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Told to give kids money for birthdays


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#1 ~ Ohana~

Posted 10 September 2019 - 08:44 AM

Just wanted to get the general consensus on giving money to kids for their birthday.

For the nieces and nephews on my side I spend 20-30 on a gift, usually their parents let me know what they’re into or a specific thing they want.

On my husbands side (he just has one sister), she always expects us to give the kids money - $50 per child for four children (3, 7, 10, 11). She usually likes to buy our kids (2) presents - which I don’t have an issue with. I have an issue with being told that I have to give money and how much. It seems so excessive. Would it be reasonable to give the older ones $50 each and buy the younger ones a $20-30 gift?

How much do people spend on nieces and nephews? Their birthdays are all in the next few weeks and I don’t really feel like dropping $200 on it. Or am I just a tight ass?

Also we have 14 nieces and nephews and I feel that we’re not being fair to the ones on my side!

Thought?

#2 steppy

Posted 10 September 2019 - 08:48 AM

We have a $30 limit per gift for all children in the family. I would certainly not be giving to someone else's demands just because that's what they'd do. Unless she's giving your kids $50 each, nup.

#3 ~ Ohana~

Posted 10 September 2019 - 08:52 AM

View Poststeppy, on 10 September 2019 - 08:48 AM, said:

We have a $30 limit per gift for all children in the family. I would certainly not be giving to someone else's demands just because that's what they'd do. Unless she's giving your kids $50 each, nup.

I guess she spends a fair bit on our kids, but they’re really her only niece and nephew and there is no expectation from us on how much she should spend. I’m fine with her spending $20 per kid, it’s actually not really the monetary value of the gift that matters.

#4 SplashingRainbows

Posted 10 September 2019 - 08:53 AM

No! How rude. I don’t have a problem with the suggestion of money per se, but I do have a problem with such a high amount being specified.

I’d probably go back and say $30 is our family limit on both sides of the family. Do they want cash or a gift?

#5 spr_maiden

Posted 10 September 2019 - 08:53 AM

You're not a tight a*se.

Do what you think the children will like, not what the parents say. And what you can afford.


Ed. Because I was venting,  and not being particularly relevant with my share lol

Edited by spr_maiden, 10 September 2019 - 09:10 AM.


#6 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 10 September 2019 - 08:53 AM

If they prefer money that’s fine. But give what you want to give. If you usually spend $20-$30 than put that in a card. Or even $20cash and a small $10 gift that could look like it’s worth more (get something on clearance)

You can’t spend more on one family than another just cause SIL has a set idea of what her kids should get.

My siblings spend different amounts on my kids presents, as they have different financial circumstances and different priorities, and that’s fine by me. They could rock up without a present and id still he happy they dropped by to say happy birthday.

#7 ~ Ohana~

Posted 10 September 2019 - 08:57 AM

View Post~LemonMyrtle~, on 10 September 2019 - 08:53 AM, said:

If they prefer money that’s fine. But give what you want to give. If you usually spend $20-$30 than put that in a card. Or even $20cash and a small $10 gift that could look like it’s worth more (get something on clearance)

I was thinking of actually doing this, but I know that I would probably find heaps of things that they’d love, then buy them and give money and probably spend heaps more than $50 😂

#8 ~ Ohana~

Posted 10 September 2019 - 08:59 AM

We’re super poor atm too and I was actually thinking of using my flybuys points at Kmart to buy their gifts. We’ve seriously had a couple of really bad weeks of bills 😕

#9 Soontobegran

Posted 10 September 2019 - 09:01 AM

I always felt sorry for people buying for our family of 5 kids when we only bought for their 1 or 2 kid families so I spent more to try and make up the difference.

I would have never however told someone what they MUST give my children, that is poor form.

#10 lizzybirdsworth

Posted 10 September 2019 - 09:04 AM

I only have 3 nephews and I spend $30 each. except for big birthdays. Dn1 got $50 for his 13th and next year it’s back to $30

#11 Freddie'sMum

Posted 10 September 2019 - 09:06 AM

That is incredibly rude behaviour from your SIL.

I agree with the PP and would say our limit is $30 per child. Would junior want cash or a present?  If she rejected your offer, I would tell her to shove it.  So, so rude - demanding and expecting $50 cash per child.

#12 Apple14

Posted 10 September 2019 - 09:11 AM

We stopped doing presents for all the nieces and nephews a few years back.
A simple, let’s just stop doing presents what do you think conversation and it’s all over.
Unless we are all together for Xmas (which is rare as we are spread over different countries), we don’t do presents at all. The last time was 3 yrs ago.
All of us siblings were glad not to have to send things etc, and none of the kids even noticed.


#13 EsmeLennox

Posted 10 September 2019 - 09:18 AM

Your SIL is being a d*ck.

That kind of thing would make me passively aggressively buy gifts, and they wouldn’t be worth $50 either.

If someone asks me what my kids would like, I will say they’d prefer cash, but I’d never say how much!

And younger kids, IME, don’t prefer cash, they like a present.

