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Awkward - party invitation


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#26 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 19 November 2019 - 06:59 PM

View PostJosé, on 19 November 2019 - 05:43 PM, said:

Oh, its like that!
I get that teachers have lots to do .
I don't have phone and email for most parents.
And invited straight into backpacks is just asking for them to get lost.
well, lost in a backpack. Not that lost, really. I suppose it depends on how often said backpack is cleared out at home.

I never put anything directly into other children's backpacks. When our kids were younger (K-Yr2) and we have had invitations to distribute, I would go to school with DD and she would hand invitation directly to other child or put it in their bag (she would know their bags) after we had got permission from teacher if that was okay (if child wasn't around bags). We've only done 5-8 other kids at our parties, nowhere near a full class,

It's never occurred to me that a teacher should help distribute party invitations,

But yes, we have had a few instances where child has forgotten about party invitation. We've missed one party due to missed invitation (DD1 has never done that again!)

#27 MGB

Posted 19 November 2019 - 07:27 PM

I’d leave it- it would be too awkward to ask in case it’s not a whole class party.

At my kids school the teachers requested in Kindy and year 1 that invitations go to them so they can discreetly hand them out. I like that they do that so that kids not invited don’t feel upset or left out.


#28 Prancer is coming

Posted 19 November 2019 - 07:55 PM

I have a kid that struggles socially, so feel all over this topic!  If I am asked by another parent about a party invite they assume I got but didn’t, I just say we were not invited to that one.  It does not need to be awkward and is just stating the facts.  And if the host is excluding a few kids, I don’t see the problem with others knowing it.  My kid and two others were not invited to a whole class party (well minus 3) which was even more bizarre in terms of the kid actually attended our party a few months earlier and had his party at the exact same venue.  one would have assumed if they had such a an issue with my kid he would not have attended our party, but anyway.  So when another mum asked us why we did not attend, I had no issue just saying we were not invited, and she was horrified as she thought it was a whole class party.

I would not follow it up.  There is no invite.  You say your son is not a close friend.  I would just assume there was no invite rather than it was misplaced.  Asking the mum would lead to awkwardness.  It is not the teacher’s job and probably more awkwardness for her if he is not invited.  And if he was invited and you missed the invite, I figure the world will not end

#29 decisionsdecisions

Posted 19 November 2019 - 08:15 PM

We had a situation in FYOS where unbeknown to me a child had verbally invited my DS to their birthday party at the zoo because he had lost the paper invitation to give to my son. DS said yes he would go and being 5 forgot all the details and forgot to tell me anything about it.  Cue a phone call from the birthday boys mum on a Saturday afternoon wondering how far away we were because they were waiting for us to arrive at the entrance to the zoo!

Another time a child handed out invitations to the whole class on a Friday afternoon, with help from the teacher, except there was not one for my son. DS didn’t say anything but was in tears at bedtime that night. I was in a quandary whether to say something but come Monday there was an invitation on his desk with a handwritten note from the birthday boys mum apologising that it had been left by accident in the back seat of the car.  Another bad thing about having a last name that starts with Z, always on the bottom of the pile!

So OP mistakes do happen but I can understand it would be very awkward to ask if your son was invited.

Edited by decisionsdecisions, 19 November 2019 - 08:17 PM.


#30 Ollie83

Posted 19 November 2019 - 08:32 PM

View PostJosé, on 19 November 2019 - 05:43 PM, said:



Oh, its like that!
I get that teachers have lots to do .
I don't have phone and email for most parents.
And invited straight into backpacks is just asking for them to get lost.

I’m an ECT, I’m more then happy for parents to slip invites into lockers but playing social coordinator and knowing who is invited where is definitely way beyond my job description! I don’t get enough time to deal with my own paper work let alone anyone else’s.

I’d definitely say the other parent may have been confused and not all the class were invited. As you say just leave it and have a chat with your son if he seems concerned about not going?



#31 mpoppins92

Posted 19 November 2019 - 10:11 PM

I understand why it may have felt awkward particularly if all the other mums saw. The teacher may know if lots of kids have been invited because they do generally talk about it.

