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Bullying situation at school


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#1 kadoodle

Posted 07 November 2019 - 08:09 PM

DS2 is 8yo and in grade 2. He’s level one autistic, so a bit socially awkward and tends to “play with” (actually be looked after by) a small group of classmates who have been with him since 3yo kindergarten. This group has fractured recently - two kids moved away from the area, another kid moved to the Catholic school - and DS2 has been playing by himself when other friends have been away.

This has made him a target for a couple of boys in his year level who have punched him. These boys get kept in (loss of play) for a day or two, but as soon as they’re allowed out again, they’re targeting DS2. Today he was punched in the eye at recess, and DS3 (FYOS) was nearby and gave the offending boy a blood nose and pulled out a chunk of his hair before a teacher was able to pull them apart.

DS2 is frightened, and DS3 is angry. The school says the boys will be kept away from DS2 and 3, but it really shouldn’t have come to this.

#2 Caitlin Happymeal

Posted 07 November 2019 - 08:22 PM

How awful. I experienced similar minus the physical stuff with my lvl2 ASD DD - down to the fracturing of the group who used to foster her at grade 2... then she was known as the "weird" kid and a target.

I don't know what to suggest because our school was amazing and nipped it in the bud - honestly I barely knew about it because they dealt with it so efficiently. So really unhelpful but empathise with you.

#3 Paddlepop

Posted 07 November 2019 - 08:27 PM

Poor DS2. That sucks that he's being bullied. Good on DS3 for defending him but it sounds like he took it too far.

Can you send MIL in to sort it out? It's your MIL that was the army matron, right?

#4 Ozquoll

Posted 07 November 2019 - 08:42 PM

I love how feisty your DS3 is kadoodle! But of course your DS2 should be safe to attend school without your DS3 having to act as bodyguard.

I suppose this has been suggested a million times on here, but is a different school an option?

#5 kadoodle

Posted 08 November 2019 - 06:11 AM

I really wish a different school was an option. The other schools are a Catholic and a two room/25 kids that have said they don’t have a ability to care for DS3.

In the meantime, I’ve told DS2 that if he can’t find a friend he needs to play on the playground where it’s more closely supervised.

#6 MsLaurie

Posted 08 November 2019 - 06:30 AM

Are there any other kids in DS2’s class that seem a possibility for friendship? Can you actively foster those relationships with play dates or something?
It sounds like he needs a protective posse to keep things on even keel.
Also, is it worth asking the school about formal social skills training for EVERYONE? A whole school program and structured activities and playground support and structure. Sounds like there are a lot of kids who go straight to physical which isn’t great, and must be taking up huge amounts of teacher time in writing up incidents, contacting families,  supervising kids excluded...

#7 Ellie bean

Posted 08 November 2019 - 07:05 AM

Your poor ds2. Is there any chance just ds2 could go to the small school and ds3 stay where he is? The school just sound hopeless, I’d be furious

#8 katpaws

Posted 08 November 2019 - 07:23 AM

Quote

This has made him a target for a couple of boys in his year level who have punched him

That's assault - call the police.



#9 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 08 November 2019 - 08:40 AM

View Postkatpaws, on 08 November 2019 - 07:23 AM, said:

That's assault - call the police.



Im (very) sure the police wont get involved in this with 8 year olds. High school age yes.

Its obvious the bullies need more supervision in the yard and it sounds like the principal isnt helping?  Whats the next step with a catholic school?  Do they have a head office?

#10 katpaws

Posted 08 November 2019 - 08:51 AM

Punching someone regardless of age is an assault - why wouldn't the police be contacted about it and deal with it?

#11 Ellie bean

Posted 08 November 2019 - 08:52 AM

Getting the police involved might at least get the school to take it seriously?

#12 rainycat

Posted 08 November 2019 - 08:57 AM

This annoys me so much, the principal needs to step up big time.
Our school is falling apart at the seams at the moment and nothing is being done. It’s always the same kids but the principal is more focused on good kids not climbing trees, not side talking at assembly and blah blah blah.  Let’s gloss over the kids lighting fires at the skate ramp, bringing BB guns to school, weeing on the floor in the girls loos.
Sorry for the rant but your boy should feel safe at school but the bullies know that they can pretty much do what they want.

#13 ImperatorFuriosa

Posted 08 November 2019 - 09:24 AM

View Postkadoodle, on 07 November 2019 - 08:09 PM, said:

DS2 is 8yo and in grade 2. He’s level one autistic, so a bit socially awkward and tends to “play with” (actually be looked after by) a small group of classmates who have been with him since 3yo kindergarten. This group has fractured recently - two kids moved away from the area, another kid moved to the Catholic school - and DS2 has been playing by himself when other friends have been away.

This has made him a target for a couple of boys in his year level who have punched him. These boys get kept in (loss of play) for a day or two, but as soon as they’re allowed out again, they’re targeting DS2. Today he was punched in the eye at recess, and DS3 (FYOS) was nearby and gave the offending boy a blood nose and pulled out a chunk of his hair before a teacher was able to pull them apart.

DS2 is frightened, and DS3 is angry. The school says the boys will be kept away from DS2 and 3, but it really shouldn’t have come to this.

I'm just over here silently cheering your sons brother coming to his rescue. I know fighting isn't appropriate, but I love it none the less.

Both of my sons are autistic and my youngest used to get picked on for a little while and his older brother was always hovering nearby to dive in if needed.

Edited by ImperatorFuriosa, 08 November 2019 - 10:39 AM.


#14 Beancat

Posted 08 November 2019 - 09:35 AM

View Postkatpaws, on 08 November 2019 - 07:23 AM, said:


That's assault - call the police.



