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Need a grandparents perspective


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#26 ckmelb

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:00 PM

My mum had it without fuss and I took Dad to have it 2 weeks before baby was born somewhat begrudgingly (he is a chicken more than anything else). When they went to grandparents class at the hospital they were all asked to put their hands up if they had the vaccine and my parents were happy they could out theirs up and not be shamed. The MCHN also asked my mum if she had been vaccinated at the 1 week visit and she proudly said yes.

I think use the special care nursery as a legitimate reason. Otherwise no holding is reasonable, particularly for premmies

#27 PrincessPeach

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:02 PM

My in-laws geniuinely did not believe me when i told them adults dont get the whoop noise wth the virus.

It took someone they knew being diagnosed with it (& just appearing like they had a bad cold) before they realised what we had been telling them was the truth.

So i do think general ignorance plays a part.

Not that it mattered anyway, they had a booster before the eldest grandchild was born simply becasuethey were going o/s & needed a tetanus booster. So that was less than 5 years anyway.

ETA: the fact they may be in special care is also a bonus. Point out that because it's airborne, its not only their grandchild that could get sick, but every single other baby in that nursery.

Edited by PrincessPeach, 29 November 2019 - 12:06 PM.


#28 Ozquoll

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:02 PM

View Postseayork2002, on 29 November 2019 - 11:54 AM, said:



Then they could turn around and say 'fine you don't need my help then'
It's already heading that way though, isn't it? OP's medical specialists have made it clear that her babies may be especially vulnerable to infections as they are likely to be born early, thus the vaccination is non-negotiable. My suggestion is based on the idea that arguing with the grandparents isn't working, so perhaps a regretful statement of fact may work. Obviously OP would prefer help from the grandparents, but she can't jeopardise the babies' health to get that help.

#29 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:03 PM

Sounds like a good plan.  And 3 out of 4 is a good result, if your mum doesn't come through in the end.  But hopefully she will!

DD was born at 33 weeks, and whilst quite healthy for her gestation, she was so very, very tiny.  There is no way I would have taken any risk whatsoever - with anything - let alone something as 'easy' as a vaccination for people coming around.  Surely that would turn your mum around, even after the birth, if she doesn't come around sooner.  

Especially if you keep telling her how helpful all the other VACCINATED grandparents are being, and send her lots of photos of their baby-cuddles.

#30 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:05 PM

Just to add - I agree that grandparents that refuse something so important for so little reason are unfortunately maybe not the type of grandparents you need around you in those few early weeks with twins, let alone later on as well.

I just can't fathom some people.

#31 born.a.girl

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:12 PM

View PostPrincessPeach, on 29 November 2019 - 12:02 PM, said:

My in-laws geniuinely did not believe me when i told them adults dont get the whoop noise wth the virus.

It took someone they knew being diagnosed with it (& just appearing like they had a bad cold) before they realised what we had been telling them was the truth.

So i do think general ignorance plays a part.

Not that it mattered anyway, they had a booster before the eldest grandchild was born simply becasuethey were going o/s & needed a tetanus booster. So that was less than 5 years anyway.


I'd agree with that.

I was told otherwise on EB a few years ago, but went and checked again myself, and there is definitely negligible information, or advice out there about adults and the knowledge that people need the vaccine. The fact that this is fairly new advice - certainly wasn't around when I had my daughter early 90s, may be why they're thinking it's over the top. Perhaps, like me five years ago, I'd simply heard nothing about older people needing to repeat vaccinate for it.

I only found out when I had a cough so bad that I had to get down on the floor or I'd fall over.  In between I'd feel perfectly o.k. and just assumed my cold-triggered asthma was to blame.

Had a new niece at the time and wasn't going to visit her while I was coughing at all, plus heard from someone at random that it may be WC and that was the first I knew it presented differently in adults.

Off to the GP for the vax, and will now be having it every five years.

Read the info at the doctor's about it. Adults being given the vax was an afterthought in the brochure.

I really think it needs a publicity campaign direct clearly at grandparents, and make it specific to them so they don't 'not hear' the message and think it's only about babies.

There may also be an element of guilt there because it (understandably) wasn't something they did when you were born - very poor excuse for not doing it, but may help in approaching them about it now.