I teach Y3 and I asked parents at parent night to hand out invites before and after school to go straight home in bags and I don’t want them handed out in class. It causes soooo much drama that is definitely not my job to deal with. I’ve had one or two kids sneak it past me and they absolutely made it obvious who was being invited and there were tears.

I understand that it’s hard when parents don’t know who their child’s friends are to get invites out but to be blunt that isn’t my problem. I’ll pass on a message with contact details at most.

#32 EsmeLennox

Posted 19 November 2019 - 10:37 PM

View PostJosé, on 19 November 2019 - 05:43 PM, said:



Oh, its like that!
I get that teachers have lots to do .
I don't have phone and email for most parents.
And invited straight into backpacks is just asking for them to get lost.

Too bad, so sad. Not the teacher’s problem.

OP, just leave it.

#33 Crazyone26989

Posted 20 November 2019 - 04:45 AM

View PostYodaTheWrinkledOne, on 19 November 2019 - 04:41 PM, said:

I would not ask the teacher. I never told the teachers about any birthday parties that we were holding for our kids.

Yeah I agree, please don’t ask the teacher. I’ve taught K-2 and have very little idea of party logistics beyond what the kids tell me and I absolutely wouldn’t want to be asked about a party by a parent. Honestly, teachers have so many things to do and you are seriously wasting their time if you ask about a party.

With that said I have heard (from the kids) about many a class party where 2-3 students actually weren’t invited. It’s pretty horrible and the reason I shut down party talk as much as I can.

#34 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 20 November 2019 - 04:51 AM

That’s such a hard one.  Recently DS was adamant that He was invited to a particular party.  No invitation.  

On one hand he knew all the details.  On the other hand I’m good friends with the party girl’s mum and (a) she never mentioned it and (b) at school this girl is in a different group and doesn’t play with DS and his friends.   But on the first hand the kids get on well when we hang out as families.  

So I sent her a text which literally said “I’m so embarrassed to ask, and DS may have the wrong end of the stick, but he seems to think......”.   Turns out he was invited :)

But I wouldn’t have asked the mum if I didn’t know her well.  




#35 José

Posted 20 November 2019 - 05:14 AM

View PostYodaTheWrinkledOne, on 19 November 2019 - 06:59 PM, said:


well, lost in a backpack. Not that lost, really. I suppose it depends on how often said backpack is cleared out at home.



Or the child puts invite it but doesn't zip up bag properly and invite blows away or falls out.
Or when child pulls their lunch box out the invite also comes out and falls on ground but child doesn't notice etc etc.
I think you'd be surprised how often school notes don't make it home and are seen floating around the school, in bins etc

#36 Ozquoll

Posted 20 November 2019 - 05:15 AM

Ignorance is bliss - I really wish that parent had not asked me about that party or told me it was an all-class invite! I suppose she was just making conversation, she wouldn't have meant to put me in an awkward spot.

For all the PPs telling me not to go the teacher - don't worry, I have no intention of doing so! It wouldn't have even crossed my mind to approach the teacher.

#37 Crazyone26989

Posted 20 November 2019 - 05:23 AM

View PostOzquoll, on 20 November 2019 - 05:15 AM, said:


For all the PPs telling me not to go the teacher - don't worry, I have no intention of doing so! It wouldn't have even crossed my mind to approach the teacher.

Thank you, that makes me happy! LOL. I was more directing it at others anyway as I get sick of being asked about ridiculous things not related to my job. Being pregnant as a teacher earlier this year has left me very jaded about parent behaviour atm. Hahaha

#38 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 20 November 2019 - 05:33 AM

I’d do this. Little kids are terrible for losing notes. And a text gives the other mum an opportunity to think of a good response if your kid isn’t invited.

View PostFeral-as-Meggs, on 20 November 2019 - 04:51 AM, said:


So I sent her a text which literally said “I’m so embarrassed to ask, and DS may have the wrong end of the stick, but he seems to think......”.   Turns out he was invited :)

But I wouldn’t have asked the mum if I didn’t know her well.  


