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#26 Kallie88

Posted 15 May 2019 - 03:05 PM

We have 3, oldest is 3.5yo. I love my three, but I do sometimes look at my older two and think 2 would have been enough. Three is harder financially, for me with them all so young it's very full on all the time caring for them. Though I imagine the will be a big drop as they all get older together, I'm hoping that will be the payoff lol. I think if we hadn't had #3 so quickly we may not have had him, I love babies but the baby stage is so hard, I don't deal with sleep deprivation well. When I think of a fourth (I'm like 90% done, but there's still a niggle lol, dh is completely done so it's not going to happen) I try to remind myself everything I'd have to go through to get it (pregnancy,  especially the late stages where you just want to sleep but I'd have 3 other kids running around to deal with, labor, day 3 after labor when I feel like I'm dying, bf again) and that helps me go yeah it's ok there's no more lol.

#27 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 15 May 2019 - 03:20 PM

I always wanted a tribe but DH was not keen on having any. Finally persuaded him and had mine at 35 and 38. With hindsight it was a good thing we only had two. We had the financial resources to indulge in their expensive motorbike and horse riding passions which has put them in a good place as young adults. My DH passed away when the kids were still teens and extras would have made life a lot more difficult at that time. I wince when people say they want more so their kids will have close siblings when they are older. My two have barely spoken to each other for about five years now. There are no guarantees siblings will be close.

#28 No Drama Please

Posted 15 May 2019 - 03:55 PM

View PostEllie bean, on 15 May 2019 - 01:44 PM, said:

Oh yeah I miss the baby and toddler stage when I look at photos until I remember the reality lol. I took an awesome photo of both of them screaming and crying and both dogs barking all at once which I keep on hand for such moments ;)
Hahaha - I took heaps of videos when I was home with a toddler and baby and probably 80% of them start off with their adorable tiny faces but end with the phone dropping on the floor and me screaming “sh*t, no, no stop that!” in the background.

Good times! Says basically no one who’s done it ever...

#29 Ellie bean

Posted 15 May 2019 - 04:13 PM

View PostNo Drama Please, on 15 May 2019 - 03:55 PM, said:

Hahaha - I took heaps of videos when I was home with a toddler and baby and probably 80% of them start off with their adorable tiny faces but end with the phone dropping on the floor and me screaming “sh*t, no, no stop that!” in the background.

Good times! Says basically no one who’s done it ever...
My favourite video of all is of them at 2 and 3 carrying 2 litre bottles of laundry detergent for me, then DD clonking DS on the head with one of the bottles and me shouting “no DD” as the video cuts out ha ha

#30 blueskies12

Posted 15 May 2019 - 07:28 PM

Feral Grey Mare, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband.
You are right, there are no guarantees about siblings being friends when they are older.

Kallie88, it is interesting you still have that niggle. Especially with 3 under 3.5! Thinking about pregnancy and the long 9 months of it with the added dimension of taking care of two little people, then the sleepless nights of newborn-hood does really put me off.

I love having my body to myself and the sleep! I need to remember that.

Caribou, I LOVE your plans and your goals. Overseas for 8 weeks next year sounds amazing. Not to mention living in France while your DH studies! That is seriously cool. I think it is wonderful you are going to do this. I think you have raised a really good point. We can think of our dreams and plans. We can do some great things as a family of 4.

Caribou, I am also sorry to hear of your loss. That must have been really hard.

#31 blueskies12

Posted 15 May 2019 - 07:32 PM

Decisions decisions, funnily enough I did think about getting a  dog. It could be a good idea!! Thank you. It is nice to think that everyone loves your dog and your family feels like the full picture. I like the sound of that.

#32 JBH

Posted 15 May 2019 - 07:54 PM

Mine are 8 and 11. Life is good, and they are tremendous fun. We have the freedom to go places and do things and (mostly) we can enjoy it.

