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Fri fluffy! - if you were to write/read a modern etiquette guide


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#1 seayork2002

Posted 08 November 2019 - 08:38 AM

what would be different now to when you grew up (or generally in the past)?

I meaning this more fluffy than serious really

#2 Fourteenyears

Posted 08 November 2019 - 09:22 AM

Etiquette around portable device use.

Use headphones - don’t subject everyone on the train/beach/waiting room to your music, game soundtrack, or for the love of god, porn.  

Don’t watch porn on the train full stop.  Seriously, just don’t.   And if you really can’t survive the commute without it, make sure nobody else can see your screen.

Be mindful of your phone conversations.  It might be the most fascinating thing in the world to you, but it isn’t to the rest of the bus.  Have the conversation, by all means, but trust the microphone in your phone and keep it quiet.

Don’t talk/text/ browse while driving.  Yes I know it’s illegal but it is so widespread that it needs to become socially taboo too.

Don’t talk on the phone while you’re on the loo.  Unless you are VERY certain you can conceal the giveaway noises.

Don’t clip your nails on the train.  I mean yes, this would have been an unspoken rule when I was a kid too.  But now, apparently, it needs to be spoken.

ETA:  I would scrap all the stuff about not putting your elbows on the table while eating, how to lay your knife and fork on your plate during and after your meal etc.    Etiquette should be about balancing your comfort with the comfort of others to make the world a nicer place to live in.  It shouldn’t be a snooty to prove you had a more proper upbringing, or whatever.

Edited by Fourteenyears, 08 November 2019 - 09:24 AM.


#3 Ivy Ivy

Posted 08 November 2019 - 09:40 AM

Don't overbook social events then rely on being able to cancel arrangements at the last minute just because people are able to be contacted at the last minute.  It's infuriating for those of us who balance and spread out social events, instead of overbooking ourselves, and were looking forward to the catch up.

I recall as a teenager meeting my boyfriend at Town Hall in Sydney.  It was 1989, there were no mobile phones.  You had to just get there and wait for the other.  So people cancelled less, and I believe were more likely to arrive on time.  While waiting I chatted with some interesting random people, strangers.  Life was more interactive.

Now, if I were the average 16 y o waiting at Town Hall, he'd be texting to rearrange, or cancel, or say he's running late, and I'd have my head in the phone scrolling the net.  All these changes contribute to less connection, less happiness.

#4 Riotproof

Posted 08 November 2019 - 10:53 AM

There would have be something about spoiler alerts.

Particularly with the proviso, that if a book or movie is more than 20 years old, it is not a spoiler anymore.

#5 seayork2002

Posted 08 November 2019 - 10:59 AM

View PostRiotproof, on 08 November 2019 - 10:53 AM, said:

There would have be something about spoiler alerts.

Particularly with the proviso, that if a book or movie is more than 20 years old, it is not a spoiler anymore.

You win! I was thinking this exact same thing for another tv uk site I post on yesterday (or the day before) over a show I am watching

someone actually had a go over spoiler alert when it was not actually one anyway (not to me but it made me think what you wrote)

#6 Ozquoll

Posted 08 November 2019 - 11:02 AM

View PostFourteenyears, on 08 November 2019 - 09:22 AM, said:


Don’t watch porn on the train full stop.  Seriously, just don’t.   And if you really can’t survive the commute without it, make sure nobody else can see your screen.


Isn't getting aroused the whole point of watching porn? Why on earth would a man (I'm assuming it is mostly men doing this) want to get an erection in a packed train carriage? Is there an island we can send these sorts of men to for a few years until they learn not to think with their d*ck?

#7 WannabeMasterchef

Posted 08 November 2019 - 11:27 AM

Great thread!  

