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Young teen planning on trying marjuana


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#51 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 09 August 2019 - 01:55 PM

View Postmolinero, on 09 August 2019 - 11:13 AM, said:



OMG yes seeing how annoying my parents were stoned was a super turn off for the drugs scene!

lol - yes.

i saw some funny footage of Woodstock recently with people stoned out of their skull and yeh....hasnt aged well. i doubt teens today would look at it and think “whoa - cool”.

it’s a tough one - agree with others that coming down hard and attempting an outright ban (impossible anyway) is not the way to go. talk to them, let them know your concerns - it’s the unknown, it’s unregulated etc.


#52 nasty snaugh

Posted 09 August 2019 - 02:05 PM

View PostJoanJett, on 09 August 2019 - 12:06 PM, said:

Roebuck maybe I'm seeing this from a different angle, but if your son knows you check his phone regularly, I kind of wonder if he left this message there deliberately. If I was him, I would be deleting it ASAP. If it's a new friendship, part of me wonders if he wants some help to navigate this situation without losing face. What I mean is, he might be outwardly going along with the friend to fit in, but doesn't really want to experiment and is hoping you'll help him sort the situation. But I don't know your son.....

This was my first thought too - that he might want you to know, so that you can help him find a way to not do it, but to also save face with the kids who are also in on the plan?

#53 FatherofFour

Posted 09 August 2019 - 02:18 PM

View Postali-song, on 09 August 2019 - 12:46 PM, said:

My friend with a 14yo DS has an interesting approach - she drug tests her son every two weeks. Her main reason for doing this is to give him an ‘out’ if he’s facing peer pressure to try drugs, so he can say ‘nah, man, I can’t because my parents test me.’

View Postpurplekitty, on 09 August 2019 - 12:55 PM, said:

I'm a little uncomfortable with that but the rationale is interesting if the child is consenting.

Two weekly testing is unlikely to be effective.

What a novel idea !!

I would love to know what type of test she does and how she does it ..... there could be a business opportunity here, testing people's kids.

As PK said, it is not going to be effective as such in detecting if a drug was used (THC will not be detectable after 12 hrs etc) but as a possible deterrent / excuse for him to use to not partake it is a good idea.

Or, she could just tell him she will do 6 monthly hair follicle tests or something (presuming he doesn't do a Ben Cousins and get it cropped)

#54 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 09 August 2019 - 02:30 PM

I think its also important to mention in a drug talk that theres marijuana, and then theres marijuana.  Theres a fair bit of difference between somebodys backyard plant with no chemicals and concentrated hydro or hash.
Unfortunately a lot of drug 'information' just lumps it all together.
Id be much less worried about my kids smoking the outdoor plant, but both are going to get them in trouble with the law.

#55 Mollycoddle

Posted 09 August 2019 - 02:37 PM

View Postali-song, on 09 August 2019 - 12:46 PM, said:

My friend with a 14yo DS has an interesting approach - she drug tests her son every two weeks. Her main reason for doing this is to give him an ‘out’ if he’s facing peer pressure to try drugs, so he can say ‘nah, man, I can’t because my parents test me.’

But why does what sounds like a pretty cool and assertive kid need such an out in the first place?  If a kid is fine with coming out with something totally lame and embarrassing as that then surely they can cope with just saying no anyway??  I'd rather cope with the shame of saying no and being left out than alienate myself even further by saying my parents drug test me lol.

Edited by Mollycoddle, 09 August 2019 - 02:38 PM.


#56 JomoMum

Posted 09 August 2019 - 02:38 PM

View PostHolidayromp, on 09 August 2019 - 10:53 AM, said:

Outright banning does not work with teens it backfires.  The best way is to guide without saying no you cannot do it.

that is a massive blanket statement that cannot possibly ever apply to every teenager.

#57 PurpleWitch

Posted 09 August 2019 - 02:42 PM

Just make sure that he knows that if something goes wrong/he has a reaction/gets paranoid and freaks out. That he can call you and you wont flip out.

#58 MooGuru

Posted 09 August 2019 - 02:44 PM

View PostMollycoddle, on 09 August 2019 - 02:37 PM, said:



But why does what sounds like a pretty cool and assertive kid need such an out in the first place?  If a kid is fine with coming out with something totally lame and embarrassing as that then surely they can cope with just saying no anyway??  I'd rather cope with the shame of saying no and being left out than alienate myself even further by saying my parents drug test me lol.

I would imagine lots of kids would prefer to blame "my really strict parents" than say "I'm not interested".

I did it all the time and people reacted totally differently "I don't want to" = needs to be convinced. "I'm not allowed to" = people saying stuff like "nah don't bother, she can't. MooGuru's parents are crazy"

#59 Mollycoddle

Posted 09 August 2019 - 02:48 PM

View PostPurpleWitch, on 09 August 2019 - 02:42 PM, said:

Just make sure that he knows that if something goes wrong/he has a reaction/gets paranoid and freaks out. That he can call you and you wont flip out.

