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Something perplexing...


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#1 Riotproof

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:53 PM

I find it so weird when people say “I wouldn’t think about xyz in such detail, and it’s so weird that people do on EB”.

Like really?

I talk about things here that wouldn’t come up IRL, simply because I’m very rarely in a room with hundreds of people talking at each other, and at least in the written form, I can read over and mull and reply later.
I do get that some things are mundane.. we do not need another sheet thread! Hahaha,  but I feel like it’s disparaging to people who have put thought into someone’s “problem” and taken time to write it out.

#2 seayork2002

Posted 17 September 2019 - 01:57 PM

I am not sure but I think 'hiding behind a computer screen' is an odd one as there is no situation I can ever think of IRL the sane as on a forum (social media etc.)

My views are exactly the same IRL but the situations are not as in a IRL conversation versus an online one

I get discussions on here get talked about in real depth but people do say they think about things IRL in depth

(this all may not be what you are getting at?)

#3 Riotproof

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:04 PM

Not quite seayork. I just find it weird that people accuse others of overanalysing whatever, when it’s likely they overanalyse something else.



#4 28 Barbary Lane

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:05 PM

Agree. Having a forum where it’s just a bunch of yes or no answers would get boring pretty fast. Getting insight into how different people approach and think about situations is part of what makes it interesting!

#5 Kallie88

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:06 PM

It's odd. Someone asks a question, you think about all the possibilities to answer appropriately and then people say why are you overthinking this? I'm just answering the question from my perspective. But, some people put a lot more thought into things in general than others too.

#6 Vicbitt9

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:06 PM

I find EB fantastic in that you can vent/ask a question and start a topic on anything and most likely get some validation that at least you were heard - that’s much harder to find IRL.
Think of all of the women who’ve needed to leave abusive or toxic relationships that have reached out to EB and received so much support. It’s inspiring and makes me proud to “know” so many amazing and supportive women!

#7 JBH

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:06 PM

I have a tendency to overanalysis. The difference is that in real life I have decent judgment as to when to keep my overanalysis to myself, which is a different threshold from what I apply in a forum, both given (relative) anonymity and the written format that should allow others to skip over content they find boring.

#8 Oriental lily

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:09 PM

I think it’s amazing some of the ‘enlighting’ things that can come out of in-depth conversations on otherwise mundane things .

Like the time a EB member said she walked backwards to the postbox because she felt bad about leaving her child alone .

I think that’s overthinking it !

It’s those sort of things that make me feel that the EB world and the ‘lived’ world are massively different and makes you stop and think people are getting very overly emotionally involved in stuff that does not seem that dramatic or relevant in the real world .

Is it because they are not willing to discuss it real world or are they just getting a bit carried away behind their smart glass screens ?

#9 ~J_F~

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:13 PM

I agree. I find some posters use it to shut down others.

Often stuff I discuss extensively on here would likely never come up in real life or if it did you or would get a quick moment then life goes on but here you read, think, post, think some more and this often occurs over days.

#10 Riotproof

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:14 PM

View PostJBH, on 17 September 2019 - 02:06 PM, said:

I have a tendency to overanalysis. The difference is that in real life I have decent judgment as to when to keep my overanalysis to myself, which is a different threshold from what I apply in a forum, both given (relative) anonymity and the written format that should allow others to skip over content they find boring.

That’s hilarious. I do agree though.

#11 Mose

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:17 PM

I agree...but I also note that in real life I also have some conversations where eventually someone says "I can't believe we have been talking about XYZ for so long". Then we all have a good laugh (and often another mouthful of wine).

#12 28 Barbary Lane

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:20 PM

View PostOriental lily, on 17 September 2019 - 02:09 PM, said:

I think it’s amazing some of the ‘enlighting’ things that can come out of in-depth conversations on otherwise mundane things .

Like the time a EB member said she walked backwards to the postbox because she felt bad about leaving her child alone .

I think that’s overthinking it !

