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Importance on friendships


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#26 MrsLexiK

Posted 08 November 2019 - 12:47 PM

It’s so hard but they will make new friends. DS1 started at a new school with no friends. For us it was between 2 public schools. It’s been so good. He tends to only talk about 1 friend at a time (but I do always go back and forth and his teacher tells me otherwise that he has more then one friend he has a small group - all the children do), I also know when I do make drop off or am at school things a lot of students seem to say hi and he interacts with the class. He did 2 yrs of kinder and was shy. He was a different kid within a few days of school.

DS2 is a lot more social but he has 2 best friends. One he has been with since they were 5 months old. I know they won’t be going to the same school and it does break my heart and I have at times entertained the brief thought of 2 different schools as a trial. The other public school would not be great for DS1 at all. DS2 it maybe ok I don’t know. But I also know they may not be friends after the first few weeks of term 1.

(DS2 already knows a bunch of the siblings starting his year from prep class there is 8 siblings alone and I have been told of one other the school has paired up with us - both our DS2’s have same issues so he knows a bunch)

#27 Hands Up

Posted 08 November 2019 - 02:47 PM

It would not remove a factor for me. We just moved, months before school starting and both kids have made new friends at daycare just fine

#28 Hands Up

Posted 08 November 2019 - 02:47 PM

It would not remove a factor for me. We just moved, months before school starting and both kids have made new friends at daycare just fine

#29 Milly Molly Mandy

Posted 08 November 2019 - 03:55 PM

Just send him to his local school and it will all sort itself out. I certainly wouldn't choose schools around a preschool friendship.

Both my eldest and youngest (15 and 9) have maintained amazing friendships with friends they have known all their life despite not going to primary school together. The eldest is now at high school with one of his mates and maintains a close friendship through sport, surfing and hanging out with another. The youngest has sleepovers at least once a month with his mate. A true friendship will last without the need to be at school together, it takes a bit of effort as parents initially but catch ups are all initialed and maintained by my kids now.

Edited by Milly Molly Mandy, 08 November 2019 - 03:56 PM.


#30 EPZ

Posted 08 November 2019 - 09:57 PM

My DS has started kinder, primary school, now high school knowing no one (knows of a person for high school). Has never mattered, he’s quiet too.

Often friends change with the new start, kids can click better with new friend or just end up in different circles/classes.

Definitely would not base my choice on friends.

#31 IamtheMumma

Posted 09 November 2019 - 05:27 AM

Thanks for the replies.

something to ponder over the weekend.

#32 MarciaB

Posted 09 November 2019 - 06:39 AM

Similar thing happened to our dd - she was at pre-school near where we lived at the time of enrolling her there - then we moved in the year before FYOS - so sent her to the local school.  

I signed her up for Little Athletics at the same club as her pre-school friends so she got to see them each week.  She stayed at LA's for years as did 3 of the 5 preschool friends.  They remain friends now (even after high school!).

So perhaps you could think about signing up for soccer or something so he can still maintain contact?

Otherwise - FYOS is the perfect time to make new friends.  There will be lots of other kids who don't know anyone.

#33 kimasa

Posted 09 November 2019 - 07:10 AM

What you're describing sound very typical to me.

In my experience most kids don't start to make specific friends prior to kindergarten/preschool, in that 1-3 age range parallel play with just about anyone is more common. I think adults just over-emphasise "friendships" at that younger age because friendship is important in society, and no one wants their child to not have friends.

I wouldn't be uprooting myself and putting myself under financial strain for kindergarten friends. He will make new friends at school.

#34 Holidaytime

Posted 09 November 2019 - 08:24 AM

I can very much relate, my first born son had some lovely friends from daycare and I spent many weekends heavily pregnant trying to find a rental in a very popular and expensive school zone so he could stay with his friends.

In the end I chose to move closer to work and he went to school where he knew no one. I spent the first orientation morning crying because I was worried that I had ruined his life because I  moved him but he met lots of new friends and never looked back.

Good luck with the decision. They are very resilient

#35 little lion

Posted 09 November 2019 - 08:37 AM

My eldest went to a different primary school from his kindy best friend. As our families got along well, we have maintained this friendship by organising a play date once a term in prep then this year they’ve been playing soccer together too. I think it is nice to have a friend outside of school.

#36 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 09 November 2019 - 08:58 AM

It's tough IATM.  DS1 has only ever had one friend, and struggles with social cure, but I couldn't justify moving or paying private school fees to keep that friendship.  But Id be heartbroken for him and I completely understand wanting to.  Is there anyone going to your local school from his preschool that he occasionally plays with or gets along OK with you could invite over on a playdate?

#37 RynandStompy

Posted 09 November 2019 - 09:06 AM

View PostIamtheMumma, on 08 November 2019 - 10:13 AM, said:

DS is 5 and starts Prep next year (FYOS). At kindy, he's made two friends and he wants to go to school with them next year. He has never made friends before. He's a social butterfly and well liked at kindy and childcare but he's never clicked with other kids before. These 3 boys have clicked.

I've got some decisions to make for our future. Going to the same school to keep the boys together will have a significant financial impact on my life (renting in the catchment area). I don't know how much importance I should factor into the decision making process. I want him to be happy but I know he'd make friends elsewhere if it came to that.
DD's two besties don't go to her school and aren't anywhere on same side of city as us. She's regularly in touch with them both...it helps that I've made friends with each mum or yes the kid friendships would have withered. But at that age, a weekend visit/playdate once per term, some short 'video postcard messages' via parent messaging..the friendships are very strong now, and she's 9.
Sometimes she says she wishes they went to her school, but she's fine on the whole they don't. And a couple of times during school friendship travails I've been able to remind her confidence that she CAN make friends and she's got great friends who absolutely have her best interests at heart. That's given her confidence to navigate the false friends at school too.


