Jump to content

SN venting thread

  • Please log in to reply
555 replies to this topic

#476 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 20 January 2020 - 06:36 PM

View PostCaribou, on 18 January 2020 - 01:16 PM, said:

I know this all sounds like good news but I also got the sense  from the psych and DH (who's gifted too) of being smart as a kid is bad. Ifs crap for them. and I'm feeling like maybe thats true? in a society where most people are average, to be smart is to stand out like a sore thumb.

I never did any testing, though I think I'd just have come out as smart not gifted.  I know it caused problems for some kids at our school. There was definitely some bullying around it.  Slightly dodgy public primary with a very ineffective principle and some truly awful teachers and kids.  So no idea if it would be an issue in all schools. I liked to think when I was a teen that I was smart enough to know it wasn't a great thing to advertise. My results at the end of year 12 certainly didn't reflect what I could do. Unfortunately I was smart enough to get good grades with very little work, but not motivated enough to put in effort to get great grades.  I think that can be a trap if school is too easy and you can get good results coasting.  My dad had enough to deal with so I pretty much flew under the radar as I was doing well enough. I think it can make childhood tougher, anything that makes you stand out from the average has that potential. But that it would be very variable based on the school.

#477 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 20 January 2020 - 06:52 PM

I hope you don't have long there CP.

#478 Chaotic Pogo

Posted 20 January 2020 - 09:02 PM

Home now. Very small 3rd degree burn. Have to take her to get dressing changed. Otherwise fine.
Just one of those weeks.

#479 Prancer is coming

Posted 20 January 2020 - 09:30 PM

Caribou, I think it helps to tell them.  Even if you don’t use the diagnosed terms, to talk about the different way their brain works to others.  My kid isn’t as smart as yours (I think FSIQ was 92-94% with scores ranging from 27-98%).  As he has ADHD and a learning disability there have been lots of struggles and misunderstandings of his ability.  These differences often have him feeling he is stupid.  I think it is important that he knows how smart he is, and that his skills are in intellectual thinking, and his lower working memory, ADHD and learning disability impact on how he gets the information out.  So if he does not do as well as he hoped, it does not mean he does not have the knowledge.  

I am sure having a highly gifted child is hard.   But I think there are lots of other medical conditions that would be worse, and low IQ certainly would not be any better.  I also find people make all sorts of assumptions about DS (and probably me!) based on his ADHD and poor handwriting, so I find his higher IQ is sort of not frowned upon and challenges people’s perceptions, if that makes sense.

Pogo, glad burns are not too serious, hope your child is still doing ok in the morning.

Our holidays have been going pretty well, but gone to the pack over the last week.  3 big tantrums from DS and a 3.5 hour car trip today with so much yelling from my 2 ADHD boys.

#480 Paddlepop

Posted 21 January 2020 - 12:52 AM

Caribou: I agree with the others that your DD does need to know about her giftedness. My memory is a bit crap at the moment - has she been officially diagnosed with ADHD? She absolutely needs to know about that. My DH didn't get diagnosed with ASD and ADHD until he was an adult and he desperately wishes he'd known as a child why he was different to other people and even though he was smart and knew things that his school grades didn't reflect that. Our DD was diagnosed at 4yo with anxiety and ASD and at 6yo with ADHD.

We've been open with her the whole time about how her brain is different to most people but is like dad's, and how that can make some things easier and some things harder. She loves having DH as someone to identify with, and as she's gotten older she gets excited when she finds out that someone famous also has ASD or ADHD. For example she loves the Captain Underpants books. She was reading the bio about the author and that he has ADHD. She was very excited to have something in common with him but then very sad to read that he was often put in the school hallway for misbehaviour that was actually undiagnosed misunderstood ADHD. She couldn't understand why he was punished for it so I explained to her how in the past when people didn't really know about ADHD it was thought to be bad behaviour. I gave her some examples of her own behaviour that would have been regarded as naughtiness if she wasn't diagnosed and how instead the school understands that it's due to her ADHD and instead tries to help her with concentrating.

The key is to explain things in an age appropriate way and in a way that works for your child.

I don't think that being gifted is necessarily a bad thing. If you can get DD into extension classes at school or find some sort of group of other gifted children where she feels like she belongs and is "normal" then you might find that she's a lot happier. In my local area there's a selective public high school that is only for very intelligent students and it's pretty prestigious to get into it. Intelligence isn't looked down on in this area or regarded as a bad thing that should be hidden. I am in a high SES area with lots of private schools and a uni so that probably skews my opinion.

