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Going from one child to two. Regrets?

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#1 VVV

Posted 17 September 2019 - 11:31 AM

I know there’s been a few posts recently about going from two to three children and three to four children and in these threads I read a mixture of both positive and negative experiences. I’m wondering if anyone really struggled with going from one to two children and regrets (I know we don’t regret our actual children) making the increase from one to two?

Edited by VVV, 17 September 2019 - 11:37 AM.

#2 avocado toast

Posted 17 September 2019 - 11:34 AM

I regret having my second so soon. They are 20months apart and I’m still struggling and my second is almost 2!
Wish I had them around 3 years apart now

#3 amdirel

Posted 17 September 2019 - 11:35 AM

I loved going from 1 to 2. I found it easy, and fun, because you are more confident and can enjoy it more.

#4 rosie28

Posted 17 September 2019 - 11:37 AM

I found going from 1 to 2 fairly easy. We have a 2 year gap and our eldest was so in love with the baby. It was a fun time and still is 3.5 years later. We’re about to add number 3 to the mix!

#5 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 17 September 2019 - 11:44 AM

I loved it - although with 15 months difference, it was hard going for a while there.  

They are both teenagers now, and it gets easier and easier.  As much as they bicker and fight, they are pretty close and we do have a lot of fun together.

I also didn't have much time to think about it or debate it with myself - it just happened.  I may have left it a little longer as I don't think I really spent enough time with DD when she was little - I was quite unwell with my pregnancy with DS whilst she was still so little.  

I look back on those years as a blur, but it really does get easier, year by year.  (And mine are great teenagers in the main - so far anyway).

All in all - absolutely no regrets.

Edited by Ruf~Feral~es, 17 September 2019 - 11:45 AM.

#6 MoreCoffeePlease

Posted 17 September 2019 - 11:49 AM

I had #2 last year with a 7 year age gap and it’s been great! The older one can fend for herself and loves to help and o get 1on 1 time with the baby when she is at school.

I’m not having any more so I’m enjoying the cuddles and baby time.

#7 Kallie88

Posted 17 September 2019 - 11:50 AM

Loved it. Was an adjustment of course and have had our share of tantrums but we loved it enough that we now have 3. 20 months between 1 and 2, 14 months between 2 and 3. I found 14 months an easier gap tbh, but 2 kids are much easier to split the work between 2 parents.

#8 AllyK81

Posted 17 September 2019 - 11:50 AM

From 1 to 2 for us was a no brainer and much easier than from 0-1.

Mine are 4 and 5 now and are 20 months apart. I thought DS looked lonely so we have a small gap and they adore each other.

They entertain each other, too, so it is actually easier than having 1 that needs constant entertainment.

#9 JoanJett

Posted 17 September 2019 - 11:52 AM

Yes and no.  The yes is the timing - my two are 2 years apart and my second was an incredibly unsettled baby, and my firstborn "lost" me for a year at a pretty critical time.  Given that we were in a new city with no supports, it was really hard on him, me and our relationship, and I think it did affect his social development.

The definitely no is all the rest - the little person my second son is, the joy of seeing siblings who are best friends and the fact that I think I'm a better parent for having two.

#10 kiwi-girl

Posted 17 September 2019 - 12:12 PM

View PostMoreCoffeePlease, on 17 September 2019 - 11:49 AM, said:

I had #2 last year with a 7 year age gap and it’s been great! The older one can fend for herself and loves to help and o get 1on 1 time with the baby when she is at school.

I’m not having any more so I’m enjoying the cuddles and baby time.

This. We have just had our second with a 6 year age gap and I love the gap for the same reasons above. It was also really special to have that 1:1 time with our oldest for 6 years, and I think the gap is right for her as well, there has been zero jelousy from her.

Edited by kiwi-girl, 17 September 2019 - 05:47 PM.

#11 Fluffy Potatoes

Posted 17 September 2019 - 12:15 PM

6 yr gap here. Hasn’t been all smooth sailing here. Ds1 hasn’t threatened to kill ds2 for a while, so I guess things are improving 🤣
Wouldn’t give him back though!

#12 ~LemonMyrtle~

Posted 17 September 2019 - 12:17 PM

No regrets.  2 was harder than 1, but not impossibly hard.  I had a 14 month gap and that worked really well for me, in hindsight, it was the best age gap for my career too (i had 2 years off and went back part time).

Things to note: First child was sleeping through consistently when second child arrived, this helped a lot.  Second child slept through early, but regressed frequently, but it was manageable because first child kept on sleeping through.  I had a lot of family help which was definitely needed when both kids were young.  I also put first child in child care 1 day so i could focus on baby, have a nap, and toddler burnt off some energy.

Hard things: Naps, rarely would both kids nap at the same time, so there is NO BREAK, for you as a mum to have a rest, days are relentless with no down time.
Breastfeeding can be hard for the older child.
When they were both toddlers, 2 and 3, and not at kinder yet, thats when the days were really hard because there was just no break from it all, at all, during the day.  Now they are both at Kinder (3YO and 4YO) its better because I get 2 hours to myself twice a week.  Next year will be even better, ill get 4 hours to myself twice a week.
At one stage feeding them was a real pain, I had one on baby solids and milk, another on toddler foods, and 2 adults.  it was so annoying until we could all eat the same food.

