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Awkward - party invitation


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#51 Hollycoddle

Posted 20 November 2019 - 09:50 AM

 Riotproof, on 20 November 2019 - 07:21 AM, said:

It’s really the other parent who should be feeling awkward, not you. They will learn you never ever discuss a party unless you’re positive the person is invited. But like asking someone of they’re pregnant.

A bit harsh. She was under the impression it was an all-class invite.  I wonder where she got that info ie. was it a child that told her or did the parent of the birthday child tell her?  I would have asked her that if I were the OP.  I've been that parent who found an invite in the bag months after the party, hence you'd probably find me the subject of a thread about how rude it is not to RSVP.  It was very awkward when I ran into those parents afterward, I had sent them an extremely apologetic text when I finally did find the invite but got no reply :(

Edited by Mollycoddle, 20 November 2019 - 10:10 AM.


#52 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 20 November 2019 - 10:06 AM

 José, on 20 November 2019 - 05:14 AM, said:

Or the child puts invite it but doesn't zip up bag properly and invite blows away or falls out.
Or when child pulls their lunch box out the invite also comes out and falls on ground but child doesn't notice etc etc.
I think you'd be surprised how often school notes don't make it home and are seen floating around the school, in bins etc

Yep, that happens.
Still not the teachers' responsibility though.

 Ozquoll, on 20 November 2019 - 05:36 AM, said:

Subject for another thread perhaps, but I wonder if I am too much NOT "that" parent, given my son has ASD . Beyond hellos and goodbyes, I probably only speak to his teacher two or three times a term.
Same here. But I often chat with the teacher in the first few weeks at the beginning of the year to say "Let me know if my child is struggling with anything, has any behavioural/social issues that we need to address (or let them know if we have any concerns) or if there are any other problems that come up, but otherwise you won't see me." Mostly because I work, but also because DH and I work on the principal that no news is good news and the teacher is busy enough without regular contact from us ...

(we always attend parent-teacher interviews & the teachers are very good at sending quick messages through the school apps).

 Ozquoll, on 20 November 2019 - 09:30 AM, said:

This raises a dilemma though - DS has already written the list of kids he wants to invite to his birthday early next year (I know, jumping the gun a bit ) and "X"'s name is on the list. I actually like the kid, and presumably DS does too, so do we still invite him?
For sure! He should invite who he wants, they can choose whether they will attend or not.

#53 Ozquoll

Posted 20 November 2019 - 10:15 AM

 Riotproof, on 20 November 2019 - 07:21 AM, said:

It’s really the other parent who should be feeling awkward, not you. They will learn you never ever discuss a party unless you’re positive the person is invited. But like asking someone of they’re pregnant.
She means well but is sometimes a bit oblivious 🤷. As an Aspie I can relate to that 😅! She's come out with some shockers over the years, but I think all accidental.

#54 CallMeFeral

Posted 20 November 2019 - 10:30 AM

 Ozquoll, on 20 November 2019 - 09:30 AM, said:

This raises a dilemma though - DS has already written the list of kids he wants to invite to his birthday early next year (I know, jumping the gun a bit ) and "X"'s name is on the list. I actually like the kid, and presumably DS does too, so do we still invite him?

Definitely.
I try to do I guess 'positive' reciprocity in that if someone has invited us, if they weren't on the list I will try to suggest to my kids that it would be nice to invite them as they obviously consider you a friend, etc.
But if they are inviting someone who hasn't invited them, that's fine. It's nice that they are not bearing a grudge or worrying about whether people like them back, they are just inviting people they like.

It does sting sometimes. There is a girl in DD's daycare who has repeatedly not invited her to her parties (recently extremely vocally and while inviting all the other girls), and DD always invites her, and the girl is frequently nasty and excludes her in class too, meanwhile DD still loves her. I hate to see the inequity and I carry a fair bit of bad feeling towards her. But I studiously keep this to myself.

#55 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 20 November 2019 - 10:42 AM

Threads like this make me glad that the three schools we have attended in our area have always sent out class / year contact lists.  Party invites are sent via email or text, not paper.

Now in years 9 / 10, the kids email the invite directly to each other, and my DS or DD forward it to me.  So much easier!

