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Wedding dress cognitive dissonance


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#1 Jelly Bee

Posted 25 June 2019 - 10:42 PM

Well as a dedicated single educated career woman I had a pretty firm sense of self... I’m no fuss. No nonsense. Down to earth. Pragmatic. But interesting! Worldly.  Of course I wanted a simple, straightforward, off the rack wedding dress with a nod to offbeat fashion because I’m an inner urban success story after all.

So I bought one. A beautiful unstructured boho lace dress

I loved it, but no one else did. I was persuaded to try again.

And somehow walked out of a shop with the biggest, frothiest, can’t get down the aisle without taking out a rello, concoction of organza, tulle and chiffon ever seen.

Which I ADORE

And it suits me

But I keep thinking it’s foolish. I’m too old. I’m 40. It’s a young hopeful girls dress. People will laugh. They’ll think it’s sad I am trying to be a 20 year old bride.

I don’t know whether to follow my head and go back to the first dress or my heart and go with the second?

Is it ever too late for a ball gown? Are wedding dress doubts normal?

I need to resolve this before I waste more money on a third compromise option.. help me

#2 Mooples

Posted 25 June 2019 - 10:47 PM

As my mum said to me, your wedding day is (for most of us) the one day you can wear an over the top dress that everyone will oooh and ahhh over so if that’s what you want, go for it.

#3 MsLaurie

Posted 25 June 2019 - 10:50 PM

If you can’t indulge your inner frothy 6yo princess dreams with a wedding dress, when can you?! Go for the foolish dress, enjoy it and smile and everyone will share your joy :)

#4 Ellie bean

Posted 25 June 2019 - 10:57 PM

I say go for it and buy the dress :)

#5 ERipley

Posted 25 June 2019 - 10:57 PM

View PostJelly Bee, on 25 June 2019 - 10:42 PM, said:

Well as a dedicated single educated career woman I had a pretty firm sense of self... I’m no fuss. No nonsense. Down to earth. Pragmatic. But interesting! Worldly.  Of course I wanted a simple, straightforward, off the rack wedding dress with a nod to offbeat fashion because I’m an inner urban success story after all.

So I bought one. A beautiful unstructured boho lace dress

I loved it, but no one else did. I was persuaded to try again.

And somehow walked out of a shop with the biggest, frothiest, can’t get down the aisle without taking out a rello, concoction of organza, tulle and chiffon ever seen.

Which I ADORE

And it suits me

But I keep thinking it’s foolish. I’m too old. I’m 40. It’s a young hopeful girls dress. People will laugh. They’ll think it’s sad I am trying to be a 20 year old bride.

I don’t know whether to follow my head and go back to the first dress or my heart and go with the second?

Is it ever too late for a ball gown? Are wedding dress doubts normal?

I need to resolve this before I waste more money on a third compromise option.. help me

No one will think you’re trying to be a 20 year old bride! They will think,”she looks so happy today! I’m so glad I was invited to celebrate with them”.

#6 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 25 June 2019 - 11:05 PM

Well I think you should post photos of you in both dresses so we can all tell you how beautiful you look. I wore a more over the top dress that I had imagined, and I’m not sure, I think I would have looked as lovely in something with less skirt.

#7 jayskette

Posted 25 June 2019 - 11:09 PM

buy both. wear both. simples.

#8 Sancti-claws

Posted 25 June 2019 - 11:10 PM

View Postjayskette, on 25 June 2019 - 11:09 PM, said:

buy both. wear both. simples.
This.

#9 Jelly Bee

Posted 25 June 2019 - 11:12 PM

View Post22Fruitmincepies, on 25 June 2019 - 11:05 PM, said:

Well I think you should post photos of you in both dresses so we can all tell you how beautiful you look. I wore a more over the top dress that I had imagined, and I’m not sure, I think I would have looked as lovely in something with less skirt.

Haha! Well I am not so sure. My bridesmaid and maid of honour told me I looked bad in the first dress when I showed them a photo. even knowing I’d paid for it and was happy with it! So I’m not too brave with sharing photos now.... it helps that I don’t know how 😉

#10 darcswan

Posted 25 June 2019 - 11:18 PM

Go with your heart - I’m sure you look beautiful in the dress.

The thing I never expected at my wedding was just how happy people were for us. Nobody was there to judge or snark - they were there to celebrate.

#11 Bereckii

Posted 25 June 2019 - 11:23 PM

View PostJelly Bee, on 25 June 2019 - 11:12 PM, said:


Haha! Well I am not so sure. My bridesmaid and maid of honour told me I looked bad in the first dress when I showed them a photo. even knowing I’d paid for it and was happy with it! So I’m not too brave with sharing photos now.... it helps that I don’t know how 😉

Would you be able to find links to pictures of the dresses online? We'd love to see them!

