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Toiley training and poop

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#1 cinnamonnutmeg

Posted 02 July 2019 - 02:48 PM

Ok, I am back and I need more advice. DD is mostly toilet trained for wees and is pretty much dry at night. The potty broke the seal for her. Amazing.

Now it's just the poos. And its killing me.

We have been at this since April. And we have had TWO poos in the potty. 2. She is 3 years old.

The problems are:
1) she holds on for 2-3 days. So it's always big and uncomfortable.
2) she poos standing or kneeling
3) she will not tell us when its going to happen. You will just notice that she is stitting funny or strangely quiet. It is always too late. She is now banned from the toy room because the carpets will be wrecked from the wee. It's disappointing because I want to encourage independent play, but every so often she messes herself so I have to watch her like a hawk. It's exhausting.
4) attempts to make her sit on the potty or toilet end in an absolute dog fight if she doesn't feel like a wee.
5) she refuses any medicine that will help her. The doctor recommended movicol because she was holding poo when she had a laxative. I cannot get it in her. All medicines end in nearly an hour of fighting.
6) nothing seems to motivate change. We have tried sticker charts and rewards. She knows she'll get a fun size box of smarties for a poop and 3 poops in the potty means she gets the barbie helicopter waiting for her. We've yelled, coaxes, reassured, cuddled, begged, pleaded and attempted to bribe. At the moment she has lost all tv after poopinh her pants while we were at the park. 10 minutes after we went to the loo.

Holding it in seems to be sending hee backwards because she has been wetting herself more lately.

She gave herself an anal fissure from holding and doing big uncomfortable poos.

We've spoken to her about it. At length.

I don't know what to do. My dad says just stick her on the toilet for 5 mins every day and it'll happen. But it'd be easier to put a bowtie on an angry crocodile.

Any help is appreciated. I can't keep cleaning this much poop. I have a 6 month old to contend with too. N9t to mention her toxic farts

Edited by cinnamonnutmeg, 02 July 2019 - 02:48 PM.

#2 AdelTwins

Posted 02 July 2019 - 02:58 PM

Have you tried benefibre? It’s tasteless and can be hidden in food/drinks.

We told DS1 and 2 that poos that go in the potty get flushed in the toilet to join the poo party! When we flushed anyone’s poo then we cheer and clap. All other poos don’t get to go to the party.

#3 seayork2002

Posted 02 July 2019 - 02:58 PM

Can't say this is right or wrong only saying what we did for DS, when he first sat on the potty we handed him a book, then he took a book to the potty (for a couple of times) then the toilet.

when he was tall enough to stand he didn't have a book to wee but to poo yes he took one, we just saw a flash run past us to his book shelf so we knew what he was doing next

As you have already started not sure this will work or will help?

#4 Zippypeaks

Posted 02 July 2019 - 03:07 PM

Is she ready to use the toilet? Could you use nappies or pull ups until she gets the hang of it? When my son TT with wee but was still figuring out his body signs for poo, if he thought, or I thought he needed to poo, I offered him a choice; would you like to use the toilet, or would you like a nappy? Yes it was a bit of a pain changing out of undies and having a nappy on hand but the choice gave him a sense of control and what ever he decided, I followed through with.

Edited by Zippypeaks, 02 July 2019 - 03:11 PM.

#5 Caribou

Posted 02 July 2019 - 03:23 PM

is she in pre-school/childcare? I'm wondering if seeing other kids poop in the loo might encourage her to use the potty.

right now, she may be resisting because its home and well, we're the worst with our parents but best everywhere else right?

She may just need a change of scenery. Maybe ship her to gparends or babysitter for a few hours, (not overnight) just a break in who's saying use the potty?

#6 Grrrumbles

Posted 02 July 2019 - 03:24 PM

We tried everything. DD only wears a nappy for bed so she just waited to poo until she had her nappy on. Nothing we tried changed it at all.

When we were on holiday and didn’t have a change table she did all her poos in the toilet and stand up changes for the night nappy. That did get us closer I think.

At 4 1/2 she is finally there. We have a bucket in her room where she puts her night nappies in the morning and they never have poos in them.

It is great because even though she is not night trained, I don’t need to buy wipes and deal with all the mess. She was making us lift her onto the change table which was ridiculous because she is the size of a 6 year old.

My DS was much easier to train.

