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What’s something hilarious your kids have said?


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#1 Pooks Combusted

Posted 14 July 2019 - 08:19 AM

DD just called her dad “peanut butter penis tuna”.

#2 Renovators delight

Posted 14 July 2019 - 08:27 AM

Not so much hilarious, but DS3 is currently cross with me because I won't squish his poo out... pretty sure that is his job!

#3 NannyPlum

Posted 14 July 2019 - 08:40 AM

DS1 has some absolute crackers. Because he speaks fairly monotone and straight forward, his observations can be quite dry and humorous (for me anyway). He gets quite hurt and offended of you laugh though.

Driving through a fairly nice suburb - he pipes up "there's some nice houses through here indeed". He said it so nonchalant as well.

Dinner with my parents
Pop "where's ABC suburb DS1, I have never heard of it before"
DS1 looks at him confused "it's in ABC."

I actually snort laughed to my self at that one. Because his tone indicated he thought his Pop was a completely idiot 😂😂

#4 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 14 July 2019 - 08:57 AM

My mum was reading a New Idea magazine.
6yo DD said 'why do they call it new idea, its got the same people on it every week, its not new!'

#5 born.a.girl

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:02 AM

View PostNannyPlum, on 14 July 2019 - 08:40 AM, said:


Dinner with my parents
Pop "where's ABC suburb DS1, I have never heard of it before"
DS1 looks at him confused "it's in ABC."

I actually snort laughed to my self at that one. Because his tone indicated he thought his Pop was a completely idiot


Decades ago I ferried my niece's friend to a party an hour away.  Looking to make conversation with a seven year old, I commented on a slide sitting on a vacant block.  I said 'i wonder what that's doing there', to which she responded dismissively 'for playing on of course, don't you remember anything from when you were little?'.

#6 cstar

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:21 AM

Not something that was said, we were on a tour over in China last week and it had been a long day, so Dh and I fell asleep in the van on the way back to hotel, all 3kids took a selfie with the two of us in th background asleep, it’s the funniest photo EVER! And just them doing it makes me laugh.


Also whilst away, we were eating pho soup and my dd13 says all the chicken has floated to the bottom.

#7 night jasmine

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:32 AM

We were in a glass lift going up in Singapore, with fantastic views. My then 4 year old stared out at the city and its monuments and said in wonder as he spotted “a crane! How wonderful!”.

Not a bird, as that would be pretty wonderful. But construction crane.

Edited by night jasmine, 14 July 2019 - 09:34 AM.


#8 Evra

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:34 AM

My three year old, examining the top of my head: “What rotten luck!”

#9 JomoMum

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:35 AM

5yo DS asked for Aldi Minion foil yesterday for his craft.

#10 WTFJerk

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:49 AM

“You can breathe.  If you couldn’t you’d be dead by this”. In response to a puffed girl after a race.

I didn’t actually hear this, I saw the look on the face of a dad standing nearby that told me her response was noteworthy.  He filled me in.

#11 Mands09

Posted 14 July 2019 - 09:51 AM

My DS1 is currently using ‘humans’ for everything. Not ‘look at those people’ it’s ‘look at those humans’

Sometimes it sounds quite hilarious.

#12 Dadto2

Posted 14 July 2019 - 11:57 AM

cockporn instead of popcorn

#13 eilca

Posted 14 July 2019 - 12:27 PM

My husband and I were retelling the kids some stories about our first trip back to my hometown of Belfast in  Northern Ireland. I think we were sharing about tour through the IRA hotspots and my daughter (I think about 8) pipes up with "Lucky they didn't think you were a prostitute".

I was confused and my husband stated it was a bit of an off comment.  And then I clicked.  She had meant "Lucky they did not think I was a protestant".

#14 born.a.girl

Posted 14 July 2019 - 12:27 PM

View PostDadto2, on 14 July 2019 - 11:57 AM, said:

cockporn instead of popcorn


My sister was always glad when her kids could pronounce 'truck' properly. As they lived near the Hume Highway, their presence was commented on frequently.

#15 Gumbette

Posted 14 July 2019 - 01:09 PM

We were watching Charlie Pickering do a p*ss take of Anh Do’s Brush with a Fame.

He pretended to interview Judith Lucy and then revealed a painting of a giant c*ck and and balls.  DD 11 turned and and asked why he would draw someone ‘giving the rude finger’?

