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10yo inappropriate attire


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#101 spr_maiden

Posted 06 August 2019 - 10:54 AM

You know what I think is trashy?
Telling little girls they look, and encouraging other little girls to think of those girls as, trashy.

Not directing that at you OP, I understand the issue.  It's a hard one.
Just irritated at the trashy nonsense.

#102 purplekitty

Posted 06 August 2019 - 11:40 AM

View PostNasty Butterfly, on 06 August 2019 - 09:53 AM, said:

So I want people to really start to think about what happens when they teach their children that looks and clothing define a persons character. Because when you say don’t go out in that short skirt because you look trashy or only girls who have low self esteem want to be attractive to boys it’s a damaging message. Not just for your daughters but for mine.
There is also the opposite pressure from other children to dress in a more extroverted fashion and follow adult fashion,on the more conservative.
You're not cool.

None of this happens in a vacuum.
Children,particularly girls, are bombarded by media,advertising and society to look and act in a certain way.
At younger ages they do not even understand.

From my observations girls have taken that on board with relish.
My childrens' teenage years were eye openers,talk about regression to handmaidens.

#103 ipsee

Posted 06 August 2019 - 11:42 AM

I like the idea of dressing for the occasion. So family lunch with the oldies is not the time for tiny crop tops and short shorts. It isn't what the older generation are used to, and it could make them focus on her clothes and not on herself.

I also like the idea of variety. We should have different outfits for different days and events. If she is stuck on the idea of crop tops and tiny shorts she needs to branch out a bit and have clothes for other days. I tell my older DD she can have a crop top and long pants, or short shorts and a longer top, but not tight and short all over.

I wish I had the answer to this one. And I wish shops would actually sell longer shorts for girls!

#104 wilding

Posted 06 August 2019 - 11:50 AM

View Postspr_maiden, on 06 August 2019 - 10:54 AM, said:

You know what I think is trashy?
Telling little girls they look, and encouraging other little girls to think of those girls as, trashy.

Not directing that at you OP, I understand the issue.  It's a hard one.
Just irritated at the trashy nonsense.

I hear you

How can we encourage children to have self confidence while dragging others down in the process.

#105 Literary Lemur

Posted 06 August 2019 - 02:17 PM

I think PP are a bit naïve if they think that because they control the money they control the clothes. Kids are way more inventive than that. My teen has the largest baggiest tee shirt that would pass any modesty test. Sometimes she knots up the hem and turns it into a  midriff.

Edited by Literary Lemur, 06 August 2019 - 02:17 PM.


#106 Riotproof

Posted 06 August 2019 - 02:22 PM

I keep thinking of Stephanie Kay from Degrassi Jnr high.

What she wore to school and what she wore at school were very different.

#107 ~J_F~

Posted 06 August 2019 - 02:49 PM

Haha very true.

My skirt was knee length when I left the house, it wasn’t when I got to school.

Girls use hairbands these days to make tops midriff.

Some girls hid clothes at school or friends, who’s parents were a bit more free with clothing choices, lent clothes to others.

If they want to wear a particular style, they will make it work somehow.

#108 Murderino

Posted 06 August 2019 - 03:16 PM

Absolutely. I went to high school with a girl from a strict catholic family. Her dress has to be just below her knees and it was when she got in the bus outside the family farm.

By the time she got to school it skimmed her bum. She made an elastic band to pull it up and hold it at the waist and she wore a jumper every day to hide that.

#109 purplekitty

Posted 06 August 2019 - 03:48 PM

'Adjusting' the school uniform is a rite of passage.

#110 Mollycoddle

Posted 06 August 2019 - 04:23 PM

View PostMurderino, on 06 August 2019 - 03:16 PM, said:


By the time she got to school it skimmed her bum. She made an elastic band to pull it up and hold it at the waist and she wore a jumper every day to hide that.

Don't even need to do that, you just roll the waistband over a few times.

#111 *Nasty*Squeekums*

Posted 06 August 2019 - 04:34 PM

I lent clothes to a couple friends who's parents wouldn't buy the stuff they wanted.
We would go "to the movies" aka shopping, then they would just keep the clothes at my house or hidden at home. If they got found they would say it was mine and I left it there accidentally.

#112 Lifesgood

Posted 06 August 2019 - 06:48 PM

View PostCallMeFeral, on 06 August 2019 - 10:44 AM, said:

Yeah tbh I guess this is the thing. DD is georgeous, she attends to her hair and grooming, she looks older than she is, and being the oldest child she also acts with more maturity than many. So she seems a lot older than she is, and attractive to boot. The same length shorts that when I wore at that age made me look like a gangly scarecrow, look great on her, but they don't look like a child wearing shorts.

Gosh I hope she doesn't start copping nonsense from peers, I hadn't event thought about that. It was perve attention I was fearing.

