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Should I be concerned?


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#1 27plus

Posted 07 July 2019 - 07:25 PM

A family member (16) is living with a foster carer.

She is in a relationship with the foster carer's son (also 16). Foster carer's son lives in same house.

I am not sure if the foster carer is aware of the relationship, although I would presume if she is she would have no concern over it. I do not know if they are having sex, but she is sexually active.

I am concerned as the family member is very emotionally immature.

I would have thought that this situation should be discouraged considering, as teenagers, when the break up happens, it would create a difficult living environment for all involved.

What do you think? Should it be reported to the foster care agency?

#2 Stylus

Posted 07 July 2019 - 07:30 PM

Even if not incestuous, this is definitely problematic. Report.

#3 ERipley

Posted 07 July 2019 - 07:32 PM

I think the environment would be just as uncomfortable for them wanting to be together, knowing someone is spying on them and reporting them, and the foster family having to try watch them like hawks to keep them apart. It’s not ideal but I don’t see what the alternative is?

#4 Dirty Cat

Posted 07 July 2019 - 07:34 PM

Definately report.

#5 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 07 July 2019 - 07:42 PM

In Queensland (maybe other states) if it is a sexual relationship it would be illegal.

#6 27plus

Posted 07 July 2019 - 07:43 PM

The only alternative would be to move her out of that residence

#7 kadoodle

Posted 07 July 2019 - 07:43 PM

It’s standard practice to move foster children on in this type of situation. I’d report it.

#8 ERipley

Posted 07 July 2019 - 07:46 PM

View Post27plus, on 07 July 2019 - 07:43 PM, said:

The only alternative would be to move her out of that residence

I guess it must be standard practice for a reason but that’s so hard to have to go live with a new family.

#9 kadoodle

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:05 PM

View PostERipley, on 07 July 2019 - 07:46 PM, said:



I guess it must be standard practice for a reason but that’s so hard to have to go live with a new family.

It’s bloody awful, and it’s such an unpleasant situation. Foster kids are such easy prey though, so erring on the side of caution is what drives convention. It’s also better than living with your ex (these are 16yos, relationships don’t usually last longer than a few months.)

#10 ERipley

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:07 PM

View Postkadoodle, on 07 July 2019 - 08:05 PM, said:



It’s bloody awful, and it’s such an unpleasant situation. Foster kids are such easy prey though, so erring on the side of caution is what drives convention. It’s also better than living with your ex (these are 16yos, relationships don’t usually last longer than a few months.)

That all makes a lot of sense.  It took me a while to click out of innocent mode.

#11 mumsoon1975

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:09 PM

I don’t want to be alarmist, but the first thing that jumped to my mind on reading your OP was Tialeigh Palmer... I know that’s an extreme example but I had a quite visceral reaction. I think you definitely need to report (not at all suggesting same outcome, but this isn’t a healthy situation).

#12 VVV

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:18 PM

Report

#13 IamzFeralz

Posted 07 July 2019 - 08:18 PM

View Postmumsoon1975, on 07 July 2019 - 08:09 PM, said:

I don’t want to be alarmist, but the first thing that jumped to my mind on reading your OP was Tialeigh Palmer... I know that’s an extreme example but I had a quite visceral reaction. I think you definitely need to report (not at all suggesting same outcome, but this isn’t a healthy situation).

I thought about her too when reading this thread.  The reason why foster kids are so vulnerable.

#14 Hypnic Jerk

Posted 07 July 2019 - 09:04 PM

View Postmumsoon1975, on 07 July 2019 - 08:09 PM, said:

I don’t want to be alarmist, but the first thing that jumped to my mind on reading your OP was Tialeigh Palmer... I know that’s an extreme example but I had a quite visceral reaction. I think you definitely need to report (not at all suggesting same outcome, but this isn’t a healthy situation).

Me too 🙁

#15 TheGreenSheep

Posted 07 July 2019 - 09:19 PM

I knew kids like this growing up. She was being fostered. We were all friends and I reckon 15-16yo at the time. Even back then it felt weird from my perspective that they were bf/gf and under the same roof. I can’t remember what ended up happening, or how it ended, but yes they didn’t remain a couple.
IMO I’d report it due to the vulnerability of the children involved and the inappropriate relationship. I didn’t know back then it was something you could or should report. FMD What were the adults thinking !!!!!!!!!!

#16 Tokra

Posted 07 July 2019 - 09:31 PM

In short - yes, you should be concerned.

Trigger warning....











https://en.wikipedia...iahleigh_Palmer

#17 Octopodes

Posted 07 July 2019 - 09:32 PM

I would report it.

#18 IamtheMumma

Posted 07 July 2019 - 09:32 PM

Report.

#19 IShallWearMidnight

Posted 07 July 2019 - 09:34 PM

I would report this. The foster child is vulnerable and this should not be happening in her host home

#20 *melrose*

Posted 07 July 2019 - 09:52 PM

Report it.

#21 WaitForMe

Posted 07 July 2019 - 09:59 PM

The Tialeigh Palmer incident is an extreme end.

But even ignoring that, you have a teen that essentially has no 'safe space' away from their boyfriend. Same goes for the boyfriend, he is at risk here too.

When there is a problem in the relationship, where does she go? Who does she turn to? If she needs the support of an adult, who is that adult? Who will the adult choose to support if they can't support both?

And what kind of parent would even want to put themselves in that situation.

#22 Tokra

Posted 07 July 2019 - 10:13 PM

View PostWaitForMe, on 07 July 2019 - 09:59 PM, said:

The Tialeigh Palmer incident is an extreme end.

Of course it's an extreme end, but things like this do happen.

#23 luckyducky

Posted 08 July 2019 - 08:30 AM

definitely report this.

#24 Apple14

Posted 08 July 2019 - 10:52 AM

I’ll add to the choir saying you should report this

#25 JomoMum

Posted 08 July 2019 - 11:04 AM

Have you seen the tv series The Fosters?

It’s is based around the premise that this is absolutely forbidden. I know it’s a tv show, and American, but I’d say it’s the same.

It could result in them being removed from the house.




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