Perhaps present it as 'new' information that's universally advised by doctors now???

#32 HolierThanCow

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:23 PM

If I were you, I would avoid conflict at all costs (for the sake of future relationships), say you respect their decision but don't understand, and will be very sad they won't be able to see the babies as newborns. Apologise and explain why it's so important, say recommendations have changed a lot in the last few years, and that  you hope very much that they change their mind(s). And yes, if they do, to please bring a gp letter to the hospital.

For what it's worth, I think they're being selfish and ridiculous, but people are.

#33 spr_maiden

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:45 PM

View PostClementinerose, on 29 November 2019 - 11:19 AM, said:

I think some people just don’t like to be told what to do.

Agreed.  There's also genuine ignorance rather than spiteful ignorance around the necessity of it these days I think.
You don't need this bs right now.  
A firm "it is your choice,  however unfortunate you won't be able to see the babies as per Drs instruction those unvaxed will not be allowed to visit ".
Maybe point out when your babies are here,  you'll be so busy with expressing and visiting and going back and forth to the hospital in amongst trying to sleep, that you just want to get it all sorted now.  So if GPs could mms the vax certificate when they're done in the next month,  that'd be great thanks.

#34 Luci

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:50 PM

I suspect as mentioned by a PP that some people don't like being told what to do, particularly when it's something they would rather not do (ie have an injection).

I also think it can be a case of coming to grips with new advice and information, there is often an element of "well we never bothered with that before so it's not really needed now".

If it was my family I would probably ask one more time politely, along the lines of it being a shame that they won't be able to see the babies when they are first born and is there any chance they will reconsider.

#35 gracie1978

Posted 29 November 2019 - 12:51 PM

There is definitely an element of not wanting to be told what to do do esp when they used to work in a health, science etc

#36 magic_marker

Posted 29 November 2019 - 01:05 PM

View Postgracie1978, on 29 November 2019 - 12:51 PM, said:

There is definitely an element of not wanting to be told what to do do esp when they used to work in a health, science etc

Then they should understand more than ever.

My ILs stuck there noses up at it when they were informed by the nurse.

Haven't seen them since.

They're not welcome for other reasons as well, but if it means that my child's life is at risk, that is more important than their ego.

#37 kusanagi

Posted 29 November 2019 - 01:09 PM

Just wanted to add that iirc the main risk is that visitors will pass the virus on to the parents rather than directly to the baby, since the vaccine is not 100% effective. Pretty sure that's what happened in baby Riley's case. So there's no point letting people visit but just not hold the baby.

#38 cvbn

Posted 29 November 2019 - 01:26 PM

Just make sure they do, and don't fib.

I had a lady proudly boast that she fibbed and told her DIL she had it done but she hadn't.

Good luck with you babies, please DM me if you need to chat about twins (although mine are 20 my youngest child is just 5) x

#39 JomoMum

Posted 29 November 2019 - 01:52 PM

I’d say it’s even more important to have it done now .. they obviously didn’t have it done when H was born? So they may be 10 or more years from having had one?



#40 can'tstayaway

Posted 29 November 2019 - 02:30 PM

I don’t understand either.

My ILs refused to have the whooping cough vaccination when I requested it. My DH also tried to refuse. Ignorance and laziness had a lot to do with it.

My ILs had all sorts of travel vaccinations including yellow fever but refused the whooping cough. Our GP talked FIL into it when he heard me complain about their refusal. MIL finally did it when she realised I was serious about the no vax, no visits rule. SIL and BIL had their done when they whinged to friends about me at a dinner party. The friends happened to be GPS and went and got the vaccines and gave it to them then and there.

#41 gracie1978

Posted 29 November 2019 - 03:06 PM

View Postcan, on 29 November 2019 - 02:30 PM, said:

I don’t understand either.

My ILs refused to have the whooping cough vaccination when I requested it. My DH also tried to refuse. Ignorance and laziness had a lot to do with it.

My ILs had all sorts of travel vaccinations including yellow fever but refused the whooping cough. Our GP talked FIL into it when he heard me complain about their refusal. MIL finally did it when she realised I was serious about the no vax, no visits rule. SIL and BIL had their done when they whinged to friends about me at a dinner party. The friends happened to be GPS and went and got the vaccines and gave it to them then and there.

