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I have a 4 year old


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#1 Riotproof

Posted 09 September 2019 - 09:53 AM

Who is currently screaming because she didn’t get to pick her own catalogue at aldi. The checkout guy gave me one.  Then because she was so rude and petulant about it, I didn’t give her access to get her own. Now she’s sitting on the floor of the car refusing to go in her seat.

You may wonder why I’m telling you this. But it seemed a better option than going completely ape like I feel like.

This is on top of crying after she didn’t get to say goodbye to the cat, because I saw he was in the laundry already, so I just shut the door.

#2 PizzaPlease

Posted 09 September 2019 - 10:06 AM

Oh that's no fun, I found four a real challenge with my eldest. Good luck to you, hoping your day improves!

#3 lozoodle

Posted 09 September 2019 - 10:16 AM

4 year olds are such jerks!

#4 Future-self

Posted 09 September 2019 - 10:21 AM

RP this doesn’t help but thank you for posting. My 4 year old DD makes me cry I find parenting her so difficult - so reassuring that it’s not just me.
Everything just involves such an emotional response from her , I just don’t understand it and I have to admit I find it really hard to keep validating all. the.feelings. all the time. How do they have so many feelings about the most mundane bloody things

#5 PizzaPlease

Posted 09 September 2019 - 10:29 AM

 Future-self, on 09 September 2019 - 10:21 AM, said:

RP this doesn’t help but thank you for posting. My 4 year old DD makes me cry I find parenting her so difficult - so reassuring that it’s not just me.
Everything just involves such an emotional response from her , I just don’t understand it and I have to admit I find it really hard to keep validating all. the.feelings. all the time. How do they have so many feelings about the most mundane bloody things ������

Yeah, it gets to the point where it seems like their only way of managing any situation its to drop to the ground and scream. No fun but it does pass eventually. I found a sticker chart was actually really helpful in being able to head off a meltdown. The horror of getting a black sticker on the chart for the week seemed to give them pause when nothing else would. Something about the visual reminder of poor behaviour I think, all the best to you all, it isn't an easy stage.

#6 Riotproof

Posted 09 September 2019 - 10:31 AM

 PizzaPlease, on 09 September 2019 - 10:06 AM, said:

Oh that's no fun, I found four a real challenge with my eldest. Good luck to you, hoping your day improves!

Thank you. It really helped just to type it out, I almost didn’t press add reply. But then I realised I am probably not alone.

#7 Romeo Void

Posted 09 September 2019 - 10:36 AM

I may have PTSD from my time with my DS around this age.  I used to hide in the laundry and have a good cry some days.

#8 Riotproof

Posted 09 September 2019 - 10:42 AM

 Future-self, on 09 September 2019 - 10:21 AM, said:

RP this doesn’t help but thank you for posting. My 4 year old DD makes me cry I find parenting her so difficult - so reassuring that it’s not just me.
Everything just involves such an emotional response from her , I just don’t understand it and I have to admit I find it really hard to keep validating all. the.feelings. all the time. How do they have so many feelings about the most mundane bloody things ������

I know. And I even said I understand how you’re feeling because you wanted to get it yourself. When the man asked, I knew how much you like then so I said yes. Next time I won’t do that. Then she still went on. “

And I thought, “is this the hill I want to die on?” But then it seemed like such an easy application of natural consequences.

#9 Soontobegran

Posted 09 September 2019 - 10:43 AM

I found 4 years to be far harder than 3 or 2.
They are in that grey area between a toddler who gets excused for being one and the pre schooler for whom we have greater expectations of behaviour. ( rightly so though).

I spent Saturday with a 4 year old grand daughter....exhausting and also mind blowing just how much she has matured in 6 months.

#10 Riotproof

Posted 09 September 2019 - 10:46 AM

 lozoodle, on 09 September 2019 - 10:16 AM, said:

4 year olds are such jerks!

Mostly she’s really a delight. Total card. Doesn’t stop talking. But she’s smart and funny and kind.

#11 AllyK81

Posted 09 September 2019 - 11:13 AM

I empathise. My 4 year old DD is an absolute delight.

Except when she's not. And when she's not she's terrifying.

#12 SplashingRainbows

Posted 09 September 2019 - 11:35 AM

4.5 is pretty awesome. Hang in there - it gets better soon.

#13 Riotproof

Posted 09 September 2019 - 11:36 AM

She’s 5 in January.

