criticised her for not bringing a gift.
Needless to say, they're no longer friends.




I figure anyone who loses a friendship over something like that, is well shot of the 'friend' anyway.

Maybe that's the way to find out if the bride is your true friend.:)

#52 born.a.girl

Posted 21 April 2019 - 01:07 PM

View PostCallMeFeral, on 21 April 2019 - 11:21 AM, said:

Say "no gifts required" or as the PP said "your presence" etc etc.

Some people will still bring gifts, but it will be things they have chosen because they want to.
Some people won't, and putting that out there makes it clear that that's an acceptable choice.
"No gifts please" I feel creates more uncertainty because it's more like a demand, or that you may get annoyed at being given gifts. I sort of think none required or the other statement is a bit more accepting of what everyone wants to do. You can also say something like (if it's true) "our house is already set up so your presence is present enough" or something like that as it provides a reason.

Not providing a registry is fine. Especially if you're also saying no gifts required.


Except in one case I know of, 'your presence etc  .... if you did, we will have a wishing well' was code for 'we only want cash, but this is a way of saying it that sounds more polite.

When I was told, in a surprised tone, that some people didn't give anything, I just stayed silent.


I think the conclusion is you can't please everyone, although there are some examples much worse than others - e.g. only having expensive items on a gift registry list.

#53 somila

Posted 21 April 2019 - 01:18 PM

I didn't request anything, just had a contact for 'RSVP and further information' which was my Mum.

She had a very general list of things we needed and our preferred style (e.g. plain, simple, white, etc etc).

Some people contacted her and others didn't.
Some gave money, others gifts.  Very nice of them.

I am firmly of the opinion that invitations are for inviting people to join you to celebrate your special day, with no further explicit expectations.
I know I am in the minority. :)

#54 MarciaB

Posted 21 April 2019 - 01:27 PM

We didn’t have a registry but had a list of a few things we needed/would like that I gave to my Mum. If anyone asked I sent them her details to give suggestions. Otherwise they just chose what they liked.

#55 Jelly Bee

Posted 21 April 2019 - 05:19 PM

View PostSoontobegran, on 21 April 2019 - 10:23 AM, said:

I think we need to stop overthinking.

Gifts, wishing well, gift registry or no gifts......why do we scrutinise so intently

You overthink when planning a wedding because people constantly tell you what you should do! And it’s all conflicting!

We were fine to be silent on gifts altogether until we were told we needed a website and it needed our gift policy on it and not having a registry made life harder for our guests but on the other hand having a gift policy is grabby 😂😂 It’s relentless and you feel wherever you turn you’re upsetting someone

More importantly, what is a spayde 😳

Edited by Jelly Bee, 21 April 2019 - 05:22 PM.


#56 Jelly Bee

Posted 21 April 2019 - 05:31 PM

Thanks for the responses EB. Lots of conflicting views which in a way is comforting as I feel it gives us permission to to do something that feels right for us and our crowd without worrying too much about getting it “wrong”.

With that in mind, I think we will avoid a registry, say no gifts required on the damn website (feel a bit of a muppet having one), and if our attending close friends and family really want to give a gift I’m sure they’ll either call and ask what we’d like or choose something they enjoy both of which will be perfect.

Thanks again for your thoughts ☺️

#57 ~J_F~

Posted 21 April 2019 - 05:35 PM

View PostJelly Bee, on 21 April 2019 - 05:19 PM, said:



More importantly, what is a spayde 😳

I think you mean a splayd :lol:

It’s a spork, you know a fork spoon and the edge can be used as a knife. Best damn invention ever!!

#58 somila

Posted 21 April 2019 - 05:41 PM

I'm a spork woman myself.

#59 Jelly Bee

Posted 21 April 2019 - 05:56 PM

View Post~J_WTF~, on 21 April 2019 - 05:35 PM, said:



I think you mean a splayd :lol:

It’s a spork, you know a fork spoon and the edge can be used as a knife. Best damn invention ever!!

Hahaha! 😂😂 spayde is something that might happen to my puppy!

Oh..... I know sporks, I’ve never heard of splayd before. But I’ve been on EB long enough to know there must have been one almighty thread on the two! 😂

I’m updating the website. No gift required, unless you’re thinking of getting us splayds. Then please give all the splayds.

#60 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 06 May 2019 - 06:54 AM

We didn't have any formal gift registries. However, we did give my sister a casual list of gift ideas/suggestions, if/when we thought of anything in the 4 months leading up to our wedding. We only had a small guest list, so it was pretty easy for my sister/Mum/MIL to pass along some ideas to people if they were asked. We never mentioned gifts in the invitations, so guests sorted themselves out (and all of them knew my sister, Mum or MIL, so they could ask if they wanted to). To be honest, I can't remember who did/didn't give us a wedding gift, it really wasn't important. But I can remember everyone who was with us that day, it was awesome!

View PostGudrun, on 20 April 2019 - 09:04 PM, said:

Say nothing.  Give a list of things you might like to a trusted friend or relative and if anyone asks direct them to that person.
yep, this

#61 Weavile

Posted 06 May 2019 - 07:30 AM

View Post~J_WTF~, on 21 April 2019 - 05:35 PM, said:

I think you mean a splayd Posted Image

It’s a spork, you know a fork spoon and the edge can be used as a knife. Best damn invention ever!!

A spork lacks the knife component, meaning the splayd is the true superior tool.

Posted Image

#62 just roses

Posted 06 May 2019 - 08:06 AM

View Postsomila, on 21 April 2019 - 01:18 PM, said:

I didn't request anything, just had a contact for 'RSVP and further information' which was my Mum.

She had a very general list of things we needed and our preferred style (e.g. plain, simple, white, etc etc).

Some people contacted her and others didn't.
Some gave money, others gifts.  Very nice of them.

I am firmly of the opinion that invitations are for inviting people to join you to celebrate your special day, with no further explicit expectations.
I know I am in the minority. :)
Exactly this!

My mum has a list and some people asked her for advice, others just got what they thought we’d like, still others gave money.

And splayds are a wonderful gift, coming as they do in a fancy velvet box! I believe the thread was one featuring my SIL’s wedding. Don’t be like her - destination wedding requiring the presence of the niece and nephew for the ceremony but absolutely banning them from the reception at the same venue...

#63 ali-song

Posted 06 May 2019 - 09:09 AM

View PostWeavile, on 06 May 2019 - 07:30 AM, said:



A spork lacks the knife component, meaning the splayd is the true superior tool.

Posted Image

The crazy thing is that all these variants basically exist! Are there similar chopstick innovations?

#64 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 06 May 2019 - 10:10 AM

View Postali-song, on 06 May 2019 - 09:09 AM, said:



The crazy thing is that all these variants basically exist! Are there similar chopstick innovations?

No there isn't. However my part Chinese DH often eats with a spoon and fork, using the edge of the spoon as a knife if required. Most Asian food is precut into bite size pieces or cooked until very soft.

#65 wallofdodo

Posted 06 May 2019 - 10:23 AM

View PostPooks Combusted, on 20 April 2019 - 08:21 PM, said:

Why not do a registry and then comment that the registry is there for those who’d like suggestions, but please don’t feel obligated?

You could do this, but also say, contact X (bridesmaid or groomsman) for registry details.

#66 Gudrun

Posted 06 May 2019 - 11:16 AM

Yeah the splayd days on EB were very funny.




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