Edited by EsmeLennox, 10 September 2019 - 09:19 AM.


#14 seayork2002

Posted 10 September 2019 - 09:18 AM

Just give what you want, you are not being forced and if they make comments afterwards that is their problem not yours

#15 Pearson

Posted 10 September 2019 - 09:27 AM

Yeah. No.
$20-$30 is reasonable.
My daughter loves getting an itunes card. She saves her bday money etc to buy them. She also likes movie gift cards. She gets a movie and a choc top, for when there is a movie she wants to see. Her birthday time has no good kids movies on. They hold them back for the holidays.
She is happy with $20. She's easy though, she just loves any sort of present. For her it is the thought.

Edited by Pearson, 10 September 2019 - 09:28 AM.


#16 littlepickle

Posted 10 September 2019 - 09:29 AM

I don’t have an issue giving cash in the following circumstances-
1. It’s a birthday ( Christmas you get a small token gift)
2. That the child/ teenager texts or calls to let us know what they put the money toward
3. They are travelling overseas and then I would have the cash exchanged for them.

We spend $15-$20 for Christmas, $50 birthday and $100 big birthdays (18th/ 21st).

This system works really well for one side of our family but not for the other - multiple requests for cash with no update on what it was put toward means that I purchase gifts for them - usually $30-$40 and since we often don’t even get a Thankyou I don’t put too much effort in.

#17 Riotproof

Posted 10 September 2019 - 09:38 AM

View Post~ Ohana~, on 10 September 2019 - 08:59 AM, said:

We’re super poor atm too and I was actually thinking of using my flybuys points at Kmart to buy their gifts. We’ve seriously had a couple of really bad weeks of bills 😕

I would honestly not buy the kids anything in that case. No way would I want people to put themselves under pressure to buy my kids a present.

#18 Ivy Ivy

Posted 10 September 2019 - 09:42 AM

Ohana I think you should give what you want to give, present or money.  And if money is tight right now, that may be less than your SIL wants you to give, but she doesn't get to decide what you give as gifts.

#19 PizzaPlease

Posted 10 September 2019 - 09:43 AM

I think if you wanted to split gift giving it might be safer to get the three older kids money and a present for the three year old. If they go on a shopping trip together then the seven year old might prefer to get money too. I'd probably just reduce the amount to $30 each for all four kids, I agree $50 is a lot for a three year old and very generous for the older kids. With $30 they can buy a nice piece of clothing, a decent sized toy or a couple of books.

Edited by PizzaPlease, 10 September 2019 - 09:46 AM.


#20 Hypnic Jerk

Posted 10 September 2019 - 10:00 AM

View Post~ Ohana~, on 10 September 2019 - 08:59 AM, said:

We’re super poor atm too and I was actually thinking of using my flybuys points at Kmart to buy their gifts. We’ve seriously had a couple of really bad weeks of bills 😕

You know what?  Sending a card only with nothing inside is acceptable.  A hand-made gift - perfect.  Food (hand made, shop bought or shop bought made up to look like hand made) are all good.

Stuff the expectations and demands.  You do you.

#21 Luci

Posted 10 September 2019 - 10:05 AM

I would probably just give them all $30 in a card. They can take it or leave it.

You are under no requirement at all to explain yourself to your SIL, but if she did say anything (which would be incredibly poor form and make me not want to buy for them again ever) could you mention how you have 18 nieces and nephews to buy for, plus your own kids, so you need to keep it to $30 max for each kid.

#22 PizzaPlease

Posted 10 September 2019 - 10:09 AM

View PostHypnic Jerk, on 10 September 2019 - 10:00 AM, said:

You know what?  Sending a card only with nothing inside is acceptable.  A hand-made gift - perfect.  Food (hand made, shop bought or shop bought made up to look like hand made) are all good.

Stuff the expectations and demands.  You do you.

I'm planning on suggesting chocolate as gifts for my kids this Christmas. Kids really do love a box of chocolates all for them, it can feel special and grown up.

#23 Clementinerose

Posted 10 September 2019 - 10:32 AM

Spend what you want. I don’t spend a lot but try to make it thoughtful. A relative recently gifted some cleaning supplies (special cloths, sprays etc) for a gift we bought our child. They had googled what you use and purchased the products. I thought it was awesome and our child (teen) loved it.

Don’t go over what you can afford to spend. You’re not a bank so asking for a specific amount of cash is a bit much.

#24 lozoodle

Posted 10 September 2019 - 10:37 AM

I'd ignore the demand for $50 and pop $30 in the card.

#25 steppy

Posted 10 September 2019 - 10:41 AM

View Post~ Ohana~, on 10 September 2019 - 08:52 AM, said:

I guess she spends a fair bit on our kids, but they’re really her only niece and nephew and there is no expectation from us on how much she should spend. I’m fine with her spending $20 per kid, it’s actually not really the monetary value of the gift that matters.

So there isn't really any problem then because her kids are your partner's only nieces and nephews too, which would be how she views it.

Otherwise, I'd specify to her that she only has to spend $30 on your kids too, or it's not really fair.




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