When she was 4 we walked past a shirtless body builder - ‘mum why is that man so lumpy?!’ in a really really loud voice

Told her teacher in 2nd grade who was handing out flyers about a chicken pox outbreak at school that her family wouldn’t need it as we were all vegetarians.

Edited by Gumbette, 14 July 2019 - 01:14 PM.


#16 byjingo

Posted 14 July 2019 - 01:13 PM

View PostMands09, on 14 July 2019 - 09:51 AM, said:

My DS1 is currently using ‘humans’ for everything. Not ‘look at those people’ it’s ‘look at those humans’

Sometimes it sounds quite hilarious.

My DD10 was the same, but still to this day pronounces it hoomans, lol

#17 WTF_SM3

Posted 14 July 2019 - 01:40 PM

View PostGumbette, on 14 July 2019 - 01:09 PM, said:

We were watching Charlie Pickering do a p*ss take of Anh Do’s Brush with a Fame.

He pretended to interview Judith Lucy and then revealed a painting of a giant c*ck and and balls.  DD 11 turned and and asked why he would draw someone ‘giving the rude finger’?

When she was 4 we walked past a shirtless body builder - ‘mum why is that man so lumpy?!’ in a really really loud voice

Told her teacher in 2nd grade who was handing out flyers about a chicken pox outbreak at school that her family wouldn’t need it as we were all vegetarians.

Ds1 referred to his female 3 year kindy teacher as 'that man' very loudly.  It took a while to convince him that dd was wrong and short hair didn't equal a man.

Ds2 pretending to be a a fire fighter, me, "you're a great fire fighter",  ds2 "no I DS2".  He always refers to himself by his own mispronounced name, its so cute.  And not "its mine", every toy is "its DS2".  More cute than hilarious.  He came out with something that really made me laugh this morning but i can't remember it now 🤦‍♀️.

#18 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 14 July 2019 - 02:09 PM

DD wanted a drink while I was driving this morning, I told her she would have to wait. She replied it was ok, she’d just drink her lava. Took me a while to figure out she meant saliva!

#19 Trevor Trove

Posted 14 July 2019 - 02:22 PM

DS2 said he could not attend preschool as he was sick with verbal diarrhoea.

#20 WTF*A*Lot

Posted 14 July 2019 - 02:29 PM

DD15 was playing some game on her iPad yesterday where you had to help the person lose weight. She piped up with “My client lost 82kilos in 2 days. Now some would say that is an unrealistic weight loss. I say I am just damn good at my job.”

Then after DD20 had said something about not letting her have a giant marshmallow, DD15 pretended to feel DD20’s wrist and said “Just as I thought. No pulse, so you are heartless.”

#21 28 Barbary Lane

Posted 14 July 2019 - 02:30 PM

DS talking about his sister:

DS - she said the C word, she said the C word!

Me - omg what, she was saying the C word?

DS - yeah, you know C-R-A-P.

#22 WTF*A*Lot

Posted 14 July 2019 - 02:52 PM

We were babysitting DGS and I listened closely to what he kept repeating(because I thought I misheard) and yes, he kept saying over and over”Oh sh*t...oh sh*t...oh sh*t.”

DD was horrified when I sent her the video of him saying it. FGTA that she said she had heard it, but thought he was saying “ooshie ooshie ooshie.”

Edited by WTF*A*Lot, 14 July 2019 - 02:53 PM.


#23 afterlaughter

Posted 14 July 2019 - 02:56 PM

“Yesterweek”  instead of last week is my favourite made up word my 3 year old uses.

#24 Pooks Combusted

Posted 14 July 2019 - 02:59 PM

View Postafterlaughter, on 14 July 2019 - 02:56 PM, said:

“Yesterweek”  instead of last week is my favourite made up word my 3 year old uses.

DD says “bednight” as a mash up of goodnight and bedtime and now it’s the only word we use for either.

DS today, whispering to his sister solemnly, “we need to be quiet but not too quiet, or they’ll know”

#25 FiveAus

Posted 14 July 2019 - 03:05 PM

When my daughter was about 3, she was sitting on my mothers lap and mum was going through various animal noises with her.

What does the horse say? Neigh!
What does the cow say? Moooo
What does the baa-lamb say?

My daughter turned around, looked her square in the eye and said very seriously "It's a sheep, nana".




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