It’s those sort of things that make me feel that the EB world and the ‘lived’ world are massively different and makes you stop and think people are getting very overly emotionally involved in stuff that does not seem that dramatic or relevant in the real world .

Is it because they are not willing to discuss it real world or are they just getting a bit carried away behind their smart glass screens ?
I think people are sometimes worried about how people will react if they say things IRL so they just keep quite and don’t say anything. Here they probably feel more protected so they feel like they can share more than they probably feel comfortable doing.

That’s another bonus; shy/private people being able to access help and information that they might normally not be able to.

#13 rainne

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:23 PM

I think about everything in detail! I have long inner monologues in the shower about the nuances of completely hypothetical situations. But I don't share them with anyone in real life, because I don't think anyone really cares about my Overarching Theory Of Tribalism In The Internet Age, The Parallels Between Woke Culture And Church, And How The Only Solution Is Micro-Socialism, or its hundred little friend-theories.

I will, however, use the opportunity to explain it* on internet forums, because nobody has to read it and I won't bore my friends to death. Or I'll spend ages crafting an analogy to try and get a point across. Or I'll share an anecdote that might be helpful to the OP.

That might not be useful to everyone, but it's hardly hurting anyone. It keeps me amused.

I don't really understand why "Oh, I don't think about things that deeply" is trotted out as morally superior. Okay? Well done for not thinking much about things, I guess?

*Not that one. Don't panic.

#14 Lunafreya

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:26 PM

I'm on the paranoid side.  I overanalyse everything. Even years later

#15 28 Barbary Lane

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:27 PM

View Postrainne, on 17 September 2019 - 02:23 PM, said:

I think about everything in detail! I have long inner monologues in the shower about the nuances of completely hypothetical situations. But I don't share them with anyone in real life, because I don't think anyone really cares about my Overarching Theory Of Tribalism In The Internet Age, The Parallels Between Woke Culture And Church, And How The Only Solution Is Micro-Socialism, or its hundred little friend-theories.
Omg I want to know about all those things!

#16 ~J_F~

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:30 PM

View Postrainne, on 17 September 2019 - 02:23 PM, said:

I think about everything in detail! I have long inner monologues in the shower about the nuances of completely hypothetical situations. But I don't share them with anyone in real life, because I don't think anyone really cares about my Overarching Theory Of Tribalism In The Internet Age, The Parallels Between Woke Culture And Church, And How The Only Solution Is Micro-Socialism, or its hundred little friend-theories.

I will, however, use the opportunity to explain it* on internet forums, because nobody has to read it and I won't bore my friends to death. Or I'll spend ages crafting an analogy to try and get a point across. Or I'll share an anecdote that might be helpful to the OP.

That might not be useful to everyone, but it's hardly hurting anyone. It keeps me amused.

I don't really understand why "Oh, I don't think about things that deeply" is trotted out as morally superior. Okay? Well done for not thinking much about things, I guess?

*Not that one. Don't panic.

Well done for not thinking much about things, I guess :lol:

Maybe that should be the standard reply from now on!

I am an overthinker. I plan out conversations I need to have and it throws me when it goes differently. I think huh that wasn’t the plan and now my script is wrong!

#17 purplekitty

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:33 PM

I don't think some understand the function of a forum.
Every topic doesn't have to be of earth shattering interest to you personally.
Discussing mundane things at length can pass the time as well.

I am perplexed that people are apathetic to politics and the condition of the planet we live on.
The survival of our world and our society wouldn't seem to be optional.

#18 PizzaPlease

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:52 PM

I think context matters here. Thinking deeply about stuff is fine, sharing complex ideas about relatively mundane topics is the spice of life sometimes.

I think it's a bit different when we overthink the actions, feelings and motivations of other people. Assuming that we are talking about the sleepover thread here, I think it was valid for people to question some of the angst in the comments (not so much the OP itself) given that nobody was harmed or endangered and, aside from maybe some yelling, nothing bad appears to have happened.

