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How would you feel - told no phone use at family event - early UPDATE


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#1 .Jerry.

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:41 PM

Our family is gathering at a family member's house for a Christmas (not Xmas day) event.  It is an annual gathering that moves about venues / hosts.

A certain family member invited us to use their place this year for the event:  just a casual bbq style event outside their house.

Now that we are all set to go there, the person has set a "rule": no phones / devices to be used on the day.
Has said "put devices away or leave at home".
Has also stated no photos of their children please and certainly none on social media (fine with not posting their kids).
Bit sad though no photos of DD with her relatives.

I don't like the "being told what I can do". I think I can moderate my use of my phone for those few hours.  I also want to take photos of my DD and her relatives.
There is definitely a moral undertone to this request, as the person has very strong views of how to raise children and what the rest of us are doing wrong:  e.g. allow children in bikinis, photos on social media, use of school, "commercial" hobbies, plastic toys etc.

I want to whip my phone out and play on EB on the day now.  Just to be difficult. Posted Image  
WDYT?

Edited by .Jerry., 24 December 2019 - 08:42 AM.


#2 JRA

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:45 PM

I have no problems with no phones as such. The camera issue I agree is annoying, especially for a family gathering. Have you got a small pocket camera type thing you can take.

#3 steppy

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:45 PM

Oh that's hard. Is the conversation stimulating or just boring discourses about how children shouldn't wear bikinis or have plastic toys?

Nothing could keep my device out of my hands if that was the case. They might have to ask me to leave.

I'd get there a bit late and leave as soon as the meal is over if the conversation is bad.

#4 Twinmum+2

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:46 PM

I'd also be cranky about being told what to do, given you are obviously an adult who can make your own choices.

The only time I would at least try to understand this request if it were from an elderly relative, but this doesn't sound like the case.

I'd go, no phone, but lots and lots of wine....

#5 *Spikey*

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:47 PM

I would take my phone, and take photos, as you would normally - if they object, tell them you are taking photos of your child, etc, and that while you appreciate their technology free lifestyle, they will have to make an exception for photography.

And if they were obnoxious about a photo or two, then I would ostentatiously read EB in front of them. :xmas_tongue:

#6 .Jerry.

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:47 PM

Conversation will be okay from the majority there.  I doubt I would use phone much.
Just don't like the "being told what to do" when I am a grown person who can make their own decisions if they don't impact negatively on others.  The person is always posting stuff about parents on phones neglecting their kids.  I feel like the person is trying to parent me.  lol.

#7 Expelliarmus

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:48 PM

I’m happy not to use my phone but I don’t think anyone has the right to demand this if people. Treat people like adults - and recognise  that your phone *is* your camera for about 99% of people. I’d probably go and ignore their no phone business in context of using my camera.

#8 steppy

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:50 PM

View Post.Jerry., on 18 December 2019 - 03:47 PM, said:

Conversation will be okay from the majority there.  I doubt I would use phone much.
Just don't like the "being told what to do" when I am a grown person who can make their own decisions if they don't impact negatively on others.  The person is always posting stuff about parents on phones neglecting their kids.  I feel like the person is trying to parent me.  lol.

In that case I wouldn't use the phone but I'd give their kids plastic toys. Ones that they'll love. LOL

Or if that feels too contentious, something wooden and very loud.

Edited by steppy, 18 December 2019 - 03:51 PM.


#9 .Jerry.

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:52 PM

The person has also said no photos, except for a posed group photo.  Frightened of their kids being photographed, which is a new thing as I have heaps of photos on FB of those children in past years.  Will respect no photos of their kids, but will do my DD with her cousins.

#10 Anonforthistime

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:53 PM

I’d probably take my iPad - just to be a smart*ss because I don’t like being patronised.

#11 HolierThanCow

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:54 PM

View Poststeppy, on 18 December 2019 - 03:50 PM, said:



In that case I wouldn't use the phone but I'd give their kids plastic toys. Ones that they'll love. LOL

Or if that feels too contentious, something wooden and very loud.