#7 Kreme

Posted 02 July 2019 - 05:05 PM

This is such a common problem. My DD was the same and is also a kid who needs to eat plenty of fruit to ensure she goes regularly.

Firstly I understand you are frustrated but punishments never work for toilet training. You’re just making it a battlefield.

I would offer her a nappy to poo in. My DD was completely trained for wee by 3 but was terrified to poo on the toilet for the first 6 months. She used to put a nappy on to poo in. So much easier to clean up than undies and no mess on the floor. It also showed us that she knew when she needed to go.

At 3.5 she wanted to do it but was still scared. So we went to the toy shop and bought a big present and she got it for the first poo she did in the toilet. Don’t make her do 3 - that’s too long for a 3 year old. Once she had done the first one it was all smooth sailing, with lots of praise and encouragement.

I’ve had friends use the same method with good results. Good luck!

#8 Hands Up

Posted 02 July 2019 - 05:48 PM

Been there with DS1 and still there with DS2. Both have a tendency towards constipation too if we are not careful.

With DS1 we found sitting on the toilet straight after the bath helped as he was warm and relaxed. One of us would read him a book. If it didn’t happen he got a Malteser for trying and if it did happen he got to choose from a huge selection of matchbox cars I bought as bribes.

Once he figured it out he would hold during the day and only go after the bath. This still happens but I figure once a day is ok.

DS2 is trained for wees but refuses the toilet or a potty for poos. He’s almost four. We offer him a nappy and he goes and squats somewhere private. I’ve given up the battle for now but we need to sort it before preschool next year and I’m honestly at a loss.

#9 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 02 July 2019 - 06:07 PM

If you can get them to go in a nappy, move them to do it in the same room as the toilet. Then once that's working, in a nappy sitting on the toilet or potty.
And yes bribery. And it has to be their currency. If stickers and chocolates don't work, move up. I did Hot Wheel cars, Surprizmals and Lego sets. And reward straight away. I did get to the point I got a big Lego set and required a poo towards a sticker and requiring 5 stickers to get the set. After a few weeks once he had the idea, I was able to discontinue the rewards.

#10 Mooples

Posted 02 July 2019 - 07:48 PM

Ds is 3.5, has been day wee trained since the beginning of the year but we are still no closer with poo. He’s done maybe 5 in the toilet all year. He’s not night trained so either does them as soon as he gets into bed at night or first thing in the morning. He really wants to poo in the toilet he just can’t make it happen. Hoping we will get there soon, his poo stinks! So no advice just commiserations.

#11 ekbaby

Posted 02 July 2019 - 08:02 PM

It’s super common. I think it’s like a psychological thing they have about needing to feel “safe” when pooing. My DD age 4 is like this.
What has helped:
- wearing no knickers at all at home or whenever possible Eg outdoors - just a dress or bare butt- she seems to feel it coming more and doesn’t want to poo on the ground - undies /pants give her something to poo into
- lots of fluids, sometimes cordial/sugary drinks if I notice she is getting constipated (tried parachoc but it was refused)
- initially she only used the toilet at home. She still will very often refuse to use a public toilet for poos, is very fussy about them being “stinky” “yucky”, too dark or otherwise not good. Luckily after dinner at home seems a good time to go. She has still never ever pooed in the daycare toilets because they are “yucky” when we camp she needs our own private porta potti - a princess !
- she needs privacy - doesn’t like anyone to look at her
- watching her closely when she is quiet “hiding” etc and swooping in to suggest/enforce a “try” on the toilet
- heaps of positive reinforcement for poo in toilet, initially even if the poo started in undies but then was finished in the toilet. She gets an instant “prize” (hatchimal, small toy etc) to choose from her “prize box”. Prizes are only for poos, no other behaviour
- no punishment although I do understand the frustration. We buy lots of cheap undies and throw them away if bad. Still cheaper overall than full time nappies.

#12 Jingleflea

Posted 02 July 2019 - 08:29 PM

The ONLY thing that worked for DD was her getting a slight case of food poisoning one night(thank you bad sushi!) and DH convincing her to sit on the loo to see if she'd feel better.
6 poos later that night(poor kid) all TT for poos and wees!

She was 4 though or nearly.  She'd hold on for 2 days, get in the bath and poo in the bath..nightmare.

I got so frustrated with her, which didn't help at all too. I had to take a huge step back and just ignore it for a few weeks.

