Jump to content

Was money a huge factor when considering a 2nd or 3rd child?


  • Please log in to reply
86 replies to this topic

#51 Mumma bug

Posted 10 June 2019 - 09:50 PM

No, thankfully we could afford a second. And we never wanted a third.

If we did though, we’d consider - would there be a period of 3 in childcare (that would have wiped out my earnings), are you happy for children share bedrooms, do you want public or private schooling, how much family support do you have, are you young enough to have a reasonable gap between kids in terms of return to work between and childcare costs.

Also, how much value to you place on financial security and material wealth? Or is having a bigger family more important? I think it comes down to your own values at the end of the day because most of us can’t have it all.

#52 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 10 June 2019 - 10:26 PM

View PostMumma bug, on 10 June 2019 - 09:50 PM, said:

I think it comes down to your own values at the end of the day because most of us can’t have it all.
This.

#53 purpleblaze

Posted 10 June 2019 - 11:02 PM

Not at all. However we had our 3 kids late 30’s/early 40’s and were financially comfortable so it was a non issue. We wanted a bigger family and are happy to compromise things like private schools/overseas holidays etc.

#54 Lallalla

Posted 10 June 2019 - 11:23 PM

Yes, well we tried to. We decided that if we had a 3rd we would wait so the oldest was at school before we had to put the youngest in daycare to avoid paying 3 lots of daycare at once. So gap between 2nd and 3rd would have been 3ish years.

And then the universe laughed at us and the gap was 2 minutes - we got twins.

#55 Prancer is coming

Posted 10 June 2019 - 11:32 PM

I was going to say no,  but I don’t think that is accurate.  We worked hard to get into a decent financial position before we had kids and knew we could survive on one wage.  So money was not a part of our decision making progress, but we already knew we could survive financially without any real hardship with another babe and me having another long stint off work.

#56 MissMilla

Posted 10 June 2019 - 11:50 PM

It was one main reason why we didnt have a third. Mainly because we travel a lot to see family and flights/hotels are so expensive. It wasnt the only reason, but it played a big part in our decision.

#57 Daffy2016

Posted 11 June 2019 - 07:20 AM

It’s playing a part in our current stance of stopping at one (unless I suddenly change my mind in the future). One means she gets extra curriculars if she wants them, private school later on if that’s the best fit etc.

But the main part is that I don’t feel a need for a second like I did for the first. I also don’t think I’d cope well with more than one.

#58 Caribou

Posted 11 June 2019 - 07:42 AM

View PostLallalla, on 10 June 2019 - 11:23 PM, said:

Yes, well we tried to. We decided that if we had a 3rd we would wait so the oldest was at school before we had to put the youngest in daycare to avoid paying 3 lots of daycare at once. So gap between 2nd and 3rd would have been 3ish years.

And then the universe laughed at us and the gap was 2 minutes - we got twins.

Whoops. :lol: that's a great punchline. I hope things aren't too hard for you and your DH at the moment. I cannot imagine how stressful it must be juggling unexpected costs. I get it's a risk we all take when TTC, but even then, I haven't put DS in childcare because the fees even after the rebate is so ridiculous I'd be paying them to take him. So instead I work from home and give out poor productivity while he's under my feet. I count down to when he's in school. only 1.5 more years to go...

#59 AliasMater

Posted 11 June 2019 - 07:50 AM

The third was the most expensive for us. We needed a new house and a new car. Old house was a 2 bedroom cottage and car was small.

Child number 4 has cost us next to nothing so far.

ETA: I meant to add that we have been mortgage free since our first was about a year old so finances were not a deciding factor for any of the kids.

Edited by AliasMater, 11 June 2019 - 07:52 AM.


#60 kadoodle

Posted 11 June 2019 - 09:41 AM

It was, and we planned to stop at two; but then DD2 came despite my having an IUD. We ended up having another two after her, and I finally got a dr to agree to give me a tubal ligation after DS3.

#61 panda eyes

Posted 11 June 2019 - 10:23 AM

It wasn't, but it should have been.

We were undecided about a 3rd. I was leaning towards with my heart but not with my head, DH leaning against. We'd decided to put the decision on hold for 6-12 months and then talk again. We were house hunting at the time and talked about how if we found a house in the meantime it'd mean no baby because there's no way we couldn't afford both.

We unexpectedly found a house and in a whirlwind had the deposit paid in a week. A couple of weeks down the track I found out I was 7-8 weeks pregnant. We decided to make the most of it and just tread water financially until all the kids were in school.

The baby just turned 1 and things are hard. We are paying the mortgage and bills but money is tighter than I would like. There's no cash to outsource and we have no family help so working full-time with 3 small kids is rough. DS2 was sick as a baby and has a disability so medically that first year was expensive with lots of specialist appointments and therapy. He's now on the NDIS which eases some of the cost but we've burned through what little savings we had.  

I love him to bits and wouldn't change him, but if we had more cash then life would be easier and better.

#62 Silverstreak

Posted 11 June 2019 - 10:30 AM

It was a big factor for us, along with my medical conditions and DS' ASD and sleeping issues.

#63 Kreme

Posted 11 June 2019 - 10:35 AM

Yes it did. I can’t imagine making a huge financial decision (and supporting a person is a huge expense) without considering the implications.

We can give two kids a really comfortable life and manage it on one FT and one PT salary which improves the quality of life for all of us. Having a third would need more income which means more working hours and less time together as a family.

#64 AllyK81

Posted 11 June 2019 - 10:45 AM

Time was a bigger factor than money for us. We could afford another child and our hearts would both love one.

