Jump to content

Setting up bedrooms with baby #3 on the way


  • Please log in to reply
44 replies to this topic

#1 moineau

Posted 22 October 2019 - 09:30 AM

We due in March with a DS and i'm struggling with the best way to set up our home.

We have a 4 bedroom house with Bed 2 and 3 being identical in size and directly opposite eachother, Bed 1 is off the same little hall opposite the bathroom and is slightly larger.

Currently my DD and my step daughter have Bed 2 and Bed 3. Bed 1 houses all of the kid toys, a kids TV, futon and my home office. The girls watch movies in there and sometimes play in that room but usually with grab the toys they are wanting to play with and take them into their rooms.

With DS on the way, my initial thought was to move my SD's bed into the study/office room so when she is there it is her space, when she's not it can still be used as my office/study.

I am worried now though that the jealousy/not fitting in that she already feels will be escalated by me doing this - I do feel that DD and DS who live with us all the time should be the ones to have entirely their own spaces.

The girls used to share and they have both expressed that they don't want to share again at the moment and I do know that DS will not need his own room for a little while.

We are also not planning on having DS in with us, I will sleep in his room or in the loungeroom initially as DH gets up at 3am for work.

#2 Living Type

Posted 22 October 2019 - 09:42 AM

What ages are you dealing with? Maybe you could involve your kids in the decision?
we’ve just been reorganising rooms for a surprise number three. 4 bed room house here too but they are very small rooms. We decided to prioritise everyone having their own space (particularly for making sure everyone gets a good nights sleep) so older two keep their rooms and we’ve turned the study into the baby’s room. This has meant moving printer into hallway cupboard, moving to the cloud for most of our IT storage with minimal paper documents and no longer having a desktop pc just laptops. It is actually working much better than. I expected. Maybe this is an option? I would be really hesitant to move a step daughter from her room in these circumstances.

#3 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 22 October 2019 - 09:53 AM

I too would look at moving your office area elsewhere, like into a dining room, master bedroom, living room etc. DH currently works in part of the living room when he works from home, it's not ideal and DS has learnt to creep around while daddy is doing a conference call, but with DS now at school at least it's quiet during most of the day. Do you need to be able to close the door? Look at how you can setup a tiny desk in your master, even if its a fold up desk attached to the wall and a roll away trolley.

#4 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 22 October 2019 - 09:56 AM

Could you put your DS into the study room for a while instead?  Maybe curtain it off?

It depends on the kids but a friend had a lot of issues with her SD who lived there 50/50 feeling excluded when the new baby was born.

We have had baby number 3 in a 3 bedroom and we are going to need to either renovate or move realistically down the track. 5 people trying to use the bathroom at once in the morning is going to tricky

#5 Fluffy Potatoes

Posted 22 October 2019 - 10:03 AM

That’s a tough one. I can see how it makes practical sense putting SD in the shared office , but you need to be careful that she doesn’t feel like she’s losing her place in your family. Have you asked both girls what they think? Is sharing an office with Ds or moving the office space elsewhere an option?

#6 Apple14

Posted 22 October 2019 - 10:06 AM

I agree that the children there 100% of the time should get priority room, but dealing with step kids is hard work. I do think that she will arch up especially with their being a baby coming, so feeling pushed aside, to then be banished to the office will not go down well.

I would flag the toy room/study if they are already playing with toys in their rooms. Sort storage and spread the toys through the ages/rooms.
Put the baby in with the ‘office’ and readdress in a year or 2 when he’s needing more space and everything has settled a little more.


#7 Blue Shoe

Posted 22 October 2019 - 10:14 AM

Can you put a desk in your SD’s room for her to use for school work/drawing etc? When she’s not with you, use that desk for your work. The rest of the time, make the dining table or a small drop-leaf desk in your room work. As a PP suggested, a laptop rather than desktop and/or a trolley that you can store things on (printer, files, etc) that moves from room to room would give you some flexibility.

#8 moineau

Posted 22 October 2019 - 10:51 AM

I did initially give SD the choice.

I said she has to share because she isn't there all the time and we don't have the space (The lounge/dining area is not very big, either is our room)

I gave her the option of sharing with DD, the study or the baby.

She chose to share with the baby, but as a result of behavioural issues and being really quite nasty and violent to DD we made the decision not to allow her to share with the baby as we don't feel that she can be trusted with a baby after what she did to her sister - And knowing that long term that arrangement won't work.

The girls are 7 and 9 and my SD has her own room at her primary home.

