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Should I resign or continue? Volunteer.


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#76 Inkogneatoh

Posted 07 December 2019 - 09:45 PM

I agree with others. Quit, effective immediately after the teams announced (and yes I would include the sausage sizzle work that week). Go to the party, and if by some chance she tried to talk you, the only thing you say, or hand over in note form, is "As you told me to STFU, this conversation is over, if you have something to say, put it in writing" and walk away. Some people will notice your non-involvement and will possibly ask you why. You also need to think about what your going to say to them.



 Gudrun, on 06 December 2019 - 07:29 AM, said:

Yeah junior sports clubs are hotbeds for ugly politics and for people that hang around way too long and think they own the place.

It's not just junior clubs. Many years ago I "quit" a volunteer role in a spectacular fashion. All over how I was spoken to by the club secretary. Her and I often butted heads (I wouldn't bow to her superiority complex), but in one speech no one objected to, she stuffed up a very good thing.

Backstory - Both my parents and my brother (who was still a junior at this stage) played a sport. My brother and Dad actually played for both associations in town, and at the time, Mum was volunteering for one of the tournament admin roles for junior events for this association as she had to take my brother anyway. I was studying Hospitality Management, and the person who had been running the kitchen for events (finals, trials, inter city and zone competitions), was a "real" chef. So for one year I worked under him and he signed off my hours of kitchen prac work. Then, he's shifts changed and I took over as I knew what was needed and involved. So while not playing the sport, and not being a member of the association, I would still help the club more than most rep players. This went on for several years (I even had an club shirt with my name on it).

As a rule, I would go with Mum to the occasional meeting, just to confirm numbers for what was coming up and get the menu (we did premade stuff like pies, and cakes but also sandwiches, and short order cooking like hamburgers and chips) and prices approved.

So I rock up to a meeting. Before it begins, while staring directly at me, the secretary stated that all non members had to leave the room, and upon being queried confirmed that yes, that included me (there was one other person, M, and she was there on behalf of her 15 and 17 yr old children who were members). So I gathered my stuff and went to wait outside. As Mum was my lift, I had time, and used it to write. Then after the meeting I presented the president, secretary, treasurer, captain and recorder (ie the committee) each with a letter that roughly said "due to recent events, I will no longer be available to assist with the kitchens, effective immediately".

I was quickly asked "What????" by the three who immediately read the letters (it turned out they didn't say anything as they were in shock the secretary kicked me out as well), to which I replied, possibly louder than necessary, "I'm not a member of the association, so it's affairs do not concern me". They agreed that was fair enough. At which point the secretary and the president (aka her husband), read what I had written. Followed by them going a little white and starting to panic as this was a Tuesday and I was supposed to be doing a 2 day event for about 40 people that weekend pretty much by myself. Cue copious apologies that it "wasn't aimed at me", and some begging.

I called bs, and stuck to my guns. The secretary had to do the kitchen as no one else would, which meant she had to pay the staff at her business extra as they had a trade show the weekend after. Add in that as Mum, Dad, my brother and M (she repped for the other association) where all at the event, they quickly filled in everyone on why I wasn't there. Every one understood, and apparently was on my side,

So one 5 minute speech (and it wasn't so much what was said, but how it was said), not only had a couple of people doing something that they had no concept of what went into doing it, turned a hangry mob against the perpetrator, resulted in the worse kitchen takings for any event in the history of the club causing a loss (some people did fast food runs due to quality and the time it was taking), but also cost the club about 4 teams of players and 2 junior representatives. There were 8 zone reps, 2 for the other association, 2 out of town, and 4 for that one. The 2 they lost were M's children. They also almost lost my brother and only kept the other one as she couldn't play fixtures for the other association.

