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Husband has his heart set on Peter... I don't like it. HALP!


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#1 moineau

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:29 PM

So My husband's family down the line of boys goes:
Peter Robert
Robert James
Peter Robert
Robert James
ETC

We have just found out we are expecting and obviously if it's a boy he really want to continue his family tradition and name it Peter Robin (also his deceased fathers name)
Which I understand 100% and I really want to keep these traditions for him

BUT I really HATE the idea of Peter. I can't picture a small boy running around with the name Peter. Pete. Petey..

I don't mind calling a girl Peta Robyn - I like it for a girl, just not for a boy.

And its not that I am particularly against the more classic, simple names.. I don't mind names like Luke, Ben, Nathan, Josh..

Thoughts?

#2 Allegra99

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:34 PM

Both of you have to agree on the name. Just because it’s been family tradition for his side doesn’t mean you get no say.

#3 EmmDasher

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:38 PM

Peter is awful. I couldn’t do it. I really loathe family legacy names too. I could use a family name if it was a nice name but I’d never use a name I hated for the sake of connection or tradition.

I could live with Robert or James but I could not do Peter. It’s just so out of date and out of step for this generation.

What about using them as middle names? Xxx Peter Robin?

#4 Mooples

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:41 PM

I try not to have negative opinions of names on eb but nope no way I could do Peter either.

#5 JomoMum

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:43 PM

Name trends change so much from one generation to the next. So does the right of a woman to have an opinion :)

In a deadlock, I would (possibly controversially) suggest the woman has the final decision, being she grew and birthed the baby, but I understand that’s potentially just as sexist as the man deciding “just because of tradition”.

Have you told your partner you don’t like the name?

Tbh I think Robert is in the same league as Peter ..

#6 DirtyStreetPie

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:43 PM

I know a Peter. He's brilliant! :D

But it's not a name I would choose for my child. It's not a kid-name, if that makes sense.

This is your child, too. You married your husband, not all of his ancestral customs!

#7 moineau

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:43 PM

I would absolutely consider a double barrel middle name.

His sisters have both had boys and neither of them used Peter.

One sister used Peter as a middle name, but my Dh's view is that his sisters kids don't have the 'family surname'

GAH.

#8 Caribou

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:44 PM

If Peter isn’t your thing, be honest now. Don’t leave it until the end. Say while you understand his desire to continue tradition, you can’t reconcile with Peter, but happy with Robin, see if you can come to a compromise.

#9 Sweet.Pea

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:44 PM

James is a nice name. Can you compromise James Peter?

Otherwise, perhaps do 2 middle names Name Peter Robin Surname?

ETA - if it's such a big deal, I personally would find out the gender. If it's a girl, you don't need to worry about it. If it's a boy, get your negotiation skills ready.

Edited by Sweet.Pea, 08 July 2019 - 01:46 PM.


#10 born.a.girl

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:48 PM

View Postmoineau, on 08 July 2019 - 01:43 PM, said:

I would absolutely consider a double barrel middle name.

His sisters have both had boys and neither of them used Peter.

One sister used Peter as a middle name, but my Dh's view is that his sisters kids don't have the 'family surname'

GAH.

Well, given he gets to give them his surname, you get to give them their first name.

Honestly this male ego driven palaver of names drives me bonkers.  Nephew got both of his grandfather's name 'to keep them both happy', like the grandfather's egos are more important than a kid being saddled with a name no one's used for decades.

I actually quite like Peter, and would use it a thousand times over before Robert, which to me conjures up late middle aged men with a combover and a cardigan long past its wash-by date, and known as 'Bob'.

View PostSweet.Pea, on 08 July 2019 - 01:44 PM, said:

James is a nice name. Can you compromise James Peter?

Otherwise, perhaps do 2 middle names Name Peter Robin Surname?

ETA - if it's such a big deal, I personally would find out the gender. If it's a girl, you don't need to worry about it. If it's a boy, get your negotiation skills ready.


And then, if the girl is not given any family names, you have a precedent.  Ta da!

#11 moineau

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:52 PM

View PostJomoMum, on 08 July 2019 - 01:43 PM, said:

Name trends change so much from one generation to the next. So does the right of a woman to have an opinion :)

In a deadlock, I would (possibly controversially) suggest the woman has the final decision, being she grew and birthed the baby, but I understand that’s potentially just as sexist as the man deciding “just because of tradition”.

Have you told your partner you don’t like the name?

Tbh I think Robert is in the same league as Peter ..

Yep, We had a chat about it last night.
He reiterated how much it would mean to him and teared up a bit because he has lost his dad. He and his Dad were really close.

I wouldn't call our baby Robert either, I agree it's in the same league. Fine for a 30 year old... but I just can't picture it for a child these days - Other names in this league for me are names like Jason and Keith..  think I actually HATE it as a name.

I think I've made it harder for him to get his head around because I like it for a girl with the feminine spelling.

The two names I've come across that I like are Bennet and Miles - So vastly different feels.

We could do Bennet James or Miles Robin to keep some history in it.

I have a DD from a previous marriage and I didn't do family names at all.

#12 Jane Jetson

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:52 PM

View Postborn.a.girl, on 08 July 2019 - 01:48 PM, said:

Robert, which to me conjures up late middle aged men with a combover and a cardigan long past its wash-by date, and known as 'Bob'.


Oh, I didn't know you'd met my dad! ;)

OP, as far as I'm concerned neither party has the right to decree the name - you both have to find one you like. No way would I call my kid a name I don't like just because my DH ordered me to.

#13 IamzFeralz

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:55 PM

I understand that your DH is emotional about it and the name is special to him but it’s not fair to you if you really dislike it.