#14 Fizgig

Posted 09 September 2019 - 12:06 PM

 Future-self, on 09 September 2019 - 10:21 AM, said:

RP this doesn’t help but thank you for posting. My 4 year old DD makes me cry I find parenting her so difficult - so reassuring that it’s not just me.
Everything just involves such an emotional response from her , I just don’t understand it and I have to admit I find it really hard to keep validating all. the.feelings. all the time. How do they have so many feelings about the most mundane bloody things ������

If it helps, you don’t actually need to validate all the feelings all the time. Research on emotion coaching shows that if you do it 30% of the time you get a positive effect. Let yourself breath a little and let some go through to the keeper, you will still raise and emotionally intelligent child .

#15 PrincessPeach

Posted 09 September 2019 - 12:17 PM

This is not promising, im struggling with my 3.5 year old.

#16 Future-self

Posted 09 September 2019 - 12:18 PM

 AllyK81, on 09 September 2019 - 11:13 AM, said:

I empathise. My 4 year old DD is an absolute delight.

Except when she's not. And when she's not she's terrifying.
My DD has lovely curls and when she is losing her bundle the rhyme my Grandmother used to say always goes through my head. “There was a little girl, who had a little curl , right in the middle of her forehead (DD does) and when she was good she was very very good; and when she was bad she was horrid”

 Fizgig, on 09 September 2019 - 12:06 PM, said:



If it helps, you don’t actually need to validate all the feelings all the time. Research on emotion coaching shows that if you do it 30% of the time you get a positive effect. Let yourself breath a little and let some go through to the keeper, you will still raise and emotionally intelligent child ������.

Excellent statistic, thank you very much. Despite my proclamations of “all the time” I’d probably hit about 30%  ;)

Edited by Future-self, 09 September 2019 - 12:22 PM.


#17 PizzaPlease

Posted 09 September 2019 - 12:21 PM

 PrincessPeach, on 09 September 2019 - 12:17 PM, said:

This is not promising, im struggling with my 3.5 year old.

Maybe she's just advanced and has hit that particular milestone a little early, you  could be home and free by the time she turns 4 :yes:

#18 Riotproof

Posted 09 September 2019 - 12:21 PM

 PrincessPeach, on 09 September 2019 - 12:17 PM, said:

This is not promising, im struggling with my 3.5 year old.

I seem to remember there being a bit of relief once she turned 4. Then the spiral starts again on the way to 5 apparently.

She’s harder than ds was at the same age, but I suspect it’s partially personality.

#19 Sed

Posted 09 September 2019 - 12:23 PM

I have two 4 year olds atm.

I was informed this morning that I’m not nice and boring because I wouldn’t drive him to Antarctica so he could dance with his penguin friends. This went on for most of the morning.


#20 Lallalla

Posted 09 September 2019 - 12:50 PM

 PrincessPeach, on 09 September 2019 - 12:17 PM, said:

This is not promising, im struggling with my 3.5 year old.

Yep, I’ve been hanging out for my twin threenagers to be 4... I still have hope though as their older sister at 4, while no walk in the park, was easier than at 3.

#21 Expelliarmus

Posted 09 September 2019 - 01:39 PM

My commiserations ...

#22 ali-song

Posted 09 September 2019 - 01:46 PM

 Riotproof, on 09 September 2019 - 12:21 PM, said:



I seem to remember there being a bit of relief once she turned 4. Then the spiral starts again on the way to 5 apparently.

She’s harder than ds was at the same age, but I suspect it’s partially personality.

This is us, exactly - she was a delight just after turning 4, now a couple on months off 5 she’s turned into a terror. Multiple gales of screaming and tears per day, over the most mundane things. Good to know it’s normal, if unpleasant - older brother has ASD, so I’m forever looking for signs (still think there may be a diagnosis in her future, but we’ll see).

#23 Riotproof

Posted 09 September 2019 - 01:54 PM

 Expelliarmus, on 09 September 2019 - 01:39 PM, said:

My commiserations ...

I laughed. She’s being an actual delight this afternoon. Listening and everything.

#24 28 Barbary Lane

Posted 09 September 2019 - 02:17 PM

Omg I remember DD’s 4th birthday, visiting family overseas. We were sitting outside in the sun at a cafe thinking gosh isn’t this nice when a waitress comes out with a cake.

I said “oh no actually we didn’t order anything”, the waitress puts the cake down in front of DD who says “yeah it’s my birthday” and picks up a spoon and starts eating it!

I’m like WTF just happened! Did she just walk in and order a cake? She doesn’t even speak Italian! But 4 year olds don’t care though, they just decide they want something now and go get it. It’s an admirable trait but very scary!

#25 seayork2002

Posted 09 September 2019 - 02:46 PM

I either walked off and left him (he was safe and I could see him but he could not see him) or I copied his tantrum.

I am sure child experts would gasp in horror but it worked for me till wine o'clock




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