OMG that's an awesome story.  Nothing better than friends who call you out when you're being s**t.

#42 Gudrun

Posted 29 November 2019 - 03:39 PM

Grandparent here. I just did what I was told. No sense in being difficult.

I think it's like a PP suggested ie not really liking being told what to do, you didn't used to have to do it, a bit of an imposition etc.

I'd ask the doctor if they have some good lines to deliver to resisters.

#43 Sharalanda

Posted 29 November 2019 - 03:46 PM

Our family were all onboard with it and did it without us even asking.
My ds had whooping cough as a 4 week old. No idea where it came from. It was lucky I was vaccinated during pregnancy as it could have been so much worse.
If people saw how sick it can make a small baby I’m sure most people would do it without hesitation. If they still refuse then no vax no visit.

Edited by Pink Flamingo, 29 November 2019 - 03:47 PM.


#44 Imaginary friend

Posted 29 November 2019 - 03:59 PM

"Thinking evil thoughts about scattering rusty nails through their houses, then the ER would just give it to them, no discussion."

This is NOT correct.

Free tetanus boosters in ER or Drs surgeries after injuries do NOT cover you for whooping cough.
Such vaccines are ADT - adult diptheria/tetanus.

Whooping cough does not come as a single vaccine so whooping cough boosters for adults are 3 in 1 - whooping cough, tetanus,diptheria.

But injury boosters are only the 2 in 1.

Ie you can get tetanus vaccine without whooping cough but you can't get whooping cough without tetanus.

Hope that makes sense.

#45 Inkogneatoh

Posted 29 November 2019 - 03:59 PM

View PostRiotproof, on 29 November 2019 - 11:21 AM, said:

Gracie, no I can’t.
I would tell them that the maternity ward and special care nursery requires all visitors to be fully vaccinated. You may not even be lying.

Are you the first to have kids?
My only other suggestion is if they have had a tetanus shot in the last 10 years they are covered for whooping cough.

How many weeks are you now? 32?

I know that you automatically get a tetanus booster when you ask for a whooping cough shot, but do you automatically get the WC with every tetanus shot?

Edited to add: It seems Imaginary Friend answered my question as we posted at the same time.

Edited by Inkogneatoh, 29 November 2019 - 04:01 PM.


#46 Soontobegran

Posted 29 November 2019 - 04:26 PM

Grandparent here and my DH and I have had 3  boosters in the last 10 years of having grandchildren.

No excuses...they are being obtuse for no reason if they are educated people.
No Vax/No visit, it is simple. If they get offended ....too bad.
I see nothing wrong with threatening.

You are your child's advocate, their feelings should be way down on your care factor list.

Wishing you luck.

#47 Soontobegran

Posted 29 November 2019 - 04:28 PM

View Postgracie1978, on 29 November 2019 - 12:51 PM, said:

There is definitely an element of not wanting to be told what to do do esp when they used to work in a health, science etc


Surely not as medical staff.

#48 kimasa

Posted 29 November 2019 - 04:46 PM

Even my "disappear for years at a time, not overly interested in my offspring" father got the vaccine when he found out I was pregnant.

Seriously, there's no excuses.

#49 Riotproof

Posted 29 November 2019 - 04:58 PM

Oh I’m sorry to have misled.

#50 -Emissary-

Posted 29 November 2019 - 05:51 PM

I think it’s a case of not liking being told what to do.

My mum and dad travel to Vietnam a lot so keeps all their vaccinations up to date including whooping cough. DH’s parents also keeps their vaccinations up to date as well as they’re quite paranoid about their health.

DH was the one who told his parents and sisters they had to get it. If they didn’t then they can wait 6 weeks. His sisters might wait but that doesn’t fuss me or DH. I’m happy to take absolutely no visitors in the first 6 weeks.

View Postcan, on 29 November 2019 - 02:30 PM, said:

My ILs refused to have the whooping cough vaccination when I requested it. My DH also tried to refuse. Ignorance and laziness had a lot to do with it.

I can’t believe your DH didn’t want get the vaccination.

Edited by -Emissary-, 29 November 2019 - 05:52 PM.





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