#14 moineau

Posted 08 July 2019 - 01:56 PM

View Postborn.a.girl, on 08 July 2019 - 01:48 PM, said:

conjures up late middle aged men with a combover and a cardigan long past its wash-by date, and known as 'Bob'.


I LOVE THIS.. As soon as my DH turns 50 I'm going to start referring to him as Bob and purchase cardigans for him.

If it's a girl I could use Peta Robyn. I actually don't mind it for a girl. I actually can't even actively consider another girls name that I like at this present moment (But I do have 8 months to work on that!)

I am intending on finding out the gender, It will make things a lot easier to get organised.

#15 somila

Posted 08 July 2019 - 02:04 PM

I don't hate Peter, but agree that you need to find an alternative which you both like.  Double-barrelled middle name is a perfectly decent compromise.  I reckon your husband will just have to grieve the loss of his patriarchal naming rights and move on.  

I love the name Piers, which is an old English version of Peter, and similar in style to Miles and Bennet.

(Yes, I know there is the Piers Morgan association for certain people, but he doesn't get to hold that lovely name hostage!)

#16 EmmDasher

Posted 08 July 2019 - 02:07 PM

I like Robert because it’s so flexible: Rob, Robbie, Bob, Bobby. It’s completely irrational why I could like Robert not Peter when they’re of a similar era. I guess I like Rob & Robbie and see them in my mind as much more modern than Bob.

#17 born.a.girl

Posted 08 July 2019 - 02:09 PM

View Postmoineau, on 08 July 2019 - 01:52 PM, said:

Yep, We had a chat about it last night.
He reiterated how much it would mean to him and teared up a bit because he has lost his dad. He and his Dad were really close.

I wouldn't call our baby Robert either, I agree it's in the same league. Fine for a 30 year old... but I just can't picture it for a child these days - Other names in this league for me are names like Jason and Keith..  think I actually HATE it as a name.

I think I've made it harder for him to get his head around because I like it for a girl with the feminine spelling.

The two names I've come across that I like are Bennet and Miles - So vastly different feels.

We could do Bennet James or Miles Robin to keep some history in it.

I have a DD from a previous marriage and I didn't do family names at all.

This is quite funny as a 66yo - for you they are just older people names. For me, the Keiths were all of my parents' vintage, and the Jasons all the same age as my nieces and nephews.

Not many Roberts in my age groups, but quite a few Robs in the 40 ish range.

Peter seemed like a perennial but seemed to fizzle out about 30 years ago.  Truckloads of them in my family across two generations to the point that I'm neutral about it.

I does show you how the way you place a name in your own head, influences how much you like it.

When Lady Di had William, everyone said what an awful name for a baby, then there were millions of them.  Same with Harry - that was the name of an old man until then.

#18 born.a.girl

Posted 08 July 2019 - 02:12 PM

View Postsomila, on 08 July 2019 - 02:04 PM, said:

I don't hate Peter, but agree that you need to find an alternative which you both like.  Double-barrelled middle name is a perfectly decent compromise.  I reckon your husband will just have to grieve the loss of his patriarchal naming rights and move on.  

I love the name Piers, which is an old English version of Peter, and similar in style to Miles and Bennet.

(Yes, I know there is the Piers Morgan association for certain people, but he doesn't get to hold that lovely name hostage!)


He won't be making headlines when the kid's a teenager, and it's relevant anyway.

I have a friend whose Dad was a household name in the fifties, sixties and seventies.  Everyone used to ask her if she was related.  Roll on ten years and people would ask her if she was related to the AFL footballer of the same surname.


efs

Edited by born.a.girl, 08 July 2019 - 02:12 PM.


#19 luke's mummu

Posted 08 July 2019 - 02:13 PM

My son has a generation name, and then our choice of name for his middle name. He’s known by his middle name on all but official documents. Is that an option for you?

#20 JBH

Posted 08 July 2019 - 02:29 PM

It needs to be a matter of negotiation and discussion.

My husband wanted to use a family naming tradition. I said sure - you can choose to pass on your family’s first name convention, or the surname. I will choose the other, and if it’s the first name i’ll even consult... No way would I go with an assumption his family traditions dictate the whole name.

#21 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 08 July 2019 - 02:30 PM

could you do it as a middle name? i agree - i’m not really a fan of Peter, or Robert. what surname will the kid get? if it’s your husband’s surname then, game over - you pick first and middle name.


#22 Treasure Island

Posted 08 July 2019 - 02:41 PM

He'll get over it. I had names I loved but we vetoed each other's list and had to come up with entirely new names. I still love the names we chose together.

I hear you on liking the name better as a girl's name. We actually used the first girl's name on our list for our 3rd boy as it was our last child and I actually preferred the boy version (Gabrielle/Gabriel).

#23 tarrie cat

Posted 08 July 2019 - 03:03 PM

Personally I like Peter as a name but that's because it's my dad's name. It's also a family name so I have a cousin called Peter as well (he got called Little Pete when he was younger and to be honest, he still gets called that even though he's in his mid 20s now and married because my dad is the Peter in the family).

If you really don't like and know it absolutely will not grow on you, don't compromise. Stick to your guns and keep suggesting names until you both find one you like.

#24 sarahec

Posted 08 July 2019 - 03:18 PM

If you don’t like it then don’t use it.
I wouldn’t be able to name my son those names either (besides Robert, quite like Robbie).

My friends husband did this to her aswell. The boys in his family alternated between two names and she said no way. They used one of the names as a middle name.

Edited by sarahec, 08 July 2019 - 03:21 PM.


#25 ERipley

Posted 08 July 2019 - 03:22 PM

Show him that episode of the IT Crowd with Peter File.




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