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First sleep over with daddy 5month


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#51 Freddie'sMum

Posted 27 October 2019 - 07:07 PM

When our girls were baby / toddler age - I have fallen asleep on the floor of my friend's house, I had a micro-sleep at home (luckily I was sitting on the sofa) and I nearly fell asleep at the doctors.

You do what you gotta do to make it through the day / night.  If you can rest / sleep when baby rests / sleep - make that the priority.

If baby's mother is going to leave him with you full time you are best to consult a family lawyer and get everything in writing in terms of looking after your son.

#52 Freddie'sMum

Posted 27 October 2019 - 07:09 PM

I also second what Ivy Ivy said above.

If you feel like you are going to lose control with the little one put him safely in his cot and walk out the door.  Count to 10 - count to 20 - get your breathing calm and under control and then go back into him.  I did this on many occasions when the crying was going to break me.

#53 PhillipaCrawford

Posted 27 October 2019 - 08:17 PM

Can I just advocate for the baby? No-one loves him, mum is moving interstate  and Dad wants a text book feed and sleep unicorn and after ONE day is frustrated and exhausted and putting him in his cot and walking off.
This infant rarely sees dad , hasn't seen him at all for six weeks and mum , his sole caregiver, suddenly abandons him for 48 hours. And he fussed!!! The fact he didn't scream the place down indicates he has already learnt no-one cares, no-one will come.
Yeah, I  am really glad dad put him down and walked away when he got frustrated, but these two biological parents should just hand this poor child to someone who can provide attachment and a stable home.

#54 JBH

Posted 27 October 2019 - 08:26 PM

Hi OP. It sounds like you and the child’s mother are struggling. Is there a social worker involved? If there isn’t, I think you need to reach out for help. You could attend your local MCH (used to be called the “baby health centre” - maybe if you grew up in Australia you remember it). The details are probably in your baby’s blue book. Otherwise, you could call the department of communities or the equivalent in your state and ask about supports for parents who are struggling.

#55 Blue Shoe

Posted 27 October 2019 - 08:47 PM

Sounds like you got through the weekend well, OP, and you’ve got the basics covered. Did you spend much time interacting with your DS - reading him books, chatting with him? Those are the sorts of activities that are really important for your DS’ development as well as for your relationship with him. Your DS is a little person whose personality is being formed right now. The behaviour he sees, the way you engage with him - you are modelling behaviour. Even a baby that age is taking in EVERYTHING. So please make sure you are talking to him and interacting with him much like you would another human being. Simplified language and concepts, sure, but not just treating him as something you can feed/change/put into bed without any further engagement.
Sing to your son. Borrow books from your local library and read to him. Take him on walks and talk about the things that you see. Explain things as you do them around the house - even boring stuff like food prep, laundry, etc. This is how kids develop their vocabulary, pick up rhythms of speech etc.


#56 lozoodle

Posted 27 October 2019 - 09:04 PM

I think some people are being a little harsh here. being a new parent is hard enough in a two parent home, I can't imagine what its like in a single person home.

Geez, when my first was that age I was contemplating running away and joining the circus. Her first months were some of the darkest moments of my life. Sure it all worked out, but lets not all have a pile on about how sh*t it is for the poor baby. Parents are adjusting too and are allowed to feel overwhelmed and blurt it out somewhere anonymously like this.

#57 lizzzard

Posted 27 October 2019 - 09:12 PM

PC I really don't think your comments are very constructive. Your comments about and towards the OP are simply critical and judgemental - I'm not sure what you think such an approach will achieve? He is trying to learn...like we all did when we became parents.

Having said that, it definitely sounds like more real life support would be a great idea OP. I hope you are seeking and accepting the various forms of assistance that are available (practical, not financial).

#58 Prancer is coming

Posted 27 October 2019 - 09:17 PM

Where have people got the idea that coffee guy does not love his baby or does not want him?  Yes, he is exhausted and yes he can understand why the mum has had enough and is moving, but none of that means he does not want the baby.  I can see how people lose control and hurt their babies.  It does not mean I do it, I have never spanked any of my 3 high maintenance kids.