#38 Treasure Island

Posted 09 November 2019 - 09:08 AM

My DS1 ended up going to the same school as his kindy BF but they both made new friends and their friendship didn't last. No way would I be making financial decisions based on a 5 year old's friends. I moved a few times growing up and changed schools. Leaving friends didn't affect me until I was a teenager.

#39 SeaPrincess

Posted 09 November 2019 - 09:15 AM

Even without moving schools, changes in classroom groupings have meant that my children haven’t ended up in classes with their friends and they’ve tended to spend more time with the children from their class each year. I wouldn’t move house so a 5yo could stay with friends.

#40 casime

Posted 09 November 2019 - 09:15 AM

How is he not enrolled already?  Our school have already decided on classes and are doing transition sessions.  At this point, I think you'd be hard pressed to find a new rental, move and still have him enrolled in the new school in time to begin next year.

#41 SplashingRainbows

Posted 09 November 2019 - 09:39 AM

Nope public schools take the kids that show up on day 1 with an enrolment form. It causes chaos as no classes, groupings or teachers can be finalized until into the new school year. I think the effect at smaller schools can be more profound as 1,2 or 3 kids up or down can mean the difference between an extra class or not.

#42 Jingleflea

Posted 09 November 2019 - 10:10 AM

Our school doesn't set classes for at least 3 days due to kids starting on day one or leaving without telling the school.

I think they have a reasonably clear idea of class make up but you will get the odd child moved around here and there.

#43 SM3s Fight Song

Posted 09 November 2019 - 10:35 AM

View PostSplashingRainbows, on 09 November 2019 - 09:39 AM, said:

Nope public schools take the kids that show up on day 1 with an enrolment form. It causes chaos as no classes, groupings or teachers can be finalized until into the new school year. I think the effect at smaller schools can be more profound as 1,2 or 3 kids up or down can mean the difference between an extra class or not.

This.  If you're in zone here public schools must take you whatever day of the year you turn up on.  Our school had 6 kids who hasn't been enrolled turn up of first day of school this year.  The school has to accept them. Class groups aren't set till lunch time on the Tuesday of the first week.

#44 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 09 November 2019 - 10:50 AM

View PostSplashingRainbows, on 09 November 2019 - 09:39 AM, said:

Nope public schools take the kids that show up on day 1 with an enrolment form. It causes chaos as no classes, groupings or teachers can be finalized until into the new school year. I think the effect at smaller schools can be more profound as 1,2 or 3 kids up or down can mean the difference between an extra class or not.

I have read this before on EB but where does this happen because it had never been my experience in a lot of years of schooling. My kids have always known their class and teacher for the next year a couple of weeks before the end of the school year. New kids are just slotted in where there is room.

Anyway for the OP, there is no way I would make a school decision that would place a financial burden on the family because of a kids friendship, that may or may last.

Edited by ~J_F~, 09 November 2019 - 10:50 AM.


#45 casime

Posted 09 November 2019 - 10:54 AM

Yes, they can take children in the zone at anytime, but I really think it's pretty slack if parents haven't already enrolled their child in a timely manner and done the transition sessions.  It's also tough on the schools and the classroom teacher.

#46 SplashingRainbows

Posted 09 November 2019 - 12:05 PM

It legitimately happens here at our small NSW public school.

Not the schools fault but very disruptive. As we are so small an extra 2 kids can mean the difference between a kinder and a 1/2 or a K/1 and 2/3, 3/4 etc.

Or one less kid can mean we don’t get that extra class that best suits the school population and students due to funding cut offs.

It’s one of the reasons we are leaving for private. The schools down the road are not so affected as they are larger and have more ability to ‘slot kids in’.

Unfortunately we are outside their zoning so public schooling is not equal even within a 5km radius.

#47 BeAwesome

Posted 09 November 2019 - 12:17 PM

I met my best friend in pre-school, but we never went to school together.  We're still friends 30 + years later.

My eldest had no children from her kindy class go to the same school as her.  My youngest only had 1, and they've never ended up in the same class.

FWIW we've also picked a high school that only 2 children from her primary are going to, 1 she is somewhat friendly with, the other she doesn't know.

#48 Amica

Posted 09 November 2019 - 12:22 PM

Something to consider when selecting high schools but not primary.

#49 kimasa

Posted 09 November 2019 - 04:38 PM

View Post~J_F~, on 09 November 2019 - 10:50 AM, said:



I have read this before on EB but where does this happen because it had never been my experience in a lot of years of schooling. My kids have always known their class and teacher for the next year a couple of weeks before the end of the school year. New kids are just slotted in where there is room.

Anyway for the OP, there is no way I would make a school decision that would place a financial burden on the family because of a kids friendship, that may or may last.

At my daughter's school they know the classes in advance, but kids show up so they disperse them evenly, and in a case like this year where by the end of term 1 they have 18 extra preps, they hire another teacher and start a whole extra class in term 2.

#50 Riotproof

Posted 09 November 2019 - 04:47 PM

View Post~J_F~, on 09 November 2019 - 10:50 AM, said:



I have read this before on EB but where does this happen because it had never been my experience in a lot of years of schooling. My kids have always known their class and teacher for the next year a couple of weeks before the end of the school year. New kids are just slotted in where there is room.

Anyway for the OP, there is no way I would make a school decision that would place a financial burden on the family because of a kids friendship, that may or may last.

It is very much a public school problem. Particularly ones with a very tight zone boundary. They have to take everyone. Ds’s school doesn’t finalise classes until a few days into the term. There are exceptions where some kids might need to know who they have, but generally not.




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