If you are watching a show together with somebody don't watch ahead while they are at work, no matter how much you are dying to know what happens :rofl:

#8 luke's mummu

Posted 08 November 2019 - 11:28 AM

Take the time to connect in person to people rather than just “ Facebook friends “. And how to be a good neighbor- don’t build illegal dwellings, don’t stuff their rubbish bin to overflowing, be considerate of others parking on the nature strip

#9 Riotproof

Posted 08 November 2019 - 11:35 AM

View Postseayork2002, on 08 November 2019 - 10:59 AM, said:



You win! I was thinking this exact same thing for another tv uk site I post on yesterday (or the day before) over a show I am watching

someone actually had a go over spoiler alert when it was not actually one anyway (not to me but it made me think what you wrote)

New outlander fans are super bad for this. They drive me insane. The first book came out in 1991, so most of them have been out for a LONG time.

#10 ~J_F~

Posted 08 November 2019 - 11:40 AM

View PostWannabeMasterchef, on 08 November 2019 - 11:27 AM, said:

Great thread!  

If you are watching a show together with somebody don't watch ahead while they are at work, no matter how much you are dying to know what happens :rofl:

Hell no..... my DH is away 2 weeks at a time, I am not waiting! I can pretend I haven’t watched like a pro!!

I would do away with social etiquette, it just creates stupid expectations, that a lot of people can’t met and often don’t know they have broken, which allows others to judge them.

#11 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 08 November 2019 - 11:52 AM

View PostOzquoll, on 08 November 2019 - 11:02 AM, said:



Isn't getting aroused the whole point of watching porn? Why on earth would a man (I'm assuming it is mostly men doing this) want to get an erection in a packed train carriage? Is there an island we can send these sorts of men to for a few years until they learn not to think with their d*ck?

getting an erection on a packed carriage is part of the thrill for them...particularly if a woman is sitting next to him, and he can sense her discomfort.


#12 Jane Jetson

Posted 08 November 2019 - 12:00 PM

Don't drop in on friends and neighbours unannounced. Just don't.

Don't phone people, especially if you know they're a bit of a hermit and don't like talking on the phone - text instead! Especially bad if you have no reason to actually contact them, and just want to catch up for a chat.

Don't impatiently wait for people to text you back and get the sh*ts when they don't do it immediately and complain about being left on read. This is why people turn read receipts off, folks.

#13 ~Peahen~

Posted 08 November 2019 - 12:09 PM

View PostJane Jetson, on 08 November 2019 - 12:00 PM, said:

Don't drop in on friends and neighbours unannounced. Just don't.

Don't phone people, especially if you know they're a bit of a hermit and don't like talking on the phone - text instead! Especially bad if you have no reason to actually contact them, and just want to catch up for a chat.

Don't impatiently wait for people to text you back and get the sh*ts when they don't do it immediately and complain about being left on read. This is why people turn read receipts off, folks.

YES!

Plus stop the "small talk". Everyone claims to dislike small talk, yet they are still doing it.

Tuna! Just don't!

Watching videos, TV series yada yada on your phone without headphones in the tearoom while eating tuna NO NO NO!

#14 TrixieBelden

Posted 08 November 2019 - 12:49 PM

View PostRiotproof, on 08 November 2019 - 10:53 AM, said:

There would have be something about spoiler alerts.

Particularly with the proviso, that if a book or movie is more than 20 years old, it is not a spoiler anymore.

Also if based on history.....someone complained I had ruined a Netflix show by giving away what happened to Bonnie and Clyde......

#15 seayork2002

Posted 08 November 2019 - 12:55 PM

View PostTrixieBelden, on 08 November 2019 - 12:49 PM, said:

Also if based on history.....someone complained I had ruined a Netflix show by giving away what happened to Bonnie and Clyde......

I was at a train station (a while ago now) and a girl was having a go at who I took to be her boyfriend for spoiling the movie Titanic for her - not the romance bit the ship bit

#16 ~J_F~

Posted 08 November 2019 - 01:06 PM

View PostTrixieBelden, on 08 November 2019 - 12:49 PM, said:



Also if based on history.....someone complained I had ruined a Netflix show by giving away what happened to Bonnie and Clyde......