OP I think you did well.  I think it would be pretty hard to have a baby for the whole weekend on my own when I had not much of an idea around baby’s routine and had not spent much time with him.  And it is exhausting, and I imagine relentless on your own.

#59 blimkybill

Posted 27 October 2019 - 09:20 PM

View PostPhillipaCrawford, on 27 October 2019 - 08:17 PM, said:

Can I just advocate for the baby? No-one loves him, mum is moving interstate  and Dad wants a text book feed and sleep unicorn and after ONE day is frustrated and exhausted and putting him in his cot and walking off.
This infant rarely sees dad , hasn't seen him at all for six weeks and mum , his sole caregiver, suddenly abandons him for 48 hours. And he fussed!!! The fact he didn't scream the place down indicates he has already learnt no-one cares, no-one will come.
Yeah, I  am really glad dad put him down and walked away when he got frustrated, but these two biological parents should just hand this poor child to someone who can provide attachment and a stable home.
This is a quite irresponsible thing to say.
Yes it's not going very well at all for this baby. But taking babies away from their families should be an absolute last resort, history has shown us that. The evidence is clear that removal of children from their families is traumatising. This family has not yet had the opportunity to receive appropriate supports. They need support, not to be encouraged to give the baby up.
Coffeeguy, I am glad the weekend went OK for you. Parenting is very hard. There is much to learn. Hopefully in time you will fall in love with your baby, which will make it feel a bit easier and more rewarding for you. There are a range of support services to help families out who are struggling with becoming parents. You and the baby's mother both need to access these kind of services. I strongly suggest going to your local Maternal Child Health service, explaining the whole situation, and asking what kind of help you can get. They may be able to get you into a service which mentors you through becoming a parent and helps you gain the skills you need.
Your baby needs consistency and love. He will be affected by his mother not being bonded with him, by her struggles, by your struggles, and by being moved around. All of you need support, because the experience he has in his early years and months will shape the person he becomes. I think that you mean well for your baby and with the right support you can do a great job and be a great dad for him.

#60 Lou-bags

Posted 27 October 2019 - 09:26 PM

I totally agree that you need some real life support and urgently. If the child’s mother is looking to walk away and leave your son with you, you will need help.

It’s clear (and this not a criticism, please understand this) that you have little to no idea what having a baby is like. That’s not your fault, you’re a new parent who has clearly not been around babies before.

5 month old babies need time on the floor unwrapped to move and learn- from your post it wasn’t clear if your son had any of that kind of thing while in your care. Is he rolling yet? It’s not safe to wrap a baby with their arms in the wrap once they are rolling. Most babies won’t be able to be swaddled arms in at 5mo.

Before you get your son again, I would find where the local child health nurse clinic is located and book a visit for when you have your son next (or even go alone). They will be able to give you all the information about how to take care of a baby safely, what to expect developmentally at each stage (like when to expect rolling, how to go about starting solids and how to know when to do that, what sounds your baby will be making, when naps are likely to drop from 3 to 2 to 1 a day and so much more).

I know people are jumping on posters who’s posts are somewhat harsh, but I echo their sentiments to a degree. I am really worried about your son’s emotional and physical safety.

Have you spoken to the mother about her mental health at all? Do you know if she is seeing a counselor or therapist. I think a few of us have asked about her wellbeing before but I don’t remember if you’ve said if she’s getting help.

#61 Chchgirl

Posted 27 October 2019 - 09:44 PM

View PostLou-bags, on 27 October 2019 - 09:26 PM, said:

I totally agree that you need some real life support and urgently. If the child’s mother is looking to walk away and leave your son with you, you will need help.

It’s clear (and this not a criticism, please understand this) that you have little to no idea what having a baby is like. That’s not your fault, you’re a new parent who has clearly not been around babies before.

5 month old babies need time on the floor unwrapped to move and learn- from your post it wasn’t clear if your son had any of that kind of thing while in your care. Is he rolling yet? It’s not safe to wrap a baby with their arms in the wrap once they are rolling. Most babies won’t be able to be swaddled arms in at 5mo.

