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In laws refusing to get Flu & Whooping cough vaccination


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#1 chloe_belle

Posted 17 June 2019 - 08:49 PM

We are about to have our first baby any week now and my father and brother in law are both refusing to get the flu and whooping cough vaccination before seeing the baby.

My mother in law seems to be on board however she is elderly so in order for her to visit the baby she would require my father in law to drive her and if we are firm with this than he wouldn't be able to visit the baby for the first 6 weeks.

Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar issue and how they have handled it?

#2 #YKG

Posted 17 June 2019 - 08:57 PM

A friend is going through same, family members refusing to get whooping cough, they have been told they won’t be welcome until after first round of vaccinations and incubation period, so 8 weeks.

Stay firm, if they can’t be responsible and help prevent an infant getting shooing cough or the flu, they don’t visit.

#3 Grassisgreen

Posted 17 June 2019 - 08:59 PM

Easy. It’s their choice not to see the baby.

Your baby is your number one priority so do whatever makes you comfortable.

Even if they have a ‘legitimate’ reason not to get it, it doesn’t matter they can’t cone until you feel comfortable.

It seems harsh but it’s important to start establishing boundaries for your new family, whatever they are.

#4 Grassyrat

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:01 PM

I haven't had this issue but dread it as I'm 19 weeks pregnant and will want the same from family and friends to have these vaccines to visit our baby.

If that's what you wish, stick to it. They have a choice and I guess they're choosing not to meet their new family member until after 6 weeks old.

It's such a selfish stance for family members to take, with 3 children already dying from influenza this year in Victoria alone.

A friend's newborn was exposed to Parechovirus in the first week of life by a visitor, they just had the "sniffles" - child now has vision impairment, epilepsy and cerebral palsy as a result. It has changed all of their lives forever.

Edited by Grassyrat, 17 June 2019 - 09:05 PM.


#5 Charli73

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:04 PM

I find it so selfish especially as children have dies already this season.

Then they wait.. I’m sorry but I would not bend on this rule.

#6 Avocado tree

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:08 PM

They are your in laws, so make sure your DP is the one being firm with them , not just you.  Team work is key from the very first parenting issue,  your parents in law need to see you and your partner as a united front on this very important point.

They simply won’t meet the family’s new addition without a vaccination.   Your baby, your rules.



#7 WTFancie shmancie

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:08 PM

How far away do MIL and FIL live?

If MIL has the vaccine, is it feasible for your DH to drive to pick her up for a visit with baby and then drop her back home.

Your father, brother and FIL can miss out.

#8 Mollyksy

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:12 PM

View PostGrassyrat, on 17 June 2019 - 09:01 PM, said:

A friend's newborn was exposed to Parechovirus in the first week of life by a visitor, they just had the "sniffles" - child now has vision impairment, epilepsy and cerebral palsy as a result. It has changed all of their lives forever.

I'm so sorry for your friend and family. How utterly heartbreaking. Even with just the sniffles I've refused to visit young children.

#9 chloe_belle

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:16 PM

View PostWTFancie shmancie, on 17 June 2019 - 09:08 PM, said:

How far away do MIL and FIL live?

If MIL has the vaccine, is it feasible for your DH to drive to pick her up for a visit with baby and then drop her back home.

Your father, brother and FIL can miss out.


#10 *Nasty*Squeekums*

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:16 PM

I say this as someone who dont get the flu vax and no whooping cough since i was a kid.

Your kid, your rules.
If you don't want them near for that time, stand your ground, they can accept it or get annoyed, their choice.

I don't get it due to a phobia of needles but I accept this means sometimes I may not get to meet a family member or friends new baby right away and that's completely fine. I respect that choice

#11 chloe_belle

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:17 PM

It's around 90 minutes away so probably not feasible just within the first few weeks anyway. FIL has offered to drive MIL to the hospital but not come in. That just feels really  divisive though and that we will be painted as the bad guys

#12 hm6

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:18 PM

Having witness a 3 week old suffer from whooping cough a fair few years ago - I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t either get the vax or if you are determined not to then just accept that you don’t get to see the baby when it’s newborn. Pretty simple really. Stand firm.

#13 chloe_belle

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:20 PM

Sorry WTFancie Shmancie my above reply was meant for you. I'm new to EB

#14 400

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:20 PM

No jab, no play!!

Don’t feel bad for standing your ground. It’s your baby so your call, and don’t let anyone push you around.

#15 Summer81

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:21 PM

What are their reasons for refusing to get vaccinated?

I'm with PP, unless they have compelling reasons not to (and I can't think of any) then they should wait until bub is 6 weeks.  