Put simply I would not want to stretch the resource of our time any further. It wouldn't be fair to the 2 kids we already have.

#65 seayork2002

Posted 11 June 2019 - 11:02 AM

Yes one reason we are not having a second

#66 annodam

Posted 11 June 2019 - 11:35 AM

My brother & SIL would've loved more kids but they had 2 hurdles to overcome.
Number 1 was my SILs  infertility issues, my nephew was IVF after 5 attempts & number 2 he is non-verbal ASD.
So they stopped after having him & even though they do not struggle with finances as such with both working FT plus their investment properties, they felt it was best to concentrate with DN as he will need FT care once they pass on.

So sometimes even if you have adequate finances, there are other factors that come into play.

#67 mayahlb

Posted 11 June 2019 - 11:41 AM

Not really. It did get discussed as part of it, but not really. Of course during the baby stage I had no idea how bloody expensive older kids could be. Babies are cheap. Tweens are not. Or that both kids have additional needs and the sheer amount of money that costs. (Only one qualifies for NDIS, which doesn't provide enough money for everything).

What did get discussed?
I doubt I would have tolerated another pregnancy. HG, and then the 2nd one caused an irritable uterus and threatened pre-term labour.
Career progression for me
Thought load
Housing
the fact the 2nd kid didn't sleep until 4 and had constant health issues until he was 5
Our chance of having yet another child with ADHD and/or ASD considering our genetic background (It runs in both sides of the family).

Edited by mayahlb, 11 June 2019 - 11:42 AM.


#68 Soontobegran

Posted 11 June 2019 - 11:58 AM

We would have had 4 children regardless. We ended up with 5 and we pushed ourselves because our income never seemed to match our outgoings.

We lived a life to match our income and number of children...there are sacrifices and it depends on whether it is what you want to do.

#69 Gonzy

Posted 11 June 2019 - 12:24 PM

Another who didn't feel it was for numbers 1-3 (well actually  number 3 was IVF so money was a factor then but not in making the decision to proceed).  Certainly money would be a bigger consideration for #4.

I am the primary earner in our family and my DH is home part-time with our 18 month old and has been his primary carer from 6 months.  If we had a 4th I would be back at work pretty fast again and I am honestly not sure I want to make that sacrifice again. We already have a 7 seat car so thankfully that wouldn't be a consideration - it would purely be the reality of income and that I feel the largest proportion of responsibility for that in our home.

We are also an infertile couple so whilst we do have a frozen embryo, that in itself comes with an outlay, as did the IVF to have our baby, so yes, money is a factor.

#70 PrincessPeach

Posted 11 June 2019 - 01:16 PM

Finances were one part of the decision to stop at 2. Logistics was the other.

my food bill is scary enough now & the kids are only young. We'd also have to move house, whilst we have 3 bedrooms, the kids rooms are so tiny you've cannot physically put 2 beds in them & bunks are out of the question due to the location of ceiling fans.

the logistics of getting 3 kids anywhere is also a scary thought & whilst I have no doubt I'd make it happen, it's a lot less stress when I'm only dealing with 2.

#71 *Nasty*Squeekums*

Posted 11 June 2019 - 02:38 PM

View Postknottygirl, on 10 June 2019 - 09:26 PM, said:

Doesn’t seem right does it? Kind of like old times when the oldest was the heir and the other kids got nothing.
Yeah we don't understand it and wonder how it will play out later on but we keep our nose out of it cos not our kids lol

View PostYodaTheWrinkledOne, on 10 June 2019 - 09:46 PM, said:

that seems particularly dumb to me.

Although if they only intended to have 1 child and #2 was an unintended pregnancy, then I can see how it *could* happen, particularly if it's a bigger age gap. Mind you, you'd think about re-evaluating how essential the private school option is if it's only financially viable for one child and you now have two ....
It's a bit complicated, oldest is from first relationship and but the mum of 2nd kid pretty much raised the first kid as the birth mum is flakey.
There about 9 or 10 years between them
Dad was very anti public school with first but caves now due to costs and mum feels she has more equal say as she birth mum of 2nd kid

#72 NeedSleepNow

Posted 11 June 2019 - 08:27 PM

View PostGonzy, on 11 June 2019 - 12:24 PM, said:

Another who didn't feel it was for numbers 1-3 (well actually  number 3 was IVF so money was a factor then but not in making the decision to proceed).  Certainly money would be a bigger consideration for #4.

This (minus the IVF). Money wasn’t really a decision for the first 3, but it’s a huge consideration as we weigh up number 4....

#73 jayskette

Posted 12 June 2019 - 01:09 PM

to all of you that have kids I salute you. I have money concerns about having my first child!

#74 Holidayromp

Posted 12 June 2019 - 02:05 PM

Gosh if money was a factor I guess there would be fewer children born.

It comes down to making it work (or not).

#75 Moukmouk

Posted 12 June 2019 - 02:12 PM

View PostHolidayromp, on 12 June 2019 - 02:05 PM, said:

Gosh if money was a factor I guess there would be fewer children born.

It comes down to making it work (or not).

As women become more educated the birth rate in those countries goes down. So it becomes complicated - women are presumably making more money as they are educated and working, so then don’t want to give up their work. This would involve not only not wanting to give up the money from work but also independence, fulfillment, etc. or as standards of living rise it takes more money to keep up, so less children are had.
OP, my main reason for not having a third was not wanting to vomit for nine months again, and increased risks with my age. But as they get older financially it is much easier with 2.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 
 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Viewed Articles

 
Advertisement
 
 
 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.