#39 Ozquoll

Posted 20 November 2019 - 05:36 AM

^^^
(Responding to Crazy one 26869)
I can imagine! Pregnancy is hard enough as it is, without dealing with a class of kids plus their sometimes overly-demanding parents 😲. I don't think I could do it 🤔

Subject for another thread perhaps, but I wonder if I am too much NOT "that" parent, given my son has ASD 🤔. Beyond hellos and goodbyes, I probably only speak to his teacher two or three times a term.

Edited by Ozquoll, 20 November 2019 - 05:37 AM.


#40 AllyK81

Posted 20 November 2019 - 06:36 AM

I would leave it.

Does the parent of the birthday child have your number from any previous party interaction? I suspect if your DS is invited you might get a follow up on the RSVP date or shortly thereafter. No follow up, no invitation.

#41 lozoodle

Posted 20 November 2019 - 06:41 AM

I'd leave it and breathe a sigh of relief that yet another weekend hasn't been taken up with a party for some kid I don't know who I have to buy a present for haha

#42 Ozquoll

Posted 20 November 2019 - 07:05 AM

View Postlozoodle, on 20 November 2019 - 06:41 AM, said:

I'd leave it and breathe a sigh of relief that yet another weekend hasn't been taken up with a party for some kid I don't know who I have to buy a present for haha
Hehehe, there's that 😄!

#43 Riotproof

Posted 20 November 2019 - 07:21 AM

View PostOzquoll, on 20 November 2019 - 05:15 AM, said:

Ignorance is bliss - I really wish that parent had not asked me about that party or told me it was an all-class invite! I suppose she was just making conversation, she wouldn't have meant to put me in an awkward spot.

For all the PPs telling me not to go the teacher - don't worry, I have no intention of doing so! It wouldn't have even crossed my mind to approach the teacher.

It’s really the other parent who should be feeling awkward, not you. They will learn you never ever discuss a party unless you’re positive the person is invited. But like asking someone of they’re pregnant.

#44 purpleduck

Posted 20 November 2019 - 07:31 AM

See I wouldn’t have an issue with adults discussing it. I would prefer not to do it front of the kids as they can get hurt if they aren’t invited.

Op, I’m guessing you will leave it but I wouldn’t have an issue sending a quick text (if you have the number) as per Feral as meggs.

#45 Ozquoll

Posted 20 November 2019 - 09:12 AM

Okay, I was talking this morning to another parent whose child is in the same class as DS and "X" - her child is also not invited, and she knew of another who wasn't invited either, so it seems the parent who thought it was an all-class invite was mistaken. Mystery solved 🧐👍!

#46 Ozquoll

Posted 20 November 2019 - 09:30 AM

This raises a dilemma though - DS has already written the list of kids he wants to invite to his birthday early next year (I know, jumping the gun a bit 😆) and "X"'s name is on the list. I actually like the kid, and presumably DS does too, so do we still invite him?

#47 seayork2002

Posted 20 November 2019 - 09:32 AM

View PostOzquoll, on 20 November 2019 - 09:30 AM, said:

This raises a dilemma though - DS has already written the list of kids he wants to invite to his birthday early next year (I know, jumping the gun a bit ) and "X"'s name is on the list. I actually like the kid, and presumably DS does too, so do we still invite him?

Ds invites who he wants, that is as far as we think of it just like I did and my siblings growing up - I don't remember kids parties being this complex growing up?

#48 amdirel

Posted 20 November 2019 - 09:32 AM

^^^ yes of course! If your DS wants to! We have never done reciprocal invitations; my kids invite who they want.

#49 Hands Up

Posted 20 November 2019 - 09:36 AM

Yes! It shouldn’t be reciprocal only :-)

#50 Hollycoddle

Posted 20 November 2019 - 09:46 AM

View Postamdirel, on 19 November 2019 - 05:16 PM, said:

I would leave it. It could possibly get a whole lot more awkward if you pursue it.

This.  I assume your son hasn't been talking about it if this was the first you'd heard of it.  So just pretend it isn't even happening.




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