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Picking my battles 14yo DD


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#26 boatiebabe

Posted 25 November 2019 - 10:07 AM

I have a very similar 15 year old DD.

I also have a 13 year old DS.

We have some family rules around technology and they are always trying to push the boundaries!.

During the week we have no phones or devices in bedrooms.This is relaxed on weekends.

The kids have some late activities, so phones are usually downstairs and charging overnight by 9pm. That goes for DH and I too. No one has a phone by the bed.

Weekends might be a bit later depending on what we are doing.

My DD is always trying to stretch it out or push the boundaries, but I feel that because she is so active, that sleep is a priority and so I do all I can to ensure she is getting enough. Part of that is not having a phone or computer in the bedroom.

They are allowed to have kindles in their rooms and they do read quite a bit.

My DD is always at me with "my friends are allowed to" but I don't care. Their parents might not care, but I do. I've done plenty of reading on the subject and I my own personal experience shows me that the less time they have on their phones and computers, the better behaved they are and the more they contribute to the family, and engage with us.

#27 ~Jolly_F~

Posted 25 November 2019 - 10:25 AM

View Postboatiebabe, on 25 November 2019 - 10:07 AM, said:

I have a very similar 15 year old DD.

I also have a 13 year old DS.

We have some family rules around technology and they are always trying to push the boundaries!.

During the week we have no phones or devices in bedrooms.This is relaxed on weekends.

The kids have some late activities, so phones are usually downstairs and charging overnight by 9pm. That goes for DH and I too. No one has a phone by the bed.

Weekends might be a bit later depending on what we are doing.

My DD is always trying to stretch it out or push the boundaries, but I feel that because she is so active, that sleep is a priority and so I do all I can to ensure she is getting enough. Part of that is not having a phone or computer in the bedroom.

They are allowed to have kindles in their rooms and they do read quite a bit.

My DD is always at me with "my friends are allowed to" but I don't care. Their parents might not care, but I do. I've done plenty of reading on the subject and I my own personal experience shows me that the less time they have on their phones and computers, the better behaved they are and the more they contribute to the family, and engage with us.

It’s a pretty big assumption to claim their parents don’t care because they have different rules to you....

#28 boatiebabe

Posted 25 November 2019 - 11:50 AM

I'm sure their parents love them, but they don't care if they are up until 3am messaging each other. I do care!

But mostly it's BS anyway because when I talk to the parents they also have restrictions around phone and technology usage.

#29 Melbs2010

Posted 25 November 2019 - 12:09 PM

View Post~J_F~, on 25 November 2019 - 10:25 AM, said:



It’s a pretty big assumption to claim their parents don’t care because they have different rules to you....

It's also a big assumption that other kids are even allowed to do what is being claimed.  Kids always try the "but everyone else gets to" even if it's not based in reality.  

Many times I've been told "but so and so gets to play 'insert age inappropriate video game."  But in talking to that child's parent at a latter date they've said "no way do they get to do that."  Good on them for trying I guess!

#30 Bigbaubles

Posted 25 November 2019 - 05:01 PM

View Postboatiebabe, on 25 November 2019 - 11:50 AM, said:

I'm sure their parents love them, but they don't care if they are up until 3am messaging each other. I do care!

But mostly it's BS anyway because when I talk to the parents they also have restrictions around phone and technology usage.

There's still quite a lot of parents who do allow it unfortunately (for their kids).

Had many students turning up at school half asleep because they were on insta or snap chat the night before and the parents will say "yeah they stay up late on their phones most nights etc". Even had one parent say they wouldn't do anything because her daughter was starting to be a brand rep and it was worth money to her (she was 13).

#31 Lifesgood

Posted 25 November 2019 - 08:29 PM

The old 'but my friends all do it!' chestnut. We all tried that on when we were kids. Now I sound like my mum in response!

#32 Sunshine streaming

Posted 08 December 2019 - 09:03 PM

The only thoughts I have is to loosen the time when he phone goes on charge on a weeknight. To me, 7pm is too early for a 14 year old. I think this is something you can relax, say to 8.30pm and then may have more cooperation and less getting around the rules behaviour going on.

Also, sleep-ins may be a rule to let go of, but they are definitely not good for helping to have good sleep habits as it makes it diffcult to fall asleep at a desired time that night.




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