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Annoying aquaintance.


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#51 gracie1978

Posted 19 July 2019 - 01:32 PM

 Nobodyelse, on 19 July 2019 - 12:24 PM, said:

As someone with friends with transgender children, I would make no soft brush off. I'd tell her that I don't wish to share her company due to her attitude towards the trans community. Then I'd look away and not engage further.

Basically me everytime I meet an anti vaxxer!!

#52 gracie1978

Posted 19 July 2019 - 01:36 PM

 CallMeFeral, on 19 July 2019 - 12:17 PM, said:


This seems like something that is very clear but not impolite, would you feel comfortable saying that?



I wish I could tell this. I actually still cannot tell the people who would rather I didn't talk to them. So I just don't talk to anyone, just in case, which is a bit sad I guess.

For me I make an effort but if it's not reciprocated I don't chase them anymore, I also look for people squirming, checking their phone, etc although this could also just describe my bestie who is super rude...
It has not come naturally and over the years I have studied people with gracious social skills and tried to pick up tips.

I seem quite NT but I'm paddling furiously underneath.
I've actually had to teach myself what to say and how to react when people tell me they're getting married or having a baby.  I'm personally not ever that interested.  I'd have more enthusiasm for a new car purchase.

#53 CallMeFeral

Posted 19 July 2019 - 02:01 PM

 Mollycoddle, on 19 July 2019 - 01:32 PM, said:

If someone is sitting in the car with the windows up insead of mingling with other parents on the sideline I would take that as a pretty clear sign they want to be left alone.  It's often more nuanced than that but it doesn't seem that hard in the OP's situation.

I wasn't talking about the OP's situation.

#54 *Ker*

Posted 19 July 2019 - 05:41 PM

 EsmeLennox, on 19 July 2019 - 11:59 AM, said:

How old is your child? Do you live close enough to drop her off and return to pick her up? That’s what I’d do (and did...my kids aren’t playing any team sport this year...OMG, it’s liberating...I’m secretly hoping they don’t go back to it next year).

She's 12. I live about 15 minutes away. It would be tight to come and go, hence why I went to hide in Big W the other day. A few weeks back, I went and hid in McDonalds for the entire time too. And she kept messaging me!

This club is very different from our last one. Our last one they insisted that parents stand at the sidelines during training. This one they prefer no parents at training so pretty much everyone sits in their cars.


 JomoMum, on 19 July 2019 - 01:06 PM, said:

Texts and phone calls? Ignore.

I already do. She has previously kept me on the phone for an hour at other times so now I just don't answer the phone to her.

 gracie1978, on 19 July 2019 - 01:36 PM, said:

I've actually had to teach myself what to say and how to react when people tell me they're getting married or having a baby.  I'm personally not ever that interested.  I'd have more enthusiasm for a new car purchase.

I'm the same way. I don't care about babies. But if someone told me they were getting a new dog or cat, I'd be asking lots of questions.

The other day, I said to her "I'm talking to my dad" (and yes I had the phone to my ear) and she STILL hopped into my car.

I know I'm going to have to be blunt. She just doesn't seem to get it when I'm not listening to her. I have been shutting her down on the anti-transgender and anti-gay issues by bluntly saying "you're wrong and that's really offensive" and she stops then but starts again next time.

My daughter ages up next year and won't be in her daughter's team so that will solve the game problem. And she may swap divs next season, which will put us on different courts. Still have the issues at training though.

#55 luckyducky

Posted 19 July 2019 - 06:13 PM

OP I actually feel your pain.  I have a "stalker" couple that seem obsessed with me and my family. They are driving me bananas. Constantly texting, turning up at my house, asking to catch up. I just don't want to hang out with them and they don't get the hint.  If I reply to her texts, she just starts texting more.... latches on to everything.  Has befriended my best friend now, I just can't get rid of them.. The husband tells everyone that my husband his "best friend"...... they are the stalker couple from hell !

Its such a hard situation to be in, I wish I could offer some advice.  :(

#56 #YKG

Posted 19 July 2019 - 10:05 PM

Recline the car seat, headphones in (listen to something or don’t)  lock car doors and take a “nap” noise cancelling headphones are great for blocking out people knocking on the window.

#57 Froyo

Posted 19 July 2019 - 10:39 PM

I'd just tell her clearly and directly that this alone time is important to you.