Before you get your son again, I would find where the local child health nurse clinic is located and book a visit for when you have your son next (or even go alone). They will be able to give you all the information about how to take care of a baby safely, what to expect developmentally at each stage (like when to expect rolling, how to go about starting solids and how to know when to do that, what sounds your baby will be making, when naps are likely to drop from 3 to 2 to 1 a day and so much more).

I know people are jumping on posters who’s posts are somewhat harsh, but I echo their sentiments to a degree. I am really worried about your son’s emotional and physical safety.

Have you spoken to the mother about her mental health at all? Do you know if she is seeing a counselor or therapist. I think a few of us have asked about her wellbeing before but I don’t remember if you’ve said if she’s getting help.

Excellent post Lou.

#62 butterfly_123

Posted 27 October 2019 - 09:53 PM

Hi OP
I think you have done a great job with your baby this weekend.
I'm sorry to read so many negative comments to this thread.
Raising babies is so hard, so tiring and so very exhausting. I get it, I have 2 :yes:
You are trying your best. I can see that in your posts.
You come to a forum for support and advice and many PP's are giving wonderful advice and some PP's, not so much.
Please try not to be discouraged, you are trying your best and this makes you a great Dad. Crap Dad's don't even try.
I wish you, and your baby all the best as you learn and get to know each other more.
Please try to ignore the negative, and keep posting and asking questions when you need to. There are so many wonderful people here that will answer you questions

#63 Soontobegran

Posted 27 October 2019 - 10:51 PM

Your son is not a newborn. He will have long wakeful times where he must be unwrapped on the floor. He needs to explore the world and your face.
Do you have a child health centre near by? They will guide you as to what care is appropriate for his age.
He will be wanting food soon....

#64 #notallcats

Posted 28 October 2019 - 08:43 AM

View PostPhillipaCrawford, on 27 October 2019 - 08:17 PM, said:

Can I just advocate for the baby? No-one loves him, mum is moving interstate  and Dad wants a text book feed and sleep unicorn and after ONE day is frustrated and exhausted and putting him in his cot and walking off.
This infant rarely sees dad , hasn't seen him at all for six weeks and mum , his sole caregiver, suddenly abandons him for 48 hours. And he fussed!!! The fact he didn't scream the place down indicates he has already learnt no-one cares, no-one will come.
Yeah, I  am really glad dad put him down and walked away when he got frustrated, but these two biological parents should just hand this poor child to someone who can provide attachment and a stable home.

This is absolute rubbish.  The OP is giving a run down of his weekend, commented he was tired and it was hard work.  That does NOT mean no one loves the baby, or that he is frustrated or the baby is not cared for.  Your comments are unhelpful, cruel and potentially dangerous. The OP is learning and reaching out for help, your comments will drive him away, what good will that do the baby?

Some of you must live in a cocoon where all babies are showering in rose petals every day and the parents are some mythical beings who never get frustrated.    Meanwhile back in the real world, we're looking after our children the best we can, which often includes not ideal situations like the OP's.  He's trying, he's willing, he's learning... that sounds like a good parent to me.

#65 Nobodyelse

Posted 28 October 2019 - 09:07 AM

View Post#notallcats, on 28 October 2019 - 08:43 AM, said:

This is absolute rubbish.  The OP is giving a run down of his weekend, commented he was tired and it was hard work.  That does NOT mean no one loves the baby, or that he is frustrated or the baby is not cared for.  Your comments are unhelpful, cruel and potentially dangerous. The OP is learning and reaching out for help, your comments will drive him away, what good will that do the baby?

Some of you must live in a cocoon where all babies are showering in rose petals every day and the parents are some mythical beings who never get frustrated. Meanwhile back in the real world, we're looking after our children the best we can, which often includes not ideal situations like the OP's.  He's trying, he's willing, he's learning... that sounds like a good parent to me.

Anyone familiar with the OP would know he loves his kid.

#66 22Fruitmincepies

Posted 28 October 2019 - 09:08 AM

I’m sure that with support (maybe some parenting classes) and reading, plus plenty of practice, the OP can become the loving and stable (primary or not) parent the baby needs. People can most certainly step up.

