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How long to be thinking about it?
37 replies to this topic
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:12 PM
I have no idea if this is a silly question or not, so apologies in advance.
We had a very close encounter yesterday afternoon. My DH and I were in the backyard gardening and saw the next door neighbours car start to roll down to us. We are on a hill and they are up-hill from us. I had just been in the house and knew that my 7 yo son was in his bedroom sitting on the floor colouring in. Anyhow, watching the car roll down our front yard and towards the house I knew that it was going to hit my son's room, or close to it. I ran into the house absolutely screaming for my son, telling him to move and come to me. Anyhow, the car hit the house, at my sons room, however we were lucky as our house has a steel beam and that (and the air con unit) took most of the impact so my son is fine, although the interior wall in his room is slightly damaged. The neighbour's car is write off.
Anyhow, I know it was only yesterday but I seem to be having more of a reaction than my DH. I think because I knew our son was in his room where the car hit and secondly because I suffer from anxiety (am on Zoloft).
All of today, it was all I could think about. Not as in "what ifs??" I guess, just more thinking about it and replaying it. I guess what I'm asking is for how long is this normal? (I know that's a difficult question). I guess because my reaction is more extreme then my DHs I'm struggling a bit more.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:15 PM
Wow that would have freaked me out too. Take as long as you need. It was an event that rattled you.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:20 PM
I think your reaction is very normal - that would have been terrifying. Talk about it as much as you need to.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:20 PM
Thank you. It really did terrify me. Our 7 yo son was oblivious (of course 😂) but the car hit the wall about less than a meter from where he was sitting.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:22 PM
I think that would haunt me for years. You saw your child in terrible danger.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:31 PM
How scary. It would be the seeing it happen but not being able to prevent it that would get me. I’m not suggesting you would want compo but if you needed counselling it would come under the cars CTP insurance You can google for your state.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:34 PM
I'm no expert, but I think the day after its perfectly reasonable to be thinking about it. For me, I would think if the thoughts were still intrusive after a week or so, then I'd be talking to someone. Glad everyone came out unscathed, and well done on your quick thinking.
Edited by Mmmcheese, 18 August 2019 - 05:34 PM.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:35 PM
My husband was attacked in a road rage incident whilst my kids and I watched from a separate car. He was completely over it in a few months. Took me a year. It’s traumatic, give yourself some space.
ETA I’m on ADs for depression
Edited by notsonewone, 18 August 2019 - 05:36 PM.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:36 PM
I have anxiety and it would likely take me weeks to get over something like this. I probably wouldn't think about it every moment of every day but I would have moments of thinking about it each day for sure. Maybe debrief with someone like a counsellor or psychologist?
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:37 PM
Bloody hell, that would be terrifying! I’d certainly think it’s very “normal” to still be feeling extremely shocked and rattled.
Personally I’d give it a week or so just to let yourself feel whatever you feel. After that, if the amount you’re dwelling on it hasn’t reduced quite a bit, I’d go and see the GP or a counsellor.
I think it would be expected that you might feel some level of upset or anxiety about it for a long time but if it’s stopping you living your life, a counsellor or other professional might be able to help you with some coping strategies.
I don’t have anxiety or anything similar, but nonetheless think I would probably need to seek professional support if that happened to me.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:40 PM
That would be absolutely terrifying and I think completely in the realms of normal to have it on your mind for a while. If you’re worrying about your reaction it may help to see a counsellor or psychologist for a one-off debrief. And debriefing with family and friends (even those that weren’t there) can help as well.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 05:55 PM
I don't believe the least anxious of people could 'get over' that in a day. Your husband may be outwardly 'better', but I'll bet any money he's well and truly shaken up.
Something like that would give me flashbacks for months, if not years, and I don't think that's abnormal, it's probably more what you do with those thoughts that matter. I should imagine right now it's a bit immobilising, but if that's still happening ongoing some help would be useful.
I don't think it hurts anyone who's been through something terrifying (and potentially so much worse) to seek help to talk it through. Our nearest and dearest may not be the best people to sound off to.