A wedding! How exciting! Congratulations!

#12 gettin my fance on

Posted 25 June 2019 - 11:28 PM

Agree with Bereckii - links to the dresses are definitely required.

#13 Veritas Vinum Arte

Posted 25 June 2019 - 11:35 PM

Mine wasn’t Style related it was price. I could not justify the price differential (that actually paid for honeymoon to Canada), so although the dress looked amazing and like you said satisfied the inner 6yo, practical me went for the cheaper option (which was slightly similar style but less frou frou - actually expensive one had built in corset boning, I purchased an actual steel boned corset to wear under cheaper dress).



#14 nasty snaugh

Posted 25 June 2019 - 11:41 PM

Weddings are all about heart - go with the gorgeous frothy concoction

#15 Ozquoll

Posted 25 June 2019 - 11:50 PM

View PostJelly Bee, on 25 June 2019 - 11:12 PM, said:

Haha! Well I am not so sure. My bridesmaid and maid of honour told me I looked bad in the first dress when I showed them a photo. even knowing I’d paid for it and was happy with it! So I’m not too brave with sharing photos now.... it helps that I don’t know how 😉
I think that if two trusted friends tell you it doesn’t suit you, they are, sadly, probably right 🙁. If the big pouffy wedding dress looks great on you, wear it and be seven shades of fabulous 💃 .

#16 MooGuru

Posted 25 June 2019 - 11:54 PM

Go with your heart!

Also want links or photos. I've done lots of wedding dress shopping with friends. I love wedding dresses. And I wear tshirts, jeans and cons 99% of the time.

Eta - my dream wedding dress was a boho type dress.  Then I tried them on and looked like I was wearing a baggy sack so I ended up in a ball gown style too :)

Edited by MooGuru, 25 June 2019 - 11:56 PM.


#17 *Spikey*

Posted 26 June 2019 - 12:00 AM

If it's beautiful on you, then it's ageless.

Wear the dress that you clearly adore. You will enjoy your day even more.

And pffft. Everyone knows 40 is the new 20. Women look fantastic at 40.

#18 RynandStompy

Posted 26 June 2019 - 12:07 AM

Wear the dress you want and feel fabulous in.  
Ignore the voice of 'should'.
Your best memories will be how you felt.
Not how you think others may feel.

#19 BadCat

Posted 26 June 2019 - 06:25 AM

Wear the one that makes you happy.

I wore a gold dress with green and gold embroidery and the groom wore a tux with a black and gold sash and a floor length black cape with gold lining.  Because we felt like it.

I don't regret the clothes at all.  The marriage is a whole other story...  :lol:

#20 Abernathy

Posted 26 June 2019 - 09:39 AM

Both options seem absolutely perfect as you seem delighted with both of them. Wear what makes you feel gorgeous and happy and have a ball! Congrats!

#21 JBH

Posted 26 June 2019 - 10:19 AM

Wear what you love.

Me: I would never put a mosquito net on my head, designed to cover my face as a nod to the patriarchy.
Me, mark 2: ooh pretty swishy veil.

I wore it (but stopped short of covering my face).

#22 Mollyksy

Posted 26 June 2019 - 10:51 AM

Wear both. One for the ceremony, the frothy gown for the ceremony and boho to the reception. Why not, it's your day, you seem to love them both. And you actually own them both!!

#23 doubledelight

Posted 26 June 2019 - 10:58 AM

I went for the simple practical option cause you know but it is the one big regret about my wedding, oh that and the choice of groom but I'd definitely not settle with what you "think" you should do.

#24 TheGreenSheep

Posted 26 June 2019 - 11:05 AM

View PostJelly Bee, on 25 June 2019 - 10:42 PM, said:

And somehow walked out of a shop with the biggest, frothiest, can’t get down the aisle without taking out a rello, concoction of organza, tulle and chiffon ever seen.

Which I ADORE

And it suits me


Yep I did the same. I wanted simple style and no frou-frou

Ended up in a dress to rival a toilet roll dolly. I had a ball in my dress, loved it.

I think what youre missing is that you adore it and so will everyone. If you like and can afford, is it possible to change into a bohemian dress afterwards?
EFS

Edited by TheGreenSheep, 26 June 2019 - 11:05 AM.


#25 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 26 June 2019 - 11:15 AM

Another vote for both!    One for the ceremony and photo's, and then the other for more photos and the reception.

Enjoy and love them both, and bugger everyone else.  You're the bride!  

And congratulations.




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