Wasn’t that in the Netflix thread? I cracked up when I read that comment :lol:

#17 jojonbeanie

Posted 08 November 2019 - 01:17 PM

View PostJane Jetson, on 08 November 2019 - 12:00 PM, said:


Don't phone people, especially if you know they're a bit of a hermit and don't like talking on the phone - text instead! Especially bad if you have no reason to actually contact them, and just want to catch up for a chat.
I would have thought the etiquette on that should be reversed. It should be up to the person who doesn't want to talk to not answer the phone, not the person ringing for a chat to telepathically know when the other person is in hermit mode.

#18 mayahlb

Posted 08 November 2019 - 01:30 PM

It might be old fashioned but RSVPing is still the polite thing to do. Don't just ignore invitations and then turn up at a party. Even a "I might be able to come but can't guarantee it" text is fine.

its perfectly fine for someone not to respond to you for a while if you msg them. Just because you can see they have "seen" your msg doesn't mean they need to respond right then and there.

#19 Mollycoddle

Posted 08 November 2019 - 01:36 PM

View Post~J_F~, on 08 November 2019 - 11:40 AM, said:

I would do away with social etiquette, it just creates stupid expectations, that a lot of people can’t met and often don’t know they have broken, which allows others to judge them.

Probably not all of it, depending what you mean by 'social etiquette'.  Some of it is genuinely based on respect and consideration for others eg. rules around RSVPing and cancelling on plans as PP upthread pointed out.

Edited by Mollycoddle, 08 November 2019 - 01:36 PM.


#20 PrincessPeach

Posted 08 November 2019 - 01:47 PM

reminder that social media is a public platform. If you dont want your dirty laundry aired in public, dont post about it.

#21 kimasa

Posted 08 November 2019 - 02:46 PM

Can we add libraries to the no porn on the train section.

****ing hell, I'm my branch's designated walks up to the computer and switches the monitor off/closes the laptop person who goes "Right, you, out now" because I'm the least effected by it and ugh, worst library job.

Especially when it's "arguable porn". So not a direct sex act, but teen lingerie pillow fights with lots of boob jiggling and sucking on lollipops, because they ALWAYS argue that it's "technically not porn, they're not having sex".

Take yourself and your boner and go home.

Edited by kimasa, 08 November 2019 - 02:46 PM.


#22 CallMeFeral

Posted 08 November 2019 - 02:54 PM

View Post~Peahen~, on 08 November 2019 - 12:09 PM, said:

Plus stop the "small talk". Everyone claims to dislike small talk, yet they are still doing it.

Yeah, but everyone hates personal questions more. I personally hate smalltalk and don't mind personal questions, but there are so many threads on "how rude of them to ask that when they have only just met me". Can't have it both ways.

#23 Paddlepop

Posted 08 November 2019 - 03:40 PM

Put the phone down when talking to IRL people. Give them your attention.

Just because your phone rings doesn't mean that you need to answer it. Sure, check if it's your child's school during school hours but otherwise don't feel obligated to answer it or to give it priority ahead of the people who are talking to you and spending time with you right there next to you.

Keep left and in single file on escalators/travelators. If you don't and I come up behind you and say "excuse me" so I can get past don't act so surprised or annoyed.

Don't block the door of the lift. Stand back and let people get out before you try to get in.

#24 seayork2002

Posted 08 November 2019 - 03:43 PM

Say please and thank you to retail staff when buying drinks, ordering food, buying books or whatever

walking up to the counter barking 'latte' at them is rude!

(no I do not work in a cafe but walk past them all the time'

#25 Ozquoll

Posted 08 November 2019 - 03:59 PM

View Postseayork2002, on 08 November 2019 - 03:43 PM, said:

Say please and thank you to retail staff when buying drinks, ordering food, buying books or whatever
And if the retail assistant has their hand out for the money, DON'T put it down on the counter instead like you're afraid they've got the plague. Been twenty years since I worked retail and I still remember how much I hated people doing that.




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