Professionals know exactly what you need to hear, to help.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 06:03 PM
Everyone reacts differently - there is no "wrong" way to react to such a shock and near miss. Cut yourself some slack - and DH too - and be kind to each other.
One thing a work colleague who was triggered with something recently mentioned, and I think that it is apt here, is recounting helps to put it into context in your mind. When you do recount it - to yourself and to others - and once you have processed it - is to emphasise the "and we survived" at the end.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 06:09 PM
I have to say, DH is being very understanding. I guess I'm worried (probably prematurely, and just because of our different reactions) because the last traumatic event (funnily enough because of the same neighbour and a drunken friend - I was 20 weeks pregnant home alone with two kids and ended up calling 000 twice that night) I ended up on Zoloft again 😂 I guess I'm overthinking it a bit 🤣 Thank you so much for your replies.
Edited by hotsonfornowhere, 18 August 2019 - 06:11 PM.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 06:10 PM
That is terrifying. I think normal is you'll be feeling it for a while to come yet. It may not go away until the house is repaired but even then, you might look at that wall and shudder.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 06:18 PM
Everyone is different. Sometimes we process things immediately and sometimes theres a delayed reaction... maybe your DH will be hit with the 'what ifs' later? Or maybe he is just the type of person to not think about alternative scenarios (that's what DH is like- he stresses about actual things, but doesnt entertain any of my 'maybe this could...'type things as its not how he thinks).
That's not a normal thing to happen and you are absolutely right to worry.
I hope you are ok xx
Posted 18 August 2019 - 07:47 PM
How scary! And what amazing quick thinking and action from you, you should be so chuffed at how quickly you processed the situation and took steps to protect your son!
Totally normal and expected for that to be running through your head for a while, but definitely try and frame your recall as “it terrifying in the moment but we’re all fine and i’m so glad it’s okay”.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 08:13 PM
That’s terrifying. You poor thing, you must be beside yourself.
Posted 18 August 2019 - 08:54 PM
I can't predict how DH and I would react but no two people are the same so I can't see a right or wrong way for either of us really
Posted 18 August 2019 - 10:35 PM
That is a very scary situation and would rattle anyone. I find I tend to think things over more than what my husband does. He seems able to process things quicker and look at things from a more “practical” angle ie nobody was hurt, it was a close call let’s just get on with it. I guess there isn’t really a right or wrong way.
I would think it’s pretty normal to feel the way you do for a while, it was a close call.
I’m so glad your son wasn’t hurt and everyone is safe.
Posted 19 August 2019 - 08:59 AM
I'm a fairly anxious person (thus far untreated so it's not that bad, just a general tendency) and I get regular flashbacks to the handful of occasions over the last ten or years that my children were in imminent danger in my presence - and those were fairly straightforward events, like child pitching headfirst towards concrete - nothing like the horrible situation that you handled so magnificently. I find recounting helps, either out loud to a sympathetic ear (usually DH) or just in my head, to go through the detail again so's I can get to the "everyone's fine, I got to them in time, we're all fine" part at the end.
All the best, and I hope you can eventually focus on how magnificent you were in the circumstances.
Posted 19 August 2019 - 09:03 AM
OP Im so sorry that happened.
I think your reaction is very normal.
We had a minor car accident 2 months ago (nobody hurt but it wrote off my car) when my son was 3 days old. I have vivid nightmares every single night about car accidents. Im actually considering talking to somebody about it just to talk it through as my work has a free counselling service. Ive been in accidents before though, so I was already over-nervous about such things.
Posted 19 August 2019 - 09:09 AM
Your response is normal as PP have said but of course if you have an underlying anxiety it may take a little longer to stop ruminating about the 'what ifs'.
I have had so many 'what ifs' in my life I do definitely understand your state of mind today and sometimes I needed professional help to assist me moving on.
Ignore anyone who suggests you should just 'get over it'. They are lucky they can.
Thank goodness all is well though and your son is safe.
Posted 19 August 2019 - 09:26 AM
You will be rattled for a while and memorize it forever. Are you able to put a few posts (in nice decorative way) in your front yard to act as bollards in case another car rolls down the hill? It may help ease your fears.
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