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Older ladies TTC
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Posted 20 August 2019 - 02:18 PM
I have 2 wonderful children but ache for another. I’m 39 and I find myself so stressed thinking about the risks (mainly chromosomal and multiples) that we are probably leaning towards not TTC. However I’m so worried that I’m being too risk adverse and will I always regret not just going for it. If we don’t conceive I’d be ok, its the fact we haven’t tried.
Anyway wondering if anyone was in the same boat and decided to go for it?
Posted 20 August 2019 - 02:35 PM
I was 42 when we started trying. Got pregnant after six months of trying (apparently that makes me a bit of a freak because women over 40 aren't supposed to get pregnant naturally within six months). We had all the tests you could think of once we knew I was pregnant. Costs money but it was hugely reassuring. Luckily everything was fine and I now have a healthy, happy four year old.
Posted 20 August 2019 - 03:54 PM
I guess TTC is a leap of faith at any stage. I had mine at 38 and 40. I just kind of figured what happens happens, and sadly there can be risks and problems at any time, not just as you get older. We also did all the tests once pregnant.
Luckily it worked out fine, but if it hadn’t that’s another factor you need to steel yourself for, and maybe have an idea of how you might move forward if the results weren’t what you’d hoped for. Best of luck if you decide to go ahead.
Posted 20 August 2019 - 04:09 PM
My 'only' was born two weeks before my 39th. Sister's fifth was born when she was 44, conceived straight way (you'll have to take my word on that one), friend's daughter born when she was 43 conceived the month she went off the pill.
Obviously there are all the other stories about people who were infertile by the time they were 35, too. My MIL and SIL reached menopause early 40s and would have been infertile well before that.
The truth is women are not an average. Ten percent of women can still conceive within a year at 45. I would have been one of those, not reaching menopause until late fifties (and had frequently pituitary tests for an unrelated condition).
So much improved testing now, if that's what worries you. If you're feeling the urge, I'd say go for it. I'd have not hesitated until 45, if it hadn't been for an undiagnosed tumour giving me stratospheric blood pressure, which caused quite the drama after our only one was born.
Posted 20 August 2019 - 04:26 PM
I recently had my 3rd baby at 42. No chromosomal issues or other pregnancy health issues.
Some of the pregnancy related issues are less common if its not your first child. Obviously chromosomal issues are related to age, of both the mother and the father.
You can test for the most commonly occurring ones non invasively now, as you are likely aware.
Surprisingly my 3rd pregnancy and labour were by far easier than the other 2. Breastfeeding is going well.
Im certainly finding it a juggle with 3 but if anything being older is probably easier as I had more money behind me for a couple of emergencies that cropped up!
Posted 20 August 2019 - 04:37 PM
I also think a lot of the science used to back up the current thoughts on fertility over 35 and the risks involved need a massive update. Some of the studies used in the debate around fertility are quite old but it's not something that's going to make money so no one is really interested.
My very-unsubstantiated position is that the science is quite wobbly.
If you really, really want to try, do it. If you do get pregnant and you've got the money, get all the tests done. We're in a much better position now to find out what's what.
Posted 20 August 2019 - 05:08 PM
I wasn't 'trying' but ended up pg with my second at 40, he was born healthy just before my 41st birthday. Like you I was worried about the higher risks associated with the pregnancy and chose to have full chromosomal testing at 12 weeks.
You just need to decide whether you would terminate if there was an abnormality, and if you can accept that risk. It isn't something to take lightly (which I'm sure you wouldn't - just meaning to think it through carefully before).
Posted 20 August 2019 - 05:51 PM
Another aspect to consider is not just whether you want a baby now, but if you are successful, do you want to be supporting a 20 year old when you're 60? Go for it if you want, I just have a vivid memory of a colleague saying to me "I'd be retired by now if we'd stopped at 2" - they had a big gap between the first 2 and number 3.
Posted 21 August 2019 - 08:57 PM
I seriously can not believe I am writing this post.
Older ladies TTC! I don't feel old, but am 37.
When I turned 30 I told my DH it was too old to have another baby.
We have a 16 year old. My DH always said he didn't want another baby.
I went of the pill in Jan to help try and lose weight. I lost 18 kgs in 5 months.
I gave it one last try asking DH and said it will never happen. I told him we can try for 6 months then I'd stop. No IVF.
Would you believe it, we fell first month of trying!!! I timed DTD based on apps but didn't pin point O.
6 weeks yesterday! Still can't believe it .
There's hope for everyone yet
Posted 21 August 2019 - 09:19 PM
I had one at 40.
25 words or less version:
Awful awful pregnancy. 8 hospital admissions, 11 met calls, premature delivery, 2 trips to intensive care (myself), toxic liver injury, kidney damage... and absolutely no regrets.
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