Good things: They play with each other now and leave me alone. They learn to play and share, and they talk to each other and discuss things, and its all very cute. They look out for each other too. Lots of things come in packs of 4. Family tickets are for 4, cars seat 4 people easily, 2 adults 2 kids is just convenient.

#13 Charli73

Posted 17 September 2019 - 12:40 PM

I had a 15 month gap too and although they are close and play together well if I were younger I would have waited a bit longer. I didn’t feel I had much time with my first and he doesn’t remember having a newborn sibling at all.

It just happened quickly after so can’t complain about that especially since I was 38.

#14 Romeo Void

Posted 17 September 2019 - 12:52 PM

20 months between mine, it was unplanned (and initially a twin pregnancy!).  If you'd asked me any time before my youngest was about 3 I would have said DON'T DO IT.  Since then it's become so much easier and it's lovely having a little 'gang'.    Enough kids that dad and the kids can play a board game together (without bothering mum LOL). They can play with each other...but it's not to hard for them to have alone time as it's only two of them (and not the 6 siblings that I grew up with!).  Now that they're old enough for sleepovers we often have just the one child home. So we we might go out for a special dinner that they chose or a movie, it's lovely.

#15 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 17 September 2019 - 12:59 PM

Second child is almost 2 and things are pretty good right now (big kid is 5yo). First 18 months were pretty rough but neither of my babies were good at naps and I prefer toddlers to babies.

#16 Lucrezia Bauble

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:02 PM

yes and no. we have a five year age gap (not planned - secondary infertility) which made things tricky..we were just out of baby/toddler stage and then had to do it all again...it all seemed so much harder. one kid is nice, two is harder. and he broke me....there’s no more.

#17 **Xena**

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:08 PM

The only part I found a bit tricky was that my eldest was still little and I couldn't do two things at once. He'd want a snack whilst I was feeding #2 etc. However they are both very close and are delightful kids (now 13 and 15). I also went and had 3 more so clearly didn't find it that bad :lol:

#18 Lifesgood

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:13 PM

We also have nearly 5 years between ours (also unplanned due to infertility). The second was so much easier and more enjoyable as some others have said - I was more confident and relaxed, able to enjoy motherhood more. And the kids adore each other and have from day 1. We came so close to not having a second and often shake our heads at what we would have missed out on.

#19 MadMarchMasterchef

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:17 PM

View Postavocado toast, on 17 September 2019 - 11:34 AM, said:

I regret having my second so soon. They are 20months apart and I’m still struggling and my second is almost 2!
Wish I had them around 3 years apart now

Mine first 2 are also 20 months apart and if I had my time over Id have made it at least 2 years so my body could recover.

My 2nd and 3rd are 6 years apart and if I had my time over Id also make that gap less.

Oh well :p   I love them all dearly for who they are :)  <3

#20 Hollycoddle

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:17 PM

So much depends on the personality of the child so I don't think there's an answer to this. My second was that child where if you had him first you wouldn't go back for a second.  Anecdotally I have heard of this happening often ie. being spoilt with an easy child the first time around then getting the devil himself for the second.  I would never give him back but I do at times think about how much easier I would have it now if I'd only stuck to the one, who is now 11.

Edited by Mollycoddle, 17 September 2019 - 01:22 PM.

#21 blueskies12

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:20 PM

I found the transition from 1-2 a breeze compared to 0-1. I have only wonderful things to say about it. I think I love having 2 so much, that is why i sometimes dream of a third (unlikely to happen). I love the dynamic of two and I do love how we can still have one on one time with them. No one gets left out, few fights....

#22 livelifelovehappy

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:26 PM

View Postavocado toast, on 17 September 2019 - 11:34 AM, said:

I regret having my second so soon. They are 20months apart and I’m still struggling and my second is almost 2!
Wish I had them around 3 years apart now

This was us exactly. Happy to have them both and adore them, but they were way too close together and it was SO HARD, I didn't enjoy the first 4 years at all. Hard emotionally, physically, spiritually, on our relationship. All of it. I didn't get to enjoy my second baby in the least, it was just HARD.

We've just had our third after a REALLY long break and it's lovely. So it wasn't the number, but the age gap. Two big kids and a baby is such bliss compared to a newborn and a one year old, I can't even communicate it.

#23 Pip_longstockings

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:27 PM

I agree with Blueskies 0-1 was the biggest transition of my life. I have never struggled so much.

1-2 I loved. I felt confident and in control at last, I finally learnt not to sweat the small stuff and went with the flow. It definitely helped my 2nd was such an easy baby.

Edited to add: I had 22 months between my 2.

Edited by Pip_longstockings, 17 September 2019 - 01:29 PM.

#24 MadMarchMasterchef

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:28 PM

Its interesting the different opinions on the 20 month age gap isn't it!

#25 Zippypeaks

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:29 PM

I love having two - mine are 3 and 1, 2.5 years apart. They have completely different personalities so I have to parent them a bit differently, they share a room, the focus is off me for attention, we can split them up and have 1:1 time. I loved having a second chance at being a mum, with new knowledge, expectations and experience it was a really wonderful do-over (tough at times, but great)!

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