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I think my son is depressed


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#1 Nebula

Posted 27 November 2019 - 12:19 AM

He had to calm himself before he could talk, said he wants a therapist, that he's sad all the time, still not over his Dad leaving (it's been 3 years now), that he feels stressed out all the time, that he gets no time alone and how it will be worse next year cause I wont be home after school (I am starting tafe) and he will have to deal with his brother who has adhd.

We came up with a plan, he can stay up later than the other kids seeing as he's older, and I will be going into his school in the morning to chat to them and see what help they can give to him. We are also going to trial him sharing a room with his 4 year old brother instead of his 10 year old brother (he does this while at his Dads and has said he would prefer it). I will also look into the local youth centre and see if they have any suggestions and get a mental health care plan in place.

Is there anything else I should be doing for him? Anything else I'm not thinking of?

#2 meohmy

Posted 27 November 2019 - 04:28 AM

How old is he? What are the actual plans for afternoons a next year?

#3 lizzzard

Posted 27 November 2019 - 04:40 AM

I think your plan sounds really good.

You’re not alone. So many of us are in a similar boat. I am also worried about my DS who is prone to anxiety and depression. He’s only 11 and I can see the teenage years being extremely difficult (maybe beyond). The only other suggestion I have would be to get a few sessions with a psychologist, even just to help him with some strategies for dealing with emotions. My friends DS had a difficult time dealing with his parents separation and my friend said the counsellor has been a really important resource.

#4 Silver Girl

Posted 27 November 2019 - 05:16 AM

Do you live near a Headspace centre? They provide support and a safe place to hang out for young people with mental health concerns.

https://headspace.or...dspace-centres/

#5 Nebula

Posted 27 November 2019 - 05:25 AM

View Postmeohmy, on 27 November 2019 - 04:28 AM, said:

How old is he? What are the actual plans for afternoons a next year?
he is 13, the plan is for them to catch the bus to and from school 2 days a week, they will leave maybe 15 mins after I do and get home an hour before me. I will only be at tafe 3 days a week and the third day their Gran will pick them up as one has tutoring after school. My youngest will go into care when not at school.

#6 SFmummyto3

Posted 27 November 2019 - 06:03 AM

I would organise a mental health plan straight away at the gp, especially since he’s asked for a therapist. Take him to a psychologist immediately and get a few sessions in for the remainder of this year. I think the new round of sessions might start over again in the new calendar year too, but check that with your gp.

It sounds like he feels overwhelmed with his perceived responsibility of looking after his brother. Maybe have a chat with him about what could be done to help him work around that for next year.

Edited by SFmummyto3, 27 November 2019 - 06:08 AM.


#7 CCABW

Posted 27 November 2019 - 06:32 AM

Can you get a nanny/babysitter/ uni student to be there the afternoons you are not?

I have an anxious teen too and I would not (and have not) put the pressure of looking after difficult siblings onto them.

#8 EsmeLennox

Posted 27 November 2019 - 07:50 AM

Take him to the GP as a starting point. Look into Head Space.

#9 Nebula

Posted 27 November 2019 - 01:18 PM

Theres headspace near us so I am going to talk to them about how to help him. He woke up saying he felt a lot better (I think because he finally shared how he was feeling). So headspace and a mental health plan will be my first steps. He has his phone on him and knows to call at any time if he needs me.

#10 Nebula

Posted 27 November 2019 - 01:23 PM

 CCABW, on 27 November 2019 - 06:32 AM, said:

Can you get a nanny/babysitter/ uni student to be there the afternoons you are not?

I have an anxious teen too and I would not (and have not) put the pressure of looking after difficult siblings onto them.
There's no one that can help out like that, Because catching the bus takes longer I wont be too far behind them in getting home we would probably be 20 mins apart except I have to get my youngest from daycare.

#11 Ferelsmegz

Posted 27 November 2019 - 01:55 PM

Headspace was amazing for my now 15yo DS at the same age - just having that person to speak to that wasnt associated with family/school etc was really good.

#12 red_squirrel

Posted 27 November 2019 - 03:26 PM

He is at the age where he needs his own space and is telling you this himself.
Is there anything that can be done to give him space on his own? Can the other kids share and he gets his own room?

He sounds stressed as opposed to depressed.

#13 MayaTheGrinch

Posted 27 November 2019 - 03:27 PM

Definitely check out headspace and get the mental health care plan. Having the strategies in place to be able to cope with the emotions is important.

