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Favouring dad


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#26 PandoBox

Posted 13 June 2019 - 08:15 PM

I would be probing her further and help her/encourage her to find better ways to express her emotions. Teach her the importance of being nice. Teach her that words can hurt and provide her with examples of how words can hurt and why...and how sentences can be reworded in a nice way. You can make a game of it.

HER:
"I hate playing with Jodie. I like David more"

Alternatives
"I want to play with David because we enjoy the same games more"

"I like playing with David and Jodie but right now Id like to play with David".

I would also be probing around why she says things that she says. It sounds to me like she misses daddy and she wishes daddy would do some of things mummy does...
My DD is the same although much younger.. DH gets the biggest tightest cuddles and kisses and she runs after him where as not so much for me.. but thats because I do a lot for DD and DH cannot as he works full time..so tomorrow when DD says go away mummy I want daddy, I know its because she just wishes daddy was around more.

#27 bluesilk

Posted 13 June 2019 - 08:31 PM

I went through the same with my eldest. Coincidentally perhaps, it started when I was pregnant with my next, and he was about 2 as well. It's never really gone away - he's still daddy's boy. But some things that helped were daddy modelling loving and respectful behaviour towards me, and being the one to discipline or correct when he was rude or dismissive or not listening to me. For my part, I just tried to stay cool and say 'ok, I will get daddy to help you then' when he refused my help and insisted on dad. Or 'that's not a nice thing to say and that makes me feel sad' and 'well I love you anyway' in response to saying unkind things. Trying to do more for him and get him to choose me against his preferences just made it worse.

#28 Prancer is coming

Posted 13 June 2019 - 09:04 PM

I still remember my eldest being a total nightmare as a toddler, you have my sympathies!

I try to remember that when they say stuff like I hate you, they are more meaning at this point in time they don’t like something you did or are feeling angry with you.  All feelings that are totally valid, but expressed using less than ideal words.  I find it helpful not to give them a reaction that shows you are upset.  If they see it pushes your buttons, they will just say it more.

I also did not appreciate at first how impacted siblings are by the arrival of a baby.  You can do everything ‘right’ (one on one time, keep routines the same etc), but that will not necessarily make it all better.  So don’t think you are not doing it right, it just takes time to adjust.  Plus 2yos are irrational at the best of times.  If she is a clever thing, sounds like she knows which buttons to push to upset you.  It is great she has a lovely relationship with her dad, and certainly use this to your advantage.  A few months time, it may be all about you.

#29 halcyondays

Posted 14 June 2019 - 07:12 AM

You are doing far better than I did! I remember once telling the 2 year old “fine - ask dad to do it for you then. Have you asked him? Oh that’s right, he’s not here, he’s hardly ever here, it’s me, it’s ME who does everything for you. But fine, wait for Dad”. Not my finest moment.

#30 afterlaughter

Posted 14 June 2019 - 11:04 AM

Don’t take what she says personally. Janet Lansburys No Bad Kids is a excellent book I highly recommend it for learning how to deal with these behaviours.

#31 Daffy2016

Posted 14 June 2019 - 11:32 AM

View Posthalcyondays, on 14 June 2019 - 07:12 AM, said:

You are doing far better than I did! I remember once telling the 2 year old “fine - ask dad to do it for you then. Have you asked him? Oh that’s right, he’s not here, he’s hardly ever here, it’s me, it’s ME who does everything for you. But fine, wait for Dad”. Not my finest moment.

I swear i felt this comment in my very soul...

#32 Caribou

Posted 14 June 2019 - 12:02 PM

View Posthalcyondays, on 14 June 2019 - 07:12 AM, said:

You are doing far better than I did! I remember once telling the 2 year old “fine - ask dad to do it for you then. Have you asked him? Oh that’s right, he’s not here, he’s hardly ever here, it’s me, it’s ME who does everything for you. But fine, wait for Dad”. Not my finest moment.

I am not going to deny I've said something along the lines of that too, before.




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