I think this is all you can do.  And if it were to happen the good that could come out of it would be that he might think twice about continuing to do it.  Natural consequences and all that.

Edited by Mollycoddle, 09 August 2019 - 02:50 PM.


#60 EsmeLennox

Posted 09 August 2019 - 02:49 PM

Open, honest conversation about risk taking and experimentation. Reassurance that it's Ok to come to you for help if he needs it.

Limit opportunities to be with the said friend. I wouldn't 'ban' per se.

14 is a very typical age to start experimenting.

And keep in mind that a hell of a lot of 'big noting' ones-self goes on with 14 year old boys.

#61 EsmeLennox

Posted 09 August 2019 - 02:52 PM

View PostMooGuru, on 09 August 2019 - 02:44 PM, said:

I would imagine lots of kids would prefer to blame "my really strict parents" than say "I'm not interested".

I did it all the time and people reacted totally differently "I don't want to" = needs to be convinced. "I'm not allowed to" = people saying stuff like "nah don't bother, she can't. MooGuru's parents are crazy"

Kid can blame their 'really strict parents' without the parent actually carrying out drug testing.

#62 MooGuru

Posted 09 August 2019 - 02:59 PM

View PostEsmeLennox, on 09 August 2019 - 02:52 PM, said:



Kid can blame their 'really strict parents' without the parent actually carrying out drug testing.

They can. I was replying to the person who said why would a teen want to blame their parent rather than just say they don't want to.

#63 ali-song

Posted 09 August 2019 - 03:21 PM

View PostMollycoddle, on 09 August 2019 - 02:37 PM, said:



But why does what sounds like a pretty cool and assertive kid need such an out in the first place?  If a kid is fine with coming out with something totally lame and embarrassing as that then surely they can cope with just saying no anyway??  I'd rather cope with the shame of saying no and being left out than alienate myself even further by saying my parents drug test me lol.

Kid is actually rather socially awkward, and has had trouble with friendships. I do agree with no actual testing being required for him to use this line, but I think he may not be a great liar.

#64 Chchgirl

Posted 09 August 2019 - 04:01 PM

I'm not ok with checking a teen's messages, they all deserve privacy but that's me.

I've been there with experimenting teens that have come out as pretty ok adults.

I think Purplewitch's advice is sensible and what I've used. Only a couple of times and both with grog. Both have tried dope and told me.

Hell, I tried it when younger (quite a few times) as well. My kids are tame compared to what I was.

I was very open with my teens yet my parents were over the top strict, I was a hell of a lot worse!

#65 MrsCee

Posted 09 August 2019 - 04:23 PM

View Postnasty snaugh, on 09 August 2019 - 02:05 PM, said:



This was my first thought too - that he might want you to know, so that you can help him find a way to not do it, but to also save face with the kids who are also in on the plan?

That’s kinda what I’m thinking.

I’d find some kind of lame excuse to ground him for the weekend (like not cleaning his room or back answering, whatever)... win-win.

- He doesn’t lose face with his mates.

- He doesn’t get the opportunity to experiment... this time (I personally think 14 is pretty young)

- You don’t have to admit to looking through his phone and his mates won’t be p*ssed with him cause his parents know what is going on.

I know they are going to experiment. I’ve been a high school, teacher for 20 years and the things teenagers get up to would curl your hair.

However, if it’s my child I would do everything I could to at least delay it for as long as possible, hopefully until, they have a teensy bit more maturity.

#66 purplekitty

Posted 09 August 2019 - 04:35 PM

View PostPurpleWitch, on 09 August 2019 - 02:42 PM, said:

Just make sure that he knows that if something goes wrong/he has a reaction/gets paranoid and freaks out. That he can call you and you wont flip out.
The is a really important point.
We told our children that they shouldn't ever hesitate to call us and we would pick them,or their friends, up no matter what's wrong,where or what time.

Knowing to seek medical help is important as well.

#67 FearsomeFeralFreak

Posted 09 August 2019 - 04:38 PM

Thanks for your feedback everyone.
I also wonder if he left it on his phone intentionally as he knows I check it. That’s always been the agreement.
But he can also be a bit vague and has forgotten to delete it. That wouldn’t be surprising either.
I think I will do the general chat (again) about risky behaviour. We have discussed this stuff and he was always so dismissive of kids who took drugs/got drunk so this is a turn around.  I’ve already explained to him a few times that he can always call if he decides to experiment  and doesn’t feel safe/well/whatever.
I’m not going to get angry.i experimented with more than enough drugs when I was young so I know it happens. But I was nowhere near as young as he is.

#68 ~J_WTF~

Posted 09 August 2019 - 04:42 PM

View PostFearsomeFeralFreak, on 09 August 2019 - 04:38 PM, said:

Thanks for your feedback everyone.
I also wonder if he left it on his phone intentionally as he knows I check it. That’s always been the agreement.
But he can also be a bit vague and has forgotten to delete it. That wouldn’t be surprising either.
I think I will do the general chat (again) about risky behaviour. We have discussed this stuff and he was always so dismissive of kids who took drugs/got drunk so this is a turn around.  I’ve already explained to him a few times that he can always call if he decides to experiment  and doesn’t feel safe/well/whatever.
I’m not going to get angry.i experimented with more than enough drugs when I was young so I know it happens. But I was nowhere near as young as he is.