#481 Caribou

Posted 21 January 2020 - 05:09 AM

Thanks  re- captain underpants. One of DDs favourite books. I’ll use that on her!

#482 Caribou

Posted 21 January 2020 - 03:32 PM

I'm sorry to be a pain in here. I didn't really want to start my own vent thread.

I told a close friend who's DS is also gifted and in same yr as DD about DD's outcome and I've since been ghosted.

Like, properly ghosted. It's almost like she's mad at me for DD being gifted. I mean yea she's competitive but I didn't think it would extend to this. I was hoping we'd least have support knowing she and I were in the same boat. I didn't even tell her what I wrote in here, giving her the upbeat version but worried how this year will play out.

I'm trying not to give too many details in case she is in here and it links up.

it's been a few days and I've prodded her to see if she was ok but I've not heard anything.

School is going to be freaking awkward if we haven't resolved whatever is going on.

#483 IamtheMumma

Posted 21 January 2020 - 04:15 PM

I'm so sorry Caribou. Ghosting hurts especially when its over something so petty (her competitiveness).

#484 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 21 January 2020 - 04:57 PM

If you look at the gifted research, it's the exceptionally/profoundly gifted kids who tend to have bad mental health outcomes.  I wouldn't be concerned about a kid testing at the 96-99th percentile having a miserable time of it as a consequence of being gifted.

#485 MayaTheGrinch

Posted 21 January 2020 - 04:58 PM

I’m so sorry caribou. Ghosting hurts. Hopefully things work out.

#486 Bethlehem Babe

Posted 21 January 2020 - 05:37 PM

Oh that’s such a tough response from a so-called friend. You’d think you’d band together to share resources!

My vent. Eye check today. Eldests low muscle tone is impacting his eyesight and we’ve been referred onto a specialist for more support and glasses. Unfortunately he’s completely opposed to glasses. Sometimes it feels that everything always leads to more specialist and more travel and more expenses.
Youngest didn’t completely co-operate but they were happy enough with him.

#487 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 21 January 2020 - 06:27 PM

That's so hurtful Caribou.

DS speech assessment is rebooked for next week on my dad's day off.  He's going to take me and ds to it.  Unfortunately his car is manual and I've only driven auto so can't borrow his car.

#488 Caribou

Posted 22 January 2020 - 07:16 AM

DD was complaining about being so dumb last night so a good opportunity came up to talk about her diagnosis of ADHD and giftedness. While we didn't use those terms we explained she was brighter than most people and found work easy, but she had a harder time than most people because she struggles with attention and we explained thats what the tests had showed.

We've also let her know we have arranged for someone to help her with attention strategies for term one. She seemed upbeat about this. We will have to keep reminding her this because I am sure it was all overwhelming and she's going to forget parts of it too.

Getting there. Baby steps right?

SM3s - That's great your Dad can help out. sucks about the manual but better than missing appointment completely.

#489 Chaotic Pogo

Posted 22 January 2020 - 09:19 AM

Caribou that sounds like a really good start.

I was talking with DD yesterday about how good she is at problem solving, but at how hard she find the 'boring' bits like learning words. And that it was the opposite for lots of other kids.

#490 MayaTheGrinch

Posted 22 January 2020 - 10:51 AM

That sounds like a really good start caribou.

#491 Caribou

Posted 22 January 2020 - 09:18 PM

Does anyone’s ADHD kid struggle to fall asleep?

#492 IamtheMumma

Posted 22 January 2020 - 09:28 PM

Yes. Ritalin makes it hard for him to fall asleep. He's just started melatonin. So far, it is working so well.

#493 MayaTheGrinch

Posted 22 January 2020 - 09:47 PM

Yep. Well the youngest one very much so. He was 4.5 before he slept more then 3 hours at a time. He did not fall asleep until 10-11 and would sleep maybe 2-3 hours if I was lucky. As a newborn he was that kid who was up 16-18 hour straight. I always joked there was only two modes for him unconscious and full tilt. No “I’m sleepy” stage at all. Adhd has been associated with lower levels of melatonin being produced by the body. Melatonin was a god send (I rocked up at the peads after a month of the kid sleeping 30 mins at a time then being awake for 2 hours then asleep for 30mins and was desperate for a solution).

The medication he is in now (strattera) helps alleviate this so we don’t actually use melatonin anymore.

Big kid always had ok sleet but his current med (Concerta) does affect his sleep now. But he’s also older (11). He’s usually asleep by 8.30 and up at 5.30. Some nights he might get to sleep until 9-10.