#58 Gudrun

Posted 19 July 2019 - 10:53 PM

Mask

#59 Overtherainbow

Posted 20 July 2019 - 12:24 AM

I’ve decided to categorise sports parents into different groups:
The awesome doers - they pitch in when needed, don’t encourage political rubbish (but speak to the right people about issues) educate other parents and are the champions of our sports.
The look at me doers - make sure everyone knows exactly what they’ve done, how much they’ve spent and how committed they are. Stir up the political side of the sport too much, and talk too much. Another raffle anyone?
The my child’s fine, I need to use this time well - Will watch games and support their child, but utilises other times to get work done, answer emails, make phone calls, etc
The yay I’m free leave me alone - found looking into space, watching the sport, on Facebook, reading or listening to music. Enjoys the solitude of not being needed.
The yay I’m free for adult interaction - they’ve missed talking to normal adults about anything and just want a conversation (even if it’s about kids)
Polite chatter - The I prefer the solitude or being productive but I’m going to chat because otherwise I feel rude - self explanatory.

Currently you’re a mix of a doer, a solitude and a polite chatter. She’s either a talker or a polite chatter.
It sounds like she doesn’t have good social cues and you’re going to either have to put up with her, try to ignore her through polite busyness or keep reminding her you want peace. Maybe give her a 5 minute chat, and then say great to see you, I now want to enjoy some solitude before rush hour starts again, or I want to focus on the game now.

All the best.

#60 CallMeFeral

Posted 20 July 2019 - 12:43 AM

 *Ker*, on 19 July 2019 - 05:41 PM, said:


The other day, I said to her "I'm talking to my dad" (and yes I had the phone to my ear) and she STILL hopped into my car.


That's spectacular!

#61 Brownbear

Posted 20 July 2019 - 06:41 AM

Buy some large headphones (or earmuffs, the type tradies use). If she tries to get your attention, say “my DD notices that I spend the game chatting and not watching her so i’m trying to focus on the game - I can chat for a few minutes afterwards if you want”. Smile. Then turn your attention to the game and ignore.

#62 overlytired

Posted 20 July 2019 - 07:04 AM

PPs have offered some good suggestions. The only thing I would add is that you don't need to hide behind a made-up excuse. Life's too short for that.

Be polite and firm, explaining that you don't want any company / are busy / watching the game / need to make a call / don't feel like talking. If you're in your car, lock the door and only lower your window enough to say you're not available and roll it back up. I'd have a pair of earphones handy if you're watching the game from the sidelines; don't remove them (even if she speaks to you) and don't respond to her chatter.

Unfriend her on FB or, if you use that for team communication, unfollow her feed.

#63 gracie1978

Posted 20 July 2019 - 08:58 AM

Do you have a game today Ker?

#64 foom

Posted 20 July 2019 - 09:28 AM

Quote: "I know I'm going to have to be blunt. She just doesn't seem to get it when I'm not listening to her. I have been shutting her down on the anti-transgender and anti-gay issues by bluntly saying "you're wrong and that's really offensive" and she stops then but starts again next time."

Sorry can't do the usual quote on my phone.

This makes me wonder if she isn't being clueless but is purposely targeting you to change your opinion combined with being a person who doesn't get signals so hasn't worked out to back off. How often does the topic come up?

If it comes up often, I'd challenge her - is she purposely bringing up this conversation in the hope you will change your opinion?

And lock your car doors 'for safety'. It's a new habit that you are getting into to ensure you are safe when sitting alone in the car.

#65 Lesley225

Posted 20 July 2019 - 11:00 AM

 *Ker*, on 19 July 2019 - 05:41 PM, said:


The other day, I said to her "I'm talking to my dad" (and yes I had the phone to my ear) and she STILL hopped into my car.


OMG!  You need to keep your door locked.

#66 Tokra

Posted 20 July 2019 - 11:38 AM

 EsmeLennox, on 19 July 2019 - 11:59 AM, said:

How old is your child? Do you live close enough to drop her off and return to pick her up? That’s what I’d do (and did...my kids aren’t playing any team sport this year...OMG, it’s liberating...I’m secretly hoping they don’t go back to it next year).

Clearly she wants to watch her DD, so having to drop her off and go isn't really the answer.

#67 *Ker*

Posted 20 July 2019 - 08:51 PM

 foom, on 20 July 2019 - 09:28 AM, said:

This makes me wonder if she isn't being clueless but is purposely targeting you to change your opinion combined with being a person who doesn't get signals so hasn't worked out to back off. How often does the topic come up?

If it comes up often, I'd challenge her - is she purposely bringing up this conversation in the hope you will change your opinion?

She'd be particularly stupid to think she could change my mind on anything. It doesn't come up often. I actually hung up on her after the safe schools/anti-transgender conversation. I was pretty p*ssed off. I figured it would be better to speak to her when I was a little more calm. There was a boy at my dsughters school that's transgender. He's a lovely kid. I mentioned him (not by name) and she said "who is it??" I replied "I'm not telling you his name. Your views are obnoxious."

 gracie1978, on 20 July 2019 - 08:58 AM, said:

Do you have a game today Ker?

Games are Tuesday nights, training Wednesdays.

 Red Sparrow, on 20 July 2019 - 11:38 AM, said:

Clearly she wants to watch her DD, so having to drop her off and go isn't really the answer.