TBH I'm not sure why they wouldn't have the flu shot anyway given how bad this year has been!

It's selfish of them to refuse something to help ensure the safety of your newborn. It's NOT selfish for you to refuse access to grown adults who refuse vaccination but who should really know better.

Make sure DP is on board fully, as it's really his responsibility to make it clear to his family both of your wishes.

#16 Ellie bean

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:32 PM

I’d stand firm, you are entitled to protect your baby.

#17 chloe_belle

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:35 PM

View PostSummer81, on 17 June 2019 - 09:21 PM, said:

What are their reasons for refusing to get vaccinated?

I'm with PP, unless they have compelling reasons not to (and I can't think of any) then they should wait until bub is 6 weeks.  

TBH I'm not sure why they wouldn't have the flu shot anyway given how bad this year has been!

It's selfish of them to refuse something to help ensure the safety of your newborn. It's NOT selfish for you to refuse access to grown adults who refuse vaccination but who should really know better.

Make sure DP is on board fully, as it's really his responsibility to make it clear to his family both of your wishes.

FIL has read something. Is not willing to talk to his GP about it and tbh seems beyond reason. DP has been great and made it very clear. I just feel this could be quite divisive for their already not great relationship.

#18 Summer81

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:41 PM

View Postchloe_belle, on 17 June 2019 - 09:35 PM, said:



FIL has read something. Is not willing to talk to his GP about it and tbh seems beyond reason. DP has been great and made it very clear. I just feel this could be quite divisive for their already not great relationship.

Well done to DP that's great to hear. At the end of the day it's their choice not to vacc. Just like it's your choice not to allow access. Stay strong, you're your bubs best advocate.

All the best, exciting times ahead!

#19 IamzFeralz

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:42 PM

View Postchloe_belle, on 17 June 2019 - 09:35 PM, said:



FIL has read something. Is not willing to talk to his GP about it and tbh seems beyond reason. DP has been great and made it very clear. I just feel this could be quite divisive for their already not great relationship.

Your baby’s wellbeing has to come first.  You will probably find that there will be many other things down the parenting track where you will have to stand your ground despite being made to feel the bad guys.  So consider it an early baptism of fire!

#20 *Arabella*

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:45 PM

Start as you mean to continue, your child's health comes first.

#21 Future-self

Posted 17 June 2019 - 09:49 PM

It’s an awful feeling to know that something that should be so simple and common sense is creating an issue. Stand firm. You are having a baby in the thick of sickness season. Cocoon yourself and baby away as just your little family as much as possible anyway.

And find some way to include your MIL if she gets her vaccinations with facetime calls perhaps? Or her staying with you for a night or two in a few weeks so your DH doesn’t have to drive back and forth in a single day. Seems unfair that she misses out because her husband and son are fools.

#22 JomoMum

Posted 17 June 2019 - 10:00 PM

Sorry to hijack briefly OP, how recent does the vacc need to be for it to be considered effective?
Dr Google says booster every 10 years but I suppose that’s not consider sufficient here.

We would like to request the same when baby arrives in December.

#23 amaza

Posted 17 June 2019 - 10:09 PM

Be careful OP. My FIL was the same but then went and got it (whooping cough) done because he wanted to see the baby.

2 years later when I was pregnant with my next child I brought it up in conversation in a "no need to get it done this time, you'll still be covered" way and saw a look pass between MIL and FIL. A few more questions determined that FIL hadn't in fact got it done and had lied to us so he could see the baby. His excuse was my dad didn't have it done so why should he? Little did he know, my dad didn't get his because he had had it as part of his travel vaccinations 6 months earlier.

My point is, if FIL or BIL suddenly changes their mind just be wary.

#24 Mumma bug

Posted 17 June 2019 - 10:09 PM

3 years ago my doctor was saying every 5 years

#25 life is uncertain

Posted 17 June 2019 - 10:18 PM

View PostJomoMum, on 17 June 2019 - 10:00 PM, said:

Sorry to hijack briefly OP, how recent does the vacc need to be for it to be considered effective?
Dr Google says booster every 10 years but I suppose that’s not consider sufficient here.

We would like to request the same when baby arrives in December.

My dh had one with ds1 3years ago and we checked when ds2 was born just over a month ago and our Dr said it lasts for 10years so he didn’t need another.

We asked family to get it with ds1 and most did, the ones who didn’t get it we asked not to visit and they didn’t. Funnily enough the ones who didn’t get it for us got it when another family member had a baby a few months later obviously it was because I was asking as an in law for them to get it done.




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