The other factor with the baby going into the study is that the girls have all their toys in there - They share most things as they like the same things and we don't see the point in needing to buy 2 of each item so they can have them in their rooms... They play together a fair amount of the time with these shared toys in that room.

The rooms aren't quite big enough for additional desks, there is one in the study, but (And this is a little vain, but OCD..) The bedrooms are all white furniture and the study is dark wood.. for my mental health I need it to all match!!

I could probably do away with my desk - I do have a laptop and the printer could go in a wardrobe or in our room as its all wireless anyway...

I am really conscious of making her feel like she doesn't fit, I don't want to do that - She is almost 10 though and we have spoken to her about it before.
I will be clearing out 2 rows of the cube unit that is in there for her stuff and get her a loft style bed so she can store the things that are just hers underneath.

Edited by moineau, 22 October 2019 - 11:00 AM.


#9 Soontobegran

Posted 22 October 2019 - 10:53 AM

I would not be uprooting your SD to make way for a baby.
If they are young then I’d ignore the no sharing thing and have them together and they can still use the playroom.
If you’d asked my kids they wouldn’t have wanted to share either. They had no choice.


#10 Treasure Island

Posted 22 October 2019 - 11:25 AM

Honestly you have 3 bedrooms and 3 children - each child gets a room and you redistribute the stuff currently in the spare room throughout the house. Shared toys and tv can go in the lounge or swap between the girls rooms. Would the girls share if you gave them the larger room and bunk beds though?

#11 Weavile

Posted 22 October 2019 - 11:33 AM

View PostTreasure Island, on 22 October 2019 - 11:25 AM, said:

Honestly you have 3 bedrooms and 3 children - each child gets a room and you redistribute the stuff currently in the spare room throughout the house. Shared toys and tv can go in the lounge or swap between the girls rooms. Would the girls share if you gave them the larger room and bunk beds though?

This^

You are making it so much harder than it needs to be, and sorry, but to be blunt, you say that you are concerned about your SD feeling like she doesn't fit and then pretty much explicitly saying she doesn't fit, and that matching furniture is more important!

Shared toys can go in a communal area, or just split them. We have all the board games in the TV cabinet, If a play room is so important to both of them, then they share a sleeping space.

#12 DaLittleEd

Posted 22 October 2019 - 11:54 AM

Yes, just store the toys in the living area and the big kids rooms. Put the baby in the study. When you have time get rid of your study desk etc, use a laptop, clear out a cupboard for filling.

No ways would I single your step daughter out as needing to share. You say you don't want to make her feel like she doesn't fit, but it certainly seems that is what's happening....

#13 Sentient Puddle

Posted 22 October 2019 - 12:06 PM

View PostTreasure Island, on 22 October 2019 - 11:25 AM, said:

Honestly you have 3 bedrooms and 3 children - each child gets a room and you redistribute the stuff currently in the spare room throughout the house. Shared toys and tv can go in the lounge or swap between the girls rooms. Would the girls share if you gave them the larger room and bunk beds though?

This - get over your need to match furniture and make sure your SD feels wanted and not just an added extra - you are prioritising "stuff" such as toys and colour of furniture over the wellbeing of your step daughter!

#14 Bugster

Posted 22 October 2019 - 02:01 PM

Will you need to use the office/study while (presumably) on maternity leave?

I agree, if you absolutely won’t have baby in your room then new baby gets the study & the study stuff moves. Get both kids loft beds to make room for toys in their bedrooms if needed.

Alternatively can the baby be in your room initially & your husband sleep in the study on nights he gets up early for work?

#15 ~J_F~

Posted 22 October 2019 - 02:39 PM

Baby goes in the study (with or without your desk - none of our furniture matches, so I don’t understand that reasoning at all) and the girls keep their rooms and you distribute the toys between them.

#16 MsLaurie

Posted 22 October 2019 - 04:38 PM

Is the study and the playroom the same room, or two rooms?

Either way, if your SD is settled in a room, I wouldn’t be moving her unless all kids are being re-allocated. At nearly 10, having space she can call her own and close the door on is pretty important, especially in a step family situation.

#17 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 22 October 2019 - 05:03 PM

View PostSoontobegran, on 22 October 2019 - 10:53 AM, said:

I would not be uprooting your SD to make way for a baby.
If they are young then I’d ignore the no sharing thing and have them together and they can still use the playroom.
If you’d asked my kids they wouldn’t have wanted to share either. They had no choice.
agree with this. In fact, it would not have even occurred to me that the SD should be demoted in her bedroom simply because there was a baby on the way. That's a sure fire way to make her feel excluded!

