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Kids kicked out of slumber party

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#1 KylieferalMin0gue

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:01 AM

DD12 was invited to her school friends 13th birthday party.  (Slumber party.)  The birthday girl invited my DD and 3 other 12 and 13 year old girls, so a total of 5.
I RSVPed to the mother of birthday girl 2 weeks ago.  I double checked the drop off and pick up times.  (Drop off 4pm, pick up 10am)
I dropped DD off at 4pm, walked with her to the door and again double checked pick up time for the following day.  The mother said anywhere around 10ish was fine.  I said 'ok sounds good, but my hubby will be picking her up as I am working tomorrow morning'.  All good.
I get to work yesterday morning and luckily had my phone on me.  (Usually it is left in my locker.)  Phone was on silent, but I felt it vibrate and saw a message from DD saying 'birthday girls mum has said we all have to go home now because she has had enough.'  This was at 7am.
DD had tried to contact hubby, but he had missed her call.  (Was asleep and is a heavy sleeper!!)
I managed to get hold of DH and told him to jump in the car and pick her up.
When I got home I asked DD what had happened.  She said (and I believe her) that the girls had been up most of the night (which I would expect at a slumber party for young teens), but the mum got upset as she said they were too noisy and that they should have gone to bed.  DD said all they were doing was watching movies, putting make up on each other etc.  (What I would think is typical young teen behaviour.) DD said she was asleep at 645am when her friend woke her up and said that her mum said that all the girls had to ring their parents and get them picked up immediately.  My daughter was not even offered breakfast or even a drink when she was woken up!
So WDYT?  Obviously I will not be saying anything to the mother (don't even know her, although I would have had words if it had been me picking up DD.  The mother didn't even show her face at the door when DH picked DD up.  DD came to the door alone.)
I just think it is very low to do that to not only your own child on her birthday, but also to her friends, and then further more to be getting children to call their parents at 630am on a Sunday morning as the mother said she 'needed to sleep.'  (She has 1 other child who is 1 year older, so not like she has young children to attend to, and if you did, why on Earth would you allow a slumber party?!)
I know if it was me I would bite my tongue and just wait till the kids had been picked up at 10am and then gone to bed for a few hours.
Anyway rant over!!

Edited to add: As for further info, I asked my daughter if she had been the last one picked up, and she said no she was second to last.  She found out at school yesterday that the last girl had been made to wait alone on the end of sleepover mums driveway whilst her parents got there.  So yeah, I guess the duty of care went right out of the window when you are making a 12 year old stand at the bottom of your driveway at 7am with bag, pillow and sleeping bag in hand.

Edited by KylieferalMin0gue, 17 September 2019 - 10:49 PM.

#2 MsLaurie

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:05 AM

The poor birthday girl, how embarrassing for her mum to be such a jerk in front of her friends.

#3 Tokra

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:05 AM

I would not be impressed at all.

That is also pretty poor form that the parent didn't even come to the door to ensure that the correct person was picking up your DD.

Sounds like exactly what you would expect of an early teenage girl slumber party!

How sad for the girls and especially the birthday girl.

#4 Gonzy

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:06 AM

Yeah that was poor form.

My kids (14 and 12) often have mates sleep over and in doing so I fully take on the reality that they will not get as much sleep, will raid the pantry and the fridge and make a little more noise than usual.  That's life.  

Your poor DD, she won't want to return there in a hurry :(

#5 Lunafreya

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:06 AM

What did that mother expect?

#6 ~J_F~

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:08 AM

I am wondering what the hell the mother expected...

Nap during the day or power on and go to bed earlier like so many of us do when our kids don’t sleep.

I feel sorry for the birthday girl to be embarrassed by her crazy mother like that.

#7 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:14 AM

I think in that age group if you have agreed to a time you shouldn't break that time unless its a serious issue like a kid feeling sick.
The parents could be at work or something and not able to pick the child up at that time.

Edited by WannabeMasterchef, 16 September 2019 - 10:15 AM.