Ummm are you running two accounts here?!

#69 Threelittleducks

Posted 09 August 2019 - 04:50 PM

I would discuss the risk of the impact of drugs and alcohol on the developing brain. My parents made it clear to me that my brain was my best asset. I was very wary of jeopardising that. This article is a nice lay discussion on some of the risks.
https://www.google.c...hrenia.amp.html

Good Luck

#70 purplekitty

Posted 09 August 2019 - 05:07 PM

View PostFatherofFour, on 09 August 2019 - 02:18 PM, said:

What a novel idea !!

I would love to know what type of test she does and how she does it ..... there could be a business opportunity here, testing people's kids.

As PK said, it is not going to be effective as such in detecting if a drug was used (THC will not be detectable after 12 hrs etc) but as a possible deterrent / excuse for him to use to not partake it is a good idea.

Or, she could just tell him she will do 6 monthly hair follicle tests or something (presuming he doesn't do a Ben Cousins and get it cropped)
Pretty cheap.

https://andatech.com.../drug-test-kits

#71 crankybee

Posted 09 August 2019 - 05:20 PM

You are an adult and you know that a minor is buying and supplying pot. You have a moral and legal responsibility to go to the police.

#72 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 09 August 2019 - 06:03 PM

The problem with drug testing is that it has been shown that it doesn't stop people taking drugs, they just change what they take. Sometimes that's just to alcohol but often its to things like GHB. I know Id rather my kid smoke pot than try something that has a high likelihood of them overdosing personally.

The increase in people dying at rave festivals has been strongly linked to people taking all their drugs beforehand to avoid sniffer dogs and therefore overdosing.
https://www.rmit.edu...fer-dogs-trauma

Edited by WannabeMasterchef, 09 August 2019 - 06:05 PM.


#73 WaitForMe

Posted 09 August 2019 - 06:21 PM

View PostMooGuru, on 09 August 2019 - 02:44 PM, said:

I would imagine lots of kids would prefer to blame "my really strict parents" than say "I'm not interested".

I did it all the time and people reacted totally differently "I don't want to" = needs to be convinced. "I'm not allowed to" = people saying stuff like "nah don't bother, she can't. MooGuru's parents are crazy"

I had a variety of friends that did and didn't smoke weed, with a variety of parental strictness. I can't recall a single one of them using the strict parent excuse, it was never seen as valid as thats just an excuse for a sleepover.

In fact one friend worked at a factory that had mandatory drug tests, he used to eat an obscene amount of asparagus when due for a test, he never got caught so I guess it worked... but then maybe the tests weren't that sensitive back then and abstaining for a couple of days was the real thing that worked.

The main excuses were sports, just not interested, and a genuine fear. Most friends that didn't want to, began to segregate themselves from those that did and the friendship groups somewhat split.

#74 Tokra

Posted 09 August 2019 - 06:22 PM

Think you replied using the wrong account there lol.


View Post~Bob~, on 09 August 2019 - 11:51 AM, said:

I’ll be the odd one out, I would contact the school and ask them to get involved. I would be hoping they would talk to the child buying the drugs and dealing them to my child.

Yes, drinking culture is way worse, but there are standards around the ingredients and manufacture of alcohol. We don’t know what is in drugs, because they are manufactured without any controls or guidelines. So although I wouldn’t give my 14 year old a beer, I’d be less worried about him having one than I would about dugs with unknown ingredients.

And we do know that it’s Russian roulette in terms of potential drug use and the link to the development of some mental illnesses. There have even been reported cases of one bad night of drug taking leading to permanent brain damage.

There’s no way I’d let that go without a fight. I would talk to my son and give him all of this information. I would hope that he would make the right decision, and I would do everything in my power to try to make sure that didn’t happen.

I agree with this.

View PostChchgirl, on 09 August 2019 - 04:01 PM, said:

I'm not ok with checking a teen's messages, they all deserve privacy but that's me.

My teen will get privacy when he can show that he deserves it.

View Postcrankybee, on 09 August 2019 - 05:20 PM, said:

You are an adult and you know that a minor is buying and supplying pot. You have a moral and legal responsibility to go to the police.

Also agree with this, big time.

#75 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 09 August 2019 - 06:23 PM

this is an interesting discussion - i’m on the threshold of it all with a nearly 13 yr old....at 15 or 16 (can’t recall exactly) i had tried marijuana and alcohol..so, i was no saint and i’m realistic about access to these things. ecstasy was around when i wasn in high school and i never tried it - and i was scared of it...maybe i had heard about OD risks...not sure. anyway...would parents here suggest pointing out the recent over doses at music festivals - due largely to the unregulated nature of it, bad batches etc....? or would that be scaremongering and counter productive?




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