11yo DD Overeating
, Aug 25 2019 12:09 PM
59 replies to this topic
Posted 26 August 2019 - 01:11 PM
HolierThanCow, on 26 August 2019 - 07:06 AM, said:
-Overeating and/or being fat is not a crime. It isn't even necessarily unhealthy.
-It is better to be overweight and healthy/happy than to have an eating disorder
-If you think you are overreacting, there's a good chance that you are (you know yourself better than anyone)
-She's a child and hasn't finished growing yet
-Ultimately, she needs to learn that she has autonomy over her body and learn her 'hungry' signals and won't do this if you tell her when/what to eat all the time
-You are doing a brilliant job with the lunches and meals
-the sneaking food may be in response to your reaction to her eating, so stop it. Bring the crackers and biscuits back out into plain light and let her eat them in front of you
-Calm down. You say she is a happy and healthy kid, so what's the problem?
This is a great post. I can't help wondering whether people would be reacting the same way if this was a tall, completely normal weight active healthy peripubertal boy who was in the "eat the world" phase and whose healthcare practitioners were unconcerned.
The feeling temporarily hungry an hour or two after a meal? Completely normal. Insulin hits, blood sugar drops, there's a temporary faux hunger. That's not disordered. Like PP I would strongly suspect that the sneaking is a response to the restrictions and focus on eating.
Edited by waawa17, 26 August 2019 - 01:13 PM.
Posted 26 August 2019 - 01:41 PM
I may have been mis-reading the growth charts for the past 11 years, but my understanding has always been that a growth and height percentile around the same is on target. My kids have always tracked around the same percentile ranges (75th - 97th at different times), height and weight moving together. If my DDs were taller than 97% of their age group with their medium frames I'd expect them to also weigh more than 97% of their age group, give or take a little. At times the weight has tracked higher, then a growth spurt has come and it has evened out, sometimes weight has tracked a little lower during the spurt.
My daughters are fit, sporty, eat like horses, and don't look over or underweight compared to their peers. And I think given the growing they are doing there is no way I am going to hold food back on them, I want to nourish their growing bodies. I say to them, you listen to your tummy, it tells you when to stop (both when they apologise because they can't finish their meal, or are asking for more). I've noticed meals are not spreading as far as they used to as they have grown. I expected that. Their bodies tell them how much to eat, and they can have as many servings of my healthy dinners as they please over late night snacks.
One of mine does sometimes complain of tummy pain after meals, but I do not think she over eats. I suspect anxiety (she is prone) or certain food intolerances. I'm keeping my eye on this.
Posted 26 August 2019 - 02:16 PM
With a full disclaimer that I dont have tween or teen aged children, to me, the concerning part of her behaviour is are mental aspects.
Not acknowledging feelings of being full and continuing to eat two serves of dinner. Which isn’t an issue in itself, but to the point of being ill is.
Is she sitting with the entire packet of biscuits in her lap? Where is she seeing this behaviour from?
I personally don’t think that 8kg over 12 months is so huge but agree that she appears to be eating quite absent mindedly just in general.
I think we can tend to get ahead of ourselves with girls for fear of creating future issues, where we may not be so worried if a boy of the same age were behaving the same way perhaps?
Edited by JomoMum, 26 August 2019 - 02:19 PM.
Posted 26 August 2019 - 02:31 PM
I agree with previous posters, in that my teenage son, who is 15, nearly 16, has eaten non-stop for years.
He plays sport at a relatively elite level, and has a club nutritionist. They advise that the kids should be eating a normal size helping at each meal (can be a largish size adult meal), as well as unlimited healthy snack options. They advise not to give too big a serve, because then when they are older and not doing as much physical activity, it can be hard to get used to eating smaller meal-time portions. If DS is still hungry after dinner, I tell him to wait 10 mins and if he is still hungry, he will mostly have a bowl of cereal or Weetbix.
I don't think eating all her lunch-box at recess is a major issue - both my kids often eat most of their lunch box at recess, dependent on what they are scheduled to do at lunch. Their recess is 11am and they are mostly quite hungry by then. Does she have enough food in her lunch box for the day?
The sneaking of food would worry me, but perhaps she is just genuinely hungry? If she had un-restricted access to healthy snacks, this might help this issue.
Posted 26 August 2019 - 03:50 PM
Thanks for the replies.
Posted 26 August 2019 - 03:58 PM
HolierThanCow, on 26 August 2019 - 07:06 AM, said:
I'm sorry to sound blunt, but as someone who had issues with my mother projecting her food issues onto me, starting from about your daughter's age, and this leading to a life-long struggle with bulimia and body dysmorphia
Thanks for your thoughtful post. I appreciate it. This quote is exactly why I chose to think about it "out loud" here rather than raise it with her/ within earshot etc.
I should add - our Dr appointments were not for food/eating issues specifically - they were part of her on-going care for severe eczema and allergies - and in post consult discussion I asked if she was looking healthy/should I be concerned (out of earshot).
Posted 26 August 2019 - 09:00 PM
Our school does lunch at 11.
Fruit at 10 ish, lunch at 11 and recess at 1ish.
That way they eat the healthiest(hopefully) more filling foods first when they do the bulk of their learning and activities.
Posted 27 August 2019 - 11:53 AM
Our school is same. They recently changed the eating times.
Fruit snack at 10am, munch and crunch at 11.30am and lunch at 1.30pm. I think they found children switching off by lunch because they were too hungry.
Agree with allowing to snack. I approach with the direction that they can have a biscuit/s but to also couple with food like cheese/grapes/banana/nuts, so we have a healthier snack overall.
I remember at around 12, I craved junk. Anything sugary and looking back now mum would do the same. She would let me have some chocolate and say a bowl of yogurt.
Posted 27 August 2019 - 12:23 PM
Not going to comment on the weight thing as I don't have girls but the bedtime seems early to me. Especially if she is just lying there tossing and turning. I would think she would be better off reading a book and drinking a glass of milk or two for an hour rather than lying in the dark .
Edit - forgot to say good luck with your daughter. She sounds great but we never stop worrying.
Edited by marple, 27 August 2019 - 12:47 PM.
Posted 27 August 2019 - 05:27 PM
Could it be boredom or stress?
I overate as a child due to boredom. I was unchallenged and bored out of my brain at school, and had a unique set of problems in our family meaning I didn't get any sports hobbies or chances to pursue things as an interest.
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