Given that you won't have the baby in your own room, I would make the study/communal room into the baby's room. I would move the work/study gear elsewhere, and probably even all the toys too (good excuse to do some culling and let the older children fit the toys into their own rooms).

View PostTreasure Island, on 22 October 2019 - 11:25 AM, said:

Honestly you have 3 bedrooms and 3 children - each child gets a room and you redistribute the stuff currently in the spare room throughout the house. Shared toys and tv can go in the lounge or swap between the girls rooms.
agreed

Edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne, 22 October 2019 - 05:03 PM.


#18 eponee

Posted 22 October 2019 - 05:13 PM

View Postmoineau, on 22 October 2019 - 10:51 AM, said:

I did initially give SD the choice.

I said she has to share because she isn't there all the time and we don't have the space (The lounge/dining area is not very big, either is our room)

I gave her the option of sharing with DD, the study or the baby.

She chose to share with the baby, but as a result of behavioural issues and being really quite nasty and violent to DD we made the decision not to allow her to share with the baby as we don't feel that she can be trusted with a baby after what she did to her sister - And knowing that long term that arrangement won't work.

The girls are 7 and 9 and my SD has her own room at her primary home.

The other factor with the baby going into the study is that the girls have all their toys in there - They share most things as they like the same things and we don't see the point in needing to buy 2 of each item so they can have them in their rooms... They play together a fair amount of the time with these shared toys in that room.

The rooms aren't quite big enough for additional desks, there is one in the study, but (And this is a little vain, but OCD..) The bedrooms are all white furniture and the study is dark wood.. for my mental health I need it to all match!!

I could probably do away with my desk - I do have a laptop and the printer could go in a wardrobe or in our room as its all wireless anyway...

I am really conscious of making her feel like she doesn't fit, I don't want to do that - She is almost 10 though and we have spoken to her about it before.
I will be clearing out 2 rows of the cube unit that is in there for her stuff and get her a loft style bed so she can store the things that are just hers underneath.

Do you have OCD or was this flippancy?

#19 a letter to Elise.

Posted 22 October 2019 - 05:31 PM

You absolutely should not move your stepdaughter. It will already be disruptive having a new baby, and it’s not fair to do that to her. Babies do not need much space. My 2.5 year old still doesn’t have a proper bedroom! Just put him in the study, and move the toys into their bedrooms

#20 Dianalynch

Posted 22 October 2019 - 05:42 PM

View PostTreasure Island, on 22 October 2019 - 11:25 AM, said:

Honestly you have 3 bedrooms and 3 children - each child gets a room and you redistribute the stuff currently in the spare room throughout the house. Shared toys and tv can go in the lounge or swap between the girls rooms. Would the girls share if you gave them the larger room and bunk beds though?

Agree with this, baby gets the study, the toys move. I really don’t think you will need to buy two of each toy just because they will be kept in the girl’s bedrooms. They will understand the need to share them, or be told they can share a room and have the other room for their play space with the toys.
You are making a problem where one doesn’t exist, and it’s not clear why.

#21 zenkitty

Posted 22 October 2019 - 06:22 PM

View Postmoineau, on 22 October 2019 - 10:51 AM, said:

I will be clearing out 2 rows of the cube unit that is in there for her stuff and get her a loft style bed so she can store the things that are just hers underneath.

Sounds like you have decided then. How much time does she spend at your place? I don’t think there’s any way of taking her room that avoids her feeling upset, though I understand your reasoning. I would put the baby in the study, personally.

#22 Bethlehem Babe

Posted 22 October 2019 - 06:30 PM

Baby in study. If it matters that much to you but a new or second hand dark wool cot and change table.

#23 MarigoldMadge

Posted 22 October 2019 - 06:32 PM

Does her dad have an opinion about how his daughters sleeping arrangements are to be handled?

#24 IamOzgirl

Posted 22 October 2019 - 07:31 PM

Wow, friends of mine had court orders stating that the step child must have their own room.

I thought it was OTT until reading this thread.

Yep would absolutely get the same court orders if I had a child sharing homes.

There are lots of good ideas in this thread OP about how to manage the situation, please consider them.

#25 Dianalynch

Posted 22 October 2019 - 07:47 PM

^^my friend’s dd has no room at her dad’s - there is space, but she is given no priority. Says it makes her feel unwelcome, and that she’s like a visitor there. Knowing this, I’d get sleeping arrangements in court orders too.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 
 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Viewed Articles

 
Advertisement
 
 
 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.