Kids have very little they control in their life, so they control the few things they can..what goes into their body and what comes out.

#13 ceeshell

Posted 02 July 2019 - 08:37 PM

My son was like this. I thought it would never end. We got the movicol into him by putting it in apple juice.

He would hold for five or six days and the end result was just awful. We all cried.

Then one day he went on his own and it didn’t hurt because the movicol was working. It took ages for him to not be afraid but we got there in the end.

Keep persisting with the Movicol. All the luck and strength to you. I know how horrible it is.

#14 BrainFart

Posted 02 July 2019 - 10:15 PM

DS4.5 tt for wees around 3yrs old. He still occasionally poos in his night nappy though I think it’s more “convenience” and opportunity (usually before I’m awake).. we also have to make a concerted effort with him to sit on the loo every night before bed and TRY to do a poo if he hasn’t done one during the day (he’s prone to constipation otherwise). It’s taken a very long time but now he voluntarily takes himself off for a poo most days, but still needs to be prodded.

DD3 tt at around 2yrs old. She took charge of wees and poos from day 1 and never looked back.. she occasionally needs a check-in and occasionally still does overnight nappy poo but it’s pretty rare. She also enjoys sitting for ages on the loo, playing and chatting to herself.

2 kids, close in age, and very different ways for each.

In the early days, the poo reward system was entirely focused on trying - sitting on the loo and making all the right actions/noises. My kids needed me there with them, encouraging and prodding them not to give up trying.

DS4.5 still has best results when he’s got my company - much to my displeasure!!

I’ve learnt to curb my frustration and just accept the wins where I can and try not put pressure on the complete independence..

#15 JomoMum

Posted 02 July 2019 - 10:50 PM

Can I ask old she is? Just turned 3? Or close to 4? Have you been at TT in general since April, or getting serious with the poop situation since then?

At just 3, no way could my DS have been toilet trained to the level you are expecting.

He’s 5.5, and can sit/stand on the toilet somewhere, swear black and blue he doesn’t need to poop. Then 5 minutes later, he needs to go right. now.

I may not know the whole background of what’s going on here, and it may be clearer if you can provide some more info on her age and how long she’s been TT’ing, but I really don’t see why it’s such a big issue. Aside from being very inconvenient. I don’t mean this to sound dismissive or ignorant, but I’d consider putting her back in a nappy if it were such a problem.

#16 cinnamonnutmeg

Posted 03 July 2019 - 09:29 AM

Thank you everyone. I have read through everything and am going to try and figure out the new plan of action.

DD turned 3 in April. We started TTing just before then, as we wanted to get the accidents mostly over before winter set in and its easier to TT when it's warmer. Plus she was super keen (even though she struggled a bit). We had a few hiccips but they disappeared after a couple of wees on the potty.

She flat out refuses to wear a nappy except for bed. It is the hill she is prepared to die on.

One of the hardest things with DD is she is a fantastic communicator (exceptwhen she has to poo). Sometimes better than her older brother who is 10. Coupled with other kids close to us being a similar age but still 9 months older than her, it can be hard to remember how young she is.

It is nice to know I'm not the only one who has struggled with poop. There is something different about cleaning it from knickers than a nappy. Poopy nappies have never phased me. Poopy knickers have left me gagging.

Again, thanks everyone.

Edited by cinnamonnutmeg, 03 July 2019 - 09:29 AM.

#17 Jingleflea

Posted 03 July 2019 - 10:55 AM

If she has a pretty set time to go, if she hides after lunch and poos then, maybe try sitting her on the toilet for 5 minutes at that time.
I used to use a timer for DD on the microwave in the first few days of TT, she had to sit for 5 minutes(or 3? I forget) until it beeped.
I'd sit with her, or let her hold my legs, whatever she needed but she had to stay that time.

#18 Caribou

Posted 03 July 2019 - 11:25 AM

Can you pick up a poop book? I’ve seen a few in big w ‘I need to poo! Book. Try make it more normal. I’ve got a few potty books for DS and they’re a big hit on him using the potty. He’s a lot more receptive knowing it’s a thing we all do.

#19 JomoMum

Posted 03 July 2019 - 11:50 AM

Thanks for the further info OP.

We didn’t keep many of DS’s pooped in undies, it’s pretty horrible.

Did you want to get accidents under control before winter by starting in April? I feel like your expectations are very unrealistic of where she should be at :(

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