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DS3 and teacher having issues

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#101 kadoodle

Posted 13 August 2019 - 06:23 PM

View Postgracie1978, on 13 August 2019 - 06:18 PM, said:


That's ridiculous, the school are letting your son down.

I would put money on a properly administered IQ test showing your son was above 70

I’m pretty confident he’s higher than 70, but it’s very difficult to test uncooperative kids with no intelligible English.

MIL has also called the principal and “told her a few things”. She was a matron in the army, so when she tells people, they stay told.

Mum’s fractured her wrist and elbow. Not a bad effort for pruning roses.

#102 gracie1978

Posted 13 August 2019 - 06:27 PM

Your poor Mum, hope she recovers well.

#103 SplashingRainbows

Posted 13 August 2019 - 06:28 PM

Oh kadoodle. What a rough day.

Sounds like a conference with the principal is in order. The school is failing your son.

We have a significant support unit at our school. Discriminatory behaviour of any kind is jumped on quickly, and kids are actively taught to be inclusive, kind and considerate. That’s the standard that should be applied to every school in Australia.

Im so over the policing of the behaviour of the victim.

#104 Mollyksy

Posted 13 August 2019 - 06:40 PM

Sympathies Kadoodle. My younger brother was diagnosed with ADD in the 80s but his son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS so I'd put money on autism/asperger's instead of or as well.

Mum was at the school or being called constantly. One time he'd been sent into the corridor with a desk and his maths test and the teacher kept shouting to do his work. He just sat there. They called mum, first thing she did was ask him why he wasnt doing his test. 'I don't have a pencil'.

Another time he took all his money box money and went into the church next door (catholic school) and lit a bunch of candles. School called, he is a pyromaniac. Mum certainly laid into them then. Add she had just been first diagnosed with cancer and he had paid for every candle from his money box.

The funniest was at preschool. The careers had left the kids in the yard (six foot fence) while they prepared morning tea (this was the early 80s, rules more lax). My brother scaled the 6 foot fence, opened the child proof gate, and took every single child for an adventure down to the local park. Careers come out to an empty backyard!

Similar with his IQ. A child psychologist once had a two lock door (you had to turn one, twist the other). Psych told mum stop worrying, he would never get out. Mum said fine. Within oh 30 seconds, door open, child on the run! He just wouldnt cooperate with testing.

#105 kadoodle

Posted 13 August 2019 - 06:52 PM

View PostMollyksy, on 13 August 2019 - 06:40 PM, said:

The funniest was at preschool. The careers had left the kids in the yard (six foot fence) while they prepared morning tea (this was the early 80s, rules more lax). My brother scaled the 6 foot fence, opened the child proof gate, and took every single child for an adventure down to the local park. Careers come out to an empty backyard!

I did this at kindergarten. Euroa IGA wasn’t impressed with the influx of little kids “shopping”.

#106 Mollyksy

Posted 13 August 2019 - 07:02 PM

Lol Kadoodle. I think I know where your young DS gets his sass and respect for authority from!! I too want to know what is being done about the older bullying kid. Love your mum btw, I think the apples in your family don't fall far from the tree (your mum, you, DS, even gargoyle!)

#107 JoanJett

Posted 13 August 2019 - 07:20 PM

The sad thing is, that if a teacher in the school feels it's ok to punch down and behave in a way that brings to mind the word "bullying", it's no wonder that kids in the school feel similarly entitled.  I guess the original reason for the thread ie the teacher interactions, has unmasked the culture of the school.

Our family has had the benefit of experiencing 3 different primary school cultures - two have been exemplars of "doing it right" (one private, one public) when it comes to supporting children with either disability or difference.  The other was the reason we moved to better environments.  The "care" load in our current schools is shared within classrooms and across year levels.  

Culture is important.  Creating a sense of community is important.  My younger, completely NT, and socially competent child was new to his school last year.  In the first week, when it was clear he had no one to play with, older children took him under their wing.  It seemed unusual to me.  But since then, I have seen the culture of the school - there are children in every year level that have disabilities, ranging from non-verbal autism to significant physical impediments to the big range in between.  There are also plenty of kids that are just your run of the mill awkward/difficult.  The school has an active policy to encourage support, engagement and inclusiveness.  They engage in "values education" - god I hate that term, but it is about encouraging ethical/moral behaviour.  Kids volunteer on play rosters to be the support friend for anyone in need (with scaffolding from aides and duty teachers).

EQ is probably more important than IQ in the long run, and it seems that your boy has EQ in spades Kadoodle.  I hope that some support is forthcoming.  But the old "apple doesn't fall far from the tree" comes to mind - if teachers feel free to behave in the way you have detailed, it's no wonder that kids have seen your son as a target.

The only advice is to document, forward upwards and keep advocating.

#108 kadoodle

Posted 13 August 2019 - 07:22 PM

It was MIL, not mum. Mum would have been worse!

The older kid is given a very long leash because he has problems at home. I’m sick of hearing it.

#109 SplashingRainbows

Posted 13 August 2019 - 07:31 PM

Long leashes don’t help kids who need boundaries. Ffs.

#110 kadoodle

Posted 13 August 2019 - 07:38 PM

I’m just over it. Changing schools over it.

#111 Paddlepop

Posted 13 August 2019 - 07:39 PM

I hope that your mum will be okay. That's some hard core pruning she was doing to break bones!

