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Annoying aquaintance.


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#26 Bushlander

Posted 18 July 2019 - 12:28 PM

Been there, done that.  Life is too short to "put up" with people that aren't on your wavelength.  Keep your distance, lessen any interaction with her and eventually she'll get the hint.  It's not mean, but it'll make you feel like you're being mean.  It's your life, your time, you enjoy it!  I only surround myself with like-minded people.  If they're not in to what I'm in to, then there's no point in being friends.  No point me smiling my way through something I have no interest in or me telling you about something I'm so passionate about when you don't know what I'm talking about.  Anyway, what have you got to lose - life will go on, with or without her.

#27 Gonzy

Posted 18 July 2019 - 12:40 PM

She actually sounds lonely to me.  Lonely and desperate for some interaction, and possibly validation.  She is possibly insecure also.  

The transgender stuff is obviously ridiculous but if she is living vicariously through Facebook etc then it would suggest to me that her real life interactions are pretty limited.

Are there any other parents at training who might be a better fit acquaintance wise?  I wonder if you could say to her "I am really sorry but I need to focus on the game so I can't talk during it, but have you met Bob and Jane over here..."

The fact she wants to be friends with you is a lovely reflection on the fact she must find you warm and engaging, now you just need her to find someone else she does also who will also be friendly with her in return.

#28 *Ker*

Posted 18 July 2019 - 01:14 PM

All the parents take turns to be scorer/timekeeper, except me. I'm not supposed to be on the roster due to the other stuff I do. I habe a roster and she is on it, although she's been banned from timekeeping (long story).

Last night at training I went to Big W for a while, came back with about 20 minutes left of training, was on the phone to my dad and she comes up, banging on my car door, wanting to come in. Again!

We're not changing clubs or having a break. My daughter is very good at her sport and we swapped to this club at the start of this season. I'm hoping that next season, her daughter will be in a different team so I at least won't have her bothering me at games. She's already rubbed most of the parents up the wrong way, including the coach. Everyone avoids her.

I get she's possibly lonely, but I am not her saviour, nor do I want to be. I really dislike her views on a lot of things, and not to mention her naivete and gullibility. That she is possibly really lonely is the ONLY reason I haven't screamed at her to leave me alone.

#29 Lunafreya

Posted 18 July 2019 - 01:23 PM

The fact that she banged on your window when you were on the phone makes me think you have to be more direct.

#30 annodam

Posted 18 July 2019 - 03:03 PM

There is a guy like that at our Club a couple of seasons ago & in the end, I had to tell him bluntly to leave me alone!
Annoying t*at!
I was so happy last season, his kids moved up in age & my son stayed down as he wasn't old enough.
I was rapt I was rid of him on match day but around the Club, was another story!

During training, I'd be cooking the sausages for the kids & he'd be right there standing & pointing at which snag needed to be turned over.
Then he'd have the gall to inform others (whilst I was serving the kids in front of their parents) that the snags weren't cooked properly or they were burnt or they didn't taste nice or the onions aren't fresh or some other inaccurate bits of information, just as ridiculous & meaningless.
Given I was volunteering my time & the sausages were free, I asked whether he'd like to take over instead of being critical.
Of course I was met with an emphatic no.

Another time, I accidentally dropped a sausage on the ground & he told me not to worry about it & to just put it back on the BBQ as no one would be none the wiser.
I replied with:  Yeah sure no worries, how about I make sure one of your kids gets that one, shall I?

On another occasion, I was standing at the BBQ & he ambled across.
I asked DD to look after the snags for a couple of minutes for me whilst I attended to an errand but unknowingly took off with the tongs still in hand.  
DD looking for the tongs must've asked if he'd seen them around & he says to her:   Don't worry about the tongs, just use your hands to turn them over (or something to that effect).
She turns around to him & goes:  What & burn me hands in the process, are you for real, who says that?

That's one person our Jnr Coordinator never calls at the beginning of the season asking if he'll be returning.

#31 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 18 July 2019 - 06:46 PM

View Post*Ker*, on 18 July 2019 - 01:14 PM, said:



We're not changing clubs or having a break. My daughter is very good at her sport and we swapped to this club at the start of this season. I'm hoping that next season, her daughter will be in a different team so I at least won't have her bothering me at games. She's already rubbed most of the parents up the wrong way, including the coach. Everyone avoids her.