We went back and forth on a third for ages. I wanted one so badly, but practically there were so many reasons not to do it. I’ll be honest - I wanted a chance to have a daughter, but that eased over time.

I still look at how great my boys are and wonder what the potential third might have been like, but it’s a mild pang rather than the longing it used to be.

#33 Lady Monteagle

Posted 16 May 2019 - 10:03 AM

I have 2 boys with about the same gap as you OP.  And it's worked out really well.  DH needed to be talked into a 2nd, so I always knew 3 was never an option, so I guess I never even let myself thing about the idea.  DS2 has wanted a baby sibling for years, but we may go for a pet instead.  

I don't really have anything to add, just to echo PP points:

- One adult per child.  Very very handy in many many situations, in practical terms.  Also in emotional terms, it's easy for us to give individual attention in ways that keep the family more on track.  And if, say, one child is away on school camp, the other LOVES being the little princeling at home.

- Going back to a 4 day/week professional role when DS2 started school, rather than more years later.  I feel now that I would have ended up in a much worse place career wise if I hadn't been able to do that.

- Travel, in all the ways mentioned above.  Plus, if we don't all want to do the same thing on a holiday, it's easy to split up, and even if one parent ends up with 'all' the kids, the parents still has one hand to grab each child.  

- Both have taken up very expensive extra-curriculars, and DS2 keeps wanting to take on more, and so far we're still able to afford that, both in time & money.  

- When they're getting on really well, I think, "Oh how lovely, good thing it's not complicated by a third", and when they're at wars, I think, "Oh phew, good thing there isn't a third making this even worse."  

- Just having a tighter age range by virtue of not having another younger, so now we can all go do some activities together without having to find a separate version for the 'baby', e.g. movies, concerts.

#34 j-gray

Posted 16 May 2019 - 11:54 AM

I have 3. It's chaos. Life was much easier with 2. Holidays are much easier with 2.  Ours are DS8, DS6, DD3. My Mum keeps telling me that a fourth child makes everything easier. NOT.A.CHANCE.

We knew that we weren't 'done' at 2. Now with DD we knew that we were waiting for her and that our family was not yet complete. The minute she was born, we knew that the final piece of our family puzzle was here.  She is a tornado and loves to push my buttons, but she is the apple of all our eyes :)

Your kids are only young, and 16 months probably means that terrible 2s are beginning. You will likely feel differently in 12-24 months time. Is there any rush to make a decision ?

#35 Jennifaraway

Posted 16 May 2019 - 12:28 PM

I think once your older child is at school you might begin to think how nice it is that they're getting older and more independent. I CANNOT wait until DD3yo starts preK next year, just to have a little bit of time to myself. And also other considerations like holidays (most packages are for a family of 4), car size, house size, food budget, etc. And school costs (DS6yo is at a cheap-ish private school - I don't think we could afford 3 there even with the sibling discount).

I never wanted more than 2 (i'm one of 2). DH is the third in his family and I think would still kind of like 3 ... except for the space, and expense, and etc. I feel too old (nearly 41), and pregnancy is NOT fun for me. Not to mention I'd have to go off my ADHD meds and would probably have a breakdown. I did have PND after #2 (and I think also more mildly after #1) and still struggle with mental health.

In fact, it would have been easier to stop at one (DS has ADHD and probably ASD), but DD is adorable. Except she's also super difficult. At least sometimes they keep each other entertained. DS is an extrovert and does. not. shut. up (drives me up the wall).

I still love babies. Other people's babies! And I do miss the baby/toddler stage. But I'm not going through all that again!

#36 blueskies12

Posted 16 May 2019 - 09:03 PM

JBH- I am so pleased to think that it has become a mild pang after wanting another so badly. I am also so happy t hear you have a wonderful relationship with your boys. I am striving for that.