#8 doubting thomas

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:16 AM

She's ballsy! Many a time I would have wanted to do that, but I just grit my teeth and wish the hours away. I wouldn't be super impressed but I assume she wasn't going to throw them out onto the street. She just wanted them collected earlier.
Not great form but not terrible.
On the other hand, parents that are late for a pickup after a sleepover are evil. Counting down the seconds, bags packed at door and someone's parents are inevitably late. Boo.

#9 MarciaB

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:16 AM

It sounds odd - but I am guessing we only have half the story.

Maybe the Mum was sick? Had a migraine/gastro??

I have hosted sleepovers when I have had to split kids up I have to say due to bad behaviour (ie one kid in tears because they wanted to sleep and another continuing to poke/pull hair to wake her up).  I did threaten to call parents at 3am if that one kid didn't settle down and I ended up moving sleeper child to a bedroom on her own so she could get some rest.

DD has also been to a sleepover at about age 12 when parents were called at 2am, as the group decided to sneak out of the house and go to the park across the road....not once - but twice.  Parents lost it and called everyones parent (including me) to collect (and I can't say I blamed them as they were frantically worried about kids escaping!)

I don't think it sounds right - but there could be more to the story than you know.

Edited by MarciaB, 16 September 2019 - 10:19 AM.

#10 Romeo Void

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:24 AM

Up most of the night...I think I would have been a bit short myself.  We had a slumber party for 6 x 11 year old boys and we enforced lights out and sleep at 11pm.

#11 28 Barbary Lane

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:28 AM

It sounds weird to wake them up to tell them to go home though? I could understand if it were 3am and she couldn’t sleep and she just lost it, but would there be any point waking them up when it’s all over?

#12 IamtheMumma

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:29 AM

Mum may have emerged from the bedroom after very little sleep to discover her house destroyed and the last straw landed. Add in the lack of sleep and noise, time for everyone to get out.

I know my DDs would promise me the world to get a slumber party, including going to bed at a reasonable time (say midnight) and to keep the noise to a dull roar. Fortunately for me, I wasn't stupid enough to believe them.

#13 spr_maiden

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:29 AM

I think there's got to be more to the story. Maybe the birthday girl had been a right royal **, had been warned previously and it was the last straw?
Sucks but it is what it is. I think it would have been better for the hosting mum to ensure everyone was picked up safely and maybe sent a text explaining.

#14 Luci

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:30 AM

Maybe the Mum had asked the girls to go to bed and or keep the noise down a dozen times to no avail. By the time 6.30am rolled around after a night of no sleep I would also be feeling pretty short.

However I wouldn't be phoning the parents that early, I would just be internally seething and vowing there would be no more sleepovers for a long time.

#15 Chchgirl

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:32 AM

Jeez the amount of slumber parties my girls had when they were young that there was no sleep. ...

I miss those days, they grow up too quick!

I find it odd that if something happened why wouldn't she tell the parents, I would.

#16 JRA

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:36 AM

I also suspect there is more to the story for someone to do that.

Having had a child wanting to go home at about midnight from a sleepover, I must admit I would always have a phone on when a child  is at a party in case of any issues.

#17 Gumbette

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:36 AM

We have an annual sleep over in the Xmas holidays with the same group of friends.  Every year half go to bed around 10 (they go and sleep in DD's room).  The other half stay downstairs, talk & drive me crazy until about 3 - 4 am.  It's annoying, but normal. After 3 years of this, I know to put them in the back room where I can't hear them.

Even if it wasn't expected, how would -  as a mum herself, think it's okay to throw out the girls out???  Just put up with it and vow never again.

Edited by Gumbette, 16 September 2019 - 10:37 AM.

#18 doubting thomas

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:39 AM

As I said I seriously doubt she was going to throw them on the street - though maybe tempted. She was just trying to get them picked up a few hours earlier as she was over it.

If she literally made them wait on the street that would be ridiculous.

#19 ~J_F~

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:41 AM

View PostJRA, on 16 September 2019 - 10:36 AM, said:

I also suspect there is more to the story for someone to do that.

Having had a child wanting to go home at about midnight from a sleepover, I must admit I would always have a phone on when a child  is at a party in case of any issues.

I always have my phone beside my bed but I sleep heavy and it has taken several calls (like 6) to wake me in the past for emergencies.