Good on MIL. Maybe some old school directness is exactly what this situation needs. Being diplomatic hasn't worked. Perhaps step back and let MIL go for it with the school. Let her take this one battle off your hands and fight it for you and DS3.

As for the other child having issues at home and being given kid gloves, that's bullsh*t. He's a bully. A nasty one at that to know that sort of disgusting language. The school needs to put him in a restricted area of play with very close supervision, or better yet lunchtime detention for a week.

Your DS clearly has an IQ above 70. If they administered a test designed for verbal children then of course he got a low score. If you could convince him to cooperate then the psych would need to tailor the test to not rely on verbal skills to uncover his true IQ. My DD had her IQ tested a few years ago, and at the time her expressive speech was at the level of severe speech disorder. I had a letter from the speechie with the test results, and the psych was able to tailor the test to not rely on expressive speech. She said if she did the usual test then DD would get an artificially low score due to the speech issues.

Just saw your post. Changing schools might be a good idea. Are there other schools in the area that are an option?

#112 kadoodle

Posted 13 August 2019 - 07:47 PM

Our closest school is a 2 room, 25 kid school. DH didn’t want to use it, because he went to a small primary school, and struggled with a big high school afterwards.

#113 Paddlepop

Posted 13 August 2019 - 08:07 PM

So a two teacher school, or just one? Honestly, it could be perfect for DS3, at least for a few years until the bully has left the primary school. Might be worth going for a tour (lol!) of the school and meeting the teacher(s). Perhaps take DS3 along so they can meet him and you can observe how they interact with him.

#114 Tokra

Posted 13 August 2019 - 08:22 PM

View Postkadoodle, on 13 August 2019 - 05:46 PM, said:

Mum had a fall, and I had to drive her into hospital for x rays, so DS3 was taken to therapy by MIL. As she was waiting at the office, DS3 was marched up by a yard duty teacher for slinging this boy to the ground after he shouted “r****d” and “kill yourself” from over the fence that separates the FYOS playground to the rest of the schoolyard. MIL loudly told DS3 to be quicker about sticking to boots in next time, because no one picks on her baby and gets away with it.

God help me.

Hope your mumma recovers quickly! Your MIL is a fire rocket! Love it!

#115 kadoodle

Posted 13 August 2019 - 08:30 PM

Three teachers (1ft, 2 pt) and two rooms. I’m really tempted.

#116 Paddlepop

Posted 13 August 2019 - 08:36 PM

Do it. Go check it out. If the teachers seem good it would be worth serious consideration. Maybe when he's older he can transition back to a bigger school. Parents in the city would pay a fortune for that sort of close and intensive teaching that DS3 could get at a tiny school.

#117 Expelliarmus

Posted 13 August 2019 - 08:39 PM

Your DS is not your DH and honestly it sounds like a much better fit for his needs. High School
Is a long way off ...

#118 PrincessPeach

Posted 13 August 2019 - 09:40 PM

Go for it.

You have nothing to loose, everything to gain.

#119 José

Posted 13 August 2019 - 09:48 PM

definately worth chatting to other schools.

sometimes the social dynamics in small schools can be challenging, so thats something to think about.
and they can be less well re-sourced, eg in a small school even the principal might need to be teaching but in a larger school tbe principal might be off class and able to more actively assist with problems throughout the day.

of course there are plenty of potential benefits as well.

#120 SplashingRainbows

Posted 13 August 2019 - 10:02 PM

Leadership makes or breaks any organization.

Given it sounds like leadership are part of the issue ....

Go for it. You don’t have much to lose at this point.

#121 Holidayromp

Posted 14 August 2019 - 11:06 AM

View Postkadoodle, on 13 August 2019 - 07:47 PM, said:

Our closest school is a 2 room, 25 kid school. DH didn’t want to use it, because he went to a small primary school, and struggled with a big high school afterwards.

This could be ideal.  More one on one interaction and everyone knows everyone else.  Your son could actually thrive.

There is more than parental past experience to determine whether it is a good fit or not.

#122 kadoodle

Posted 14 August 2019 - 01:36 PM

Would his aide funding follow him to the new school?

#123 Moo point

Posted 14 August 2019 - 01:47 PM

View Postkadoodle, on 14 August 2019 - 01:36 PM, said:

Would his aide funding follow him to the new school?

I've been following this and am so appalled at what has been happening. Not much time to reply at the moment but if he's in a public school and getting funding for aide time through the department of education, then yes his individual funding follows him to the school. Then the new school also advises the department that they have a student with a disability and their pooled funding will increase.

#124 PrincessPeach

Posted 14 August 2019 - 01:49 PM

should do, unless you are changing governing nodies for school (eg, catholic to public etc).

When you talk to his new school let them know he is currently getting x hours per week of aide time.

#125 kadoodle

Posted 15 August 2019 - 08:37 PM

They’re both government schools. I’m concerned about DS3 being separated from friends (his classmates are very protective of him, and he has a couple of nice friends), but play dates outside of school are always an option.

He had a class in the art room today (regular classroom evacuated because of vomit on the floor), and hid in the paper cupboard. His teacher left him there with his work, and there wasn’t a problem. She says the acoustics seemed to upset him, and he felt safer in the cupboard.

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