I agree - OP's daughter shouldn't have to change clubs to avoid somebody who cant follow the rules.

Is there anyone at the club who can have a talk to her and make it clear not to interrupt you when you are coaching games because 'its the rules' or something along that line?

Edited by WannabeMasterchef, 18 July 2019 - 06:46 PM.


#32 Sancti-claws

Posted 18 July 2019 - 08:17 PM

View PostWTFJerk, on 18 July 2019 - 06:50 AM, said:

Fart in the cat
This would definitely put a skew on how you were regarded.

#33 Peninsula Girl 74

Posted 18 July 2019 - 08:28 PM

Apple Airbuds will solve your problem.

#34 Tinky Winky Woo

Posted 18 July 2019 - 08:36 PM

I am probably that kind of annoying aquaintence and I don't mean to be.  I am not good at social cues, or subtle messages.  Tell me I am being annoying and I stop, but I literally have to be told directly before I get the hint.

#35 WTFJerk

Posted 19 July 2019 - 07:57 AM

View PostTinky Winky Woo, on 18 July 2019 - 08:36 PM, said:

I am probably that kind of annoying aquaintence and I don't mean to be.  I am not good at social cues, or subtle messages.  Tell me I am being annoying and I stop, but I literally have to be told directly before I get the hint.

But when someone is in their car on their phone (assuming it was being held to the ear) would you knock on the window?

#36 Chchgirl

Posted 19 July 2019 - 08:20 AM

This is why I avoid talking to people..

#37 Hands Up

Posted 19 July 2019 - 08:32 AM

I think you need to say point blank that you use practice time to have some time to yourself, and you’d prefer not to be interrupted.
Did you tell her no yesterday when you were speaking to your dad?

#38 SFmummyto3

Posted 19 July 2019 - 09:01 AM

Sounds like you need to be very direct and say ‘I want to be left alone’.

In the car yesterday I would’ve not put the window down and pointed to the phone, then turned my head the other way.

#39 Lunafreya

Posted 19 July 2019 - 09:01 AM

View PostPeninsula Girl 74, on 18 July 2019 - 08:28 PM, said:

Apple Airbuds will solve your problem.
If she still bangs on the car window when the OP is on the phone I doubt these would help.

#40 Mishu

Posted 19 July 2019 - 09:09 AM

if the subtle approach isn’t working, you’ll need to be more direct. You can be direct and kind.  

Tell her you appreciate her interest in the kid’s sport and team (or whatever else you can say that is nice and you can be genuine about) but that this is the only time you have to yourself (eg at training) and you like to use it as your downtime. So while you don’t want to chat with anyone then, a good time for the two of you to chat would be at the end of the game. Then say you’ll see her at the end of (whenever your next game is).

Then when she interrupts you again, remind her you don’t have time just now/are watching the game but you can chat the game’s finished. Hopefully you’ll be walking back to your cars so this will limit your time with her.  

Be firm and gentle now. Otherwise one day you will snap and say something unkind -and that doesn’t sound like that is the sort of person that you are OP.

#41 ipsee

Posted 19 July 2019 - 09:35 AM

Be either on the phone, or take a notebook and watch the game and note down how many steps your DD takes every 2 mins or something (anything!).

Tell her you have a new training method and notetaking is a big part of it and you have to concetrate for the whole game and can't chat at all.

#42 Jane Jetson

Posted 19 July 2019 - 10:12 AM

Okay, so you don't like her. So you have nothing to lose by being direct and, say, shaking your head and making the "go away" gesture when she bangs on your car.

And while the homophobia and transphobia are reason enough to blank her on their own, they're a bloody good excuse for not wanting to be subjected to endless monologues, if she contacts you and asks you why you're not letting her talk at you any more.

I've got a couple of people in my life like this, both family members, and despite having been asked nicely, neither of them will ever, ever understand that I do not wish to be subjected to an exhaustive and exhausting list of the activities of other friends of theirs who I have never met.

