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Help! Separating from husband with 2 young children


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#51 Dadto2

Posted 25 January 2020 - 08:33 AM

View PostLouLou86, on 07 June 2019 - 06:25 AM, said:

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, I have been reading them all and coming back to them for strength. Husband has said he does love me but feels numb after the last 2 yrs and wants to try but can’t promise he is going to get that feeling back and that it will be hard.
I am so scared. I feel like I am jumping off a cliff and gambling if my parachute will work or not. I am so scred deep down he has made up his mind. I’ve asked him what properly trying looks like but he said he isn’t 100% sure yet. He is not completely opposed to counsclling but think it may be hard to get him there. I am going to go and get a referral to see one regardless of what happens.
I know it’s not 100% my fault but I have shut him out in many way while also being so moody and grumpy. It’s easy to comfortable after all of these years and forget why you love your partner. I probably haven’t been the most respectful wife also not considering his needs/wants (not just sexually - he’s never pressured me about that).
Time will tell. I am just not sure how I will get through each day having ijnthr back of my mind that he might turn around tomorrow and say he can’t do this.

As people have said, raising young kids is so hard. I was running on autopilot a lot of the time, tired, go to work, come home, run around after the kids, go to bed early, back to work... groundhog day. You just end up getting fed up, there's no respite, little joy in your life and you want out...

I feel that your relationship is salvageable, counselling will help and maybe reworking your week a bit as in perhaps (if possible) having some kid free time with your DH, having a weekly date night, something to look forward to.

#52 Romeo Void

Posted 25 January 2020 - 09:07 AM

I remember DH turning to me one day and saying 'I miss you'.  We were together all the time, in the trenches with 2 under 2...yet we had no time for each other.  We tried carving out time together, date nights etc...we were just too damn tired.  Neither of us wanted to be out, we just wanted home and bed.  Movies...well, how do you reconnect at a movie?  In the end the only lifeline we had was 'date days'.  At least during the days we weren't as tired.  The kids would go to an occasional daycare center near us, DH would take one days leave, and he I would do romantic things like, grocery shopping LOL.  But we did them *together* without the kids.  We'd chat while we shopped. A new shirt for him for work.  Pay a bill. IKEA for a new bookcase or whatever. Stop for a bite of lunch.  Just mundane stuff that needed doing but we'd do them together. It helped us feel like we were still a team.

Edited by Romeo Void, 25 January 2020 - 09:08 AM.


#53 newmumandexcited

Posted 25 January 2020 - 09:26 AM

View PostDadto2, on 25 January 2020 - 08:33 AM, said:



As people have said, raising young kids is so hard. I was running on autopilot a lot of the time, tired, go to work, come home, run around after the kids, go to bed early, back to work... groundhog day. You just end up getting fed up, there's no respite, little joy in your life and you want out...

I feel that your relationship is salvageable, counselling will help and maybe reworking your week a bit as in perhaps (if possible) having some kid free time with your DH, having a weekly date night, something to look forward to.

I know this is an old thread but I cannot agree enough. Little kids take everything, constantly tiring. You’re definitely not alone in this.

#54 Ivy Ivy

Posted 25 January 2020 - 05:06 PM

But I'm just going to gripe on the old chestnut "I love you but I'm not in love with you".
This angers me to no end.

OF COURSE the in love hormones settle after a few years, that's scientifically proven, so of course the thrilling "in love" feeling dissipates.  WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

If you want the "in love" feeling for most of your life, you have to find someone to fall in love with every 2 years or so, and leave every relationship every 2 y and quickly (or God forbid there wil be time during which you're not in love with someone and feeling it) start anew with someone new.  Good luck with that.

What he means is, you aren't giving me enough time/attention/love/sex/doing enough for me/presents/...... you aren't making me feel really loved and special, and I want more, want how it used to be when all our spare non-work time was just for each other.

(And no surprise OP you can't deliver on that wish, because no-one can when the kids are that young, or in a sustained way.)

In love but not "in love", pleeeeaaase.

#55 gigihopeful2016

Posted 25 January 2020 - 05:27 PM

Ivy Ivy - spot on!




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