I did go back for the next event about a month later, as it was either zone or state competition (something like 8 or 12 players and 4 officials for each of the 10 teams if it was state, 5ish teams if it was zone plus spectators), and was too late to hand off all the organisation. Surprisingly, every time the secretary even seemed to be heading in my direction she was cut off by at least 2 other club members and redirected. I also had a record number of volunteer helpers, and the story spread as my brother and one of M's kids were good enough for the adult team. It was the last one I did, and it took them a couple of years to get someone else to stick with the job. The secretary's husband also got her to pull her head in more often as well. He gave up his role at the AGM (his excuse was his work commitments changed)She kept her's, as for all her interpersonal skill faults, she really was an excellent secretary, and had a great mind for the rules, regulations, constitutions and everything else. No one else wanted to try to fill her shoes. She eventually not only moved towns, but went on to be secretary for the state Association, and still speaks to my brother better than a lot of the other players she talks to.



Long story short: Never p**s off a person who for no rewards other than personal satisfaction, is happily and competently doing a job no one else is keen on, just because your on a power trip. You will regret it.

#77 mypumpkins

Posted 07 December 2019 - 10:15 PM

Sorry Inkogneotoh are you saying because you were asked to leave a meeting as you were not an official member, you completely left the club in the lurch?  That seems  over the top. And pretty passive aggressive. Did the secretary (who you said was a good secretary) yell at you?  Call you names?  I don’t get it. Well... I guess you showed her.  Her power trip was bested by yours.

Edited by mypumpkins, 07 December 2019 - 10:16 PM.


#78 Blossom11

Posted 07 December 2019 - 11:44 PM

I did a lot.of hours for a volunteer group.  I do still volunteer but now I turn up to what I want and go home.  I used to stay and tie up loose ends but after being disrespected so badly on several occasions, I lost it one night.  Its a long story but my dd was very ill and stuff was dumped on me while we were in hospital.

I was asked to get an award last week.  I told them I would pick it up because at the last award I got which was my 15 year national medal because I had time at two different organisations they werent happy and let me know it.

This is also an organisation who had a working group asking why  they couldn't retain volunteers.

#79 Inkogneatoh

Posted 08 December 2019 - 02:10 AM

 mypumpkins, on 07 December 2019 - 10:15 PM, said:

Sorry Inkogneotoh are you saying because you were asked to leave a meeting as you were not an official member, you completely left the club in the lurch?  That seems  over the top. And pretty passive aggressive. Did the secretary (who you said was a good secretary) yell at you?  Call you names?  I don’t get it. Well... I guess you showed her.  Her power trip was bested by yours.

The secretary was only good as she knew the ins and outs of the technical side of the job. She knew the rules and regulations, and at the time they were rewriting the constitution, something about non profits or changing status to get grants needed for permanent premises or something. She had experience with that as well. No one wanted that job either. Honestly, once I had the info I needed I would sit in the corner of any meeting I attended, finalizing my lists for the treasurer and who ever else went shopping. I wasn't the only one the secretary had bouts of power trips with and spoke down to, I was just the first to bite back as much as I did, as I didn't care if I was banned from playing for life. Others just left the club and switched associations (there were at least 2 others, only one affiliated to allow you to raise the ranks to play for Australia though, the other one goes pro for money). Before she moved, she was the main reason the club numbers had reduced to a stage where it was barely operational. It did bounce back once it was known she was gone.

Yes, I left them in the lurch for that weekend, It wasn't my only run in with this person, or for that matter others in the club, that weren't reigned in (the micromanaging by the previous treasurer who was actively defrauding the club while trying to throw me under the bus was one, or in the case of one person, I was a woman, what did I know about something). Even after trying to say I was only at the meeting for information about the event, I was still kicked out, being told nothing at the meeting would concern me as I wasn't a member. While the secretary tried to say afterwards it wasn't aimed at me, she was looking directly at me, not M on the other side of the room when it was stated, and still insisted I go, while cutting me off. M was there to talk about the bullying the team of juniors that she was chaperoning every week (including her two children), was getting by A grade players annoyed they were being beaten by a group of kids who "shouldn't be allowed to play anyway" (all four players on that team would represent the Zone as Juniors before they aged out). That didn't exactly help my reaction either.

Without the final information I was there to get, I couldn't effectively order the supplies anyway, so I couldn't do the job properly. I did pass on to the treasurer roughly what I was going to need for what I had planned. I was going to finalize the numbers once I had my details to hand in that night anyway.