Not in Victoria its not -  you cannot commit a crime unless you are 10 yo and even then there will be little interest from the police.  Therefore punching someone regardless of age is not assault. (Not sure where you are located OP, but similar in other states)

This is a school issue not a criminal issue. The school has a responsibility to ensure the physical and psychological wellbeing of your son.

Having said that, I really really feel for your DS2.  My DD is the same - level one and socially awkward.  She has a two friends who "foster" her as well and I dread the day these girls move on to other groups.

I would continue to deal with the school and if you do not get an adequate response take it to the relevant contact at the regional office of the department of education

#15 Hypnic Jerk

Posted 08 November 2019 - 09:43 AM

Is the 2 room/25 kid school your closest?  
Ask for how they are going to keep the offending boys away from yours.  Details.  At recess, lunchtime, classtime.  When the bell goes and at pick-up.
Be on the look-out for isolating your child as their solution (JnrKadoodle can walk around with the yard duty teacher at lunchtime).

#16 steppy

Posted 08 November 2019 - 10:18 AM

With any luck your DS3 just took care of the problem.

I hope the school takes it seriously and doesn't just blame DS3.

#17 BusbyWilkes

Posted 08 November 2019 - 10:28 AM

View PostHypnic Jerk, on 08 November 2019 - 09:43 AM, said:

Is the 2 room/25 kid school your closest?  
Ask for how they are going to keep the offending boys away from yours.  Details.  At recess, lunchtime, classtime.  When the bell goes and at pick-up.
Be on the look-out for isolating your child as their solution (JnrKadoodle can walk around with the yard duty teacher at lunchtime).
If the smaller school is your local catchment, then they are not able to say they can't meet DS3s needs. They apply for funding (for additional staff time, for equipment and resources) the same as a bigger school would.

#18 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 08 November 2019 - 10:59 AM

Poor Ds2.  Im sorry you're dealing with issues with kids bullying your boys again.  It's not good enough, the school should be doing more.  I want to cheer DS3 for standing up for his brother.  Bullying is so horrible, it should never be tolerated.

#19 Prancer is coming

Posted 08 November 2019 - 11:17 AM

It sounds like other than the recent problems with these boys, the school has been pretty good?

Not sure if the boys that hit your DS are known for this sort of thing or it is new behaviour from them.  If it is new, they may have thought the first consequence would be ample but obviously it is a lot more than that.

I would be requesting a meeting with the principal or whoever is the best person at the school for dealing with problems.  I would make my concerns known and be requesting a clear plan to keep your son safe.  Both your children may need further support from the school in what has happened and I would be asking them to provide this and what it would look like.  I would also request a follow up meeting to monitor how it was going and see what the complaint structure is if you are unhappy with this response.

I would also be clear about what you want from the school and whether they can provide it.  Eg you probably can not dictate a punishment, but you can have a say in how to keep your child safe.

#20 annodam

Posted 08 November 2019 - 11:22 AM

It staggers me that I was going through the same thing with my younger brother nearly 40yrs ago & nothing's fkn changed!
I had to physically have a punch on with my brothers bully to make him stop.  Sure, I got hit too but I threw in a few good punches of my own.
I tell my kids to defend themselves however way they see fit if someone is physically assaulting them.  I don't GAF whether it's in the School yard or at a bloody park!
These bullies relentlessly pick on these kids 'cause they know damn well they'll get away with it!

#21 mayahlb

Posted 08 November 2019 - 11:28 AM

Thats so awful kaboodle. Your poor boys. Honestly with how they have handled this and the previous issues you have had with them, I'd be having a conversation with the regional dept of education. It doesn't sound like the principal is providing much in the way of leadership or management and the teacher's should be more on the ball helping your kids in the playground.

#22 Phascogale

Posted 08 November 2019 - 11:32 AM

I'd be asking what sort of specific strategies are the school putting in place to make sure your child is safe.  You don't need to know how the other kids are being deal with - they won't tell you.

As inappropriate as it was, I too was cheering for your DS3 for giving back to the bullies.  Hopefully he's actually sorted it.

It will be interesting to see what their parents might do or want in regards to your younger boy assaulting them (playing innocent victim maybe).  I wonder if they even know about what those boys did to your older son.

#23 kirstenfleur

Posted 08 November 2019 - 12:50 PM

I will add my voice to the chorus of those saying that the school has let your sons down, and it needs to step up. There need to be strategies in place. I also think that the whole school needs to be reminded of How To Behave; not just a specific group of kids, though of course the rotten twerps who attacked your DS2 need stern consequences.

(also cheering on DS3!)

And if all else fails, well, there's the obvious solution: send in Gargoyle Cat as a therapy animal. DS2 would be happy, DS3 would have the protector mantle pass on, no bullies would go near DS2... I see no problems with this whatsoever.

#24 Mummy_Em

Posted 08 November 2019 - 01:18 PM

Yeah kids under 10 don’t have criminal culpability, and there are restrictions on police being able to even speak to them.

I don’t have solutions for you, but I’m SO proud of your ds3s guts and his punch!

#25 annodam

Posted 08 November 2019 - 01:27 PM

I blame the parents more so than the kids re situations like this.
There's only so much a School/Principal can do if the parents aren't doing their part in disciplining their kids once at home.  
I know my parents would come down on us like a ton of bricks if the School notified them about something like this & I must say, the same rules apply with my kids too.
Problem is these days, these parents don't want to believe their kid is a bully.
Oh Mary is an angel, she doesn't bully anyone on social media, my little Johnny would never do that, it's just boys being boys!

Bloody bullsh*t, get out there & teach your kid some manners & respect.  As*holes!



EFS:

Edited by annodam, 08 November 2019 - 01:28 PM.





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