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Vasectomy Permission


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#1 Bendersmum

Posted 23 July 2019 - 04:01 PM

DH is getting a vasectomy tomorrow. I am at extremely high risk for breast cancer and my breast specialist advises that me being on the pill for potentially another 15 years is not something he would be comfortable with (ladies in our family tend to menopause late).

DH and I discussed him getting a vasectomy vs me having my tubes tied. We were both equally willing to have it done. GP was the deciding vote "after 20 odd years of you being responsible it's his turn!".

Yesterday DH had his pre appointment with the urologist. All good. Then he comes home and hands me some forms I need to sign. The forms basically state that I give him permission to have the vasectomy.

Obviously I signed them, but was a little taken aback. How is it any of my business what DH does with his body. Would he have to consent if I had my tubes tied, a mirena put in or (for a more extreme example) chose to terminate an unwanted pregnancy? DH thought it was odd too.

Is this normal? A permission slip for a grown man signed by his wife?

#2 born.a.girl

Posted 23 July 2019 - 04:10 PM

I think this discussion's been had a few times on EB, with varying opinions, and those that are o.k. with the 'permission' bit are more along the lines of wanting to know if the partner (if there is one) is on the same page as the person.


It definitely doesn't require any signing, but before my husband was allowed to donate a kidney, they absolutely wanted to know what I thought about it, because it had an impact on us.  There was a case where a woman threatened to divorce her husband if he donated and they wouldn't go ahead, despite it being his body.


I would have thought all that required was a tick box exercise from one of the doctors saying just that, although I guess your signature is an easier way.  'Permission' though, is the word that strikes me as weird.

#3 seayork2002

Posted 23 July 2019 - 04:21 PM

I presume it is so there is not problems with reversal requests because minds are changed?

#4 froglett

Posted 23 July 2019 - 04:39 PM

I find it very odd. When DH had his done (Marie Stopes), there was no 'permission' note.

Obviously we'd discussed it in depth, but I'm sure there are probably people who don't.

#5 lizzzard

Posted 23 July 2019 - 04:39 PM

I'm guessing the forms didn't actually say they required 'permission'. If they did that's bizarre!

However, I can understand that sometimes its helpful to have a formal 'mechanism' to encourage patients to have a potentially difficult conversation, because having the conversation is helpful ( not because it might result in the partner 'refusing permission' but because it can help them look at the decision from a few different angles and therefore make a more considered choice).

#6 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 23 July 2019 - 04:40 PM

it’s just to cover their own a*se so they don’t get some idiot woman complaining “you neutered my man how dare you”. there is no legal requirement for a husband to get his wife’s permission for the snip.

#7 rainne

Posted 23 July 2019 - 04:45 PM

Yep, I reckon it's a liability thing. And ridiculous. Just as we'd be outraged if a woman needed her husband's permission (which has happened many times!).

My DH didn't need a signature from me, or anything, but the urologist did ask if he'd discussed it with me and I'd verbally signed off - I assume that's in their notes and would be used to defend any claim if I were to sue for some reason.

#8 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 23 July 2019 - 04:46 PM

DH certainly didn't come home with anything like that after his appointment - he had it done about 10 years ago.

I suppose it turns the tables on men having a say on women's bodies and fertility, for a change.  But I don't like it, any more than the changes in laws in some states in America (which are terrifying, btw).

#9 purplekitty

Posted 23 July 2019 - 04:51 PM

Just protecting themselves from buyer's remorse and legal exposure in this litigious society where everything is always someone else's fault.

#10 Paddlepop

Posted 23 July 2019 - 05:32 PM

View PostBendersmum, on 23 July 2019 - 04:01 PM, said:

Obviously I signed them, but was a little taken aback. How is it any of my business what DH does with his body. Would he have to consent if I had my tubes tied, a mirena put in or (for a more extreme example) chose to terminate an unwanted pregnancy? DH thought it was odd too.

Some EBers have posted on here that their doctors wouldn't remove their Mirena until their husband/partner had attended an appointment with them to "consent" to the removal. The women didn't want them removed for conception. They wanted them removed for side effects that were too much to put up with. Guess those doctors didn't want any men claiming they were tricked into fathering a child. Before I had my Mirena put in I asked the GP if I wanted it out would I need my DH to attend an appointment before she'd do it. She looked very confused and said no, why would she, because it's my body and I don't require his permission.

View PostLucrezia Borgia, on 23 July 2019 - 04:40 PM, said:

it’s just to cover their own a*se so they don’t get some idiot woman complaining “you neutered my man how dare you”. there is no legal requirement for a husband to get his wife’s permission for the snip.

Pretty much this. When DH got his done he brought home a form for me to sign to "consent" to it. I signed it but these days I'd probably refuse on the grounds that the doctor shouldn't even be asking me.

#11 Oriental lily

Posted 23 July 2019 - 05:47 PM

DH was done last year . I booked it and paid for it before hand . He went there on the day signed  forms that needed to be signed, was done and came home .

I was asked zero personal questions beforehand about permission, what kids we had , age , nothing .

I got asked more questions when booking the cat in to being spayed !

#12 born.a.girl

Posted 23 July 2019 - 05:59 PM

View Postpurplekitty, on 23 July 2019 - 04:51 PM, said:

Just protecting themselves from buyer's remorse and legal exposure in this litigious society where everything is always someone else's fault.

Indeed, it probably wouldn't be difficult to find cases of people attempting to sue someone for just this.

#13 Rainyeyes

Posted 23 July 2019 - 06:05 PM

I am really surprised I didn't have to sign anything when DH had his done.