Lady Monteagle, thank you for your post! Wow! It summed up the positives I am beginning to see and it made me feel so positive and hopeful about the future. I can see what you mean about the career. I have had 18 months off since no. 2, and already I can see that if I don't go back in January next year the gap is widening....I'll lose contacts, up-to-date knowledge etc.
I also love the idea of the one-to-one with each parent. I can see that one of my children needs a lot of time spent emotionally connecting and his behaviour changes when he has this. i like how you said it keeps the family on track. I can see that!
I really like that even when we are lumped with 'all' the kids it feels perfectly fine, not hard at all. I don't have any resentment (well except when I have been with them days on end..) However, this could be different with a third. There could lead to one of us/both of us having resentment when one of us has all of them, or even if we split them up, it won't be 50/50.
One thing I really am loving at the moment is that they are fairly close in age and it is getting better in terms of the activities we can do as a family.  I like how they can equally participate in things for example that they can now play on the same play equipment/go to the same activities. I felt that was hard when the second was born, I hated us being split up and the older one going off to do activities. It is just starting to even out now and I love that. I know families can be quite flexible and all the siblings can be adaptable, but I am not sure if I m really that flexible to meet everyone's needs at once.

j-gray, you are right. I think I do need to give myself time. Your third sounds absolutely gorgeous and I love how she is the apple of all of your eye. Lucky girl!

Jennifaraway, you have mentioned great points! I think as they get older and more expensive I think I will be happy to have stopped at two. It is very unlikely that we could afford even a (cheap) private school for three kids. That's not the be all and end all, but it would be good to have the option.

#37 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 May 2019 - 10:11 AM

View Postblueskies12, on 14 May 2019 - 08:57 PM, said:

If you have two, did you want another? Are you glad you stayed with the 2?

For those further down the parenting journey do you regret not having another child?

Once we had two children, I wanted three. Six months after Baby #2, I was wrecked - she had been a good sleeper in the beginning but flipped around the 3 month mark and was a shocker. That lasted nearly four years, but we weren't to know that in the beginning. At about 18 months after DD2 was born, DH and I made a decision about trying for #3 - no go. As a couple, we weren't in a good place, as a family, we were struggling. That was a good decision - we were sleep deprived for another 2.5 years or so, DH was made redundant, etc etc. I don't know that we would have coped very well with some of the things that happened if we'd had another baby. We were also "older" parents by that time as well (DH was 42, I was 41), so that was also a consideration for us.

8+ years later, I sometimes wonder what our life would have been with a third. It's nice to romanticise about it, but at the time, I don't know that DH and I would have survived. DH has no regrets about stopping at 2 children. I do have moments of "What could have been" but I don't have regrets either. Our family is wonderful as it is.

#38 lalalove

Posted 17 May 2019 - 10:48 AM

I always wanted three. Even after two terrible sleepers and pre-eclampsia.
I'm now pregnant with that #3 and I can't lie that I've had moments of wondering if it is the right thing to do.
I'm enjoying work, our family is humming along, relationships are good, kids are both sleeping well, happy and healthy. Will another baby jeopardise all of that???
The logistics of cars/bedrooms/holidays really didn't bother me - I think that stuff just sorts itself somehow if you want something bad enough.
Not terribly helpful OP I guess I just knew I'd forever regret not having a shot at three kids.

#39 Summer81

Posted 17 May 2019 - 11:35 AM

Our 3rd is without a doubt the best worst decision we ever made.

You have to be willing to deliberately make your life harder and yourself poorer and know you will probably have times you wonder or wished to have left it at 2. I was OK with that idea so we went for it.

That was after waiting for 3 years to see if the longing went away. It didn't so here we are with 3 kids. And it is harder. And we are poorer. And I'm ok with that. She's the worst sleeper of my 3 but she's enriched our lives more than we could have imagined.

Maybe wait until your youngest is older before deciding, you might find you get past the desire for another when it starts to get easier?

Edited by Summer81, 17 May 2019 - 11:43 AM.

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