I was thinking a plastic toy phone...

#12 .Jerry.

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:54 PM

View PostAnonforthistime, on 18 December 2019 - 03:53 PM, said:

I’d probably take my iPad - just to be a smart*ss because I don’t like being patronised.

That's how I feel!  Totally patronised and ready to rebel.

Luckily we canned presents for this branch of the family a few years ago, as could never buy something that met their rules.

#13 steppy

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:55 PM

View PostHolierThanCow, on 18 December 2019 - 03:54 PM, said:

I was thinking a plastic toy phone...

:rofl:

#14 seayork2002

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:55 PM

If it as their place I would do what is asked or not go

#15 *Spikey*

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:58 PM

I understand there is this really great recorder and Frozen package that their children will totally love!

#16 newmumandexcited

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:58 PM

Ha it’s controlling af but probably not a bad idea.

#17 Odd-1-Out

Posted 18 December 2019 - 03:59 PM

I would not go to the event, their loss.

#18 lizzzard

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:01 PM

I’m low on Agreeableness (ie don’t like being told what to do 😋) but am  high on ‘Openness’ ....so I would view the day as an opportunity to try not using my phone or taking photos. It’s been ages since I’ve left my phone at home all day so I’m kind of curious what it would be like. And one day without photos would t upset me that much.

Edited by lizzzard, 18 December 2019 - 04:02 PM.


#19 Black Velvet

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:01 PM

They sound like a barrel of laughs.

View Post.Jerry., on 18 December 2019 - 03:41 PM, said:

I want to whip my phone out and play on EB on the day now.  Just to be difficult. ;)  

Do it. And report back. :xmas_biggrin:

Edited by Black Velvet, 18 December 2019 - 04:04 PM.


#20 Jersey Caramel

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:05 PM

I do somewhat sympathise with the feeling that in some groups/families, phones have eroded conversation and it can feel a bit pointless getting together when everyone just then sits on their own phone. I know some of my nieces and nephews are very hard to engage in conversation if they have their phone on them. If I was hosting and really wanted to spend time chatting with them,  it would probably feel easier to make a "no phones on Xmas day" rule than to single them out. I'd never do it though,  because it would be controlling and over the top! Instead I would try to arrange some activities that everyone would enjoy and naturally be drawn out away from their phone - a water balloon fight, backyard cricket or whatever.

In this case though,  I would reply/or arrive and say that I will be taking a few photos of my DD with her cousins but will be happy to put my phone away the rest of the time. And then sneakily head to the bathroom to update EB on everything the judgey controlling host says! ;)

#21 Kiwi Bicycle

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:07 PM

There could be a reason why no photos of their kids, one they might not want to share with you.
Like they might of been stalked or theatened.
My sister was an avid poster to Facebook until just after her son turned 1.
Then both her and her husband abruptly quit working ( same place), moved back to NZ and stopped posting on FB. They are dead scared about something to do with their employer. We think they were threatened. My sister still uses Facebook and comments, she just doesn't post anything.

#22 purplekitty

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:07 PM

That would mean my family wouldn't be going.
No day is safe from phone calls.

#23 BadCat

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:08 PM

I'm OK with no phones because I bloody hate phones.

I'm not OK with no phones being a rule imposed on everyone by a zealot.

Discouraging use is one thing.  Demanding no phones is "I'm not coming to your party" territory.

#24 excellent

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:09 PM

I don't like being told what to do, but also it's a few hours out of my day and I'm not hosting.

So I would just privately think to myself how strange it is that people can be so controlling, but then do as requested to keep the peace. The reality is most of us really are too attached to our devices and putting them away encourages better understanding and conversation with others.

#25 Ellie bean

Posted 18 December 2019 - 04:13 PM

I hate being told what to do and that would really annoy me and I would probably be very contrary and be on my phone all day as a result!





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