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Birthday Party Woes

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#1 Heh

Posted 29 September 2019 - 10:53 PM

What do you think of this? I dropped my daughter off today to attend a class friends 6th Birthday Party. I was told that this is a drop off and leave type of party.
This was in a Play Centre that was part of a pub. Anyway I received pictures of the party with all the kids minus my daughter?
I sent a message to the host asking if she was ok as she wasn’t in any photos?

My thoughts turn to whether she was forgotten and left alone in the Play Centre in a pub - a very public place and not adequately supervised.
My heart sinks thinking she was forgotten and left out. I’m kind of furious.....She’s only 5.

#2 Riotproof

Posted 29 September 2019 - 10:57 PM

Not really.

#3 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 29 September 2019 - 11:00 PM

Did the host reply to your message?? I want to know her reply before  I offer my thoughts, as I have had parties where kids didn’t want pics taken for whatever reasons.

#4 Heh

Posted 29 September 2019 - 11:06 PM

Nothing as yet. I’m kind of perplexed when I arrived on pick her up, my daughter was in the play centre on her own. I might be over reacting but I’m like mother hen when it comes to parties and make sure everyone is included and ok.

#5 laridae

Posted 29 September 2019 - 11:10 PM

I wouldn't be worried about it. I know when I throw parties I'm so busy sorting things out that I don't actually take a lot of photos, and i definitely don't go around trying to get one of each kid, so I might get some and not others.

You know if you don't feel comfortable leaving her you can always stay. Even if the other parents say it's fine to go. You don't have to.

#6 Heh

Posted 29 September 2019 - 11:17 PM

In hindsight I should of stayed. Normally the photo thing wouldn’t bother me but there were multiple group photos of all the invitees all smiles as kids are at parties with my little one missing from everyone?

#7 Heh

Posted 29 September 2019 - 11:18 PM

Sorry I meant missing from every pic.

#8 BornToLove

Posted 29 September 2019 - 11:18 PM

Did your child have a good time? Has she mentioned feeling excluded?

To be honest, I’d follow my kids lead on this. I know my DD doesn’t look like she has a good time at parties at play places like that. They are too loud and busy for her introvert personality, it’s not the type of place DD would otherwise want to go to.

However, when I ask how the party went, DD always says she enjoyed celebrating with her friends and spending time with the birthday kid. I don’t push it, I know it’s out of her comfort zone but still feels she had a good time so I just leave it.

#9 Heh

Posted 29 September 2019 - 11:25 PM

She told me she felt left out and missed me. I’ll quizz her tomorrow about the ins and outs of the party. I received the pics after she went to bed so I guess her words kind of played on me a bit as well. I think I put it down to experience and avoid any future parties organized by this parent in the future.

#10 PhillipaCrawford

Posted 29 September 2019 - 11:34 PM

Could the host be careful about not taking or sharing photos without your permission?

#11 Heh

Posted 29 September 2019 - 11:40 PM

They were all posted via what’s app. I think she dropped the ball so to speak. I haven’t heard from the host and I have a feeling she won’t respond. Anyway I’ll chat to my little one tomorrow. I think my post was probably more part vent! I feel protective and a little disappointed.

#12 PuddingPlease

Posted 30 September 2019 - 12:15 AM

I wonder if there might be a really mundane explanation for this. If all the group photos were taken at the same time and your daughter was in the toilets for instance, then she may have missed them.

#13 CallMeFeral

Posted 30 September 2019 - 12:32 AM

So you went to pick up from the party, and your child was alone in the play centre unsupervised, while the rest of the kids were elsewhere? Did the host act weird when you got there?

And then she said she felt left out and missed you?

And subsequent to that you received a bunch of photos without her in? Were they at different times (like the cake cutting) or all different times?

It does sound possible that when the kids were called for cake, your DD didn't hear and her being in the play area still wasn't noticed by the adults. If you feel she wasn't appropriately supervised then maybe make up some excuse to stay with her if you're ever at a party by that family again.

#14 MummaBlossom

Posted 30 September 2019 - 07:03 AM

No way would I be OK with that. If they were 8 and she didn't want to participate in cake cutting/other party activities then fine to back to the play area. But a 5 year old? Unacceptable. You don't say it's a drop off and leave situation if you're not prepared to properly supervise every child.

#15 kimasa

Posted 30 September 2019 - 07:05 AM

View PostCallMeFeral, on 30 September 2019 - 12:32 AM, said:

It does sound possible that when the kids were called for cake, your DD didn't hear and her being in the play area still wasn't noticed by the adults.

This kind of happened at my DD's party, only she did hear.

We had it at an art factory and one little girl didn't want to stop crafting. All the kids were sitting around singing happy birthday and there was one little girl down the other end of the building crafting away. We kept an eye on her though. I even brought a slice of cake down to her, she said she was "too busy". Fair enough.

Edited by kimasa, 30 September 2019 - 07:06 AM.

#16 lizzzard

Posted 30 September 2019 - 07:21 AM

I think you’re letting your own anxieties about leaving your DD at a party (maybe one of the first times you’ve done this?) make you see things that aren’t backed up by facts. It’s entirely plausible your DD just wasn’t in the vicinity when the photos were taken, and there are probably other kids who aren’t in the photos too (how would you know?).

Personally I certainly wouldn’t be ‘quizzing’ your DD too intensely today. Why make a big deal of it? I’d lightly check in to see what her favourite part of the party was yesterday. Maybe attend the next party to put your mind at ease. But don’t make a big deal out of it and create problems when there might not be any.

#17 lozoodle

Posted 30 September 2019 - 07:31 AM

Its just a photo, could be any number of reasons. i wouldn't give it another thought.