I do want to watch her and as I am TM/DOC, I have to be at games. But I don't have to be at training, and the club prefers no parents stand courtside at training. I sit in the car with a clear line of view to my daughter's court.

I keep my doors locked all the time. Last week I unlocked the door to speak to her. I had the car off and my car has power windows so I was lazy and just hit the unlock button rather than turn the car on and power the windows.

I thought when I said "I'm on the phone to my dad" that she would go away and leave me alone!! If that was me, I would have said "no worries, catch you later". Not her.

#68 Tinky Winky Woo

Posted 20 July 2019 - 08:58 PM

No I would not go up and just hope in the car.  If a close friend is on their phone I don't even go up to them.  But once I start talking I can not stop.

#69 foom

Posted 20 July 2019 - 11:09 PM

 *Ker*, on 20 July 2019 - 08:51 PM, said:

She'd be particularly stupid to think she could change my mind on anything.

Possibly. I can think of a few friends of mine over the years who thought they could change my mind on similar subjects. Just tended to push me more the other way. But they could never see that as they were <sarcastic tone on> oh so right <sarcastic tone off>.

 *Ker*, on 20 July 2019 - 08:51 PM, said:

I keep my doors locked all the time. Last week I unlocked the door to speak to her. I had the car off and my car has power windows so I was lazy and just hit the unlock button rather than turn the car on and power the windows.

Oh my. Next time it's stuff any semblance of manners - shake the head and go back to what you are doing without speaking to her. She's in chugger territory.

#70 magic_marker

Posted 21 July 2019 - 02:53 PM

I lied and said l was busy.

I was busy, but not in the way most people understand.
I was busy taking deep breaths.
I was busy silencing thoughts.
I was busy calming my heart.
I was busy telling myself I am okay.
Sometimes, this is my busy,
and l will not apologise for it.

Modified version by Brittin Oakman

You don't owe her anything OP.

#71 CallMeFeral

Posted 21 July 2019 - 10:08 PM

 luckyducky, on 19 July 2019 - 06:13 PM, said:

OP I actually feel your pain.  I have a "stalker" couple that seem obsessed with me and my family. They are driving me bananas. Constantly texting, turning up at my house, asking to catch up. I just don't want to hang out with them and they don't get the hint.  If I reply to her texts, she just starts texting more.... latches on to everything.  Has befriended my best friend now, I just can't get rid of them.. The husband tells everyone that my husband his "best friend"...... they are the stalker couple from hell !

OMG, this sounds like some kind of 80's American movie! Maybe with John Candy as the husband and a wife with really big hair.
I feel like you are going to go on a long awaited holiday at some point and turn up to your destination to find they have booked the room next door, and an unlikely but hilarious sequence of calamities is going to ensue...

#72 lozoodle

Posted 21 July 2019 - 10:32 PM

I have no advice but you have my full sympathy. I know what it is like to have an almost stalkerish parent constantly harassing you and not being able to pick up to polite resistance.

Wore still is her daughter is basically stalking mine. I hate it. but I don't know how to get out of it without being a complete ****ing b**ch to them

#73 Riotproof

Posted 21 July 2019 - 10:52 PM

lock the door.

#74 *Ker*

Posted 24 July 2019 - 10:44 AM

I have a reprieve of sorts tonight lol. DD is sick and can't go to training. And next week she has trials and I'm dropping and going home, since it's 2 and a half hours and we aren't allowed to be involved in trials.

DD played last night and I gave her the scoring sheet. Omg, she completely cocked it up! It was unreadable and she had the girls in their wrong positions (which actually does matter as it's for umpire awards at the end of the season). With our sport, each team has a scorer and you're required to sit next to the other scorer so no one can claim the score is incorrect. During the game, she got up and moved down the end of the court to talk to some of our parents. I noticed and went up and said "you're supposed to be scoring and sitting next to their scorer so you can make sure he's not adding goals". She said "he's doing my head in, talking too much" :omg: I wanted to laugh but just said "yeah, I know people just like that! You need to go sit back there". At the end of the game, I looked at the sheet (it has to be submitted) and said "omg, what the hell? All these positions are wrong!"

I wonder whether she is purposely screwing things up so she doesn't have to do anything. I doubt she's that smart though. However, it's not like this is a new job to her, her daughter has been playing for 4 seasons.

I'm hoping like hell her daughter is in a different team from my DD next season. There's only 6 games left, if we play finals which we should. It's going to come to a head with training anyhow, if she keeps annoying me.

#75 literally nobody

Posted 24 July 2019 - 11:46 AM

If you’re in the car and talking, just keep the windows shut but gesture you’re on the phone and keep talking, look straight ahead ..let her stand there then she can walk off. make sure car is locked tho.




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