Another thing that might help is scheduling some 1:1 time with him. And letting him know that you are always there is hear him and working together you can figure things out. I think keeping up those connections is vital with teens. I know both my kids feel like they need that sort of time. Even if it's just hanging out watching a movie in the bedroom with me. (My soon to be 11yr old has anxiety and the 9yr old is at times completely overwhelmed by the 11yr old and what seems like intense focus on his brother due to diagnoses and so feels like he doesn't get his time on his own).

Him opening up to you is great though. I do think you need to be able to give him somewhere that he can have his own space though. It can be stressful with siblings and not having your own personal space as you get older.

Edited by mayahlb, 27 November 2019 - 03:28 PM.


#14 Nebula

Posted 27 November 2019 - 09:54 PM

We have made a plan for him to get some more personal space and I have made an appointment with headspace for him. He has promised to continue talking to me when needed but has asked I not speak to his Dad (I am respecting his choice there for the moment at least until we see headspace). Also organised for him to have a sleepover with his Gran so he can have some time away from the other kids and planning a game night with his friends over the holidays.

#15 SkeptiHandsOnMum

Posted 28 November 2019 - 06:21 PM

Wow - what a kid! The fact that he articulated his concerns and spoke to you about them is fantastic.

I think that you are doing all of the right things. He sounds nervous around the time with his brother - which is fair enough.  It does not mean that it cannot happen, just that you need to be aware that he is nervous. Particularly where it seems to be for such a short space of time. Maybe you call him on your way home and chat with him (or his brother - distracting him). I think that the starting point is recognition of his nervousness - not necessarily changing the arrangement straight up. But also talk with him about options if it does not work out.

I love that you have heard him and are arranging some solo time. We all need our space, particularly 13 yr old boys (you are entering the territory where a bedroom of his own might become increasingly important for him if he is uncomfortable around morning erections etc, let alone opportunity to explore his body). If there was any way of the others sharing a room, I think that would be good for him.

I also think that his thinking about things around his Dad are normal too. This is the age where a male role model for boys becomes extra important. He is probably thinking about the men who have been in his life - and this brings him back to his Dad.

You are both doing really well! Don't forget that. The existence of these conversations (the one with him, and your one here) is evidence of that.

#16 SplashingRainbows

Posted 28 November 2019 - 06:41 PM

Some really practical things that can help with mental health are getting daily exercise, reducing or eliminating sugar, and  reducing or eliminating caffeine.

You absolutely sound like you’re already doing the big things - psych and GP help - and the above is not a substitute for that. But they can be easy tweaks if you think one of more have slipped.

Time with friends is also super important. It’s wonderful that you’ve organized a friend to come over soon.

#17 Nebula

Posted 04 December 2019 - 01:01 PM

View Postred_squirrel, on 27 November 2019 - 03:26 PM, said:

He is at the age where he needs his own space and is telling you this himself.
Is there anything that can be done to give him space on his own? Can the other kids share and he gets his own room?

He sounds stressed as opposed to depressed.
My other kids can't share with my adhd son, my daughter is coming into puberty and I feel as she will have periods to deal with she will need her own space, and I simply can't trust my 4 year old with my 10 year old.

So far so good, he's much happier getting that extra bit of time alone at night, by the time he goes to bed his younger brother is asleep. He knows he has his appointment in a couple of weeks and has been good at talking with me

Edited by Nebula, 04 December 2019 - 01:03 PM.


#18 Hollycoddle

Posted 04 December 2019 - 01:12 PM

Are there formal orders in place around the kids going to their Dad's?  If not is there maybe a way of having him go there at a different time to his siblings so he can have some alone time in each house, without causing too much inconvenience to everyone involved?

Edited by Mollycoddle, 04 December 2019 - 01:45 PM.


#19 Nebula

Posted 04 December 2019 - 10:53 PM

View PostMollycoddle, on 04 December 2019 - 01:12 PM, said:

Are there formal orders in place around the kids going to their Dad's?  If not is there maybe a way of having him go there at a different time to his siblings so he can have some alone time in each house, without causing too much inconvenience to everyone involved?
no just what we have agreed to, his Dad is meant to have one on one time with them each month (so each month the kids take turns in who will go to Dads on their own) but his Dad stopped this quite some time ago now (ass tells the kids I say no but I don't). Their Dad isn't involved really which is why I organised for him to have some time with his Gran.

#20 Mummy_Em

Posted 05 December 2019 - 12:51 AM

Maybe some of the grief around Dad is also a bit of a feeling of rejection? I think feelings about things can change as you develop too, you go through a different phase in your life and it can bring things back up.




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