#18 itsmumtime

Posted 30 September 2019 - 07:37 AM

It's hard to know the facts here but I'd probably be a little concerned about what happened.
Also how many adults were supervising how many children? Was the kid to adult ratio too high for adequate supervision by any chance?
Personally I'd go to the next party. This is my preference only but I would not leave my 5 yr old at a party without me especially at a pub. I'm honestly not sure what age I will be comfortable in that situation. Perhaps a house party I'd be more confortable with though. It's hard to say though as my son is 5 and he is fast on his feet, he is not overly aware of dangers just yet so I wouldn't trust he would be kept safe without lots of eyes on him. Also if I quizzed him on the party he probably wouldn't relay the details correctly to me so I couldn't really trust that totally.

#19 Allegra99

Posted 30 September 2019 - 07:44 AM

I don’t see how it could even be a drop and go party in a public place. No way would I be comfortable with that, not for a 5 year old. It’s also impossible I would think for the parents to actively supervise 10+ kids (or however many were invited).
I wouldn’t be bothered by the photos though. It must be difficult to round up all kids at once just for a photo.

#20 Christmas tree

Posted 30 September 2019 - 07:47 AM

The thing is, you can’t do anything about it now and you may not actually know as quizzing five year olds can be tricky.

If your daughter seems okay then try and forget about it. If she raises a concern about you leaving at the next party I would probably take it as a bit of a”maybe I need to stay unless I know the venue” and hang around a bit.

I totally understand why you would be concerned, but I think the horse (if there is one) has bolted

#21 gracie1978

Posted 30 September 2019 - 07:49 AM

I'd probably just leave it.

Probably wasn't an ideal place for a drop and go party and a five year old.

Unless I knew the parents or another parent we knew was staying I would be inclined not to leave my 5yo son.

I took him to a party last week, somehow he isn't in any of the photos.  Doesn't matter, it wasn't about him, it was about the birthday girl.

#22 Prancer is coming

Posted 30 September 2019 - 08:07 AM

I would not over think it.  She is home safe and whilst may not have had the best party, it does not sound like a disaster.

I generally make my own call of when to drop and run at a party, rather than have the host make my decision.  And given she said she missed you, I am wondering if this was behind her behaviour.  I have hosted many a party now and occasionally you do get kids who for whatever reason are not that keen to join in.  Now I do make a lot of effort to have them included, but I am not going to force them.  If they don’t join in I try and spend time with them instead, but there are some things I need to do at the party and cannot spend every moment with them.  And you don’t know what is going on in people’s lives.  One of my kid’s friends had autism and I went to quite an effort to make sure he was not in his own when he left the group near the end of the party, but the mum was quite ok with him being alone as it was his way of regrouping.

It really sounds like she missed you and was a bit withdrawn.  As a host, kids can be hard work.  And it can be quite annoying when you want to cut the cake or whatever and a kid does not want to join in.  If people are actively telling her she cannot play with her that is not on.  But if people try and include her or she chooses to be on her own but might have joined in if more effort was made, i don’t think that is exclusion.  Unless she is run off her feet with parties and friends I would not stop attending ones with this family.  But I would stay at the next party.

#23 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 30 September 2019 - 08:18 AM

View Postgracie1978, on 30 September 2019 - 07:49 AM, said:

Probably wasn't an ideal place for a drop and go party and a five year old.

Unless I knew the parents or another parent we knew was staying I would be inclined not to leave my 5yo son.

OP Sorry, you mean a venue that's open to the general public for a 5 year old?  A proper playcentre has gated entry and exit ( often with wristbands and parents providing a ticket to match to the child). Other venues are closed to the general public. Everyone in my social circle doesn't drop their 5 year olds at parties, they normally stay, and will bring siblings if they have to.

#24 .Jerry.

Posted 30 September 2019 - 08:28 AM

Agree with PPs, what can you do about it now?  No real good can come of making a big deal about it now.
You risk making your daughter more anxious about the party by quizzing her about it.

The only thing you can do is change your own actions for next time.  Perhaps don't send her to a party for this family again, and perhaps stay next party, no matter what.

Your DD is safe home with you now.  Questioning the mother over it will only create bad feelings that have no real impact.

My daughter is a real introvert and would not jump into photos and also tends to keep on the periphery of an event like a party.

#25 Ivy Ivy

Posted 30 September 2019 - 08:56 AM

I think it's next to impossible for a hosting parent/couple to safely supervise 15-20-30 kids at any party, including, especially, one at those busy play centres.  It'd be really easy for kids to go missing for half the party IMHO.  The host parent is running around doing lots of things.

Like previous posters, I do not let the hosting parent tell me whether to either stay, or drop and run; I review each individual party set up, and my own children, and what they, and I, will be comfy with, then I decide whether to stay or not.  If I'm staying and I get the impression that wasn't intended in the invitation, I text when I RSVP, telling the parent I'm not comfortable leaving my child alone, so I'd like to stay please, and I offer to help them.  I also offer to pay for myself at pay-entry parties.  (Basically I'm not leaving my FYOS kid at any party alone, so if I can't stay, the child is not going to attend, but I don't tell the hosting parent that, because nobody has ever said I can't go.)  I take work on my computer, or a book, if I don't need to help the host.

Because I stay for most parties, sometimes as a designated helper adult, e.g. at night observatory parties, or busy daytime zoo parties, I do observe wide variations in how much/little other parents in charge of their group in the public place supervise/count kids.  I find it astounding how relaxed some of the supervising adults are.

Heh, you probably assumed a degree of supervision that you personally would provide, that wasn't the hosting parent's baseline level degree of supervision.   She lost track of your child in the chaos of a FYOS party.  It happens all the time.  Just stay at the next parties - it sounds like your daughter would prefer that, and you should be there for her.

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