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John Marsden on the 'toxic' parenting pandemic: 'I’ve never seen this level of anxiety'


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#401 Riotproof

Posted 11 August 2019 - 02:04 PM

Because really, what happens.. kids suddenly can’t have a relationship with their dads because mum’s are no longer gelling the whole thing together?

I find that dh doesn’t remember being a child very well. His parents were as involved as was normal for the time, possibly more so. But he doesn’t realise that the moments that are most amazing are when the kids are just talking about something important to them. That’s when you really need to be listening because a) they might drop a clue about something you can ask later and b) if they start thinking you aren’t interested, they won’t bother to tell you anything.

It’s why I know way more about Minecraft than I ever anticipated and why I know who makes annoying noises at preschool lunch, who always knocks things over when it’s pack away time, who can’t climb the rock wall well, the poses she did in animal yoga, why so and so’s lunch was unacceptable (there was too much vegemite, so mum, when I have vegemite make sure you make it properly!!!)

Edited by Riotproof, 11 August 2019 - 02:07 PM.


#402 *Spikey*

Posted 11 August 2019 - 02:14 PM

My dad chose not to see us (even on days he was supposed to), and then wondered why my younger siblings aren't interested - they don't know you at all. They knew your father and our uncles better, we saw them more often once you separated from mum.

We wanted to see him, and it was crushing when he just couldn't be bothered. To the point when I chose to bet against him turning up for the much promised Christmas trip to the grandparents, and I went to visit a friend instead. And I was right. Poor little ones were just so sad. The next year, we were back in the middle of Sydney, and I took them on the train myself. He'd lied to the grandparents - told them that my mum wouldn't let him have them. There they were with their packed bags, waiting. b*st*rd act. He copped it from his mum for that one though - I was angry at being deserted by him and more than happy to dob him in to his parents and sisters. lol.

#403 MrsLexiK

Posted 11 August 2019 - 02:43 PM

View Postred_squirrel, on 11 August 2019 - 10:04 AM, said:



We absolutely need to hold dads responsible too.

As a society we need to do more to help families stay together. The sad reality is once a family breaks up the kids rarely see the father for a variety of reasons.
Only if it’s safe and that’s what both parties actually want. I spent a lot more quality time with my father once my family broke up. And plenty of children should not have access to their father! Plenty of fathers do not put any effort in and then blame the poor mother.

View Postkimasa, on 11 August 2019 - 12:40 PM, said:



I see you have met my dad!

The time my pesky high school graduation had the audacity to schedule itself during his fishing trip with his mates comes to mind.

My Nanna was my stand-in father at just about every major event in my life.
I’m sorry you and so many PP’s have had that experience.

Even though it wasn’t my experience (nor is it my experience with DH) I know over whelming the stats and the experiences of others show that fathers just need to step up. Both when they are living full time with their kids and take an actual interest in your bloody child. I’m at our school a lot, (as is DH) 2 other dads in the prep level would be able to name the teachers and friends. 1 is a single dad who has majority custody and considering he helps twice a week in the class room at a minimum you would hope he knows the teacher and some of the kids names. However yup most dads have no idea who the kids are, which ones are even the teachers or the parents at school.

#404 Freddie'sMum

Posted 11 August 2019 - 03:16 PM

John Marsden can shove his opinions where the sun don't shine.  He has demonstrated that the "let's blame the mothers for all of society's ills" is still around - and it's bollocks.

#405 lizzzard

Posted 11 August 2019 - 04:18 PM

View PostMelbs2010, on 11 August 2019 - 08:49 AM, said:

Just last week there was a Principal from a prestigious private school saying that mothers preventing fathers from access to kids post separation leads to "inappropriate contact" with males (read promiscuity) and boys rejecting their mothers.  
This guy's retirement date really can't come soon enough...

#406 Expelliarmus

Posted 11 August 2019 - 04:53 PM

View PostMrsLexiK, on 11 August 2019 - 02:43 PM, said:

Even though it wasn’t my experience (nor is it my experience with DH) I know over whelming the stats and the experiences of others show that fathers just need to step up. Both when they are living full time with their kids and take an actual interest in your bloody child. I’m at our school a lot, (as is DH) 2 other dads in the prep level would be able to name the teachers and friends. 1 is a single dad who has majority custody and considering he helps twice a week in the class room at a minimum you would hope he knows the teacher and some of the kids names. However yup most dads have no idea who the kids are, which ones are even the teachers or the parents at school.
Many fathers of my students know the other kids, the teachers and converse with other parents.  I would not say this is a universal experience. No doubt it is the case for many families but my experience suggests it is not necessarily an overwhelming majority today.

There are bound to be a lot of variations but I have definitely seen an increase in paternal involvement in the last ten years.

#407 Bam1

Posted 11 August 2019 - 05:37 PM

Whilst there is still this attitude that children are best cared for by the mother, the attitude that it’s all the mother’s fault will also remain.

#408 28 Barbary Lane

Posted 11 August 2019 - 05:51 PM

View Postlizzzard, on 11 August 2019 - 04:18 PM, said:

This guy's retirement date really can't come soon enough...
Yes was thinking that attitude probably wasn’t a great advertisement to anyone looking for an environment that will equip their children for modern times, seemed more like going backwards than looking forwards. Sort of like the last gasps of a dying culture that is being left behind.

#409 lizzzard

Posted 11 August 2019 - 06:33 PM

View Post28 Barbary Lane, on 11 August 2019 - 05:51 PM, said:

Yes was thinking that attitude probably wasn’t a great advertisement to anyone looking for an environment that will equip their children for modern times, seemed more like going backwards than looking forwards. Sort of like the last gasps of a dying culture that is being left behind.
Yes, I think the Board needs to consider the risk he poses from a commercial perspective (these schools are businesses after all). Bizarrely, his views really don't seem to reflect the broader school environment...

#410 Sincerely

Posted 11 August 2019 - 08:26 PM

View Postlizzzard, on 11 August 2019 - 06:33 PM, said:

Yes, I think the Board needs to consider the risk he poses from a commercial perspective (these schools are businesses after all). Bizarrely, his views really don't seem to reflect the broader school environment...

It's a prestigious school to begin with. He attracts a lot of social media attention so more people hear about the school. His views probably appeal to parents with conservative leanings. I dislike him, but I can see how & why he is able to continue on as he has.




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