If you have had enough, you adult up and soldier on, parents could have gone away for the night knowing their kid was with friends or had other people doing pick up for a variety of reasons.

If it’s illness or something more than you have just had enough, you as the parent in charge of children, call the parents and explain or least send a text.

You don’t leave kids to figure it out.

Edited by ~J_F~, 16 September 2019 - 10:44 AM.

#20 seayork2002

Posted 16 September 2019 - 10:44 AM

View Postspr_maiden, on 16 September 2019 - 10:29 AM, said:

I think there's got to be more to the story. Maybe the birthday girl had been a right royal **, had been warned previously and it was the last straw?
Sucks but it is what it is. I think it would have been better for the hosting mum to ensure everyone was picked up safely and maybe sent a text explaining.

This, I would think it was a little odd, pick my son up and forget about it.

There is a million other things that could have been done, but what was done was done.

Same as if any one of us had a sleepover or event I am sure the parents of the guests could comment 'well they should have done X' or 'we I would not have done it that way I would have done X'

#21 cstar

Posted 16 September 2019 - 11:26 AM

I must admit, I cringe when my kids want to have friends over for sleep overs, the making of beds, the non stop talking all night, the giggling, I find it all rather exhausting.  I do it anyway, because they love it, it makes them happy.  We don't do it very often, just a few times a year and never more than 2 friends at a time.

I did let my DS have 4 boys over when he finished year 6, was that a big mistake, they were SO LOUD, they were playing with those stupid nerf guns!!!

What annoys me most about sleep overs, is that they are rarely reciprocated, so now I only let the ones who do reciprocate to come over, I'm sick of being a door mat. Maybe I need to start another thread for that though

Forgot to add, that No I wouldn't have done what this mum has done if it was just simply that she was tired, but we don't really know the full story.

Edited by cstar, 16 September 2019 - 11:27 AM.

#22 Ivy Ivy

Posted 16 September 2019 - 11:35 AM

These sleepover tales are fascinating and could become a whole new EB section.

Oh and cstar, I hear you loud and clear about non-reciprocation, it irritates me a lot, and now I control mere playdate invitations around it.  We have hosted certain kids here an easy dozen times and my daughter has never seen the other girls house... after a few years I decided, enough is enough, I'm not a holiday babysitting service.

#23 Freddie'sMum

Posted 16 September 2019 - 11:39 AM

And this is why I don't have slumber parties.

The girls have had a sleep over - one friend sleeps at our house for one night and the next weekend they swap - but the idea of that many kids in the house, not sleeping and making a lot of noise - is just not for me.

Maybe the mum hadn't got any sleep the night before?  Maybe something happened and it was the straw that broke the camel's back?

#24 Mollycoddle

Posted 16 September 2019 - 11:39 AM

View PostMarciaB, on 16 September 2019 - 10:16 AM, said:

I don't think it sounds right - but there could be more to the story than you know.

In which case she should have given the courtesy of ringing the parents herself instead to explain instead of getting the kids themselves to ring.

#25 MarciaB

Posted 16 September 2019 - 11:48 AM

View PostMollycoddle, on 16 September 2019 - 11:39 AM, said:

In which case she should have given the courtesy of ringing the parents herself instead to explain instead of getting the kids themselves to ring.

I am not saying it is right - but it does sound like more to the story.

Maybe the Mum said something like this "OK - you all have to leave right now - would you like me to call your parents or will you do it yourself"?

I have had kids here and when I have offered to call parents for various reasons - (not to be picked up early) - the kids insist on doing it themselves.  Especially 13 yo's and over.

My own daughter would have died of embarrassment if at 13 I insisted on calling parents myself to alter details of a playdate/sleepover instead of letting the kids arrange it themselves.

As a parent with older teens - I have heard some horror stories about sleepover antics of that age group - all I am saying is that there is likely to be more to the story.

It could be as simple as Mum was ill - had a sick baby, was in the shower when parents came.  Or maybe just maybe she was ready to blow a gasket from the behaviour of the guests and thought it better to say nothing. I don't know - but honestly I would just let it go and probably not allow my dd to go back to that house.

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