Getting thrown out was effectively the straw that broke the camels back. At the time I had been struggling with a physical issue, which the volunteer work exacerbated. I was literally running myself into the ground and making myself sick for something that "wasn't my concern". I knew that I would be as good as useless for a couple of days afterward. Doing the kitchen was largely unrecognized by several "important" people (ie including the self appointed top players, the same ones who were throwing tantrums over begin beaten by the juniors), and as I said, I was only there as a favour for my family and the couple of people who did recognized and understood what was involved and were grateful. I certainly wasn't doing it for any gain other than the satisfaction of a job done well and a half price burger I had to cook myself. A quiet event would be about 8am to 5pm, busy around 11 to 2, a large event would be more like 7 to 6 with no real break, for 2 and occasionally 3 days in a row, plus the prep work (chopping salad, making burgers up, buttering bread, cutting rolls etc). No one else wanted to do it as it was beneath them and for the quiet events, I would be primarily by myself.

I wasn't a member, because to be a member I would have to play some fixtures (I asked). I would rather watch paint dry while having my toenails pulled out with rusty pliers. Plus due to the physical issue, it was painful to do so. I haven't mentioned the sport as my brother is still very active and a high level player. I've given enough info elsewhere to identify myself to anyone who wanted to stalk me. But it is a sport, not everyone considers a sport, and either you love it and can watch for days, or it bores you to tears in second. I was covered by insurance though.

As I said, there was a larger event a month later. I'm sure it was one of the Zone events so 80ish players, 20 team wranglers plus about 10 other stat recorders, spectators and the 4 lovely old gentlemen who spent their days at the public bar attached to the hall, who would always come and get lunch ("if your not too busy with the real customers, dear") that I did follow through on. I was still looked down on by those who thought working the kitchen was beneath them and thought I was being over dramatic (which I was slightly). Those who helped did so with a side agenda of getting me to change my mind on quitting, and could only handle an hour or so before it became too much. I know it sounds like I'm bragging, but I was good at what I was doing. It's how the story spread. Those who came regularly knew I didn't play, and that I was there only there to run the kitchen. They hunted down my family to find out where the "Slave" was. And yes, that's what many knew me as, it's even what was on my shirt. I was told that upon hearing I quit after being thrown out of the meeting as I wasn't a paid member, most were on my side. Several also guessed who was responsible, she had that sort of personality.

#80 Pearson

Posted 08 December 2019 - 04:50 AM

 mypumpkins, on 07 December 2019 - 10:15 PM, said:

Sorry Inkogneotoh are you saying because you were asked to leave a meeting as you were not an official member, you completely left the club in the lurch?  That seems  over the top. And pretty passive aggressive. Did the secretary (who you said was a good secretary) yell at you?  Call you names?  I don’t get it. Well... I guess you showed her.  Her power trip was bested by yours.

If someone is volunteering for your organisation you should still treat them with respect, or risk losing their valuable service. Upon further information, it seems there was a culture there.

#81 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 08 December 2019 - 07:27 AM

 Kallie88, on 06 December 2019 - 10:50 AM, said:

The impetus to change should be that if they treat volunteers appallingly they'll lose their volunteers. A club which allows verbal abuse does not deserve loyalty, the president was there and had the chance to do the right thing immediately but didn't
Agree with this.

If the OP sends an email saying "Look, I have enjoyed volunteering for the club and I would have continued to do so quite happily. But I am not hanging around if verbal abuse is accepted and condoned by the committee. the committee had plenty of time to react/respond to what happened (at the time, in the days afterwards), you didn't. This is the consequence - you lose a volunteer. I suggest you take this on board for the future. Cheers"

A very clear message sent to the club committee.

#82 -Emissary-

Posted 08 December 2019 - 10:41 AM

 mypumpkins, on 07 December 2019 - 10:15 PM, said:

Sorry Inkogneotoh are you saying because you were asked to leave a meeting as you were not an official member, you completely left the club in the lurch?  That seems  over the top. And pretty passive aggressive. Did the secretary (who you said was a good secretary) yell at you?  Call you names?  I don’t get it. Well... I guess you showed her.  Her power trip was bested by yours.