#67 Dadto2

Posted 28 October 2019 - 11:26 AM

View PostCoffeeGuy, on 27 October 2019 - 03:55 PM, said:

Pretty tired today, headache.

Mother picked him up just now, said "see you next Friday" and said I can have him full time and asked if I want that.

He was fussing today and I was not sure why, mother said he was hot because his cheeks where flushed.

I can definitely see why she does not want him as it is exhausting, the baby sounds grain on you when you get exhausted and you are thinking does this sound mean he will start crying for a reason I can't fix?

I am keep to have a good night sleep, get rid of my headache and contemplate feeling this way full time.

Not wanting to state the obvious here, but you need to prioritise your sleep, especially if you're struggling. So eating well, limit alcohol, go to bed super early, when my kids were babies I would sometimes be in bed at 7.30pm. If they wake at 3 and won't get back to sleep (which was rare) you've already had close to 7 hours. Learn to power-nap during the day, a 20min nap can totally revitalise you. I did on occasion take a pillow to work and slept in the shower cubicles at work!


When you are kid free build up your energy reserves, no idea if you do, but don't get partying when you're kid free and then pick up your baby knackered and hungover.

#68 Dadto2

Posted 28 October 2019 - 11:32 AM

View PostCoffeeGuy, on 27 October 2019 - 06:19 PM, said:

I just love a full night sleep.

Without sounding too melodramatic, that ship has sailed... well at least for the time being. Work out how much sleep you need to get through a day without if affecting you too much and try and get those hours in any which way you can. It might not be 7 hours straight, but broken up over 24 hours. I found as long as I got my 7 hours in I could manage. That might mean 5 at night, 30mins at lunch, 60mins after work or whatever.

If you're feeling stressed or strung out, listen to meditation/yoga music on spotify, work on your breathing, (google mindfulness). Might sound a but w**ky, but it's an effective way of de-stressing.

#69 Mose

Posted 28 October 2019 - 12:06 PM

View Post22Fruitmincepies, on 28 October 2019 - 09:08 AM, said:

I’m sure that with support (maybe some parenting classes) and reading, plus plenty of practice, the OP can become the loving and stable (primary or not) parent the baby needs. People can most certainly step up.

I whole-heartedly agree.

However, I haven't yet read anything (and apologies if I missed it) that suggest he is prioritising positioning himself and his DS with the support that is, or may be needed.

Now of course over the weekend when he was on his own with his baby boy, it's just one foot in front of the other as best he can, as it has been for parents of young babies since time immemorial.

And it's not all about us right, it's all about the precious boy.  But it would be incredibly reassuring to me and to other posters I am sure, to read that coffeeguy was doing the groundwork on putting in appropriate support structures.

There are support services that offer parenting classes, advice lines, respite care etc.  But it is fairly easy to see how  this situation has the potential to  escalate to a point where "light touch" support services won't cut it, and crisis point is reached (for parents and/or child).  As a result, it makes for slightly distressing reading, for me at least, especially when combined with some of the previous threads.  I'm not going to go back over the old ground, but I think it's fair to say, it's easy to see how this situation is less than ideal for everyone.

But lots of people parent through less than ideal situations, it's definitely doable, but accessing the right support in a timely manner is probably the best thing anyone can do.  And its hard to find the wherewithal to actually do that when you have a young baby.

OP - do you feel you have the support structures around you that will help you to parent your precious boy?  Do you want any local recommendations, and if so you can give a generalised location info and anyone who can help point you in the right direction could PM you?

#70 CoffeeGuy

Posted 28 October 2019 - 07:26 PM

Thanks for the advice and encouragement, this is way out of my comfort zone and a lot I don't know yet.

View PostMose, on 28 October 2019 - 12:06 PM, said:

OP - do you feel you have the support structures around you that will help you to parent your precious boy?  Do you want any local recommendations, and if so you can give a generalised location info and anyone who can help point you in the right direction could PM you?

No support structures.  I didn't know there were local places that can help I did a search.  I am in Newcastle.

View PostFreddie, on 27 October 2019 - 07:07 PM, said:

If baby's mother is going to leave him with you full time you are best to consult a family lawyer and get everything in writing in terms of looking after your son.

