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Daughter said she wants to see a counselor


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#26 Ninja_mum

Posted 02 December 2019 - 08:17 PM

You sound like a great mum Remy001. When I was 21 I had a depressive episode and suicidal thoughts, I was put on medication but became very upset when the psychiatrist told me it would take a few weeks before I would notice a difference. My mum booked a holiday for us down by the coast and we walked every day and read books. I’m so glad she was there for me, I was not easy to be around. All the best to you and your daughter.

#27 jayskette

Posted 02 December 2019 - 08:18 PM

my sister is 35 and severely mentally compramised, still depends on her mum and grandma daily. Maybe OPs DD is like this. Age isnt an issue  maybe except the SANE forum is more appropriate then Essential Baby?

#28 literally nobody

Posted 02 December 2019 - 08:45 PM

It really doesn’t matter who makes the appointment. She needs help and asked her mum for it. Id guess something definitely happened and the fact that she’s willing to see someone is a step in the right direction.

#29 SkeptiHandsOnMum

Posted 02 December 2019 - 08:58 PM

 EsmeLennox, on 02 December 2019 - 08:13 PM, said:

I’m not saying don’t support her, I’m saying to help her take those steps herself, as an adult. This has been a very recent thing, seems like there’s been some catalyst, so I would want to help her take control if possible and take steps for her self care and management. That’s just how I would approach it...given the information offered in the OP.

And no, I don’t know what’s going on, but neither does anyone else, so there would naturally be a range of responses. The OP is the one who knows what she’s seen/heard and she should do what she thinks is necessary.

I do hope your DD will be OK, OP.
Helping her take control can come a little later - she seems to be at a bit of a crisis point right now. Sometimes we just need someone to say "I will take control for now, and hand it back to you gently as things get easier". I think that the OP's DD, by reaching out to her Mum and asking for help, has indicated that is the path to take. It is quite okay to do this - in fact can be very helpful, if not necessary.

The relief that so many people find when we say "you are struggling right now, I am going to make the decisions for you until you get some help to feel more able to be in control" can be enormous. We all need to be wrapped in a big soft blanket and given time out from responsibility and decisions for the short term sometimes ... it would be fantastic if we all had someone able to do that for us.  I think that is why those little measures such as sending some freezable food parcels for a person who has things going on can help - it takes away the need for them to make decisions and take action. It is a form of the big soft blanket that is much more allowable to accept.

#30 Falala-llyjonk

Posted 03 December 2019 - 12:04 AM

OP, that sounds very worrying and I really hope that nothing happened to her on her night out.

My kids are not even teenagers so my advice doesn't stand for much. But I feel that if *anyone* asks you for help (particularly re mental health) then you give any reasonable help you can. All the more so with your child, I'd say. Booking an initial appointment with a counsellor sounds like a very reasonable level of help.

I hope things calm down for her and the rest of the family.

Love to you.

#31 Sancti-claws

Posted 03 December 2019 - 05:59 AM

 SkeptiHandsOnMum, on 02 December 2019 - 07:05 PM, said:

There is even the possibility that she used a recreational drug on the night out that has pushed her across this line.
It doesn't even need to be drugs - my daughter has learned that she gets dumped emotionally with even soft drink let alone alcohol - which is why she drinks very rarely!

I feel awful now that my 20yo daughter at uni had to find her own doctor and shrink for her depression (I did advise, but she is 350km away), but you are a wonderful mum for listening and stepping up to be her support while she accesses some help.

People often say terrible things to those who are close and safe when they are feeling vulnerable.

Lots of hugs.

#32 REMY001

Posted 03 December 2019 - 08:11 AM

Thank you again everyone for your replies.  Last night she was very meek and down, but she did go out during the day to the shops to pick up a few things for our dog, so at least she went out and didn't stay in the house all day (she has a week off Uni).  I'm just waiting for Friday to come so she can see her counsellor.  Really appreciate everyone's caring thoughts. x

#33 limakilo

Posted 04 December 2019 - 11:35 PM

OP, I wanted to say sorry, I didn't mean that you shouldn't help your daughter.
I just meant that in our case, my 19 year old knowing that she "was allowed" to and could, as an adult, make an appointment whenever she wanted was very empowering for her.
She didn't need to wait to tell us and then address it, she could book in whenever she liked. Sure she still could though.
I hope that this week has been a bit easier for you all.
The end of uni can also be a triggering time, when routine is gone.




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