Being asked to leave a meeting in that manner is embarrassing. Unless they were discussing something top secret then asking volunteers to leave a meeting is just plain rude and send a message volunteers are not important enough.

Considering how hard it is to get people to volunteers, maybe don’t act like they don’t belong if not people will just get fed up and leave.

And people then wonder why no one likes volunteering..

Edited by -Emissary-, 08 December 2019 - 10:44 AM.


#83 Inkogneatoh

Posted 08 December 2019 - 12:12 PM

 Pearson, on 08 December 2019 - 04:50 AM, said:

If someone is volunteering for your organisation you should still treat them with respect, or risk losing their valuable service. Upon further information, it seems there was a culture there.

It was a culture thing. It was also the early 2000's, so a different climate. One of the reasons my family stayed at the club was the other one was the same. Mum stuck with the devil she knew. The secretary also had the whole "I own my own successful business" thing, which she did (it was a niche clientele and despite what happened I would still recommend her as she was talented). But basically, there was a whole bunch of people demanding admiration and respect, practically for breathing, that they weren't willing to dish out to others who they thought were below them. I didn't play, therefore I was the lowest of the low. It had been said before that I was not a member so club matters were not my concern, and I eventually listened. I was not a member, and I decided that anything club related did not have to concern me and I walked away. At the heart of it, I was only doing as I was told.

The bullying guy was told to pull his head in, regularly. He was one of those people who complained loudly about everything that wasn't exactly the way he wanted it, but never attended meetings or helped in anyway. The bullying mentioned was nothing more than jealousy. He was being beaten, and not by a small margin, by people half his age. His fragile pride was being attacked. It took a while (plus a warning trip to the disciplinary board and a new girlfriend), but he is a lot better now. Still complains about the juniors beating him, but with out the malice. As far as I know, my brothers generation of "juniors" still out perform him.

#84 CallMeFeral

Posted 08 December 2019 - 02:47 PM

 mypumpkins, on 07 December 2019 - 10:15 PM, said:

Sorry Inkogneotoh are you saying because you were asked to leave a meeting as you were not an official member, you completely left the club in the lurch?  That seems  over the top. And pretty passive aggressive. Did the secretary (who you said was a good secretary) yell at you?  Call you names?  I don’t get it. Well... I guess you showed her.  Her power trip was bested by yours.

I can't fathom this. If you are relying on someone's free labour and goodwill, then you need to keep their good will. Losing their labour is a natural consequence of treating them badly. The PP was only at the meeting due to her role of helping the club - let's face it, nobody would go to those things for fun. What was the excuse for throwing her out except pettiness?

#85 CallMeFeral

Posted 08 December 2019 - 02:49 PM

 gettin my fance on, on 06 December 2019 - 06:57 PM, said:

Why should OP's DD give a reason?

'Hi, OP's DD we have a spot we need filled, can you fill it?'

'No. I have no interest in playing for XYZ club'.

That's a reason in itself.

Because if it's in retaliation for bad treatment of her mum, it's pretty pointless without making it clear why.

#86 Prancer is coming

Posted 08 December 2019 - 03:20 PM

 mypumpkins, on 07 December 2019 - 10:15 PM, said:

Sorry Inkogneotoh are you saying because you were asked to leave a meeting as you were not an official member, you completely left the club in the lurch?  That seems  over the top. And pretty passive aggressive. Did the secretary (who you said was a good secretary) yell at you?  Call you names?  I don’t get it. Well... I guess you showed her.  Her power trip was bested by yours.

Whilst more back story has been provided now, the basic information provided was enough for me.  Seriously, how many clubs and committees out there have too many members.  I thought committees were always open to interested parties coming along.  If there was some super secret business or voting being done, fine, but it could be communicated nicely.  I came to a lot of meetings with my mum as a kid/teen.  My mum was a committed member and I did not want to home alone, would have been mean to shove me off in another room (I was very well behaved).  

Most volunteers I know do not want red carpet rolled out for them or massive amounts of acknowledgement.  They just want to help out for the sake of the club.  But once people start taking advantage of them or not extending basic manners and courtesy, why would they want to stay?  If clubs want to retain volunteers, treat them right!