In this case, it isn't that people are just overthinking a situation but that they are so reluctant to just assume the best of people and move on. Most of us hope for a certain amount of compassion from our acquaintances when judging our actions from a distance. Nobody behaves perfectly all the time.

When it come to random observations about Disney characters, rumination on allergen warnings or an awesome plan to save the world using a satellite system of bee hives - overthink away, that's just fun conversation.

#19 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 September 2019 - 02:54 PM

View PostRiotproof, on 17 September 2019 - 02:04 PM, said:

Not quite seayork. I just find it weird that people accuse others of overanalysing whatever, when it’s likely they overanalyse something else.
but what I overanalyse IRL is likely to be different to what someone else would overanalyse IRL.

I don't see how that is perplexing?

#20 purplekitty

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:00 PM

View PostPizzaPlease, on 17 September 2019 - 02:52 PM, said:



In this case, it isn't that people are just overthinking a situation but that they are so reluctant to just assume the best of people and move on. Most of us hope for a certain amount of compassion from our acquaintances when judging our actions from a distance. Nobody behaves perfectly all the time.

When it come to random observations about Disney characters, rumination on allergen warnings or an awesome plan to save the world using a satellite system of bee hives - overthink away, that's just fun conversation.
People often assume facts not in evidence,it's the nature of a forum.
We are not friends talking where we can ask questions and get answers and know the person we are talking to.

It the assumptions and extrapolations weren't made the thread would end after a few responses.

#21 71Cath

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:08 PM

I think saying, "you're overthinking it"  is just another way of shutting down a conversation.  Much like, "you're so emotional"

#22 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:08 PM

View Post~J_F~, on 17 September 2019 - 02:30 PM, said:

I am an overthinker. I plan out conversations I need to have and it throws me when it goes differently. I think huh that wasn’t the plan and now my script is wrong!
I know!

Over the years, I have learnt not to plan out my perceived "difficult" conversation because they never, ever go as I had rehearsed in the shower! (it's still a work in progress)

Drives me bonkers - and then I over-analyse what went wrong, what could I have done differently, etc etc ....

EB is great for realising that people do come at issues with vastly differing perspectives. It has helped me to be more aware of this when something happens to me IRL and I know it has shaped my reaction (usually to be more compassionate, less rigid in my expectations).

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 17 September 2019 - 03:09 PM.


#23 71Cath

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:11 PM

Now I'm overthinking overthinking...

But aside from shutting down conversations, I also think it is arrogant and smug.

#24 Jane Jetson

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:15 PM

View Postrainne, on 17 September 2019 - 02:23 PM, said:

I don't think anyone really cares about my Overarching Theory Of Tribalism In The Internet Age, The Parallels Between Woke Culture And Church, And How The Only Solution Is Micro-Socialism, or its hundred little friend-theories.


I find your ideas intriguing and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter

No really! This sounds really interesting - tell us!

I overthink all sorts of stuff. The good thing about internet forums is that while people can skim what you write or disagree with it or whatever, they can't interrupt and talk over you, so you can actually explore various ideas in a way you don't really get to in IRL conversation.

#25 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 17 September 2019 - 03:23 PM

View Post71Cath, on 17 September 2019 - 03:08 PM, said:

I think saying, "you're overthinking it"  is just another way of shutting down a conversation.  Much like, "you're so emotional"
it can be.

But it can also be true. Sometimes we do over-think things and make something small into something big (or vice versa). I know I can do that.

But I think that's also a reflection of different expectations, different values, different perspectives, available time/resources, etc.

I suppose it depends if the "you're over-thinking it" is deliberately meant to be dismissive and shut down discussion or whether it's meant as "I haven't thought about it to that level of detail, why do you think it's important to delve into it that deeply?"

View PostJane Jetson, on 17 September 2019 - 03:15 PM, said:

I overthink all sorts of stuff. The good thing about internet forums is that while people can skim what you write or disagree with it or whatever, they can't interrupt and talk over you, so you can actually explore various ideas in a way you don't really get to in IRL conversation.
agree!




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