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3rd child - sharing or own rooms?


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#1 moineau

Posted 08 July 2019 - 09:14 PM

We've just found out we are expecting.

My DH has a daughter (my step daughter) and I have a daughter. Presently they both have their own rooms.

My step daughter spends every second weekend here.

I'm not sure what I want to do with bedrooms - we have a 4 bedroom house  the spare room presently has the girls' toys, my desk a futon for guests and a bookshelf.

I'm contemplating putting the girls back in together, keeping the study and doing a nursery

OR: combining the baby with the step daughter.

Has anyone else done this?
What did you do?
What worked/What didn't?

#2 gracie1978

Posted 08 July 2019 - 09:20 PM

Not quite the same but we have a 3 bedroom house with us in one room, 4yo DS in another and a spare.

When the girls arrive we will eventually give them our room and move DS's single bed in there.
We will give DS our bed for his room and we will move into the spare room.  Then if we ever have ppl to stay they can have DS's room and he can go in with the babies.  Or we can go in with him and he can sleep on the futon chair in his room.  We will sort something.  I think it's better for kids to have their own room rather than a dedicated guest room.

#3 Living Type

Posted 08 July 2019 - 09:20 PM

How old are the girls? I think you need a family meeting to discuss possible options.

#4 lizzzard

Posted 08 July 2019 - 09:30 PM

I think it depends on how old the girls are and what their relationship is like. We had a good set up where the kids shared a room for sleeping, but we had a playroom where they spent a lot of time, and was also handy if we needed to separate them. If they are older (10yrs on) I'd probably give everyone their own room though...

#5 moineau

Posted 08 July 2019 - 09:30 PM

The girls are 7 and 9.

The spare room is also my study for when I work from home.

It could be worth doing a family meeting although - I would rather make the decision

I feel it's fairly pointless having a dedicated room for my step daughter - she is here 4 nights a month.. the rest of the time the door is just shut and it's unused.

The other option is that I combine my step daughters room with my study and just re work where and how the toys are stored.. they are beginning to grow out of the toys anyway.

Itd be rare that I would need to be working while she is here.

#6 moineau

Posted 08 July 2019 - 09:44 PM

They used to share at our old house.

We had a 3 bed house, they shared for sleeping and had a playroom.

I could do sharing and keep the playroom/study combo and have a nursery in our new 4 bed house.

#7 Dianalynch

Posted 08 July 2019 - 09:48 PM

I agree op have your study/step daughter’s room together, so she gets her own space. Unless the girls have a preference to share.

Is baby going straight to nursery or to your room for a while?

Is there any space in your room for your study?

#8 Gudrun

Posted 08 July 2019 - 10:43 PM

Spare room for step daughter since it's 4 nights a month.  And just do whatever makes sense if you have guests on those nights.

#9 bikingbubs

Posted 08 July 2019 - 10:55 PM

How would your step daughter feel about all of it? It's a tricky situation because although she may not be there much, she still needs to feel like she is included..

#10 little lion

Posted 08 July 2019 - 11:29 PM

I might also consider what my stepdaughter’s bedroom situation is at her other home. If she normally has her own lovely room then sharing the office space isn’t so bad. But if she shares with several siblings and doesn’t have a comfortable space to call her own at her mum’s place, then i would try to offer that at my place.

#11 Chaotic Pogo

Posted 09 July 2019 - 12:06 AM

I would turn the spare room into the nursery and let DSD stay in her current room, but explain that when she is not there you’d like to have your desk in there for quiet from the baby. Obviously desk stays there all the time. And to make room, some toys will be in her room, some in DDs room and some in other room.

That way she hopefully doesn’t feel supplanted by the new baby/ new family and that she lost a space she thought was hers.

If you actually have guests, it would make sense to put them in DSD room but it’s usually not hard to move a baby in with you either.

#12 born.a.girl

Posted 09 July 2019 - 06:59 AM

You will know your extended family better than we will, but I agree with others that it's important your step daughter feels she has her own space when she's with you.  It might be different if the two girls were there together permanently, and got on extremely well.

If she shares with your daughter, is she going to feel like she's sleeping in your daughter's room?  It will no doubt be pretty full of your daughter's things, understandably, rather than being half each.

Given is is only four nights a month, though (what about holidays?) I think the study & SD bedroom sounds best - and fairest to everybody, making sure it's her bedroom with a desk in it, rather than the study with a bed crammed into a corner.

#13 Mollycoddle

Posted 09 July 2019 - 08:06 AM

How often do people come to stay? If it will fit I'd just put a cot into the spare room.

#14 moineau

Posted 09 July 2019 - 12:33 PM

View Postlittle lion, on 08 July 2019 - 11:29 PM, said:

I might also consider what my stepdaughter’s bedroom situation is at her other home. If she normally has her own lovely room then sharing the office space isn’t so bad. But if she shares with several siblings and doesn’t have a comfortable space to call her own at her mum’s place, then i would try to offer that at my place.

I did think about that, she has her own (very large) room with ensuite and queen bed. She is very well looked after at her principal home.

I think I am going to give her the option to choose -
She has to share space but can choose to share with a toddler (the baby will be in with us for a while)
with her step sister or
with the study.

DH thinks she actually may want to share with the toddler (provided they are sleeping through the night) she loves babies and being helpful.

But I think the study is best. It is also the largest room so there will still be a similar amount of "her space"

It has a big cube unit that houses mine and DH's books and my craft stuff as well as all the kids toys and boardgames, and the kids little movie TV. (I'd leave the kids stuff in there) but could clear the top row of cubes for her so she can put her photos and trinkets in her own space and I could clear all of my art stuff out of the wardrobe for her too and relocate it to shelves in the garage.

I wouldn't need to be in there when she is over.
Our time doesn't increase in the holidays or anything.. So when she is there, it's her space.

She would need to ensure/allow access to the shared toys while she is there, But we have an open door policy in our home anyway and they typically play between their two current bedrooms.

I think I am sold.

#15 born.a.girl

Posted 09 July 2019 - 01:28 PM

I think it's lovely that you're giving her the choice.

The fact that she has her own fabulous bedroom in her main residence, and that she's only ever with you four nights a month I think is relevant.

Kids moving between homes probably have a very sensitive streak about being treated fairly in both though, and I think your suggestions are great.




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