Even from from a legal stand point if a man had it done and didn't tell their partner as long as the patient had signed the forms I don't see how the Dr could get sued

#14 purplekitty

Posted 23 July 2019 - 06:30 PM

View PostRainyeyes, on 23 July 2019 - 06:05 PM, said:

I am really surprised I didn't have to sign anything when DH had his done.

Even from from a legal stand point if a man had it done and didn't tell their partner as long as the patient had signed the forms I don't see how the Dr could get sued
They may not be likely to win but that doesn't stop them initiating a court case.

Many medical cases are settled out of court purely to avoid going through the process when there is no negligence whatsoever.

It is a crap shoot if it goes to judgement.

#15 Etcetera

Posted 23 July 2019 - 06:32 PM

A friend of mine warned me about this when my DH was planning on it. They went through so many questions, she had to sign the form etc etc etc
When DH went there was nothing.

#16 FuzzyChocolateToes

Posted 23 July 2019 - 06:56 PM

DH had his in a public hospital. There was none of this permission slip bulldust. I think it's ridiculous.

#17 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 23 July 2019 - 07:53 PM

I think it is a slippery slope, having to have a partner sign a consent for any form of contraception, be it permanent or transient.  

What if DD wants to go on the pill at 18 - could her then boyfriend refuse consent if they live together?  

Or force consent?

If a man wants an elective procedure done and signs the relevant consent forms, I cannot see a medical negligence case arising in any way??  In fact - with the laws around medical confidentiality, what right does the partner have to even know about the procedure if the man chooses not to tell?

I think this is weird.   And I can't help but turn it the other way to a bad outcome for womens control over their own contraception if it becomes a 'thing' for a partner to be involved in consent of any kind.

#18 jarlz

Posted 23 July 2019 - 08:36 PM

I mentioned this on EB a while back...years, I think. I got told "rubbish" by a nasty other poster who is quite a frequent poster, who seems to know everything about everything, and it quite put me off EB for a long time after!! Good to know, and have proof, that I wasn't making it up. You know who you are, I hope you see this post, just cos YOU may not have come across this before, doesn't mean I was talking rubbish!! And the effect your dismissiveness had on me was quite profound. You can't possibly know what people are going through in their private lives, and how you can sometimes be the tipping point.
OP, our surgeon explained this form as simply an exercise in covering his butt, so he didn't get sued by an outraged partner/wife/whatever. It wouldn't hold up legally, and is a pretty outdated practice. I'm guessing the owner of the practice is acting on old guidelines or under advice from an older surgeon.

#19 JRA

Posted 23 July 2019 - 09:54 PM

View PostBendersmum, on 23 July 2019 - 04:01 PM, said:

DH is getting a vasectomy tomorrow. I am at extremely high risk for breast cancer and my breast specialist advises that me being on the pill for potentially another 15 years is not something he would be comfortable with (ladies in our family tend to menopause late).

DH and I discussed him getting a vasectomy vs me having my tubes tied. We were both equally willing to have it done. GP was the deciding vote "after 20 odd years of you being responsible it's his turn!".

Yesterday DH had his pre appointment with the urologist. All good. Then he comes home and hands me some forms I need to sign. The forms basically state that I give him permission to have the vasectomy.

Obviously I signed them, but was a little taken aback. How is it any of my business what DH does with his body. Would he have to consent if I had my tubes tied, a mirena put in or (for a more extreme example) chose to terminate an unwanted pregnancy? DH thought it was odd too.

Is this normal? A permission slip for a grown man signed by his wife?
It is BULLsh*t

A woman doesn't need the permission of the father to be for an abortion (AND she shouldn't need to), so why in the hell is it right for something like a vasectomy.

#20 JRA

Posted 23 July 2019 - 09:55 PM

Quote

Even from from a legal stand point if a man had it done and didn't tell their partner as long as the patient had signed the forms I don't see how the Dr could get sued

But it has NOTHING to do with the women. Man's body, his decision.

#21 purplekitty

Posted 23 July 2019 - 10:00 PM

View PostJRA, on 23 July 2019 - 09:55 PM, said:

But it has NOTHING to do with the women. Man's body, his decision.
Absolutely.

#22 rileys-mum

Posted 23 July 2019 - 11:00 PM

Ironically I did not need to get DH’s permission to have a hysterectomy.......
At least a vasectomy can be reversed......

#23 BornToLove

Posted 23 July 2019 - 11:15 PM

You know I don’t think it’s to prevent being sued. I can’t see how the document itself being legal (his body, his choice and all that). It’s probably in place because the doctor has had more than one man not tell his partner and then a angry partner show up at his office to confront him about it.

You’re less likely to show up and be angry and confrontational with the doctor if you signed a document acknowledging the procedure and that it meant no more babies with that man.

#24 hills mum bec

Posted 24 July 2019 - 10:16 AM

Wow, I would not be happy with having to sign a permission note for my husband at all.  I probably couldn't resist writing a note to the doctor/clinic where I was meant to sign "My DH does not require my permission for any medical procedures relating to his own body." or something like that.

#25 halcyondays

Posted 24 July 2019 - 10:38 AM

I've seen some of these forms- it certainly looks like the female partner's signature is needed for consent! Which is wrong. What is needed is the female partner to know the chances of her getting pregnant post vasectomy.

From my perspective, I need the female partner to know that
a) it isn't always successful
b) at what time point after the vasectomy is it safe to have sex with no contraception if the woman wishes to avoid a pregnancy

Given that it is the woman bearing the load of an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy, it is important that she understands the risks.

Many people think the sperm is all gone as soon as the vasectomy happens, and it isimportant to debunk this.




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