She suggested this.

View PostBlue Shoe, on 27 October 2019 - 08:47 PM, said:

Sounds like you got through the weekend well, OP, and you’ve got the basics covered. Did you spend much time interacting with your DS - reading him books, chatting with him? Those are the sorts of activities that are really important for your DS’ development as well as for your relationship with him. Your DS is a little person whose personality is being formed right now. The behaviour he sees, the way you engage with him - you are modelling behaviour. Even a baby that age is taking in EVERYTHING. So please make sure you are talking to him and interacting with him much like you would another human being. Simplified language and concepts, sure, but not just treating him as something you can feed/change/put into bed without any further engagement.
Sing to your son. Borrow books from your local library and read to him. Take him on walks and talk about the things that you see. Explain things as you do them around the house - even boring stuff like food prep, laundry, etc. This is how kids develop their vocabulary, pick up rhythms of speech etc.

I'll give this a go.  I know very little about these special activities.

View Postblimkybill, on 27 October 2019 - 09:20 PM, said:

I strongly suggest going to your local Maternal Child Health service, explaining the whole situation, and asking what kind of help you can get.

I'll have a look into this.

View PostLou-bags, on 27 October 2019 - 09:26 PM, said:

5 month old babies need time on the floor unwrapped to move and learn- from your post it wasn’t clear if your son had any of that kind of thing while in your care. Is he rolling yet? It’s not safe to wrap a baby with their arms in the wrap once they are rolling. Most babies won’t be able to be swaddled arms in at 5mo.

Have you spoken to the mother about her mental health at all? Do you know if she is seeing a counselor or therapist. I think a few of us have asked about her wellbeing before but I don’t remember if you’ve said if she’s getting help.

I tried having him on the floor but he seemed to struggle so put him on the bed and he can lift his head and look around but cannot roll over or move forward.

I don't know if she is getting help, I forgot to ask her on the weekend.

View PostDadto2, on 28 October 2019 - 11:26 AM, said:

Not wanting to state the obvious here, but you need to prioritise your sleep

Yep I'll try getting to sleep earlier at night when I have baby.  Rest of the week I get a solid 8 hours sleep.  Last nights sleep had me feeling much better.  No alcohol or partying for me I'm pretty boring especially since I have work to get up for.

I had a couple naps each day I had baby as I was feeling very tired.  It helped a bit.  Second day I did not post as much as I was quite tired.

Edited by CoffeeGuy, 28 October 2019 - 07:28 PM.


#71 Chchgirl

Posted 28 October 2019 - 07:43 PM

Hang in there Coffeeguy,  you'll get there. It's a learning curve but I noticed you're taking advice on board and that's a good thing.

Get your support structures in place , maybe someone here can point you in the right direction. I can't do that as it's a long time since I had young kids and things have probably changed a lot.

Keep coming in EB and ask questions, nothing is too insignificant.

#72 gatheringpieces

Posted 28 October 2019 - 07:47 PM

Hello then if you're in Newy!

First Steps Parenting Centre at Wallsend would be the main go to, they have sleep people and family support workers and all sorts of supports

That's the main resource, I will try to think of others and come back though.

While you have your bub on weekends it's harder but there are heaps of playgroups you'd be able to hook in to if/when you have full time care, if you aren't at work at those times.

#73 No Drama Please

Posted 28 October 2019 - 07:54 PM

There’s single parent Facebook groups you could join as well. They’d be good support as would really get what you’re going through and if in local area might be helpful to meet up sometimes, people with kids the same age.

#74 Silverstreak

Posted 28 October 2019 - 08:12 PM

Good onya Coffee Guy, you are doing well and taking advice onboard.

#75 luke's mummu

Posted 28 October 2019 - 08:42 PM

View Postgatheringpieces, on 28 October 2019 - 07:47 PM, said:


While you have your bub on weekends it's harder but there are heaps of playgroups you'd be able to hook in to if/when you have full time care, if you aren't at work at those times.

If you ask around at the child health centre, there maybe weekend playgroups/ walking groups for dads. There’s a few in my area of Sydney




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