#87 Tokra

Posted 08 December 2019 - 03:46 PM

 JustBeige, on 07 December 2019 - 08:30 PM, said:

That way you arent spreading gossip or naming and shaming anyone personally - so your child shouldnt be penalised for it.

Her DS "shouldn't" be penalised for that, but he would.

I too have tried to volunteer for a club, but because my son wasn't one of the super star players, no one cared that I actually had experience in the sport and was willing to help. Apparently only those with super star players know anything about a sport.

I gave up and just left. Felt much better for it.

ETA: forgot to add - Inkogneatoh - love your work and understand why you did what you did.

Edited by Tokra, 08 December 2019 - 03:50 PM.


#88 theworldsgonemad

Posted 08 December 2019 - 04:28 PM

 CallMeFeral, on 06 December 2019 - 12:46 PM, said:

I kind of agree, but it did sound like she was giving them some time after the receipt of the email to issue an appropriate response.

Agree a formal complaint might be more effective though.

I agree!

& to others no she doesn't owe the club any loyalty but a formal complaint should be sent & the club then has the right to response& a chance to fix any issues, how one would proceed after that purely relies on the response received & if it's not appropriate then consider taking it to the association.

In any sporting club or any environment there are always aholes & bullies, by just walking away when things get tough gives those bullies power.  Not everyone is built to take on the hierarchy, I know I would really struggle & prefer to walk away, I have to much crap in my life to take on everyone else's, but its also something I'm working on, but thats my battle.

Finally I actually agree with you, we've been targeting the mid age group & actually had a huge response this season &  & I think our club is really growing strongly as a result.

#89 Hollycoddle

Posted 08 December 2019 - 06:00 PM

 CallMeFeral, on 08 December 2019 - 02:49 PM, said:



Because if it's in retaliation for bad treatment of her mum, it's pretty pointless without making it clear why.

She doesn't have an interest, no need to say why. She was likely taking the higher road.

#90 got my tinsel on

Posted 09 December 2019 - 03:09 PM

 CallMeFeral, on 08 December 2019 - 02:49 PM, said:

Because if it's in retaliation for bad treatment of her mum, it's pretty pointless without making it clear why.

That only puts into question any apology the OP gets.

Was an apology offered because the abuse was unacceptable and the executive recognises that?

Or

Was an apology offered in an attempt to have OP's DD play for them?

OP's DD was under no obligation to play for them in the first place, let alone offer a detailed reason as to why she won't play for them.

#91 gracie1978

Posted 09 December 2019 - 03:51 PM

OP thinking of you tomorrow, hope your son makes the team he wants :)

Think of all the free time you'll have now!


#92 annodam

Posted 09 December 2019 - 06:18 PM

Sunday wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be but I did take Basenji with me.  Rude woman wasn’t scoring, so I was relieved.
I exchanged pleasantries with sons Coach & then sat down & watched.
DD came along but ambled across to the other field where some of her friends were playing.  
She ran into the Coach of the women’s team where again she was asked if she’d like to play & DD told this lady for the second time she wasn’t interested.

Can’t get to training this Wednesday due to an appointment but am feeling rather anxious re the Christmas Party Saturday arvo but I’ll go for the sake of son.



EFS:

Edited by annodam, 09 December 2019 - 06:19 PM.


#93 Tokra

Posted 01 January 2020 - 04:43 PM

Hey OP - how did things go?

#94 annodam

Posted 02 January 2020 - 09:18 PM

Oh yeah (the Christmas party) was fine, kept out of rude woman’s way.
My son made the State team & I resigned via e-Mail last week before we left for Holidays, we’re due back after AU Day.
In the end, I just said my WWCC will expire mid-January & I am not looking at renewing it, it’s compulsory for me to have a WWCC to cook, score etc.

No apologies from the Club to date either.
Son will play the season out & we’ll (mostly him) will decide in August whether he will play with the Club again come September.



EFS:

Edited by annodam, 02 January 2020 - 09:21 PM.





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