Out of likes but totally agree with your whole post.
OP it sounds like your DD is interested in how she looks and wants to present a certain look. If you think she is going to struggle with attention that she may get (from peers or others) then I think you should try to find a way to discuss it with her and prepare her for how to deal with it. If she is mature enough to decide how she wants to look then she needs to know a bit about the outside world as well, ugly as it is. If you aren't concerned about how she will deal with it, then leave her be.

#113 Jenflea

Posted 06 August 2019 - 08:13 PM

We used to roll our waistbands over a few times.
Then when the length was inspected you'd just unroll them and be fine.

A decade or 2 later and LONG skirts were all the rage.

#114 CallMeFeral

Posted 06 August 2019 - 09:35 PM

View Postpurplekitty, on 06 August 2019 - 03:48 PM, said:

'Adjusting' the school uniform is a rite of passage.

No wonder I never fitted in. I 'adjusted' it by buying a pair of pants in protest at them not having a pants option, and wearing that. Nobody cared, which was a shame as I was up for a fight. At least I was warm though.

View PostLifesgood, on 06 August 2019 - 06:48 PM, said:

OP it sounds like your DD is interested in how she looks and wants to present a certain look. If you think she is going to struggle with attention that she may get (from peers or others) then I think you should try to find a way to discuss it with her and prepare her for how to deal with it. If she is mature enough to decide how she wants to look then she needs to know a bit about the outside world as well, ugly as it is. If you aren't concerned about how she will deal with it, then leave her be.

I think that's what I'm struggling with. I want to prepare her, but not sure how without introducing her to the knowledge of how much of the world is, under a thin veneer, really about sex. I feel like I'm starting to understand the garden of eden story - and I'm not quite ready to give her the apple yet! I dance around the edges as much as possible, but I feel like she's still to innocent for me to want to go there and break it.

View PostLiterary Lemur, on 06 August 2019 - 02:17 PM, said:

I think PP are a bit naïve if they think that because they control the money they control the clothes. Kids are way more inventive than that. My teen has the largest baggiest tee shirt that would pass any modesty test. Sometimes she knots up the hem and turns it into a  midriff.

Oh yes. I have a picture of the scungies she turned into a one shoulder crop top. She wasn't allowed out in them but it was pretty inventive.

#115 Ellie bean

Posted 06 August 2019 - 10:04 PM

I dread this when my 7yo dd gets older. She is startlingly gorgeous and clearly going to be far more beautiful than I ever was, I hate that this is something that worries me!
I only came in to say, as someone who developed d cups as a young teen, I got plenty of comments even without being scantily clad- I used to have to cross a reasonably busy toad walking my dog to the beach and it was a rare day a truckie didn’t call out “show us your tits” when I was just wearing jeans and a normal t shirt. My point being, dressing more modestly won’t necessarily protect her from sexualised comments anyway. It definitely won’t protect her from assault etc.
I envisage when I have to discuss with my dd, I’ll be saying, if you dress like this there may be attention you don’t want, that’s not your fault, it’s an unfortunate reality, but if you dress differently there may still be attention you don’t want, it’s an unfortunate reality, etc....
God the world sucks doesn’t it!

Eta I was crossing a busy road not a busy toad lol

Edited by Ellie bean, 06 August 2019 - 10:05 PM.


#116 spr_maiden

Posted 07 August 2019 - 10:52 AM

It does suck!!

I was flat-chested, in glasses with bun hair, looked very young for my age and in sloppy jumpers.
Didn't stop boys and men writing me letters,  calling out, a few beating up other boys for coming near me (cos, ownership apparently), some attempting and others successfully assaulting me.  Including the nice guys who thought they were displaying how enlightened they were by approaching me to share how attracted they were to me because I wore said glasses and didn't wear make-up.

I wish I had the secret to stopping this bullsh*t!! I really do.

#117 BeAwesome

Posted 15 August 2019 - 10:25 AM

My 11 year old DD has started taking an interest in clothing and personal style.  She's very artistic and seems to see her dress sense as an extension of that.

I will let her wear crop tops, she likes things like:

https://pavementbran...5c4db1bdf&_ss=r or https://pavementbran...5c4db1bdf&_ss=r

I do talk about appropriateness of occasion, and how to tastefully pair things up.  Example 1 above I'd suggest go with jeans, and not short shorts.  I insist things are well fitting.  I definitely say no to impractical shoes.  I will say going to the playground is not a fashion show, so wear athletic pants or trackies so you can run/scooter/climb.  Dress warm if it's cold, follow school rules (strict Catholic school).  

I was heavily into clothes/fashion from that age, and had similar conversations with my mum.  I always had a healthy self esteem, compared to some of my friends who had much stricter dress restrictions. As previous posters mentioned above, some of my friends had to hide things from parents that I was just allowed to wear.  Despite living in booty shorts, I was (and am) actually a huge nerd and rule follower, which tended to confuse my peers.  

I think most important is ensuring she's confident in herself, and is dressing for herself and not anyone else.




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