#56 Ozquoll

Posted 20 November 2019 - 10:44 AM

 CallMeFeral, on 20 November 2019 - 10:30 AM, said:

It does sting sometimes. There is a girl in DD's daycare who has repeatedly not invited her to her parties (recently extremely vocally and while inviting all the other girls), and DD always invites her, and the girl is frequently nasty and excludes her in class too, meanwhile DD still loves her. I hate to see the inequity and I carry a fair bit of bad feeling towards her. But I studiously keep this to myself.
There are one or two kids in DS's year level whom I would truly struggle to say anything nice about...the old proverb about saying nothing at all definitely applies!

#57 JomoMum

Posted 20 November 2019 - 02:55 PM

 Feral-as-Meggs, on 20 November 2019 - 04:51 AM, said:

That’s such a hard one.  Recently DS was adamant that He was invited to a particular party.  No invitation.  

On one hand he knew all the details.  On the other hand I’m good friends with the party girl’s mum and (a) she never mentioned it and (b) at school this girl is in a different group and doesn’t play with DS and his friends.   But on the first hand the kids get on well when we hang out as families.  

So I sent her a text which literally said “I’m so embarrassed to ask, and DS may have the wrong end of the stick, but he seems to think......”.   Turns out he was invited :)

But I wouldn’t have asked the mum if I didn’t know her well.  

Or turns out he got an invitation because of the text?

Playing devils advocate here ..

#58 Ellie bean

Posted 20 November 2019 - 03:06 PM

 CallMeFeral, on 20 November 2019 - 10:30 AM, said:



Definitely.
I try to do I guess 'positive' reciprocity in that if someone has invited us, if they weren't on the list I will try to suggest to my kids that it would be nice to invite them as they obviously consider you a friend, etc.
But if they are inviting someone who hasn't invited them, that's fine. It's nice that they are not bearing a grudge or worrying about whether people like them back, they are just inviting people they like.

It does sting sometimes. There is a girl in DD's daycare who has repeatedly not invited her to her parties (recently extremely vocally and while inviting all the other girls), and DD always invites her, and the girl is frequently nasty and excludes her in class too, meanwhile DD still loves her. I hate to see the inequity and I carry a fair bit of bad feeling towards her. But I studiously keep this to myself.
I think I’d be having a chat to your dd about how good friends behave and does she really want to invite someone who behaves like that

#59 Hands Up

Posted 20 November 2019 - 08:48 PM

 JomoMum, on 20 November 2019 - 02:55 PM, said:



Or turns out he got an invitation because of the text?

Playing devils advocate here ..

I thought the same thing. The poor parent on the other end of that text was put in an awkward position and could hardly say “no, unfortunately not invited”.

#60 Tokra

Posted 20 November 2019 - 09:30 PM

 lozoodle, on 20 November 2019 - 06:41 AM, said:

I'd leave it and breathe a sigh of relief that yet another weekend hasn't been taken up with a party for some kid I don't know who I have to buy a present for haha

This is exactly how I would feel lol. I hate birthday parties etc. I don't get involved with other parents so it's just awkward for me. I'm not a social person.

 Ozquoll, on 20 November 2019 - 09:30 AM, said:

This raises a dilemma though - DS has already written the list of kids he wants to invite to his birthday early next year (I know, jumping the gun a bit ) and "X"'s name is on the list. I actually like the kid, and presumably DS does too, so do we still invite him?

Why wouldn't you?

#61 Prancer is coming

Posted 20 November 2019 - 10:37 PM

 Ozquoll, on 20 November 2019 - 09:30 AM, said:

This raises a dilemma though - DS has already written the list of kids he wants to invite to his birthday early next year (I know, jumping the gun a bit ) and "X"'s name is on the list. I actually like the kid, and presumably DS does too, so do we still invite him?

Just go with what he wants to do, unless you need to cut numbers.  We tell the kids the kid may have had a cap on the amount they could invite.  I also encourage that they do not take it personally.  Not inviting the other kid back is taking it personally.  I would rather my child think they are not invited due to limited numbers than excluded because they are not nice.

I agree it would be helpful if other parents just did not comment.  I just got asked today if DS is going to a party he was not invited to.  Both my boys have special needs, but this boy is pretty okay socially.  Just sucks knowing about it, even though I would not have expected a party invite iykwim.

#62 Ozquoll

Posted 20 November 2019 - 11:02 PM

^^^
Good advice, thanks.




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