Edited by MayaTheGrinch, 22 January 2020 - 09:51 PM.

#494 Caribou

Posted 23 January 2020 - 08:19 AM


DD used to take a long time to fall asleep, even with her day naps dropped but once asleep slept through until the sun is up. or so I thought.

It didn't click until the psych said make sure she gets enough sleep and I was thinking, that's one thing I don't have to worry about!

until It twigged that the last couple months she'd been getting out of bed and complaining she can't sleep. usually within 15-20 mins of going to bed and we would send her back to bed.

Then I'm not sure how it came up but she tells us she's been getting up in the night and reading books. and I'm like wait what? How were you still even getting through school with little sleep? But it could explain her grumpiness of late.

DD is hard to read. She also just doesn't tell us anything either. so a lot of stuff is always found out much later and not really by her admission. We've been working on her to be more open about stuff but she is rarely so.

She got a Garmin watch for Christmas and it has a sleep tracker on it. While I get it wouldn't be 100% accurate, I am going to get her to wear it at night and see if anything shows there.

#495 MayaTheGrinch

Posted 24 January 2020 - 10:59 AM

:angry: I'm hopping mad. I just went to pay for our speech therapist appointment and thought I would check our plan again so I can note which goal it relates to and the stupid b**ch of a planner we go reworded the goals so communication isn't even mentioned anymore. So how am I supposed to use the funds to pay for speech therapy? She really really screwed with us. Speech therapy is bloody core to all the work we have been doing for years. How can you ignore that when the report I handed in quiet clearly stated he has a moderate language delay in both receptive and expressive areas relating to communication with severe deficits in some areas?

I think I am going to have to just rock up to the office next week, because this is total bullsh*t. I want a sit down with her damned team leader and I want eyes on my plan again. NO one has been in contact with me despite multiple emails. And a friend who is associated with them says all they worry about is KPIs in the department, nevermind these are actual people whose lives they are affecting.

Edited by MayaTheGrinch, 24 January 2020 - 11:00 AM.

#496 Caribou

Posted 24 January 2020 - 11:39 AM

Oh Maya, I'd be hopping mad too. I've heard enough unhappy stories about the NDIS I dread having to apply for DD.

I can you email/call them and tell them they need to urgently include communications into the report? Try save yourself the visit to the office?I'm sorry if this sounds stupid, I'm still working out how we're going to navigate this.

#497 IamtheMumma

Posted 24 January 2020 - 12:00 PM

That is a colossal stuff up. NDIS are another Centrelink.  Too little staff who know what they're doing or the ones who do are so overworked and underpaid. Too top heavy with managers high up who are clueless. Uses an inappropriate model for measuring success.

When we got our plan, they offered self or case managed. A case manager would get 10K for looking after his financials. I said I'd manage it and the 10K can go to his care. Apparently it doesn't work like that.

#498 MayaTheGrinch

Posted 24 January 2020 - 12:01 PM

View PostCaribou, on 24 January 2020 - 11:39 AM, said:

Oh Maya, I'd be hopping mad too. I've heard enough unhappy stories about the NDIS I dread having to apply for DD.

I can you email/call them and tell them they need to urgently include communications into the report? Try save yourself the visit to the office?I'm sorry if this sounds stupid, I'm still working out how we're going to navigate this.

Oh I emailed the planner. I was blunt and to the point and demanding. The issue is that I do not have any contact details for them other then the planner's email address. I have a friend who works in the same office but no for them so she is raising the issue with the team leader that I need to be contacted sooner rather then later. And now I'm stressing over where the hell I'm going to find 4k to spend on speech therapy because it is not something we can go without. Or the tutor. It means my poor other kid ends up not being able to do anything because we can't afford it. And you know he could likely need some therapeutic support but he's doing ok, doesn't qualify for NDIS with "adhd only", so we have to prioritize. It's a ****ed up system.

Edited by MayaTheGrinch, 24 January 2020 - 12:03 PM.

#499 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 24 January 2020 - 12:09 PM

I'm so sorry mayahlb.  That is a monumental **** up. It's ****ing unfair.

It should work like that IamtheMumma. If they're got 10k to spend on a planner why shouldn't there be 10k extra to spend on therapy if you self manage.

#500 MayaTheGrinch

Posted 24 January 2020 - 12:14 PM

Yep we got 5k for “support coordination”. I’d prefer to spend that money on therapy! But I don’t have a choice because we don’t have LACs up here and they have to be showing they are providing guidance or some such bull sh*t.

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users


Top 5 Viewed Articles

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.