I tolerate this on occasion because I have to. You don't have to, so don't.

#43 Mollycoddle

Posted 19 July 2019 - 10:29 AM

View PostSFmummyto3, on 19 July 2019 - 09:01 AM, said:


In the car yesterday I would’ve not put the window down and pointed to the phone, then turned my head the other way.

This is a good idea. Do it every time.

As first aid for my son's rugby league I get a lot of annoying crap from parents, mainly the ones that come up and stand behind the ropes to say stuff to the kids on the bench or some will even try to administer first aid when their kid gets hurt e.g. lean over the ropes to massage or tell the kid to get up and walk it off. I've also had the odd time where a parent will actually run onto the field when their kid goes down, which is understandable as they are worried but it's not allowed. A reminder from the club can sometimes be useful but often the guilty parties are the type who believe this sort of message is aimed at everyone else bar them. I rejoice when I attend one particular field where the bench and officials are in a totally roped off area in the middle where there can't be a parent within spitting distance.

Edited by Mollycoddle, 19 July 2019 - 10:35 AM.


#44 MooGuru

Posted 19 July 2019 - 11:00 AM

I have a friend who can veer towards this but not as bad. I've said stuff like "I'm tired and in a bad mood. I'm all peopled out tonight. See you next week."

#45 EsmeLennox

Posted 19 July 2019 - 11:59 AM

How old is your child? Do you live close enough to drop her off and return to pick her up? That’s what I’d do (and did...my kids aren’t playing any team sport this year...OMG, it’s liberating...I’m secretly hoping they don’t go back to it next year).

#46 CallMeFeral

Posted 19 July 2019 - 12:17 PM

View PostMrs Twit, on 18 July 2019 - 01:05 AM, said:


- Tell her sorry you don't have time to chat tonight as you have work to do and bring a laptop and pretend until she goes away, or you have to finish your novel tonight for bookclub
This seems like something that is very clear but not impolite, would you feel comfortable saying that?

View Postgracie1978, on 18 July 2019 - 07:30 AM, said:

As I've gotten older I can recognise the introverts who are quite happy to sit there in silence.  So I don't chat incessantly at them anymore.  I think she is a little unaware.

I wish I could tell this. I actually still cannot tell the people who would rather I didn't talk to them. So I just don't talk to anyone, just in case, which is a bit sad I guess.

#47 Nobodyelse

Posted 19 July 2019 - 12:24 PM

As someone with friends with transgender children, I would make no soft brush off. I'd tell her that I don't wish to share her company due to her attitude towards the trans community. Then I'd look away and not engage further.

#48 JomoMum

Posted 19 July 2019 - 01:06 PM

I’m on the fence about this one. Some of your comments sound a little harsh, but I understand you need your own time and need to be able to concentrate on the tasks you are responsible for. But she isn’t getting your subtle suggestions.

I agree you need to be firm, but kind.

Put ear phones in. If she approaches, “sorry I need to concentrate on this/the game/scores”, leave earphones in  and look away.

Texts and phone calls? Ignore.

#49 Mollycoddle

Posted 19 July 2019 - 01:30 PM

View PostEsmeLennox, on 19 July 2019 - 11:59 AM, said:

How old is your child? Do you live close enough to drop her off and return to pick her up? That’s what I’d do (and did...my kids aren’t playing any team sport this year...OMG, it’s liberating...I’m secretly hoping they don’t go back to it next year).

I would check this with the club first.  Ours require parents to be there as they have had issues previously with coaches having to wait around with kids after training.

#50 Mollycoddle

Posted 19 July 2019 - 01:32 PM

View PostCallMeFeral, on 19 July 2019 - 12:17 PM, said:

This seems like something that is very clear but not impolite, would you feel comfortable saying that?



I wish I could tell this. I actually still cannot tell the people who would rather I didn't talk to them. So I just don't talk to anyone, just in case, which is a bit sad I guess.

If someone is sitting in the car with the windows up insead of mingling with other parents on the sideline I would take that as a pretty clear sign they want to be left alone.  It's often more nuanced than that but it doesn't seem that hard in the OP's situation.

Edited by Mollycoddle, 19 July 2019 - 01:33 PM.





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